Shep has offered to help Kira move some heavy items at her flat during the gap between his performances, so in the evening – after a hearty pep talk in front of my hall mirror – I haul my big-girl pants on and rock up at the Old Town Inn to meet Becca, Tess and Sal by myself. This is a huge step for me. I haven’t even told Shep, in case I wimp out. Though I’ve hung out with the girls twice since we first met, he was there both times, and it just felt like we were regulars in the same haunt. Tonight feels very different. I’d also be lying if I said the idea of being around Sal without him there doesn’t terrify me a bit. So much so that, on approaching the pub, I get a bad case of the jitters, and nearly turn around and head straight home.
‘Lea, it’s so good to see you!’ Tess jumps up, suffocating me with a hug the moment I tentatively make it through the door.
‘How are you?’ Becca reaches across and squeezes my hand as soon as I’ve slipped into one of the tartan upholstered chairs at their table.
Both of these actions really help to calm my nerves, allowing me to relax a little.
‘I’m good, thanks.’ I smile at them, still somewhat self-consciously. ‘How are you all?’
‘Great,’ Becca answers for all of them. ‘So pleased you’ve joined us again.’
‘Shep not with you tonight?’ asks Sal by way of a greeting.
‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘He’s helping out a friend – one of the staff from next door – so I thought I’d pop along and have a drink with you. Hope that’s OK.’
‘Of course it’s OK,’ says Becca. ‘Isn’t it, ladies?’
‘Yah-huh.’ Tess nods vigorously. ‘The more the merrier, right, Sal?’
‘Always.’ Sal shoots me a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
After offering to get everyone another drink – which they decline due to having half-full glasses – I nip up to the bar to get myself one, then return to my seat.
‘So, what’s tonight’s show, then?’ I take a satisfying slug of my G&T.
‘One of the greats,’ says Tess. ‘Jimmy Carr, the master of one-liners.’
‘Oh fab. Isn’t his show across at the EICC? I saw a poster advertising it. That’s a bit of a trek from here.’
‘Tell me about it,’ Sal complains. ‘I have to “trek” all the way there in these.’ She sticks a slim, tanned leg out from under the table to show me her stylish but wholly unsuitable skyscraper sandals. ‘I thought tonight’s show was a few doors along from here. Turns out that’s next week.’
‘Uber?’ I suggest.
‘We’ll see if we can get one,’ says Becca. ‘Though it’s difficult during festival time. If not, we can get a bus. We won’t leave Sal to struggle.’
‘Pray for me.’ Sal adopts a martyred expression, making me laugh, and unless I’m imagining things, she seems to shoot me a dirty look.
Caught off guard by this, I shrink back in my seat, confused. Was that not intended as a joke? Or is it that I’m not allowed to enjoy her jokes?
‘Oh, stop being such a princess.’ Tess flicks Sal’s hair, earning herself an acidic response.
Note to self: never ever touch Sal’s hair. Not that I would dare to, anyway.
We continue to chat – with me picking my way across a metaphorical minefield to avoid any further snide looks or remarks from Sal – and it’s not long before the conversation moves on to dating and matters of the heart. This is an area we haven’t previously covered together, other than the grilling I got about Shep last week. I guess it isn’t a topic that Becca, Tess and Sal would necessarily cover in his presence. As it turns out, they’re all single, which surprises me, though it probably shouldn’t. If any of them were in a long-term relationship, it’s unlikely they’d have committed to three weeks plus of nights out on the trot. That is some undertaking and I expect most other halves would feel a bit miffed by it.
They are also all active on the dating scene – outside of this Fringe festival challenge – though Becca seems a far less enthusiastic participant than Tess and Sal. In fact, I can’t help thinking, from the way she talks, that this month off is something of a relief for her. This seems to confirm my previous impression that Becca’s not really over her ex, and I decide I want to ask her about it, if I ever have the opportunity to talk to her on her own.
‘So are you going to see him again?’ Tess is quizzing Sal on whether there will be a second date with the guy she had lunch with on Sunday.
It seems Sal is the only one out of the three of them who’s still trying to keep that side of her life going during the festival, and daytime dates obviously need to be a part of that equation.
‘Nah, he was hot and all but he’s moving to Australia. Not going to waste my time if I already know it’s not going to go anywhere.’
My curiosity is piqued on hearing this. ‘He isn’t a rugby player called Paul by any chance, is he?’ I ask, before thinking through the possible repercussions of posing this question.
