‘Right, spill,’ Sal commands, the moment the door closes behind Shep.
‘Spill what?’ I blink rapidly under her scrutiny.
‘She means give us the goss on you and Shep.’ Tess grabs both my hands, squeezing them excitedly. ‘It’s such a cool story. We want to hear all the deets.’
‘Oh.’ I take a sip from my drink in a bid to stall for time and hide my discomfort at this ambush from two women I’ve literally just met – especially when I’m already uncomfortable in the presence of one of them.
‘Stop it, you two,’ Becca reprimands her friends. ‘Poor Lea’s only known us five minutes and you’re acting like a pair of gossip-starved paparazzi. Lea, you absolutely don’t have to share if you don’t want to.’
‘No, you don’t.’ Tess pulls an apologetic, but equally disappointed, face. ‘Sorry, Lea.’
The two of them shift their focus to Sal.
‘Oh, for God’s sake.’ She raises her eyes to the ceiling, then folds her arms and sits back in her seat. ‘Does she need wrapping up in cotton wool?’
Feeling awkward for having created a minor rift within their tight-knit group, I decide I need to give a little. Though I’m unsure about Sal, Becca and Tess are obviously genuinely nice people and I’ve had no one to share the whole Shep thing with. I am kind of dying to talk about it with someone, so why not these ladies, who have very kindly offered to keep me company? I can give them the redacted version, just in case.
‘Tell you what.’ I bolster my courage and take a breath. ‘How about we get that drink in and I’ll give you the PG version?’
‘That works for us.’ Becca nudges Sal in what I assume is a request for her to play nice, while Tess races to the bar to get our order in.
Fifteen minutes later, I’ve given them enough dirt to satisfy their curiosity and provide the ‘ooh’, ‘aww’ and ‘you’re shitting me!’ moments they’re so thirsty for. It’s actually been fun sharing with them, and they’ve even offered me some welcome moral support. Because as much as I’m now far more at ease with Shep, I’m someone who always has a low level of self-doubt simmering away in the background, and I’m still a bit insecure over our set-up – basically, I’m worried I now need Shep more than he needs me.
‘It’s all so dreamy.’ Tess leans forward, elbows on the table, her chin perched on her hands. ‘Imagine the two of you get married and he becomes a massive globally recognised comedian. You’d have the ultimate love story to share with the world.’
‘Eh… slow down.’ I give a nervous chuckle. ‘It’s only been a week.’
‘But you’re hoping it’s the start of something, right?’ Becca asks. ‘I mean, you sound quite smitten already.’
I give her question some proper thought, not least because I haven’t actually been there in my own head yet. ‘I don’t know. It’s certainly been an intense week, living in the same flat and with all the ups and downs. Feels like we’ve known each other a lot longer.’
‘Kind of like Love Island or one of those shows where people are thrown into living together really quickly?’ suggests Tess.
‘That’s exactly how it feels.’
‘Well, good luck with that.’ Sal scoffs dismissively, and we all look at her like she’s the party assassin.
‘What do you mean by that?’ Tess asks. ‘There are people who get married from these shows.’
‘Yeah, and many more who end up hating each other’s guts.’
My face falls at the idea that Shep and I could ever hate each other. I also can’t help wondering why Sal felt the need to bring that up – and in such an unpleasant way.
‘Sal, you’re ruining this for Lea.’ Becca puts her hand on mine reassuringly. It’s such a simple gesture, but it tells me she’s there for me.
‘I was only stating a fact,’ Sal jumps to her own defence.
‘It’s fine,’ I reassure her, trying not to let her see that her behaviour is getting to me. ‘You’re right. That’s exactly how it could go. I haven’t given any thought to how things might pan out. I’ve just been enjoying spending time with him. My experience of meeting guys in this city is that they never seem to be sticking around – and they’re not always upfront about that. At least I know from the outset that Shep is only here for the month, and the chances are it will just be a short-lived summer romance. I expect we’ll go our separate ways once the festival is over.’
As soon as these words leave my mouth, the reality of our situation hits me, and my gut churns uncomfortably and a lump forms in my throat. I do my best to hide this, though, because I don’t want to look like a sad idiot to my companions. I definitely don’t want them telling him I looked devasted at the idea that we weren’t destined for wedding bells and the patter of tiny feet. Particularly when that’s not true. All I know right now is that I don’t feel good about the idea of him leaving in a few weeks’ time. And it could well be that Shep sees our current set-up as nothing more than a brief but intense fling to enhance the big fame-seeking moment in his life.
We chat a bit longer, with me steering us on to lighter topics so I don’t have to deal with whatever that was, and so I can keep my moment of weakness fully off their radar. I’m not sure I fancy having any more grenades lobbed at me by Sal either. They tell me about the shows they’ve seen so far, and seem to enjoy playing back their experiences, especially their front-row ones where they’ve been picked on by the comedians. The remaining time before they have to leave seems to pass in an instant.
‘Girls, we’d better go.’ Becca points to her watch. ‘We’re going to be late.’
They scramble to get their things together, quickly downing the last mouthfuls of their drinks, while my mind drifts to Shep and his conversation with the pub owner. I hope it isn’t going badly. If he’s got involved in some kind of spat, I can imagine it won’t help him get in the ‘funny man’ mindset.
‘Bye, Lea.’ Tess lunges at me for another overly familiar hug, which I have to admit, I kind of enjoy.
‘Come and join us whenever you like,’ says Becca on her way out the door. ‘We’re normally here around the same time every evening, and sometimes for longer if the show is later. There’s no pressure to drink either, we’re mainly on softies on school nights.’
‘OK, sure.’ I beam at her. ‘As long as I’m not intruding.’ My eyes involuntarily flit to Sal, who’s thankfully got her nose in her phone.
‘You’re not. It’s nice to have another friendly face in the mix.’ Becca flashes me one of her kind-hearted smiles, then gives me a little wave and disappears from sight.
Feeling a bit weird about being suddenly alone, I sink the last mouthful of my own drink and shuffle out of the pub to find Shep.
On entering The Canongate Tavern, I look around but I can’t see him. It’s only fifteen minutes until his next performance, so chances are he’s getting in the zone or whatever it is he does immediately ahead of his shows.
‘He’s already gone through.’ Kira spots me from behind the bar and gestures towards the back room. ‘Looks like it’s going to be packed out again – I expect with some of the people you handed out flyers to earlier.’
‘Oh, great. I said I’d see him before he went on, but maybe I’ll leave it. Don’t want to throw him off if he’s already in there preparing himself mentally.’ I step forward and lower my voice. ‘He didn’t get too much of a rollocking from your boss before, did he? I was concerned it might affect his performance.’
Kira’s perfect eyebrows knit together in confusion. ‘What are you talking about? He spent the last half hour or so sitting over there, relaxing with a pint. He couldn’t have been more chilled. Also, Dave went home over an hour ago.’
‘Really?’ I try and fail to comprehend what she’s just said. ‘You mean he hasn’t even spoken to him?’
‘Not unless they talked on the phone, but I didn’t see him doing anything except scrolling on his phone and sipping at his pint.’
My insecurities rear up like spooked horses, immediately wanting to know why Shep lied to me. Did he want rid of me? No, it can’t be that. That makes no sense. It has to be something more innocent than that. Did he want quiet time ahead of going on stage, and he didn’t want to offend me by telling me this? I can’t really see that either. It’s not his style. Shep is more upfront than that, which means he was up to something… Oh, my God, I know exactly what he was doing. How did I not suss that before?
‘Right, I’m going to kill him,’ I announce to a perplexed Kira, then march through to the back room, all thoughts of not wanting to throw off his performance forgotten.