Once we each have a drink in our hand, Sal and Tess make themselves comfortable on the grass beside us, and we all sit quietly for a few moments, enjoying the early evening rays. The weather is glorious for the end of August, as so far north, it can often feel almost autumnal at this point. We’re being treated to a mini-heatwave that’s apparently due to last for up to a week – a rare stroke of luck for the tourists who have chosen to visit during this latter part of the festival.
‘Don’t you wish it was like this more often?’ says Becca wistfully. ‘This is how the festival should always be. Not the monsoon-style soaking our city’s visitors have to endure so often.’
‘It would be so much better,’ I agree.
‘Yup, defo,’ says Tess. ‘So, what happened with Shep, Lea?’
‘Tess.’ Becca reprimands her. ‘You really need to learn some tact.’
‘Oh, sorry, I was just… Well, I thought that was why we were here.’ She gives a regretful shrug.
‘It is why we’re here.’ Sal sips at her wine, her tone matter-of-fact, eyes partially hidden behind her oversized sunglasses.
‘Sorry.’ I take a generous swig from my own drink in the hope it’ll help me relax and deflect any thorny comments that might come from Sal. ‘I don’t know how much Shep told you…’ I pause and they make a range of gestures that I interpret as ‘not much’.
‘Why don’t you take it from the top?’ Tess urges me.
‘OK… on Tuesday night he came back in a mess because of a bad experience at his show…’ I proceed to fill them in on everything that happened after that, being careful to stick to the facts as much as possible so Sal doesn’t have a reason to call me out.
‘And you haven’t heard from him since?’ Tess asks, when I’ve shared everything right up to the moment Shep left.
‘Not a peep.’ I bow my head, trying desperately not to cry.
‘That’s shitty.’ She reaches across and rubs my leg. ‘A shitty way for things to end.’
‘Totally,’ agrees Becca. ‘Regardless of the fact there was an “expiry date” on your—’
‘I reckon it’s better this way,’ Sal unapologetically interrupts her.
I furrow my brow, wondering if I’ve heard right, while Becca and Tess share what appears to be a slightly panicked look.
‘Why do you say that?’ I ask as calmly as I can.
Sal seems in no hurry to answer, and instead shifts her position, stretching out her long tanned legs in front of her.
‘This is how I see it,’ she says eventually. ‘You already knew this thing you had going on with Shep was likely to end. You said yourself how hard it was going to be when the final goodbye came.’
‘I did.’ I acknowledge this warily.
‘So, firstly, you no longer have to dread that moment – it’s done – and secondly, maybe it’s better that he leaves with you thinking he’s a bit of a shit. I assume that is what you’re thinking.’
‘Well, yeah.’ I’m surprised by her semi-supportive stance. ‘Though obviously I can’t just switch off the feelings I have for him.’
‘Trust me, it’ll be much easier to forget a guy who’s been a bastard than one you still have on a pedestal. Suck it up and move on.’
‘Right.’
Pursing my lips, I’m unsure how to respond to this. It wasn’t exactly said with love, but it’s possibly the most supportive Sal has been towards me – which, I realise, isn’t saying much. It makes me wonder if she’s only said it because she’s been told to play nice, but I do hope she’s actually choosing to be more accepting of me.
‘I suppose you’re right,’ I concede after a long pause.
Becca and Tess share another look, which this time I read as a hopeful one.
‘Well, just know that we’re here for you.’ Becca gives my shoulder a squeeze and then steers the conversation onto a lighter topic, which I’m guessing she does to move on to the next stage of break-up 101: cheering me up.
Emotionally drained, I’m more than happy to go along with this, and by the time I’m on my second glass of wine, I’m feeling a bit brighter and enjoying the banter with my new friends. It might be the alcohol helping things along, but I’m also starting to convince myself that I’ll be fine without Shep in my life. Our time together was incredible (before it went to shit), but perhaps he was only ever meant to be a fleeting feature in my life to help me get back on track – in the same way it seems I was for him. Maybe Tanya was right, and fate was at play, but in a different way to what she thought.
‘That was honestly how it went, and I didn’t know what to say, so I just smiled politely at him and walked away,’ Becca finishes a story about an awkward interaction with a bloke in a supermarket, which has us all – including Sal – chuckling. ‘Ugh, where are the loos? I can’t hold on any longer.’
We point her in the direction of the multi-cubicle Portakabin that is the ladies’, and she wanders off to join the sizeable queue outside.
Tess, Sal and I continue to chat lightly, until we’re interrupted by a buzzing coming from Tess’s bag. She pulls out her phone and answers it.
‘Hi, little sis, what’s up?’ she greets the caller. ‘What’s that? You’re really quiet… it’s like you’re calling from Mars… No, don’t do that, I’ll nip somewhere quieter…’
Tess mouths an apology to us, and holds up a finger to let us know she’ll be right back.
