I can’t live like this.
It came to her in the middle of the night. Night Shadow Star’s thoughts were clearer then. And by the time Thirteen Sacred Jaguar had awakened, crawled out of bed, washed and dressed, her thoughts were as focused as they would be for the day.
She watched her husband leave the room, his voice calling a greeting to Red Copal and the rest of the warriors. Behind them she could hear the distinctive sound of ceramic clicking against ceramic, the popping of the breakfast fire, and liquid being poured.
This is my moment. The food will be here within a finger’s time. After that there will only be haze.
She didn’t know when Swirling Cloud would come. He’d bragged the night before that he was playing chunkey this morning, wagering a fortune against Black Toe, one of Night Shadow Star’s cousins. But he would come. When he did he would climb onto her and groan as his hot seed shot into her.
Nor would Thirteen Sacred Jaguar know. He and his Itza were touring the Rattlesnake Mound complex south of the Great Plaza on the Avenue of the Moon. The excursion was the latest move in Horn Lance’s campaign to topple the Morning Star.
And something was supposed to happen to the Keeper. But she’d lost that in the haze.
She frowned as her thoughts returned to Swirling Cloud. That she had to endure her husband and his nightly ritual of self-stimulation before he could stand to insert himself was bad enough. The idea that she’d have to service Swirling Cloud? And how many furtive men afterward would take the risk? It sent a wave of revulsion washing through her.
Yes! Open the passage, Night Shadow Star. Step through. You know the joy, the peace and tranquility. You didn’t want to come back the last time. It’s your only way out.
She knotted all of her muscles, wishing she could reclaim that clarity of soul that had always been hers. Even if just for a finger of time.
The haze of gray seemed to cloak her thoughts, muddying even the simplest of notions.
With a deep breath, she threw off the covers and climbed out of bed. She braced herself, one hand on the bed frame. Her balance kept playing tricks on her.
The whisperings of Spirit voices, murmurings that lay just below the level of comprehension, kept trying to distract her.
“Should I do this?” she asked herself softly as she knelt before one of her ornate storage boxes. The lid was carved in the image of Cosmic Spider with its soul bundle tied to its back.
They are all gone. The Keeper is dead. Morning Star will flee back to the Sky World. Fire Cat has left you. If you stay, your only purpose will be to service men as they climb between your legs.
Was that Piasa? Or her own thoughts? She couldn’t tell the difference anymore.
Opening the box, she reached in and found the familiar small clay jar.
Walking over to her altar, she knelt, staring into the well pot that sat atop the clay column. Some of the water had evaporated, but she could still see her reflection in the pot’s depths.
With trembling fingers she reached into the little clay jar and dipped out two fingers of the greasy substance. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and began rubbing the salve into her temples. Even as she did, she could feel the crushed seeds that permeated the paste.
Sister Datura’s gentle touch caressed the edges of her souls.
Breathing in an easy cadence, she leaned forward, staring down into her reflection in the well pot. As Sister Datura tightened her grip and began the Dance, the portal would open.
This time Night Shadow Star would not return from the Underworld.
“I’m sorry, Fire Cat. So very, very sorry.”