A second knock at the door came towards the end of the afternoon, as Nancy sat with her laptop on her knees, tapping out inane descriptions of objects that would help people peel garlic or thread a needle or label the seeds they were planting. It was Seamus. He gave a loose, wide smile and jerked his hand in a greeting. His gaze was unfocused. Nancy wondered what he was on.
‘Am I disturbing you? I am. I can see you’re working.’
‘Trying to.’
‘It’s hard to concentrate on anything, isn’t it? I don’t have any more training sessions till this evening, and I’ve been mooching around and thinking. Thinking about poor Kira.’
Poor Kira was going to be her name from now on, thought Nancy. Poor Kira and a solemn expression.
‘Can I come in?’ asked Seamus.
Nancy thought of her work waiting for her – and Felix had been right when he said his friend had gone out of his way to give it to her. An act of charity. She looked at Seamus’s handsome, expectant face. She gave an inward sigh.
‘Do you want a mug of tea or something?’
Seamus’s face broke into a grin, showing strong white teeth and a charming dimple in his left cheek.
‘That would be terrific.’
She made him a mug of tea but didn’t have one herself. Seamus sat astride a chair and took several sips, making appreciative little groans with each one. He set the mug down on the coffee table.
‘You’re probably wondering why I’ve pushed myself in like this.’
‘Yes.’
‘I like that. You don’t mince words.’ Not everyone liked that about her, thought Nancy. ‘But you’ve got a kind face.’
Nancy didn’t know what to say to this. She waited.
‘I know I can talk to you. You’re new, a stranger. You didn’t meet Kira, so I can tell you things, things I couldn’t talk about to Barney or anyone else. I definitely couldn’t say it to the police officers. It was bad enough having them in our flat.’
‘Did you talk to the police?’
‘Everyone did.’
‘We didn’t.’
‘She was so great,’ he said. ‘Game for anything. She didn’t take life too seriously, not like some women, if you know what I mean.’
Nancy winced. She wanted him to stop. She needed him to stop.
‘We had a thing. Just a few days, a week or two. It was just good fun. Great sex.’
Don’t tell me about the sex, thought Nancy.
‘But it didn’t mean anything,’ Seamus continued. ‘I ended it, moved on. And at the party, I hooked up with this other woman.’ Seamus’s face was damp with sweat; his movements were twitchy. ‘I thought I knew Kira wouldn’t mind. Then the next day she kills herself.’
‘You think she did it because of you,’ said Nancy, who was considering walking out of the flat – but then, he would still be inside.
‘What am I meant to think?’ Seamus didn’t really want her to answer. He dropped his face into his large, strong hands and began to cry. At first, Nancy thought he was putting on an act, but real tears were rolling down his cheeks.
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I just can’t—’
And then he launched himself off the chair and fell forward against her, burying his head against her breast and wrapping his arms tightly around her, like a great spider.
She sat quite still while his body shuddered against hers and the crying gradually came to a halt.
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Sorry, Nancy. I’m just so sad.’ He lifted his face. ‘God, but you’re lovely.’
And then his mouth was pressed against hers like a limpet and the smell of his sweat was in her nostrils. One hand was on her breast and the other at the back of her head.
Nancy violently jolted back at the same time as the flat door opened.
‘Hello,’ called Felix. Then he saw the two of them there, Seamus still half holding her. ‘Hello,’ he repeated in an entirely different voice.
‘I was upset,’ said Seamus. ‘Nancy was comforting me.’
Nancy pushed him away from her and stood up.
‘Get the fuck out of here.’