Rachel paced back and forth at her parents’ house. Well, her dad’s house now. Her mother was never going to move back in, she knew that now. And really, she shouldn’t. Not after what Daddy had done. He could deny it all he wanted, but she knew her mother was telling the truth. Her mother had never told a lie in her whole life. She was the most honest woman she knew.
Her mom had filed for a divorce and her father had been furious the day he found out, slamming around the house, insisting her mother would not get a dime.
Though, she was pretty sure her mother didn’t care about that. She just wanted out. How horrible that her mother had lived in such a loveless marriage for so many years.
And part of that was her fault. She was the reason her mother had stayed so long. So she wouldn’t upset her daughter’s life. Everyone was always trying to make things easier for her. And how many years had she just turned a blind eye to how her father treated her mom? Or at least did nothing about it. Occasionally she tried to buffer her mother from Daddy’s bad moods. That was about all she’d done to help her mom.
She’d been so lucky to be married to Ronnie. Even if that was gone now. She slipped a hand down on her stomach, but the baby still didn’t seem real to her. Or maybe she was refusing to let it seem real.
There was so much to this new life of hers that she’d just rather ignore. Hide from the pain. Whatever had convinced her to ask Lizzie to go over to the house with her today? Maybe she could just hire someone to go in and pack it all up. Should she sell the house? Move somewhere else? She’d already come to the conclusion that living here with her father forever was not an option. Not alone most of the time in this big old echoing house. Now it was time to try to figure out what she wanted to do. What did she want?
The doorbell rang and she hurried over to open the door.
“You okay?” Lizzie’s brow furrowed.
“Yes.” She sighed. “No. I’m regretting asking you to take me to the house.”
“You don’t have to go. If you need something I’ll get it for you.”
“No, let’s just go. Get it over with.”
Lizzie drove her to the house and pulled up in front. Rachel just sat there in the front seat, unmoving.
“Rach? You going to go in?” Lizzie asked, her eyes filled with concern.
Was she going in? It was easier to just sit out here. She could come up with a list of things for Lizzie to grab for her. But that was just avoiding the inevitable. “Yes, we’ve come this far.” She pushed open the car door. “Let’s go.”
They headed up to the porch, then Rachel stopped. “I didn’t bring my key.”
Lizzie laughed softly. “That’s okay. I have one.” She opened the door.
Rachel stepped inside, holding her breath. Through the very doorway where the policemen had stood and told her Ronnie was gone. The very doorway Ronnie used to barge through after a long trip, calling out for her.
The house was deathly quiet and smelled stale and lifeless. She turned to Lizzie. “I… don’t know where to start.”
“How about I throw open some windows. Air things out. And I could make us some tea. Would you like that?”
She nodded as Lizzie walked over and tugged open a window. A warm breeze drifted in. Lizzie headed for the kitchen, and Rachel walked over into the family room. Lizzie must have straightened things, because she, herself, would have never left the room so picked up. No shoes scattered. Magazines in a neat pile.
No Ronnie.
She turned and fled to the kitchen and perched on a stool by the counter, unwilling to sit at the table where she’d had so many meals with Ronnie. She watched Lizzie make the tea. She should probably offer to help, but she barely had the energy to breathe.
“I cleaned out your fridge when I was here before. Threw out anything that might go bad.”
“Thank you.”
Lizzie reached up into the cabinet and took out two teacups and set them on the counter, seeming to sense that she didn’t want to sit at the table. Lizzie poured the water and handed her a teabag. She sat and swirled the bag, watching the golden twirls darken in the water.
Lizzie sat on the other stool and sipped her tea, saying nothing.
Suddenly she couldn’t bear the silence and jumped up to pace across the room. “I should go upstairs. Get some things I need.” But could she stand to go into the bedroom she’d shared with Ronnie?
Lizzie nodded.
She set her tea down with a clatter. “Let’s do it before I lose my nerve.”
They headed up the stairs. Each step seemed to take an enormous amount of energy to climb. But they finally reached the upper floor. She walked to the doorway of the bedroom and put her hand on the doorframe for support.
The bed she shared with Ronnie with its pretty bedspread that Ronnie had just laughed at when she’d asked if it was too feminine for their room. He’d kissed her and said that anything she loved, he loved. She walked over to the bed and picked up the pillow from his side of the bed, clutching it close. Was she imagining it, or did it still hold the slight scent of his aftershave? She carefully set it back down and smoothed it into place.
