Lokni woke up to the sound of her son crying. She opened her eyes, and for a moment, she couldn’t figure out where she was. She expected to be outside, but she didn’t see the morning sun above her and she didn’t feel the bumpy ground beneath her.
It was only as she took a good look around her that she remembered she was in a hotel room. She’d gone to bed with a feeling of apprehension and dread that Brandon would insist she satisfy his needs, but he hadn’t touched her. And at the moment, he wasn’t lying next to her. She sat up in the bed and looked around. In fact, he wasn’t even in the room.
She looked at the small window. It was well past dawn. Did he go to work already?
Her son cried out again, bringing her attention back to him. She hurried to get out of the bed. She changed his diaper then breastfed him. Afterwards, she took the key from the top of the dresser and left the room.
She reached the front desk, and the owner looked up from his ledger. “Is everything alright?”
“Everything is fine,” she replied and glanced around the entrance of the hotel. “What time is it?”
“It’s fifteen minutes after eight.”
She wasn’t used to hearing the time mentioned in that particular way, so it took her a moment to realize it was 8:15. That late? It meant that Brandon was already at work. How did she not hear him leave? She usually heard him when he was moving around in the morning. She might not have gotten up right away, but she was aware of him every time he’d woken up. Maybe he’d been quieter than usual this morning. Maybe she’d been in such a deep sleep that it had taken her son crying to wake her up.
“Would you like something to eat?” the owner asked her.
She glanced back at him. “I forget what time breakfast is here.”
He smiled. “My wife will be happy to make something for you any time before nine. Just go on to the dining room and tell her what you’re in the mood for.”
Thanking him, she went to the dining room, and sure enough, his wife seemed to be more than happy to make her breakfast. There were only two other people in the room eating their meal. They looked over at her, and when their gazes went to the baby in her arms, a smile crossed their faces.
“What’s his name?” the woman asked.
“I haven’t thought of one yet,” Lokni said. “I know I should have come up with one already, but I want to get the right name for him.”
“He’s a handsome child,” the woman told her. “I bet he takes after his father.”
Lokni sure hoped not. She wouldn’t want her son to share anything with the man who had been responsible for his conception. Orson and his three friends were all disgusting. Just thinking of them made her sick to her stomach. She didn’t know how she’d survived her time with them.
You survived it because you didn’t have a choice. There was no escape until they wanted to get rid of you.
Looking back, she was glad they got rid of her because they didn’t want to deal with the child. It was to her good fortune she never had trouble conceiving like one of her sisters had. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She’d never see her two sisters again because they died in the fire that was set in the teepee they’d been hiding in.
She hadn’t been able to make it to the teepee before her tribe was attacked. She’d been at the lake when she’d heard the gunfire and screams from her tribe. She’d cautiously made her way back to see what was happening. By the time she got there, most of her tribe had been slaughtered, and the men were rounding up the few survivors that were left. One happened to see her before she was able to run for safety.
Not that there would have been anywhere she could have gone that would have been safe. Outside the tribe, she didn’t have anyone to go to. She might not have cared much for her husband, but he wasn’t cruel like the army men or Orson and his friends had been.
Someone touched her arm. “Are you feeling alright?”
She looked up into the kind eyes of the owner’s wife. Blinking the past away, she forced a smile. “I’m fine.” Her gaze went to the couple who had stopped eating and were studying her, just as concerned about her as the wife’s owner was. “It’s been a long journey here,” she added. “My husband and I just got into town yesterday, and I’m still tired from all the miles we walked.”
“With a baby, it’s bound to be more difficult,” the woman said.
“Well, you take your time eating,” the owner’s wife told her and set the plate of pancakes in front of her. “If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask. I want you to get as much rest as you can while you’re here.” She patted her arm. “I’ll get you a cool glass of water.”
Unsure of what to say since she wasn’t used to people being so concerned about her, she thanked the woman and then offered the couple a tentative smile. They seemed content with her response, so she turned her attention to the pancakes in front of her.
She expected the couple to leave her alone, but they began to talk to her. Since she didn’t want to delve into her past, she decided to ask them questions before the conversation could turn to how she ended up in this town. She would much rather hear the lengthy details of the different places they had lived than share her sad and sordid story.
She was tired of all the pain and sorrows she’d gone through. What she wanted was to put the past behind her. She wanted a new life—a better life—for her and her son. That was never going to happen if she never let go of all the horrible things she’d been through.
When the couple did slip in a question about her past, she either gave a vague answer or said something unrelated to what they asked so they would talk about something else.
When she was done with breakfast, she left the hotel. Her son, who seemed to be staying alert for longer periods of time these days, seemed as interested as she was in checking out the town.
“What do you think?” she asked him. “Do you think this might be a good place to stay?”
She glanced down at him and realized that since he was a baby, he couldn’t answer her. It was silly she asked him. This was going to have to be her decision. She took a deep breath and released it.
