part0008

I didn’t open the envelope when I got home. I couldn’t. It didn’t really matter what was inside because I had already convinced myself that I couldn’t accept it. Nick was just being nice, or feeling guilty about what had happened. I didn’t need his pity.

The truth was that Michael had left me a substantial amount of money when he died. He had been a smart guy and had investments and life insurance. He had also had a will. Most of his estate had gone to me, while some of it had been split between our parents. It wasn’t buy-an-island money, but it was more money that I would probably ever make in a lifetime.

Now I was supposed to profit even more from his death? Thanks, but no thanks.

“Let me get this straight: Nick wants to give you millions and also take you to dinner?” Selina had already made up her mind about whether I should take the stock offering. “Is he still just as sexy as he used to be?”

“He’s still Nick,” I said, a little wistfully. “But yeah, he’s still pretty hot.”

“He basically said he wants to split his wealth with you.” Selina’s head shook in awe. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was in love with you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. He just feels guilty about what happened to Michael. As he should.” I reached for a bottle of wine. Selina had just gotten home and I needed to leave in the next ten minutes to make it to the restaurant on time. That left us just enough time to share a quick drink.

“Have you ever asked him about that night?” Selina asked as I handed her a wine glass.

“No. But I don’t need to. Based on the police report, it’s pretty clear what happened.” I could feel the hostility building inside me. “Michael never would have done hard drugs like that. He was so drunk that night that someone had to have talked him into it. And Nick was the only one with him at the time.”

Selina looked like she was going to argue with me further but thought better of it. “I just think you should give him a second chance, Lo. I think he really is a good guy.”

“I used to think that, too,” I finished my wine in a big gulp. “I gotta go. Don’t want to keep Mr. Kingston waiting.”

“You made him wait for five years!” she called after me.

I was surprised to find a car waiting for me in front of Selina’s apartment. How did he keep knowing where to find me?

“Ms. Elliot?” the driver asked, holding open the door.

“Thank you.” I slid inside, careful to make sure my dress didn’t ride up. When Nick’s assistant had confirmed that we were going to the most expensive restaurant in town, I had immediately raided Selina’s closet for something suitable to wear. I hoped the little black dress I had chosen would be fancy enough.

The restaurant was only a mile away so I didn’t have a lot of time to prepare myself for seeing Nick again. At least the glass of wine had helped me to relax some, so I wasn’t completely hyperventilating when the driver opened my door again.

A hand reached in to help me out and I took it, assuming it belonged to the driver. I did not expect the hand to be attached to Nick’s perfect body.

“Logan, you look amazing.” He smiled earnestly at me, his gray eyes sparkling.

My hand turned to ice under his touch. “Nick. I didn’t expect you to meet me at the car.”

“I would have come to pick you up myself if my meeting hadn’t run long.” He put a hand against my lower back and ushered me forward. “I have to admit, I was worried you were going to change your mind about meeting me. ”

“I have to admit, I thought I would change my mind, too.” I found myself wishing that I had chosen a dress with more fabric. I could feel the warmth of his hand through my dress.

Nick marched straight up to the hostess. “Nicholas Kingston. I have a reservation for two.”

The hostess looked up in surprise, her eyes widening. She smiled brilliantly at him and batted her lashes. “Of course, Mr. Kingston. Welcome. Please, follow me.”

She didn’t so much as glance in my direction.

“Logan.” Nick looked at me expectantly. “After you.”

I felt incredibly self-conscious as I walked in front of him. It was my first time in public with him since he had become world-famous, and I couldn’t get used to the other diners’ obvious staring. Granted, they were mostly staring at him and not me. But it was still unnerving.

“As requested, we’ve reserved the Gold Room for you.” The hostess stepped through a doorway and waited for us to enter. The intimate room held just one table. “Is it to your liking?”

“It’s perfect.” Nick smiled at her and stepped up to the table. He pulled out a chair for me and I sat awkwardly. “Thank you…”

“Kelsey,” the hostess finished for him.

“Thank you, Kelsey.” He took the seat across from .

Kelsey couldn’t stop smiling at him. “If there is anything you need, anything at all, please just let me know.”

