‘Went well, did it?’
Phaedra was sitting on the sofa with her feet up when Ran finally got home around ten p.m. She didn’t even look at him as she spoke, simply flicked through the TV channels.
‘I think so. Yeah.’ He stood in front of the TV, blocking her view. ‘I had no choice but to stay. Bo was on her own. Her assistant had to rush off and she’d had problems with the water and power.’
‘You had no choice?’ She turned off the TV and threw the remote on the coffee table.
Irritation stirred. He was knackered, and certainly had a new respect for anyone who worked in hospitality. It had been non-stop, serving people while smiling and being upbeat and charming. He’d been way out of his comfort zone, though he’d never have let on to Bo.
‘OK. I did have a choice. I chose to help a friend when she needed it and I’d have done the same for anyone round here. That’s how it works. We pull together. I let you know straightaway and I knew you’d be fine.’
He collapsed onto the sofa next to her.
‘Ran …’ Her voice softened. She leaned forward and picked up his hand. ‘It’s OK. I can see you’ve been drawn into this community, that the place has got under your skin. You needed to help a friend.’
A friend … Ran swallowed.
‘Thanks for being so understanding.’
‘I hope you’re not being sarcastic?’ she said, doubt in her voice.
‘No. No, I’m not. I’m knackered, that’s all. It was bloody hard work.’
‘I’m sure … but you know, you said you knew I’d be fine here on my own.’
He turned sharply. ‘You are, aren’t you?’
Her eyes glistened. She might have been crying.
‘Has something happened while I was out? Are you OK?’
‘Yes. Physically, I’m fine. The rest has done me good.’ She glanced away nervously. ‘I’m not fine in other ways. I haven’t been for a few days, in fact for weeks. Ran, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I have to level with you. I don’t want a divorce.’
‘What?’
Ran was knocked for six and let go of her hand. He’d thought she was moving on – she was in the process of selling their flat.
‘I can see that’s come as a shock. It did to me, though I now realise my doubts really started when you finally sent the papers back. Seeing the finality of it, the end of our marriage in black and white. It was so cold and stark. Such an admission of failure.’
‘Failure? I thought deciding to split was the best thing we could do for each other. You told me that often enough!’
‘I know and I’m sorry, but Ran, we loved each other so deeply once and we shared so much. I suppose you could say I have a classic case of wanting what I no longer have.’
He groaned. ‘Phae. You can’t do this now.’
‘I’m sorry, except I’m not. I’d be sorry if I waited to tell you until we were officially divorced so I’m telling you now. So please, come home to London.’
‘It’s not my home.’ He shook his head, kept on shaking it. ‘And don’t tell me I’ve had my escape and I should go back to reality because I can’t do it.’
‘I wasn’t going to say that at all. The opposite, in fact. I understand now. I’ve seen how happy you are – how at home you are here. I want to suggest a compromise, a way we can both live the lives we want and still be together.’
‘That’s not possible.’
‘The dancing, the sea – you look so happy, so at ease in this place. I’ve been thinking, maybe we can make this work for us. We didn’t try hard enough. We could find a place by the sea … where you can work. There must be diving jobs you could do but be based in London? Surely you know that? You learned there so I know it’s possible.’
‘There are jobs I could do there …’
She beamed. ‘You see, this isn’t so hard … and I could learn to dance too.’
‘You? Learn to dance?’
‘Yes, Ran. Me. I could learn to dance. Don’t look so amazed.’
‘I … I know you could do it. You’d be brilliant but you’ve never said you wanted to before. You don’t like the music.’
She laughed. To see her beautiful green eyes shine with pleasure had always made him happy, yet the feeling of unease seeped into his bones.
‘It doesn’t have to be your kind of music, necessarily, of course,’ she went on. ‘It can be something new. Salsa, tango, bhangra, oh I don’t know … something cool and sexy would be fabulous. Of course, we could do lessons in any kind of dancing in London.’
She’d made him an offer that she made sound so tempting – she’d always been good at that; good at getting her own way.
‘When you come back to London with me, you’ll realise it might not be the horror show you remember. You may have a different perspective now. On London. On everything.’
‘I’m not sure I can do that.’
‘Why? Because you’re afraid that if you do, you’ll want to stay? Going back isn’t always a bad thing, Ran. Reassessing your life – you can change more than once. Maybe moving here was a firebreak. The time you needed – that we both needed – to find out what we really wanted from life. It’s certainly made me realise you’re the love of my life.’
He gasped. ‘What did you say?’
‘The love of my life.’ She laughed. ‘Sorry, that is so cheesy but you know what I mean. What matters to us. What makes our hearts sing, and makes us get out of bed every day.’
‘Yes, OK.’
‘You’ll come back with me, then, and see Carl – see what you’ve been missing?’
Ran hesitated, conflicted again. He was determined not to let Phaedra walk all over him and think they would ever get back together but, also, her words had echoed what Madame Odette had said. He’d been so sceptical, in denial even, and yet … was this a sign it was a path he should follow? And what about Bo’s reaction if he went to London now? She was so upset with him, and he mustn’t risk letting her down. Whatever he did, he had to be sure.
No decision was simple, nothing perfect …
Phaedra meanwhile seemed very certain of what she wanted. ‘At least email your boss at the scuba centre or whatever you need to do, so we can confirm our appointment with Carl.’
‘Where did you say his office was again?’ Ran asked, his mind working overtime on his course of action.
She frowned. ‘Camden? Why?’
‘Oh, nothing … I thought they were south of the river.’
‘He moved offices when he was made senior partner. Like I said, a lot has happened while we’ve been apart. It will do you good to catch up.’
He nodded. ‘Like I said, I’ll check my diary and see what I can do.’
She clapped her hands. ‘Hurrah! He’s coming round to the idea.’
‘Well, Carl’s a good solicitor.’
He didn’t want to hurt Bo. She was still scarred badly by what happened with Hamish and he didn’t want to mess her around. Yet he still felt guilty about how he’d acted in his marriage.
‘I knew you’d see sense,’ Phaedra said. ‘I presume that old van is in a fit state to transport you home?’
Was there a slight emphasis on the word ‘home’ or was he imagining it? Ran thought of the permanent tang of neoprene in the van and the cat hair on the seats.
‘It’ll make it as far as London,’ he murmured.
Having hung on to the divorce papers, the least he could do now was behave respectfully and kindly towards her, no matter how difficult the situation was. He could hardly pack her into her car and send her back to London. He cared too much about her wellbeing for that. By going back, he could do his duty by helping her with the move and show her, finally, that he no longer belonged in the City, or as part of her life.
More importantly, the idea he’d been churning over on his way to the village earlier that evening began to crystallise further in his mind.