After overindulging in our pizza picnic in George Square Gardens, Shep and I decide we need to walk some of it off, so we reluctantly leave our sun-kissed patch of grass and head across to the Old Town. Taking a slight left at Greyfriars Bobby, we wander down Candlemaker Row to the Grassmarket, with its historic marketplace and old tenement buildings, some of which date back to the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. The place is brimming with wide-eyed tourists watching the street performers and taking selfies, and Shep insists we do the same.
One photo session and a performance by a rather talented magician later, we make our way along West Port and down Castle Terrace, where the castle itself strikes its most majestic pose for the city’s visitors. I note that it looks particularly good today, framed as it is by the bright blue summer sky behind it. We then stroll along Princes Street, enjoying the visual contrast between the lusciousness of East and West Princes Street Gardens, and, behind them, the earthy volcanic crag and tail on which the castle and the Royal Mile are perched.
It’s an amazing day to be out and about, and it’s even better to be enjoying it with someone I can’t get enough of. I feel almost smug, walking along the street holding Shep’s hand, with him giving mine a little squeeze whenever he spots something interesting or entertaining, or even just as a show of affection. Those ones are the best, because they come with a look that makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world.
Not that I need that validation, but after going out with one wanker after the next, it’s just so lovely to be spending time with someone so thoughtful and ‘un-self-indulgent’. Being out with Shep like this, it feels less like dating and more like being in the early stages of a meaningful relationship.
‘You grand?’ Shep glances at me as we’re passing the iconic Jenners building on one side and the Scott Monument on the other.
‘I’m good.’ I chew my lip, self-conscious all of a sudden, as if he might read my mind and decide I’m getting too keen.
‘Want an ice cream in the gardens before we head to The Canongate Tavern? I think we can justify it after all that walking.’
‘Do I ever.’
‘All right, then. My treat.’ He pulls me into a hug, planting a kiss on the side of my head, while I giggle delightedly – and in one fell swoop, I’m a total goner.
An hour and half later, I’ve handed out almost all the flyers that Shep had ready for me at the pub. I’m not sure whether I’m actually allowed to give them out, not being one of the official Fringe staff, but I can’t see how it would do any harm. It’s not like I’m trying to fleece people or mislead them in any way. Shep’s show is legit and it’s free, plus he needs all the help he can get to put his name out there.
‘You in the mood for a free comedy show?’ I hold out my remaining two flyers to a small group of middle-aged tourists. ‘It’s a belter. Starts in ten minutes just down the street.’
‘We’re off to get sushi,’ says a woman with an American accent and sunglasses that are so oversized, they almost look like those novelty ones. She takes the flyers from me, inspects them and hands one of them to a man in the group. ‘Maybe tomorrow. Or Sunday.’
‘He’s not on tomorrow,’ I clarify, in case they didn’t read the flyer properly. ‘But he is on Sunday. Hope to see you there.’
Waving them off with best wishes for their sushi experience, I leave my spot on the bustling junction between North Bridge and South Bridge, and make my way back down Canongate, crossing my fingers that Shep will finally have his full house. There have been only a few remaining seats at the last couple of performances, so hopefully this bit of extra promo will fill them.
On entering the pub and queuing for a drink, I note that the place is busier than usual, which pleases me – and will likely please the pub owner too. With it being out of range of the key Fringe locations, it doesn’t do quite as well as other pubs further up the Royal Mile, which are constantly stowed out.
‘You’ve done a great job,’ Kira says when she comes to serve me. ‘It’s a full house. I’m not sure you’ll even get through the door.’
‘What?’ I give her a disbelieving look and march through to the back room to check.
Sure enough, the place is full. Not just every seat taken, but there are also about ten people standing at the back, which may or may not be allowed, from a health and safety perspective. I really can’t get through the door.
‘Fantastic.’ I clap my hands with delight and return to the bar, where Kira’s now serving another customer.
‘Sorry about disappearing like that,’ I say when she comes to serve me again. ‘It’s proper packed out in there. You’re right, I can’t get in. I’ve seen it twice already, though, so it’s no biggie. I’ll just sit here and wait for him to finish.’
‘As I said, great job.’ Kira offers me a sparkly wink with one of her immaculately made-up eyes. ‘What can I get you? This is on the house, by the way, for all the extra business you’ve brought in.’
‘Wow, thank you.’ I’m touched by this gesture. ‘I’ll have a lime and soda, please.’
‘You don’t want a real drink? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person opt for a soft drink as a freebie. Obviously, if you’re teetotal or something, that’s totally fine, though,’ she adds, I’m guessing to avoid offending me.
‘Oh, why not, then. I was just being polite. I’ll have a G&T, thanks.’
‘That’s more like it. Take a seat, I’ll bring it over.’
Grabbing one of the two remaining tables in the bar, I smile to myself while I wait. It feels great to have helped Shep out. He really deserves this opportunity, so I need to do more of that.
‘Here you are.’ Kira sets my drink down in front of me. ‘There’s another with your name on it if you want one – that’s by order of the owner.’
She nods in the direction of the bar, where there’s now an older man standing behind it. He gives me a friendly wave, which I return, mouthing, ‘Thank you,’ at the same time.
‘You and Shep make a cute couple.’ Kira hugs the now-empty tray she’s holding.
‘Thanks.’ I blush. ‘He’s really sweet and fun… and totally addictive. I’m so glad we’ve met.’
‘So is he.’ She gives me a knowing smile, making me wonder what he’s said to her. ‘Anyway, I’d better get back to work. Enjoy your drink and let me know when you want another.’
