Heading home on the bus after work on Monday evening, I’m pretty beat, not just from my cumulative lack of sleep from the weekend, but because my brain has been working with endless data sets all day. On top of that, Tanya’s ‘life lesson’ from earlier has been rattling round my head, alongside the question of ‘did Shep want to kiss me last night?’ – and I’m not even sure why I care so much about that. It’s all just a bit much, really.
I’ve tried to see the world through Tanya’s eyes, I really have, but no matter which way I cut it, I’m struggling to get to a place where I can imagine Shep’s arms around me, never mind swapping saliva and rolling around in bed together. No, this does not seem like an eventuality for us, and the more I consider it, the more I’m convinced I read that situation completely wrong. Shep just wanted to say a meaningful thank you. That’s all. There’s zero chemistry between us, and if I can see that, then he must be able to as well.
As I walk along my street at around 6:30 p.m., I’m actually quite relieved that Shep won’t be there. As much as I’m really enjoying having him around, and will continue to do so, I need to get past these ridiculous inner ramblings about him. A good sleep should do that, so I’ll go to bed early, while Shep is still out, and leave him a note saying I’ll see him tomorrow. Then all will be well with our set-up again.
On reaching the main entrance to my building, I insert my key into the lock at the same time as the door is unexpectedly hauled open, taking my hand with it and causing me to stumble forward.
‘Shit, sorry, Lea,’ Shep’s voice greets me, while I re-orient myself and end up face to face with him. ‘That was bad timing. You OK?’
‘I’m fine.’ I smile, trying to hide my awkwardness. ‘It’s a hazard I’m not unfamiliar with, living in a tenement building.’
‘You just getting home from work?’ He looks at his wrist, obviously out of habit, because he no longer has a watch to check the time.
‘Yes, I work quite long hours.’
‘By choice or because you’ve got a nasty boss?’
‘Oh, by choice, for sure. She’s great, my boss, though I wouldn’t even really call her that. She’s a senior colleague who’s leading our research project.’ I hesitate, unsure what to say next. ‘I… um… wasn’t expecting to see you here. Thought you’d stay in town between shows.’
‘That would be easier, but on my budget, I need to be eating out of a fridge at least some of the time. Plus, if I have too much fish and chips, I’ll be developing a pair of gills – and a blocked artery.’ Shep taps his chest humorously.
‘Fair enough.’ I grin at him. ‘Are the keys I gave you working all right? I remember one of my previous flatmates used to complain that the one for the main door would stick in the lock.’
‘It is a bit tricky but it’s been grand so far. Thanks for trusting me with them, by the way. I know that takes a lot, and it’s handy to be able to come and go as I want.’
‘No probs. It seemed more logical than kicking you out on the street each morning when I leave for work. Plus, it would have been a right pain trying to co-ordinate our movements, especially when you don’t have a phone.’
‘I’m getting a new one tomorrow, actually. Was chatting to one of the bar staff earlier and she said she has a spare I can use.’
‘That was nice of her. Was that the girl who served us last night?’ There’s an unpleasant stirring in my gut as I ask this, though I have no idea why.
He shakes his head. ‘Nah, that was Jonie. It’s Kira who’s giving me the phone. She was off last night, but I’m sure you’ll meet her at some point, if you can bear to come along to my show again.’
‘Are you kidding? Of course I’ll come again. I loved it.’
I also want to check out this Kira, a rogue thought hijacks me out of nowhere, causing me to do what can be most accurately described as an inner double-take. Where did that come from? What do I care if there’s more than just kindness behind Kira’s offer of a phone? It must be the squealing piglet thing haunting me again. Clearly, I don’t want Shep for myself, but I also don’t want him hooking up with anyone else – because I’ve agreed that he can stay with me, not him plus one. Is that selfish? Or reasonable?
‘Earth to Lea?’ Shep nudges my elbow. ‘I said you should come again this week, then, if you’ve not already got plans.’
I drag myself back to the present moment. ‘Eh… sure, I can come on… um… Wednesday… Yes, that sounds good.’
‘OK, great. I’ll see you later then, unless you’re planning an early night?’
‘Early night?’ I scoff, feeling myself redden. ‘What do you take me for? I’ll see you when you get back. Break a leg, eh?’
‘Cheers, have a good one.’ He starts down the short garden path towards the street, then stops and turns back towards me as I’m about to head inside. ‘By the way, I’ve left you something on the kitchen counter.’
‘Oh?’ I throw him a quizzical look.
‘Just a wee token of my appreciation.’ He gives me a little wink then disappears off down the street.
My curiosity piqued, I quickly climb the stairs, unlock the door and go straight to the kitchen, where there’s a scrawled note lying on the countertop.
‘Hey, Lea. Thought you could enjoy these with your muckers (that’s your closest mates by the way),’ I read aloud, then look around me, puzzled. ‘Enjoy what? I don’t see anything.’
Aware that I’m missing something, but unable to put my finger on what it is, I pick up the note to see if he’s written anything on the back, and when I do, I clock the Fringe tickets hiding underneath.
‘Oh, wow.’ I pick them up and inspect them.
They’re for a comedy show at nine p.m. on Saturday night. The comedian is not a name I know, but I expect Shep will have chosen someone he considers to be good, given he’s in the business.
‘Well, you’re a bit of a sweetheart, aren’t you, Shep?’ I place a hand on my heart, deeply touched – and a little bit giddy? – by his thoughtfulness.
In fact, I’m so touched by this gesture that it takes a couple of minutes for my mind to catch up on the practicalities of the situation. There are three tickets, and while it was probably quite reasonable for Shep to assume I have friends I can invite along, the reality is that I don’t. I could ask Shep himself – but I am so not doing that, because that’s about the saddest thing ever. ‘Eh, thanks so much for the tickets, Shep. Can you also come with me so I don’t have to sit next to two empty seats?’ Ugh, no way.
Holding the tickets in my hand, I feel a sense of duty to at least try to use them in the way Shep intended, so I dig my phone out of my bag and ping a WhatsApp to Katie.
She doesn’t reply immediately, which is no surprise, given she’ll be in the throes of pre-bedtime activities with her kids. Hopefully, she’ll get back to me later, when they’re asleep.
Setting the tickets back down on the counter, my next instinct is to thank Shep for such a sweet gesture, but as he doesn’t have a phone at the moment, I’m unable to do this. Instead, I get changed and make a poached salmon salad for my dinner, then settle down in front of the television and put on a new psychological thriller series that’s trending on Netflix. However, I only make it ten minutes in before my dilemma about Shep’s gift starts weighing on my mind again, making it impossible to focus on the plot. This, alongside Tanya’s suggestion that Shep could have ‘everything I never knew I was looking for’ – seriously? – and unexpected musings of who this Kira is, and whether she and Shep have a thing for each other. The latter is purely out of concern that there could soon be a woman I don’t know wandering around my flat, and I might become the third wheel in my own home. It’s nothing more than that – obviously.