She turned toward Lizzie. “Okay, let me get a few things I need.” She pulled out clothes from the closet and handed them to Lizzie who placed them on the bed. She carefully avoided Ronnie’s side of the closet… until she couldn’t any longer. Tears began to fall as she pressed her face into his favorite t-shirt. The one that was a bit tattered but he refused to part with. She handed it to Lizzie to take with them, too.
She walked over to the rack of shelving in the closet on his side. Each shelf with neatly folded items. She ran her finger over a wooden box where he kept a few watches. Ronnie loved his watches, and if she ever ran out of ideas of what to buy him, she’d give him a new watch. She opened the box and peeked inside. There in the corner of the box was a wrapped box—obviously wrapped by Ronnie, with its mismatched seams, crooked tape, and lopsided ribbon. Tucked beneath it was a card. She sucked in her breath, barely daring to breathe. Scrolled across the card, in Ronnie’s so familiar handwriting, it said Happy Birthday Sweetheart.
Tears fell, splashing on the envelope.
Lizzie came up behind her. “What’s wrong?”
She turned around with the present in her hand, along with the card. “I found this present from Ronnie.”
“Oh, Rachel.” Lizzie’s eyes filled with tears. “You know, at your Mom’s party—wow, that seems so long ago—Ronnie told me he’d found you the perfect birthday present.”
“Ronnie always bought presents way in advance. He always found the perfect gift.”
They walked out into the bedroom and sat on the bed. She stared down at the card and present.
“You’re going to open it, aren’t you?”
She nodded, her heart squeezing in her chest. She opened the present first, just like she always did, and it always made Ronnie laugh. Tugging on the ribbon, then slowly opening the paper to unveil a small leather box. She opened the lid and the light glinted off a delicate golden locket. She opened it, half expecting to see a photo of Ronnie on one half and her on the other. But it was empty.
She pried open the envelope and slipped out the card, opening it to read the words he’d written.
Happy birthday, sweetheart. I saw this and knew you needed it. To remind you not to give up hope. I know someday you’ll have our baby’s picture in this locket.
I love you always and forever,
Ronnie
The sobs tore through her. The ones she’d held off for so long. She clung to Lizzie who sobbed right along with her, their tears mingling as they cried. When they were both finally spent, Lizzie got up and grabbed a box of tissues. “Here.”
She wiped her face and picked up the locket. “Will you put it on me?” She held up her hair off her neck.
Lizzie nodded and fastened it behind her neck.
She gently pressed the locket between her thumb and finger. “How did he know?”
“Ronnie had a lot of faith. He knew you’d have this child.”
“But I wanted to raise the baby with Ronnie.”
“I know.” Lizzie reached out and touched her shoulder. “I know.”
Rachel dropped her hand to her belly and her eyes flew open wide. “Lizzie. I just felt the baby move.”
“You did?” Lizzie sat back down beside her and rested her hand beside Rachel’s.
“There. Did you feel it?”
“No, but it’s early. You’re probably feeling those first flutters. Aren’t they magical?”
“It is. It’s… a miracle.” She stared down at her hand. “This baby… it’s part of Ronnie. Part of Ronnie and me.”
“It is.”
“I’ve been so foolish. So wrapped up in my pain. I should have been so grateful that I have this child. To have this part of Ronnie.”
Lizzie nodded. “Your pain was totally justified and normal. I think you’re doing great with all that you’ve been dealt.”
Rachel looked around the room. “You know… I think I might just move back in here. It would be a nice home to raise a child in, wouldn’t it?”
“It would.”
“It would be hard though. Without Ronnie. I see him everywhere.”
“I’m sure he’s looking down on you right now. Seeing you. Watching over you. He’ll be watching over your child, too.”
She grabbed Lizzie’s hands. “You know. Suddenly it’s all starting to feel real. The baby. It’s kind of… exciting.”
“It sure is. There’s nothing like having a child.”
“Will you help me fix up a nursery?”
“Of course, I’d love to.”
She stood. “I think I can do this.” She could almost feel Ronnie right beside her, telling her she could, giving her strength.
“I know you can. You’re going to be a great mom.”
She laughed. “So, can I ask you one more favor? How about you help me put all this stuff back in the closet?”
Lizzie jumped up. “Can’t think of anything I’d rather do. And didn’t you say your dad was out of town?”
“He is.”
“No offense to your father. Well, maybe some offense. I don’t care if I ever see him again. But how about we go over to his house and grab your stuff to move it back here. You ready for that?”
Rachel paused, a load of clothes draped over her arm, sweeping her gaze around the room. “You know what? I think I am. Let’s go get my things.” And she was ready. It would be hard, but this is where she belonged. In her home. With her and Ronnie’s child.