Nancy left the police station almost giddy with a relief that she hadn’t felt for weeks, months. She had done the right thing and now it could be dealt with by a professional – a fabulous woman with snaky blonde hair.
Now she could return to the flat, get her things together and start her new life.
She was lighthearted as she ran up the stairs and let herself into the flat for the last time. But as she was stooping to pick up her bag, she realised that there was something strange. She felt it the way she felt that rain was coming, even when the sky hadn’t turned black.
Felix was sitting on the sofa. He had left that morning for the office, but he was here. Sometimes he worked from home, but he wasn’t working, and he wasn’t reading. He was just sitting.
‘I thought you were at the office,’ she said, stepping away from the bag so he didn’t notice it. Perhaps he already had.
‘Yes, I know.’
‘Did something happen there?’
‘Nothing in particular.’
Nancy was finding it hard to read his mood. He wasn’t obviously angry, but he wasn’t affectionate either. He was just calm.
She walked across to the kitchen table and put her hand flat across the note she had left. It had been so visible that it was hard to believe Felix hadn’t already read it. She crumpled it into a ball and pushed it into her pocket. She filled a tumbler with water and drank it.
‘When were you going to tell me?’ Felix asked.
Nancy felt as if a cold electric shock were running through her. Oh. They were going to be having this conversation after all. She suddenly felt that her legs were trembling and might even give way under her. She returned to the main room, found a wooden chair and sat down on it facing Felix.
‘About what?’
‘Don’t play games.’
‘I’m not playing games. If you want to ask me a question, then ask me a proper question and I’ll answer it.’
‘Have you been to the police?’
‘The answer is yes. And how do you even know to ask that question?’
Felix gave a little laugh that made Nancy feel almost physically sick.
‘I’m sorry, but you don’t get to ask the questions. I just want to make this clear so that we know what we’re talking about. Did you go to the police about Kira’s death? Again.’
‘Yes.’
‘After all we’ve gone through.’
‘It’s me that’s gone through things, not you, but yes. Now I’ve answered your question, maybe you can answer my question. How did you know? Have you been following me?’
‘It might have been a good idea if I had been following you but no, I wasn’t. Someone told me.’
‘You weren’t following me, but someone else was.’
‘It was someone who was concerned about you. Although they weren’t exactly following you.’
‘I know who that is,’ said Nancy bitterly.
The two of them just stared at each other for several seconds.
‘I don’t quite know what to say,’ said Felix. ‘I really don’t.’
‘There’s nothing you need to say,’ said Nancy, trying to stay calm. ‘I’m a grown woman who’s tried to behave like a good neighbour.’
‘Nancy, Nancy, Nancy,’ said Felix soothingly. ‘This is me you’re talking to. Not an enemy.’ He stood up. ‘Shall I make some coffee?’
‘I’m fine,’ said Nancy.
‘I’ll make some anyway. It’ll be good for us, while we talk.’
Nancy sat on the chair, as if frozen to it, while she heard the kettle being filled and the clatter of cupboard doors shutting. After a few minutes, he came back from the kitchen with two mugs, a cafetière and a little jug of milk on a tray. He placed it on the table and poured the coffee and handed one to her. She took it, almost numbly.
‘What I can’t understand,’ he said, as if no time had passed since he had last spoken, ‘is why you didn’t discuss this with me before going to the police.’
‘It didn’t need discussing,’ said Nancy.
Felix sipped at his coffee and looked at her thoughtfully.
‘I don’t think you quite realise the situation you’re in,’ he said.
‘I think I do.’
‘You’ve just come out of psychiatric care and one of your main symptoms was your paranoid fantasies about this tragic girl. They let you out because you seemed to accept that you had been imagining things, making them up out of your sickness. You’ve caused disruption to everyone here. You’ve wasted police time.’
‘The detective I’ve just talked to doesn’t seem to believe that I’m wasting her time.’
‘We’ll see about that. Maybe this detective doesn’t know you as well as I know you. She certainly doesn’t care about you, the way I do. And have you thought about Kira’s family? What do you think it’ll be like for them when the police start stirring everything up again?’
‘I have thought about them,’ said Nancy. ‘I think about them every day.’
He laughed and shook his head.
‘You know what’s doing my head in. I’m going back over the last days and I’m thinking about all the things you’ve said that just aren’t true. My first reaction was to feel betrayed and angry. You lied to your doctors to avoid treatment. You lied to me, so that I would back you up. But I’m not angry. I’m worried that your symptoms are starting all over again. I think we might need to see someone about that before it gets worse.’
Nancy was still wondering how to answer, whether she even needed to answer, when the doorbell rang. Without taking his eyes off her, Felix got up and walked over to the door. Nancy heard a crackly voice and Felix pressed the button to let the person in.