Taking a long sip, I sit back with a satisfied sigh. I can hear Shep’s audience laughing and whooping over the noise in the main bar, and it fills me with joy knowing he’s being discovered by all these new people. It’s a huge step forward for him, building a fan base outside his home city. I’m also pleased at how well I’m getting on with Kira since Shep introduced me to her after our first kiss. Funny how people always seem much nicer and more approachable when you don’t consider them a threat. I cringe, feeling silly about how I got myself so tied in knots over her, and as I do, she looks across and gives me a thumbs up, which I return somewhat sheepishly.
When Shep’s show is over, he bounds across to me, shaking his donations bucket.
‘Um… it’s not making any noise.’ I straighten up, trying to peek over the edge. ‘Is there nothing in it?’
‘It’s all notes.’ He all but shoves it in my face, forcing me to draw back a little.
‘What? No coins at all?’
‘Not one. Not even euro cents. No bloody supermarket shopping-trolley tokens—’
‘Someone donated a shopping-trolley token?’ I look at him in amazement.
‘I’ve had several. Think some tight-arsed people use them to make it sound like they’ve made a proper donation.’
‘That’s so cheeky.’
‘And not the half of it.’ He scoops up the notes, shoves them in his pocket and puts the bucket down on the floor. ‘Have I not told you about the half-pack of chewing gum, the empty nasal-spray bottle and the strawberry-flavoured condom I received?’
I snort with amusement. ‘Adoring fan making a hint?’
‘I dunno.’ He shrugs. ‘Never saw who threw it in the bucket. Anyway, you know what this means, don’t you?’
‘That you’ll have lighter pockets walking home?’
‘No. It means I’m worth paying for. If people are putting notes in, it means they’ve really enjoyed my show.’
I’m delighted by this and by his supersized grin. ‘That’s brilliant, Shep. Though I never doubted for a second that you’re worth paying for.’
‘Sometimes I have.’ He looks into his bucket solemnly and I can almost see the wind dropping from his sails.
‘Aww, come here.’ I beckon him to come sit and he settles down beside me. ‘That’s because of your family and their bloody great superiority complexes. If they could get over themselves and come and see you perform, they’d get that this is your path in life, and see how much you’re in your element when you’re doing your thing.’
‘Cheers, Lea. I’m glad you believe in me.’ He places a limp hand on my thigh and I grasp it tightly.
‘It’s not just me who does. It’s all the people who just rewarded you for a job well done. Focus on that. Not on jumped-up family members who can’t see beyond the end of their stethoscopes.’
‘I see what you did there.’ His mouth twitches at the corners, but he’s obviously still troubled. ‘You’re right. I should focus on the positives – they’re what keeps me going. Thanks for the perspective.’
‘Attaboy.’ I squeeze his hand even more tightly in a show of solidarity and as he kisses me softly, my whole body lifts, making me feel like I’m floating on air.
‘Want to get a drink here to celebrate your success?’ I ask when we break apart.
‘Damn right.’ He glances across to the bar where Kira’s standing, waiting for her next customer, then turns back to me. ‘Actually, shall we go next door for a change of scenery?’
‘Oh, you don’t need to do that, Shep. I’m totally over the Kira thing.’
‘I should hope so, given I’m about as attractive to her as a dose of scabies.’
I snicker. ‘All right, I obviously didn’t need to voice that one, but… isn’t going next door a bit like cheating on this place? They just gave me free drinks for bringing in extra business.’
‘I’m sure they’ll live. Much as I like the place, it’s a bit like being at work. I like to experience other places, you know.’
‘And going next door is really branching out.’ I raise a cheeky eyebrow.
‘Watch it, you.’ He tickles me, making me squeal, and almost everyone in the pub turns to stare at us.
‘OK, let’s go. Now.’ I get up and walk out of the bar, hot with embarrassment.
A little over thirty seconds later, we’re pushing open the door to the Old Town Inn, which is a traditional Scottish boozer – it’s smaller and cosier, with a real cast-iron fireplace, natural wooden floorboards and tartan upholstery. It’s also quieter, almost peaceful, with the people inside talking in hushed tones. I instantly love it and I can see the appeal for Shep. While The Canongate Tavern is nice, with its modern laminate floors, leather seating and upbeat background music, it’s less ‘leisurely pint’ and more ‘let’s chase our Guinness with tequila shots’ – which is probably exactly what the owner is aiming for with the amount of stag and hen dos that descend on the city year on year.
‘What would you like?’ I pull out my purse, ready to make our order.
‘No way, this one’s on me.’ He takes it from me, shoving it straight back in my bag.
‘Shep, no, let me buy you a drink to celebrate. You just had your first full house and it was a roaring success.’
‘Lea, my show was only bursting at the seams because you literally went up the road and got me my audience.’
‘That’s not true.’ I wave his statement away. ‘You were only a few seats away from a full house before that. All I did was help to fill them.’
‘And the ten-person space at the back.’ He gives me a pointed look. ‘You turbo-charged my audience so I want to buy you a drink as a thank you. Just like the folks next door did, and which I will point out – before you start to protest – you happily accepted.’
‘OK, sure, buy me a drink, then.’ I beam at him, already plotting to buy the next round. ‘Though, to warn you, I’m going to keep handing out your flyers and I don’t want you to buy me a drink every time. I’m doing it because I want to support you, so let me.’
‘Fine by me. I’ll happily take the bigger audiences… and I’ll find other, naughtier ways to thank you.’ His face spreads into an impish grin and I swear I nearly drag him straight back outside for a rerun of our frisky antics from the other day.