‘Yeah, he is.’ Sal frowns. ‘How did you know that?’
I swallow, now regretting my ill-thought-through decision to pipe up. ‘Because… I was recently seeing him. Only, I wasn’t fortunate enough to get the truth from him to make that decision myself.’
‘You’re kidding.’ Tess looks appalled. ‘You mean he led you on and used you for sex? What a prick.’
‘That’s pretty much it, in a nutshell. So, lucky escape I’d say.’ I direct this last statement at Sal with a sympathetic smile, hoping this will spare me from being in the firing line.
‘See, that’s the problem with this city.’ She throws her perfectly manicured hands up in the air and I can’t help breathing a sigh of relief that she’s directing her anger elsewhere. ‘The dating pool is ridiculously small. We’re all just recycling each other’s waste.’
‘I’m sorry that happened to you, Lea,’ Becca says across the table to me. ‘He sounds like a real jerk.’
‘And what about me?’ Sal swirls the ice in her glass, shooting me a stare that’s icier than her drink. Guess I didn’t get off scott-free after all.
Tess scoffs. ‘You only went out with him once and you got the truth.’
I’m not sure why – especially given her behaviour towards me – but I feel the need to defend Sal on this one. Perhaps I’m also hoping it might win me some much-needed points.
‘To be fair, he was probably only upfront because he’d boasted all over social media about moving. Sal would have found out very quickly.’ I focus my attention on her. ‘Seriously, you’ve dodged a bullet on that one, Sal. He doesn’t deserve someone like you.’
Sal lifts her chin in what appears to be an attempt to regain her composure, and despite myself, I do actually feel for her. Dating is a tiring and endlessly disappointing task. It’s so hard to find someone as great as Shep.
‘What about you, Lea?’ Tess prods me in the ribs. ‘Now we finally have you on your own again, how are things with comedy loverboy?’
Having not yet been the subject of the chat, I’m expecting this question and I’ve decided to be open with the girls.
‘Things are great. Or as great as they can be when you know your relationship has an expiry date.’ I wrinkle my nose, giving away my position.
‘Oh, hon.’ Becca takes my hand in hers.
‘You can’t tell him any of this, though,’ I quickly add.
‘Of course not.’
‘That’s part of our pact – not a word outside our threesome.’ Tess draws her fingers across her mouth in a zipping motion. ‘Now our foursome, obviously.’
‘Thanks.’ I give her a grateful look. ‘It’s been on my mind since you asked me about it last Friday. We’re getting on so well and I’ve honestly never met anyone like him – probably because I’ve been distracted by self-obsessed wankers like Paul.’
I involuntarily glance across at Sal, who has checked out of the conversation – probably because it’s no longer focused on her – and is now on her phone.
‘Anyway,’ I continue. ‘I’m trying to live in the moment and make the best of things, but it’s always at the back of my mind. The big goodbye. The clock is counting down to my heart getting broken, and there’s nothing I can do to change it.’ A heavy sigh escapes me.
‘Are you sure?’ Tess asks, ever the optimist. ‘How do you know he’s not thinking the same?’
My head is shaking in rejection of this suggestion before Tess has even finished speaking. ‘He’s not. I can feel it. It’s also there in the way he talks. He’s laid-back about everything… everything but his stand-up career. That’s what he’s chasing. Not me.’
‘Aww, Lea.’ Becca sounds genuinely gutted for me.
‘It’s fine.’ I feel a rush of raw emotion, tears threatening, which I blink away before anyone notices. ‘I knew what this was from the start. But having now identified what a decent guy is, hopefully it will stand me in good stead for my next relationship. Right?’
‘Absolutely.’ She smiles at me warmly. ‘And we’re here anytime you need to talk. We’ll help you through it. Won’t we?’ She glances at Tess and Sal.
‘Damn right,’ Tess practically yells. ‘We know exactly how to sort out a broken heart: it involves French Martinis and a fake dating profile.’
I suck my teeth. ‘That sounds a bit… dodgy.’
‘Trust me, it does the trick.’ Tess gives me a mischievous wink, while Becca rolls her eyes to the ceiling, clearly not as bought into this ‘alternative remedy’.
It’s at this point that we realise that Sal hasn’t said anything, probably because she’s been scrolling on her phone through the entire exchange. She must feel our eyes on her, because she glances up. ‘What? OK, yes to whatever I missed.’