I waited until she was gone and said, “If you need to get laid tonight, I think I know who can help you with that.”

The words left my mouth before I could stop them. It was the kind of thing I had said to him all the time back in the day. It was not the kind of thing I would say to a stranger.

“You always did call me out on my bullshit,” Nick said with a chuckle. “But I assure you I’m not interested in that tonight.”

“You’re not?” I challenged him with a tilt of my head. “Should I be insulted?”

“No. I just know that you are too good for me, Logan,” he said without backing down. “Just like you always were.”

This wasn’t were I had expected the conversation to go, but the wine was still in my system and I was feeling daring. “You never even looked at me as anything other than Michael’s nerdy little sister.”

“You really never noticed?” he asked, honestly curious.

I didn’t get a chance to clarify because the waiter appeared just then and began rattling off specials. When he offered to take our drink orders, Nick ordered a bottle of my favorite wine. I waited for the waiter to leave before asking, “Noticed what?”

“How incredibly intrigued I was by you,” he said, adjusting the knot of his tie. “You were the smartest, funniest, kindest, and prettiest girl I had ever met. And you never seemed to realize it. I was utterly fascinated by you.”

“Me?” I squeaked lamely. “You’re kidding right?”

“Why would I kid about that?” His eyes lowered bashfully. “Why do you think I kept coming home with Michael over the holidays?”

I was grateful that the waiter picked that moment to return with the wine. After the ceremonial tasting, I hungrily reached for my full glass.

“I never noticed anything other than you constantly hooking up with random girls,” I said after I had taken a long drink.

“That’s because I knew I could never try anything with you. Even if you had been desperate enough to fall for a guy like me, Michael never would have allowed it.” Nick twirled his wine glass and stared at it thoughtfully. “Did you always think I was such a scumbag?”

“Always? No.” I remembered that night at the club when he had ignored every other woman and taken care of me. “But you pretty much solidified that opinion at the funeral.”

He visibly grimaced. “You’re right. I was a scumbag.”

“It seems like you’ve changed,” I said, hoping it was true.

“I’m not sure I have. You always did give me too much credit.” He paused as we were interrupted again, this time the waiter wanting to take our meal orders.

I let Nick order for me, my brain already too muddled to make a decision. I just kept thinking about how I was having dinner with Nick and how it didn’t feel nearly as terrible as I had expected.

“We haven’t talked at all about the memorial,” I said.

“Alright. Let’s get down to business.” Nick launched into the tentative details he had worked out. I listened and asked questions, all the while formulating some of my own plans. He insisted that money wasn’t a concern as he was paying for it out of his own pocket.

We were so deep into our planning that I was shocked when the waiter came to take our plates away and see if we wanted dessert.

“Actually, we’re good. I’ll take the check, please,” Nick answered quickly.

I wondered if he answered so quickly because he was anxious to get away from me. We had spent over an hour together. Maybe that was enough.

“Thanks for dinner,” I said as he paid the bill.

“Anytime.” He smiled at me, looking like the boy I remembered meeting almost ten years earlier. “If you’re up for it, I’d like to take you somewhere for an after dinner treat.”

“Is that code for something?” I teased.

“You didn’t say no,” he noted.

I glanced at the time on my phone. It was still early. “I’ve got some time.”

“Good. I’m not ready for our evening to end yet.” He pulled back my chair as I stood. I couldn’t remember a time when I had been on a date with someone who behaved like a gentleman. “I could call for the car, but the place I’m thinking of is just a couple of blocks away. Are you okay with walking?”

“Walking is good.” I changed my mind as soon as we stepped outside. It was colder than I remembered and I shuddered.

Nick noticed and immediately shrugged out of his jacket. “Here. Please take this.”

“Thanks.” I slipped my arms in and he settled it on my shoulders, his hands lingering for a moment longer than necessary.

“Better?” he asked .

“Much.” The silk lining felt heavenly against my skin and the thick blend kept me warm. I could smell Nick’s cologne and wanted to bury my nose in the collar, but I thought better of it. When he offered me his arm, it felt natural to loop my own arm through it.

