THE fork crashed down hard on the plate. So hard in fact that a delicate fracture line became visible. Alex’s furious face softened as he turned around to his brother. The boy mewled pitifully and tears rolled down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean… they don’t… oh please, hush now. No one is disgusted by you.”
Sean started to cry in earnest. Parker and I exchanged an embarrassed and very helpless look. We watched uneasily as Alex heaved Sean out of his wheelchair and placed him on his lap. He rocked back and forth lightly, all the while murmuring soft, soothing words into Sean’s ear.
It took Sean a long time to calm down. Alex asked me to hand him a paper towel and used it to clean up Sean’s face. My gut knotted in sympathy when Sean’s face emerged from his hiding place against Alex’s chest. It was blotchy and his eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. Suddenly, he simply looked like a lost and hurt little boy. There was no place for any kind of disgust in my heart, only guilt and shame.
Reluctantly, I offered, “I’m sorry if we upset your brother. I didn’t think he’d understand what we’re talking about.”
Alex’s eyes literally blazed, but I was too distracted by Parker’s elbow in my ribs to comment on that. After I had gasped for breath, I snarled, “What?”
“Are you trying to win first place in a who’s-the-best-jerk competition?”
“Maybe he’s less a jerk rather than a pompous ass with no regards for the feelings of other people. Or maybe he has no tact at all,” Alex chimed in. He voiced his opinion in such an icy tone that shivers ran down my spine.
“What did I say now?”
Alex snorted in disbelief while he picked up the fork and started feeding Sean on his lap. The boy opened his mouth willingly and this time Alex didn’t help him close his mouth while he chewed. It was a revolting sight and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep my face impassive.
Alex’s face hardened. “You assumed Sean couldn’t understand what you said. Let me enlighten you to the fact that not everyone who’s disabled is stupid. Sean’s intellect is absolutely normal for his age. He has cerebral palsy. I won’t bother you with the details since you wouldn’t understand them anyway. He can’t speak, yes, but he does understand everything you say. You better watch your mouth.”
I bristled. He had just called me arrogant, prejudiced, and on top of it, he had more or less told me to shut up. I clenched my fists tightly before I gritted out, “Please excuse my nonexistent knowledge about… that disability of your brother’s. You still don’t get to tell me how to speak. Now, is it possible for you to answer our questions or will you or your brother flip out again?”
“We didn’t—”
“Geez, Woods, did you leave your common sense at home this morning? Or did the sex you two have last night short-circuit something important in your brain?”
I gawked at Parker, whereas Alex quickly put his hands over Sean’s ears. A deep red color tinted Alex’s cheeks. It was obvious that Parker’s blunt remarks had left him incredibly flustered, and I couldn’t help but smile. It was a funny sight with Sean trying to free his ears and Alex looking as if he wanted to hide in a hole.
“What’s so funny?” he hissed. “I don’t want you talking like that in my home. Sean is just a kid! He doesn’t need to know about… about what we did last night.” He averted his eyes in a gesture resembling defeat. Softly, he added, “Please?”
“You don’t think he’ll resent you because you had sex with a man, do you?” I couldn’t help asking.
“Woods!”
Alex laughed, though it sounded suspiciously like a choked sob. “He’s six years old! He doesn’t need to hear the word sex at this age. He’s also not different from any other child. He wants parents. If he thinks there is or was something going on between us, he’ll want you to stay here and become part of the family.”
I froze. My gaze darted from Alex’s face to Sean, still struggling to shake off the hands covering his ears. Part of the family? No way.
Having a family had never been on my personal wish list. Even the thought of spending my life with a lover was fairly new. When I could move again, I hastily got up from the chair. “Forget that I asked. How long will it take you to feed him? We only have a few questions, but we can come back another time when it’s more convenient for you. Maybe at a time when your brother isn’t at home.”
“It’ll take me about ten minutes. I’ll convince him to watch a DVD, and then you can ask your questions. I’d rather get it over with and get you out of my home as soon as possible.”
Ouch. I probably deserved that. Scratch the probably; I did deserve that comment. Though why did it feel as if he had punched me in the gut? More to the point, why did I want to make it up to him, show him I wasn’t such an ass?