‘Thank you.’ I look round them gratefully. Despite Sal’s obnoxiousness, I am starting to feel part of their little group. And, who knows, maybe one day she and I will become friends – perhaps she just needs time to warm to newcomers.
We’re not far into another topic of conversation when Sal lets out a snarl of frustration.
‘Everything all right?’ Becca asks her.
‘Um… yeah.’ She rubs her face, then stops as she seems to become aware that she’s messing up her makeup. ‘My sister just messaged, asking if I can babysit – Friday night into Saturday afternoon. I said no, because… well, I’m not free any night this month. She knows that. Not sure why… Oh, she’s messaged back.’
Sal reads the message and makes another loud huffing noise.
‘What is it?’ asks Tess. ‘Has something happened?’
‘She and my brother-in-law have booked an overnight stay in Glasgow for their tenth wedding anniversary, and my parents have had to pull out from babysitting because my dad’s ill.’
‘Oh no, that’s rubbish.’ Becca pets her bottom lip. ‘But also, your poor dad.’
‘He’ll be fine, it’s just a weird summer flu thing,’ says Sal. ‘It does suck for my sister and Rob, though. Guess they’ll just need to cancel and try again another time.’
This comment is followed by a stunned silence, which prompts Sal to pause midway through responding to her sister and look up from her phone. ‘What?’
‘You’re not seriously going to let them miss out on their tenth wedding anniversary celebration because you have your umpteenth comedy show to go to, are you?’ Tess’s tone is incredulous.
‘Uh, yeah.’ Sal looks at her as if she’s stupid. ‘We’re doing the Fringe challenge.’
‘Which isn’t a real thing.’
‘It is now. If I’ve sacrificed a beach holiday for this, I’m damn well going to see it through.’
Becca’s eyes narrow, homing in with laser-like focus on her friend. ‘Sal, what is this really about?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Sal pouts, returning her attention to her phone.
‘Are you concerned about missing out?’
‘No, it’s… I’m… fine. I had arranged to meet someone after the show on Friday, all right? He’s hot. Look.’ She holds her phone out, showing us a profile picture of the guy in question.
‘Ahh…’ Becca, Tess and I respond in unison as we admire the unquestionably sexy specimen, but faced with our lack of real enthusiasm, Sal quickly caves.
‘Argh, fine, I’ll do it. Mister hot-piece-of-ass here will have to wait.’
‘I’m sure he’ll be willing to reschedule.’ Tess shifts to the wall-mounted bench on the other side of the table and puts her arm around Sal in an attempt to make her feel better. Unfortunately, all this achieves is Sal looking deeply uncomfortable while revising her reply to her sister.
‘Hey, Lea, how about you join Becca and I on Friday night?’ Tess says suddenly. ‘You can have Sal’s ticket.’
Sal’s head shoots up. ‘Would you steal my grave as quick, Tess?’
‘Huh? What did I do?’ Tess sounds genuinely perplexed.
‘Do you not think maybe it’s for Sal to decide what happens with her ticket?’ Becca prompts her.
‘Sorry, I was just trying to be practical. No point in the ticket going to waste.’
‘Whatever.’ Sal shakes her head in irritation, her focus already back on her phone. ‘Lea, take the ticket.’
‘Erm… I never said…’ I stammer, feeling somehow like I’m now in the bad books, despite not having said a word. ‘Could you not sell it online, Sal? Or give it to a friend?’
‘I can’t think of anyone who’d take it and I don’t “sell things online”.’
‘OK, well, how about I give you the money for it, then? So you don’t lose out.’
‘Look, just take the ticket, will you, Lea?’ Sal shoots me a scathing look, making me flinch. ‘Let’s not turn this into a drama.’
‘Erm, OK.’ I sense my face reddening from the awkwardness of this interaction. ‘Thank you. That’s very kind.’
My eyes dart to Becca, who gives me a reassuring smile and a slight shake of the head, which I interpret as ‘don’t think anything of it’.
‘Great, that’s sorted then,’ Tess declares with a little too much oomph for my liking, given what’s just gone down. ‘Lea, meet us here on Friday at six p.m. for pre-show drinks and we’ll show you a good night out.’
She grins at me and I’m pleased to feel such a warm welcome into the fold. However, it would have been a more comfortable experience if it hadn’t been at Sal’s expense. That said, I’m delighted to be able to tell Shep later that, not only did I come here by myself, but I’ve also now got social plans for both Friday and Saturday nights this weekend. That’s quite a turn of events – and a turn of fortune – from where I was less than two weeks ago.