Need to find Chloe,
need to tell her the truth.
But the school lobby’s mobbed,
kids crying, hugging—
Chloe at their nucleus,
crying the hardest.
Dylan next to her, pale, dark-circled eyes.
I ask him what’s going on.
He says Kurt Cobain’s dead.
Chloe reaches for me.
Pours into my arms.
Walks with her head
bent on my shoulder.
Spring wind goosebumps our arms,
sun peeks out from behind buildings.
I lead her to a stoop.
She says she can’t believe
he’s dead, through
gasping breaths.
She was obsessed with him.
I’m tempted to hide my truth again,
focus on Chloe’s pain,
so sad about this rock star
she’s never met.
But I can’t—
Chloe, I need to tell you something,
grab her hand.
My dad’s HIV has turned into full-blown AIDS.
He was given a month to live.
Today is day 15.
She stops crying right away.
Wipes tears with the back of her hand.
She says
oh my god, I’m so sorry.
Holds me in a hug.
I tell her I’m sorry
for keeping everything from her.
I didn’t know
how else to deal.
I also tell her about Adam.
How hateful he was
just after
I lost my virginity to him.
I ask her if she thinks I’m a liar.
She doesn’t answer,
just says:
she loves me
for who I am.