“Do you ever get used to people staring?” I asked, noticing a couple of tourists pointing in our direction.

“Honestly, I barely even notice it. I think part of me just assumes they can’t possibly be looking at me. I’m no one special.” He shot me a crooked grin, the same one that drove girls crazy. “I only got to where I am because of dumb luck.”

I hated that he wasn’t just being humble. I knew that Nick had a hard time believing that he was special and important, probably because of his terrible childhood. “You are anything but dumb, Nicholas Kingston. My brother said you were the smartest guy he had ever known.”

“Michael was a million times smarter than me.” He said something then that surprised me. “After we lost him, I almost sold the company. I was certain that I couldn’t run it successfully without him. I had so many doubts in that first year.”

“Why didn’t you sell?” I asked.

“Because I thought about what it would be like to tell you that I was selling the company. I hated the thought that I might disappoint you.” He stopped us at the intersection. I had been so intent on listening that I probably would’ve walked right into traffic if he hadn’t stopped me.

“I don’t understand. Why do you care so much what I think?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Because Michael did. You were his favorite person in the whole world, and he was mine. After he was gone, I guess you just filled that hole.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. Nick had spent so much time thinking about me and I’d been spending five years trying not to think about him.

“My mom still asks about you every holiday. She was devastated when you didn’t come that first year.” I had never told her the real reason that he hadn’t come was because of me.

“It was too soon,” Nick said. “Only a month had passed since the funeral. Emotions were still raw.”

“Emotions are still raw,” I admitted. “I’m not sure I’ll ever really get over it.”

“I know the feeling.” Nick patted my hand.

He was the only person I had been able to say that to. No one else understood or wanted to hear about my dead brother. It was too depressing. They wanted me to move on and be happy. Even my own parents thought that I should be doing better. My mother didn’t understand why I still couldn’t go into Michael’s childhood bedroom on my rare visits home.

The light changed and we walked in silence, mostly because neither of us knew what to say, but also because we were comfortable in the silence.

“This street looks familiar,” I said when I spotted a familiar building. “Are we going to Say Cheesecake?”

“You remember.” His face lit up in and adorable way.

“Of course. This was Michael’s favorite place in the city.” I laughed, remembering the countless times we had come here. We had even brought Nick a few times, whenever he could be pried away from his desk. That’s when I realized I hadn’t seen him check his phone a single time the entire night.

“What’s wrong?” he asked when he noticed the confused look on my face.

I struggled to find a polite way to ask my question. “You didn’t lose your phone, did you? I couldn’t help but notice its absence tonight.”

“Ah. You’re remembering Old Nick.” He smiled sheepishly. “Always answering emails and calls, even at family dinners. Old Nick was the worst.”

“I didn’t think he was that terrible,” I said, lying. I had probably been one of Old Nick’s biggest enemies. But I remembered that he had a few redeeming qualities. Plus, Michael had adored him. “My brother loved Old Nick, so he couldn’t be that bad.”

“Your brother was a sucker,” he explained, yanking open the door to Say Cheesecake. “You ready for this?”

I inhaled deeply, memories flooding back. “I sure hope so.”

I had to drop his arm to fit through the door and felt strangely alone, like I had just lost an important piece of myself. Fortunately, Nick hadn’t gone far. “It’s just like I remember it.” He stood directly behind me, so close I could feel his body warmth.

“It’s crowded. Do you see any open tables?” I strained to see through the restaurant. At six inches taller than me, Nick didn’t have to struggle.

“There’s one in the corner. It’s a little small, but we can make it work.” He led the way and I followed close behind.

The table was more than a little small. It was wedged into the corner in such a way that the two chairs were nearly touching. This was going to be an intimate cheesecake experience.

It took a little adjusting, but we were able to sit without too much awkwardness. I just had to accept the fact that our legs had to be pressed against each other and that our elbows would occasionally graze. We didn’t even bother trying to open two menus, opting instead to just share one.

“I think the Double Deluxe Cheesecake is calling my name. How about you?” Nick asked.

“I’m going Classic.” I explained, “It was Michael’s favorite. He ordered it every time.”

