One thing you should know about me is that I don’t lie. Not very much, anyway. I don’t have anything against lying. It’s just that I’m bad at it. Whenever I tell a lie, I sweat like a pig in a bacon factory. Plus, I start talking like an eighty-year-old man.

The reason I’m telling you this is because you are probably going to think this book is made up. It’s not. It’s all 100% true. The thing is, some weird stuff has happened to me since I moved to New York City this past summer. You might have heard about some of it.

But now there’s more.