Parker glanced at his watch. “That’s okay. Do you want us to wait somewhere else? So you can feed Sean in peace?”
“Why don’t you say straight away that you’d rather be in another room instead of watching Sean eat? Oh, whatever. Go to the living room.” Alex was still covering Sean’s ears, which was most likely the best for all of us.
Parker started, “I didn’t mean—”
“I don’t care what either of you meant. Get out of the kitchen so I can feed my brother.”
Parker and I fled from the kitchen. Once in the living room, we looked around. It was a small room with only a few items of furniture: a beige-colored sofa with washable covers, a small wooden coffee table, a bookcase that took up most of the place on the left side, and a television set placed opposite the sofa. A huge part of the living room was filled with plastic boxes in various colors, all containing toys. Astonished, I discovered even a package of crayons and paper in one of the boxes.
I started when Alex informed me acidly, “Sean can draw if I guide his hand. Just in case you’re wondering.”
I nodded. Parker and I watched Alex and Sean walk over to the TV. Sean decided on a DVD and Alex retrieved a big cushion, which he propped up in front of the sofa. Wide-eyed, I watched Sean jump, frog-like, toward the sofa.
“He’s not completely dependent on me or anyone else to get around. It’s simply not the conventional method,” Alex commented.
“Isn’t this risky? What if he loses his balance?” Parker asked.
“He hits his head.”
Parker looked at me from across the room, seemingly at a loss for words. I didn’t fare any better. Alex sighed and Sean said something to his brother before he laughed. Alex grinned. “Yeah, they don’t know shit. You’re so right, baby.”
My jaw fell, well, not to the floor, but it fell nonetheless. Were those two mocking Parker and me? Annoyed, I said, “You’re not worried about him hitting his head? Why is that less of a concern than biting on plastic cutlery? If you don’t mind enlightening two stupid detectives, that is.”
“Of course I’m worried about Sean hitting his head! I’m worried all the time about almost everything he does, but he needs to be allowed to move around. Also, the carpet here is very thick and he usually senses when his strength leaves him. He lies down if that’s the case.”
Alex took a deep breath and carded his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture. His hair looked ruffled and accentuated his boyish features. How old was he? Certainly not old enough to be burdened with raising a disabled child, especially not on his own. A disabled child that somehow appeared more like a small boy intent on watching TV, just like any other boy, only that his method of locomotion was different. Was that pity I felt? And why the hell did I have the urge to wrap my arms around Alex and tell him everything would be okay? I needed to get away, pronto.
“How about you go back to the kitchen? We can talk there undisturbed. I’ll just make sure Sean sits safely.”
His icy look left no doubt the last jab was directed at me. I sighed before I followed Parker into the kitchen. We heard Alex talk quietly to Sean until the opening music of Sesame Street played. I was staring out of the kitchen window when Parker nudged me and whispered, “Get your act together. Especially if you still want to have a chance with the boy.”
“I don’t have a chance with him, nor do I want one. Now drop the subject. Are we clear on that?”
Parker shook his head. What he denied with that gesture, I had no clue.
I chose to ignore his muttered, “You’re such a fool.”
It was too close to how I felt.
Alex came into the kitchen, propped the door open, and motioned for us to sit down. “So, what’s the important police investigation that brought you here? I didn’t even know you two were really detectives. I thought saying you were a cop meant you walked a beat or guarded something. Isn’t it hard to be gay in such a macho community, by the way? Oh wait, they probably don’t know about you two.”
He smiled sweetly at us, though the threat was in the open. I swallowed against a big lump of anger in my throat. “Never, and I mean never, threaten a police officer, Alexander.”
He blushed in embarrassment but defiantly maintained eye contact, clearly challenging me. I didn’t rise to the bait. His voice lingered on the croaky side when he asked mockingly, “Why? You’re going to arrest me otherwise?”
“Boy! Uh, Alex, stop it! Woods might act like an ass but he’s right about this. Don’t threaten us.” Parker drew in a sharp breath before he continued, “Now, the reason we’re here. A parent of a child who attends the same school as Sean received death threats. We’re not sure if the child is really in danger, but there seem to be a lot of accidents going on at St. Christopherus School. Sean was involved in an accident a month ago, that’s why we got your names.”