Finding myself alone with Sal for the first time, I’m immediately uncomfortable. It’s fine when we’re all together, but I don’t actually know Sal well enough to chat to her about anything in particular – probably because she never shares anything personal beyond her online dating updates, and Tess has already grilled her on that today. I can’t talk to her about my situation with Shep either, because we all know where she stands on that.
Smiling at her uneasily, I can tell that she’s equally uncomfortable.
‘So that guy you went on a second date with…’ I eventually grasp at the only thing I can think of, ‘…do you—’
‘Lea, what do you think you’re doing?’ She cuts across me with a startlingly combative tone.
‘I’m… sorry? I was just trying to make conversation.’
‘I don’t mean that. I mean, what do you think you’re doing latching onto our group like a freaking limpet?’ Sal’s face contorts with such contempt that I recoil.
‘I’m… Why do you… I don’t understand…’ I trail off pathetically and pick at a non-existent bit of fluff on my cropped trousers to avoid having to look at her.
‘OK, if you don’t understand, I’ll spell it out for you. Don’t think you’re the first of Becca’s strays. She has a radar for that stuff. Which is why I take it upon myself to get rid, so she doesn’t get taken advantage of.’
‘What are you talking about, Sal?’ I can’t help but reply in a small voice. ‘I would never take advantage of Becca.’
‘You already have,’ she sneers. ‘Just by being here. Poor little Lea, who clearly has no friends of her own. I bet you thought you’d lucked out. Well – newsflash – you haven’t. Because her and Tess might not be wise to you, but I am, and I’m not going to let you become a sad hanger-on. You get what I’m saying?’
I dare a glance at her. She’s sitting crossed-legged, with her arms folded, her expression nothing short of vicious. It’s now obvious that her half-hearted show of support before was all for show.
‘Do you, Lea?’
‘I heard you, Sal. Loud and clear.’
‘Good.’ She leans in and lowers her voice. ‘And don’t even think about making a scene or going crying to Becca and Tess about this, because if you do—’
‘What are you two chatting about?’ Tess appears out of nowhere, plonking herself back down on the grass.
She’s distracted by something on her phone, meaning she hasn’t picked up on the fact that the atmosphere has become icier than a deep freeze.
‘Not much,’ Sal replies. ‘Just shooting the breeze, right, Lea?’
‘Right,’ I force myself to say through gritted teeth and a false smile, while I’m shaking so much inside my vitals feel like they might go into meltdown at any moment.
Tess finally puts her phone away and grins at the two of us. ‘Another drink?’
I involuntarily glance at Sal, expecting her to give me a warning not to accept the invite, but instead she nods, almost imperceptibly, and it takes all of three seconds to understand the intention behind that gesture: she’s telling me not to run off now, as that will raise suspicion.
‘Yeah, sure,’ I reply in a quavering voice that could easily be mistaken for someone trying not to cry after having their heart broken. ‘I can get this round in.’
One for the road, I guess. At least I can buy Becca and Tess a drink to thank them for being so kind and welcoming. Not that they’ll know anything of it.
‘I’ll help you,’ says Becca, who’s also just re-joined us.
‘Um… sure. I guess I can’t carry four glasses on my own.’ My eyes nervously flit to Sal, who shoots me another steely look, this time easily interpreted as ‘not a word’.
Keeping quiet about Sal’s shark attack while we get the drinks is easy enough. Becca being Becca, she’s keen to use the opportunity to provide further moral support, which I appreciate more than ever, despite the fact I can barely focus on a word she’s saying. It will be sorely missed, now I’ve received my marching orders on a nuclear scale. The one saving grace is that I’m able to cry without giving away that something else is going on.
When we return to the others with the drinks, I keep my contributions to the conversation to a minimum, and after what I consider to be an appropriate amount of time, I make my excuses.
‘Aww, no, don’t leave.’ Tess pets her bottom lip. ‘We’ve still got nearly an hour till our show.’
‘I know.’ I take a final swig from my drink. ‘But I’m afraid I’m out of steam, with everything that’s gone on, you know?’
‘We understand, don’t we, girls?’ Becca slides a sympathetic arm around my shoulders and leans into me, almost setting me off again.
‘Absolutely,’ says Sal, a little too brightly.
‘I guess.’ Tess briefly continues with her play huff, then dives on me affectionately. ‘You’ll be OK, Lea. There are plenty more blokes out there, and at least a couple of them must have long-term relationship potential. LOL.’
‘Thanks, ladies. Thanks for… everything.’
Getting up from my patch of grass, I’m thankful for my sunglasses while I say what Becca and Tess don’t realise is my final goodbye to them. Then, once I’ve left the gardens and I’m a safe distance away, I allow the pain and distress of what’s just happened to overtake me. Finding a bench in The Meadows, I settle down on it and break down in huge heart-wrenching sobs, not caring a bit that everyone passing by is staring.