“Michael was a very classic guy,” Nick said. “I’ll go up to the counter and place our orders. Save my seat.”

While he was gone, I stole a glance at my phone. Ten more missed messages from Kevin. I shouldn’t have bothered reading them, but I couldn’t stop myself. I blamed the two glasses of wine I had at dinner.

By the third one, I regretted my decision. What had started as apologies and pleas for forgiveness, quickly turned to swears and threats. Suddenly, despite Nick’s warm suit coat, my blood went cold.

“Logan, are you okay?” Nick dropped onto the chair next to me. “You look pale.”

“I’m fine.” I blinked hard and tried to shut off my phone. Just then, another text came through.

Nick grabbed the phone from me and read it. “Who the hell is Kevin?”

“Just forget it.” I tried to take the phone back, but he held it out of reach.

“Is he the one that gave you that black eye?” Nick looked angrier than I had ever seen him.

“Please, let it go.” I reached for the phone again. “Why do you even care? We haven’t talked in five years.”

“I care because Michael would’ve wanted me to look out for you.” He held up the phone. “This guy is making threats, Lo-Lo. I can’t just ignore that.” He was so caught up in the moment that he hadn’t bothered censoring himself. That was the only possible explanation for him using Michael’s nickname for me.

“You’ve never called me that before,” I whispered. No one had called me that in five years. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out. Michael always called you that and I guess it just stuck in my brain.”

“It’s okay,” I said, a little surprised. “I missed hearing that.”

Nick paused and placed my phone on the table. “I can’t make you tell me what happened, but I really wish you would. You may not have talked to me in the last five years, but I thought about you every day. I worried about you, living in the city without Michael. I worried about you visiting your crazy parents without someone there to keep you sane. And now I’m worried that you are in danger from some crazy guy.”

“It isn’t just some guy,” I said, staring hard at the phone. “Kevin was my fiancé. We lived together. I started dating him right before Michael died and he was really good about everything. He put up with a lot of crap from me those first couple of years. He was a good guy… or so I thought.”

“And then?” Nick didn’t look at me with pity the way that Selina did. It helped.

“And then I found out he was cheating on me with one of my coworkers. They were screwing behind my back for almost a year. When I confronted Kevin about it, he snapped.” I closed my eyes, willing the tears not to fall. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t shed any more tears over that man. “He hit me, just once. It was the only time he has ever done something like that, but once was too much. I left him.”

Nick’s hand closed over mine, gentle and strong at the same time. “Good. No one should ever hurt you like that.”

A server appeared with our slices of cheesecake, but neither of us noticed. They sat on the table, untouched.

“I feel so lost,” I confessed. “Life without Michael was so horrible, but I really did try to move on. I built this whole new life without him, but it was all centered on someone that I don’t think ever really loved me. Now I don’t know who I am, or what kind of life I want. I just know I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I know that when I’m with you, I sometimes forget about all of that and I almost feel happy again.”

I was afraid to look at him, afraid of what I might see in his eyes. I was scared of what I had just confessed to this man that I had pushed out of my life when we needed each other the most.

“Logan.” He waited patiently until I looked at him. “If you give me a chance, I’ll make sure you’re happy all of the time, not just sometimes. I’ll make sure you’re with a man that really loves you and shows it every single day.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.” I stared hard into his eyes, searching for answers to questions that I didn’t dare ask. If I was ever going to truly trust Nick, I needed to know those answers. “I don’t know if I can forgive you.”

He bit hard on the inside of his cheek, making his cheekbones appear even more chiseled. “We can start small. Spend the day with me tomorrow?”

“All day?” Sure, it was a Saturday. But the Nicholas Kingston that I knew always worked on Saturday.

“As long as you can put up with me.” He offered me a small smile. “I promise, I’ll be on my best behavior. ”

“Now you’ve just ruined the invitation,” I replied with a teasing smile. “But I accept.”

“Excellent. Now grab your spoon and get busy.”

I did as directed, all the while thinking that I had made a huge mistake. Letting Nick back into my life was either going to be the best or worst thing to ever happen to me. Either way, I wasn’t sure I could handle it.