Alex frowned. “But it was just an accident. Somehow the brakes on his wheelchair loosened and he rolled down a small hill in the schoolyard. He wasn’t severely hurt, only a few bruises and a big scare. At least that was what I was told.” Alarmed, he anxiously shifted his gaze from Parker to me. More forcefully, he added, “It was an accident. No one would think about harming the children there, right?”
“We sure hope it’s a false alarm, but we have to be cautious. Did you receive any threats or weird calls?”
“No!” Agitated, Alex paced in the kitchen.
His gaze flickered from me to Parker but never lingered for too long. He wrapped his arms around his upper body and dropped his chin to his chest while he kept pacing up and down in the kitchen. He couldn’t walk more than four strides before he had to turn around. The tension in the air grew more and more while we watched Alex pace. Parker caught my eye and I nodded. Alex was holding something back.
Parker refused to go over to Alex, so I had no other choice but to step into his way. He started and tried to step aside, but I laid my hands on his shoulders to keep him there. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down while he struggled with himself. Encouragingly, I said, “There was something, right? You went off like a bomb when we asked if you received any threats to Sean’s life.”
“That was because—”
I cut him off. “It was not only because Sean shouldn’t listen to it. There’s more to it. Come on, Alex, we need to know. We’re here to help. We’re the good guys.”
“You’re not!” he shouted.
A hard shove against my chest sent me stumbling backward. Parker was on his feet in an instant, but Alex didn’t move. He stood in the middle of the kitchen, panting and pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. Neither of us said a word for a whole minute. Alex was the first to talk again, this time in a much more subdued voice. “I’m sorry.”
I shrugged. “Would you rather talk to Parker alone? I can wait outside.”
“No. It’s just… it’s not important. I shouldn’t… never mind.”
Another silence, this time awkward, settled between us. The cheerful voices from the Sesame Street show floated to us. Count von Count counted something and Sean chattered along. Quietly, Alex stated, “Sean loves counting, even though he always counts wrong if it goes above five. He does know a lot of letters already. He’s even able to read a few words. Why would anyone want to harm him?”
This time I had no doubt that he was hiding something. His eyes brimmed with tears. His lower lip trembled and he hastily turned around to wipe his eyes. My hands itched with the strong urge to pull Alex into my arms, rub my hands over his shoulders and back, and maybe even massage his scalp for a while. It was a troubling thought, since I wasn’t really comfortable with comforting anyone.
“Alex, you have to tell us,” Parker urged.
Alex stood rigidly in front of the sink and stared out of the window. Slowly, he began, “Sean and I moved to Atlantic City three months ago. I got a better paying job here. It’s not what I wanted to do, but… you know, it’s one that makes it possible for me to work part-time. I work as a porter at the Amtrak Station. That way, I’m always here when Sean comes home from school. Two months ago there was a letter in the mail. It said we should’ve never come here; Atlantic City didn’t need to be burdened with another freak of nature. It didn’t need to be filled with… with another worthless human being. If I wanted to keep Sean alive I should take him and go away. It was just this one letter, though.”
“And you never thought of going to the police with it?”
Alex turned around, a pleading expression on his face. “It freaked me out, but it was just that once. Everything else is good here. Sean loves the school and the teachers, I don’t have to worry if I make it home in time from work or not, and I didn’t want the authorities to be involved in our lives again.”
“Why’s that?” Parker asked.
Alex barked a humorless laugh. “How old do you think I am?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Humor me.”
“Twenty,” I threw in.
“I’m twenty-three. Sean is six, almost seven. My parents died three months before my eighteenth birthday. Even though they made it clear in their will that I was supposed to take care of Sean, it was a big fight keeping him out of foster care. The special kindergarten cost a lot of money and I had to work two, sometimes three jobs. There was always the threat of the authorities taking Sean away from me. Sean didn’t like it at his old school and I, uh, wanted to get rid of some people, so I looked around for another job. The move also helped us get off the welfare radar. I didn’t want them to get alarmed here. I don’t want to give them a reason to believe I can’t take care of Sean. I can’t afford to lose him. I just can’t.”