There were good reasons to stay. The town had a lot more women than the last town she’d been in. The place was far more peaceful, too. Last evening, she hadn’t heard any gunshots. There was no brawl in the street. It’d been quiet. Around here, women and children were walking around at a leisurely pace. They felt safe here.
Plus, this place was friendly toward Indians. She could be comfortable here. She didn’t have to be an outcast. She could be one of the members of the community. It was hard to find a place like this ever since the white people came further out west to live. Her father had told her early on that the white men had only wanted to trade. But lately, they wanted land, and the more land they got, the more they wanted.
It seemed that the best place to be was in a town where there were enough Indians to help balance things out so that Indians got a fair deal. She certainly had been treated fairly by the white people in this town. And that definitely was nice. Who knew if there was another place like this in California where Brandon wanted to go?
She shook her head. She couldn’t make this decision based on emotion. She had to do what was best for her and her child.
With that in mind, she went to the building where the woman had been working on laundry. As she passed different businesses, she took a good look at them. There were an assortment of staple items and fruits and vegetables in one building. That would be the general store. Looking in the window at another building, she saw a man shaving another man’s face. That would be the barber. There was another building where a man behind the counter handed the customer a few dollar bills. That would be the bank.
She hadn’t realized just how much she’d learned about the white man’s world until this moment. She could easily fit in here. She knew their vocabulary, their customs, and how they dressed. Her son would grow up knowing these things, too.
Her son let out a happy cooing sound, and she patted his back. There was no going back to her tribe. It had been destroyed. It was up to her to tell him about her tribe. Otherwise, he would never know about the ways of her people. He had a right to know where he came from. Well, everything except for how he was conceived. She would rather not tell him that. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to tell him, but having to explain that to him would be like living through that horrible year all over again.
She reached the laundry building. The door was propped open with a large rock, and from inside, Mrs. Samson was bent over the washtub, washing Brandon’s clothes.
Mrs. Samson looked up at her. “Morning. Did you come to see if I’d be washing your things like I promised?”
By the good-natured tone in her voice and the smile on her face, Lokni could tell Mrs. Samson was teasing her. Lokni chuckled. “No. I wanted to check out the town. It seems like a nice place.”
“It is. A lot of good people live here. You can thank the sheriff for that. He came in and set order and peace to the place. Before him, it was different. We’re much better off now.”
“That’s good.” There wasn’t enough peace and security in the world. Too many people sought whatever they wanted regardless of who they hurt in the process.
“Is there a business you’re looking for?” Mrs. Samson asked. “I know this town like the back of my mind. I know everyone and everything.”
“Oh, well…” Lokni shifted her son to her other arm and glanced at the sign in the window. It was the one that let people know she was looking for someone to help her with the laundry, and judging by how much she had in the place, the sooner she had the help, the better. “I have nothing to do during the day while I’m here, and you look like you could use some help.”
Her voice drifted off. She didn’t know why, but she was having trouble coming out and asking for a permanent position here. She could only bring herself to ask to work while Brandon stayed in town.
“If you’re offering, I’m not going to turn you away,” Mrs. Samson said as she stood up. “It would be nice to have another hand around here. I’ll pay you for your time.” She arched her back and then looked at Lokni’s son. “We should find something for him to lie down in while you’re here.”
Lokni watched as Mrs. Samson went to the room in the back. Mrs. Samson returned with a large blanket.
“I use this from time to time to rest on,” Mrs. Samson said. “It’s the best blanket you’ll find anywhere. You can put him on this. Now, since your first priority is him, you can go back to your hotel room to take care of his diaper or to feed him any time you need to.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Samson.”
She smiled. “You can call me Wilma.”
Lokni returned her smile. “Alright. Wilma.” She set her son on the blanket and then went to help Wilma with the wash.
***
Brandon had arrived to work fifteen minutes early. When he left the hotel that morning, Lokni and the baby were still asleep. She had gone to bed later than usual. He wasn’t sure what time she went to sleep. All he knew was that he had drifted off before the sun set, and when he woke up, it was dawn. She must have been exhausted because she was still sleeping by the time he left for work.
He couldn’t blame her. The journey up to now had been long and tiring. He had felt all the weeks catching up to him the moment his head hit the pillow. The mattress was more comfortable than it looked, and he’d had a better night’s sleep than he had in a long time. The only time he’d been able to sleep so well was when he got drunk. But last night, he hadn’t had a single drop of liquor, and he’d slept straight through the night.
It was a nice change. He hadn’t felt this good since before he found his first wife in bed with his friend. Maybe this was a sign that things were finally turning around. It’d been a long time since he’d felt this way. First the birth of Lokni’s child and now this morning…
Maybe it was time to start thinking positively again.
When he arrived at work, he was in a good mood, and the morning passed by fast. He was paired up with a man who, despite his many years, had a surprising amount of energy. The two worked well together as a team, and the man told him a few amusing stories from his past.
