I.
We take Chloe’s nonna’s Volvo.
Listen to “Sample in a Jar”
fifteen times in a row.
The farther we drive, the more I forget
my parents don’t know where I am.
I forget if I even care.
We land on Planet Phish:
looks like the 1976 yearbook:
girls in patchwork skirts,
guys in bell-bottoms,
hemp necklaces and grilled cheese for sale,
pot and sweat and patchouli.
We move with the crowd into the indoor arena.
In the hallway,
two girls,
one naked except for overalls,
another in
white-blond dreads,
sell a pink-patched dress
with a pocket gem that shines—
a beaded silver moon.
Immediately my plain clothes feel wrong.
I nod my head to the dress,
shed my jeans and sweater.
II.
During “Run Like an Antelope,” we herd through aisles—
bubble gum smoke pours
on us
pink and yellow balloons
rain down
a guy in a ponytail leads me in a wild
do-si-do
swinging me by the arm,
then comes “Auld Lang Syne.”
We slow dance.
Ponytail leads me to a corner,
kissing, swimming me into the wall,
his spindly, tattooed arms wrapping me.
I think about Adam for a minute, and who he’s kissing.
Ponytail strokes my back,
his cheek scrubbing mine.
He whispers Happy New Year in my ear,
fingers my dress strap,
edges his fingers down,
traces the pocket moon.
He asks where I came from,
I think about lying, saying Larchmont or Long Island.
But I tell him the truth.
He says he’s heard kids grow up fast
in New York City.
I guess they do.
I pull Ponytail into a darker space
behind the bleachers, let him touch me
where he wants, and I touch him too.
Because that’s what New York City kids do.
I float away—
until “Down with Disease” shouts me awake.
My body pulses
in disgrace at this stranger’s touch.
I push away Ponytail,
who calls me a tease.
Search for Chloe and Dylan.
My heart beats faster,
my feet quicken
to the frenzy of the music,
building, like gliding under the biggest waves,
water sliding over my back.
When I find my friends,
we dance like we’re on fire,
holding hands, jumping waves of flame,
focus on my own breath,
breathe in sweet smoke
fast as fire
|
slow as |
water. |