Two days later, and after spending every free moment together since we reunited, Shep and I have a very different evening ahead of us.
‘Shep, I don’t know if I can do this.’ I join him in the kitchen, where he’s hoovering up a bowl of chicken tikka masala.
He sets it on the counter, plonks his fork in it, and pulls me into him. ‘If you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to. There’s no pressure to go ahead with this plan.’
I suck my teeth, torn between the temptation to take the easy road and annoyance at myself for being such a wimp. ‘It’s not that I don’t want to do it. It is important to me. Really important. I’m just… a bit terrified.’
‘I hear you. Look, the girls just think they’re meeting me for a farewell drink, so if you want to give it a miss, I can go ahead as planned – and I’ll slip a laxative in Sal’s drink when she’s not looking.’
I titter. ‘I know you’re only saying that to make me feel better, but part of me wishes you would. She certainly deserves it.’
‘She sure does.’ Shep plants a kiss on my nose, then picks up his bowl and resumes eating. ‘I know better than to try and fight your battles for you, though. You don’t want or need a knight in shining armour to save you from the evil ice queen.’
‘Don’t I?’ I chew on my lip apprehensively, knowing full well he’s right. I’m just running scared.
‘No, you don’t. My job was to provide the setting and the opportunity, which is what I’ve done. The rest is up to you.’ He spreads his hands in illustration of this. ‘Remember what we talked about last night: about you burying that shame of yours and knowing your self-worth. It’s irrelevant that you’ve not been part of their group for long, and tenure doesn’t give a person the right to behave the way Sal did. If Becca and Tess can’t see that situation for exactly what it is, then it’s good riddance to bad rubbish.’
Shep finishes this impromptu speech with a pointed look, which I know is designed to boost my confidence. And, of course, it works.
‘You’re right. God, you’re so right. I need to shake off this feeling that I’m a nobody, and stop letting Sal get in my head like this. It was circumstances that led to me being alone and isolated, not who I am as a person. I need to woman-up and face this, because I am better and more loveable than a nasty bully like her.’
‘I’ll drink to that.’ Shep raises his glass of water.
‘She’s going to regret the day she met me.’
‘Sorry to say it, but I think she already does.’
‘Hey.’ I cuff him playfully. ‘Well, then, she’s going to regret it even more. Because I will not be banished back to no-pals-land without a fight.’
‘Yes!’ He punches the air. ‘That’s fighting talk. Now let’s get over there before you chicken out.’
‘I won’t be chickening out.’ I shake my head determinedly, a fire igniting inside of me. ‘I’m done with feeling inferior.’
Half an hour later, our plan kicks into action. After checking the coast is clear, I discreetly slip past the Old Town Inn and nip into The Canongate Tavern, while Shep heads inside the girls’ regular festival haunt to meet them. We’ve agreed he’ll go ahead of me, so he can get a read on the situation and check it’s not unwise to unleash my counterstrike on Sal tonight.
Fifteen minutes later, my phone lights up with a WhatsApp message from Shep.
I smile at his use of language, while a whirlwind of fear and dread simultaneously tears through me. It’s time.
Slowly getting up from my seat, I feel my legs turn to mush and my chest tighten, as if my body is going into a similar meltdown to the other night at the fireworks.
Come on, Lea. You can do this.
This sorry attempt at an inner pep talk does little to alleviate my terror, because right now, all I want to do is run home and hide under my duvet. I really wish I could charge next door all guns blazing, but the reality is that it was so much easier to get pumped up in the safety of my flat. Sal has got under my skin good and proper, which was obviously her aim.
So don’t let her win. Do what you do best: go in there and focus on the facts – then tell her that she doesn’t get to treat you that way.
Now, that I can do. Surely. I need to do this – for every woman and girl who’s ever been bullied by someone like her.
Straightening my posture, I take a deep courage-inducing breath, then I walk out of the pub.