Chapter 5

 

 

Titus didn’t know what to make of Haven’s sudden mood change. On the way back to the cabin, she didn’t say a word. Didn’t crack the window so air blew through her hair. Didn’t put a hand on his thigh. The excitement she had about spending time with him had waned. For a reason unknown to him, the day was over.

“Haven, can we talk about this?”

“There’s not much to talk about, Titus,” she responded with her eyes hidden behind shades as she stared out the window at the familiar scenery while contemplating that this could be the beginning of the end of her relationship with Titus. Why had she bothered thinking it would work out to begin with? The attraction was there, but they were opposites and they needed to face that fact before the relationship was more than a few months in.

“Haven—?”

“Can we talk when I get home? I have a headache right now.”

“I can stop and pick up some Tylenol or something for you.”

“That’s not necessary. I can wait until I get home.”

When they arrived, she took some medicine and laid down on her bed. Alone. About an hour later, around two in the afternoon, she emerged from her bedroom, headache-free to find Titus sitting on the couch watching TV.

“Hey,” he said when she walked in.

“Hey,” she replied sitting on the couch, leaving ample space between them.

He noticed that immediately. The space. The intentional separation.

“Um…” she began, clearly unsure of where to start. “First, I would like to apologize to you. I overreacted today about the whole zip-lining thing when what I’m feeling really had nothing to do with zip-lining specifically—well, I was terrified to do it but—I’ve been feeling a certain kind of way lately.”

“What kind of way is that, exactly?”

She rubbed her arms, preparing her thoughts. “When we’re together, I feel like I have to be someone I’m not. I’m not free-spirited like you. I’m not outgoing and charismatic and I don’t particularly like to fly across thin cables into the wilderness. I don’t even like flying on a plane. You—you’re the complete opposite. You love those things. Love jumping into anything with both feet. I don’t do that. That’s not who I am, Titus.”

“What are you telling me?” he asked, picking up on what she wasn’t saying more so than what she was.

“When I’m with you, I feel like I have to force myself to be someone I’m not, and I don’t like that feeling.”

“I don’t force you to do anything, Haven.”

“You don’t. You ask, and I feel like I have to comply to please you. It’s never been me asking you to do something out of your comfort zone. I don’t even think you have a comfort zone. You’re this carefree person, down for whatever and that’s not who I am.”

“That’s not who I want you to be.”

She stood up, crossed her arms and paced the floor. “But it is. You want a spectacular, well-rounded woman. I’m telling you I’m not that woman. I’m more conservative. I’m safe. I’m not wild and carefree and I think you should be with someone like that. Someone who’s more like you.”

Titus heard her words, but he couldn’t get his mind to process or reason on them. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“I—I need some time to think, Titus.” She saw the frown, the hurt in his eyes before he stood up and walked out the door.

She went back to her bedroom closed the door, sat on the bed and dropped her head, realizing it was her own fears sabotaging her relationship. A tear effortlessly slid from her eye. Titus Cassidy was a good man. Why was she ruining a good thing?