When it came time for lunch, Brandon returned to the hotel to see how Lokni and the baby were doing. But when he got there, no one answered the door. He tested the lock. He had locked the door before he left, and it was still that way. He frowned. Lokni wouldn’t be sleeping so late.
For a moment, his mind flashed back to the time when the door of his house had been locked. He had hidden a key under the flowerpot on the porch. His wife had forgotten all about it. If she had remembered it, she would have taken it so that he couldn’t open the front door. But since she had forgotten, he was able to go into the house, and it was then he found her and his friend in the bed.
Brandon shook the memory away. No. There was no reason to think Lokni would be sharing the bed in this hotel room with another man. Not after everything she’d been through. A woman who’d been raped repeatedly by four men wouldn’t welcome the opportunity to have someone in her bed. It was why he hadn’t ventured to do anything with her, though the thought had crossed his mind once in a while. Despite the circumstances surrounding their marriage, he was still a man, and he remembered how pleasurable it was to make love to a woman. But he wasn’t ruled by his lusts like some men. He would never force himself on Lokni.
So maybe Lokni was in trouble. He pressed his ear to the door and waited. All was quiet. Certainly, if she was being hurt, he would hear a struggle from the other side of the door.
He knocked on the door and called out her name. There was no answer. She probably left the room and took her son with her. They had only been given one key, and he had left it with her.
He went to the counter where the owner was sorting through some mail. When the owner looked up at him, Brandon asked, “Did you see my wife leave?”
The man nodded. “She left right after she had breakfast. It was right after nine. She hasn’t returned. Oh, wait.” He chuckled. “I spoke too soon. She’s coming this way now.”
Brandon turned his attention to the open window and saw Lokni heading toward the hotel with her son. “Thanks,” he told the owner and then opened the door to the hotel to let her in. “Did you have a good morning?” he asked her as she came into the building.
“Yes,” she said. “I was helping Mrs. Samson with the laundry. Our clothes are done. They’re hanging outside to dry right now.”
“Decided to give the poor woman a helping hand while you’re here, hmm?” the owner spoke up. “I’m sure she appreciates it.”
“I was bored,” Lokni said, directing the statement to Brandon as if she worried he might not be happy with her. “I don’t want to sit in a hotel room all day.”
Hoping to set her mind at ease, Brandon smiled. “I think it’s nice that you’re helping her until she can find someone to work for her. I remember all those piles of clothes and sheets she had to wash.”
She seemed relieved by his answer, and he was glad he had succeeded at setting her mind at ease. “She’ll pay me, too.”
“That’s even better,” he said. “I thought I’d come back here to escort you to lunch.”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “Escort?”
“It means to take you somewhere. In this case, I want to take you to the dining room.” He glanced at the owner. “Whatever your wife is making, it smells good.”
“That would be her stew,” the owner replied, “and it tastes as good as it smells. You’re in for a treat.”
Brandon nodded. “I have no doubt about that given how good supper was yesterday.”
“I want to change the baby’s diaper first,” Lokni told Brandon.
Brandon indicated that he was willing to let her do that and went with her to the hotel room. “Did you have a good night’s sleep?”
“I did,” she said as she slipped the key into the lock. “I didn’t even hear you leave this morning.”
“I tried to be quiet. It’s been a long journey. I think we were both exhausted.” She opened the door, and he went into the room after her. “I’m looking forward to taking a bath tonight now that we’ll be getting clean clothes to put on. You should take one, too. If you think you slept well last night, you’ll sleep even better after a bath.” He sat in the chair while she set her son down to get him ready to change his diaper. “I arranged for our baths this morning before I went to work. We’ll take them after supper. You’ll get the first one, and then I’ll go after you.”
She glanced over at him, a flicker of uncertainty crossing her face. “Will we be taking a bath in this room?”
“No. There’s a room in this hotel reserved for that.”
She seemed relieved by this, and he suspected it had to do with her past of being around men. He cleared his throat. They needed to address this topic sooner or later, and given everything that had happened to her, he thought it might help her if he did it now.
“Lokni,” he began, weighing his words carefully, “I want you to know that you have nothing to worry about with me. I’m not like Orson Pitt and the others who mistreated you. I was born and raised to treat a woman right. I never once hurt my first wife, and I’m not about to hurt you.”
She slipped the soiled diaper off and placed it in the bucket before she glanced at him. “You were married before?”
“Yes.” With a sigh, he turned his gaze to the wall. “She divorced me so she could be with another man.”
“You loved her. I can tell it in your voice.”
“I did. Letting her go was the hardest thing I ever did, but she didn’t want to be with me anymore and I wasn’t about to force her to.” He cleared his throat again. “I found her in bed with my friend. I wouldn’t have been able to trust her after that. I let her go for her sake as much as I did for mine.”
Though the words were hard to say aloud, he realized there was also a sense of relief in saying them. He hadn’t been aware of the burden he’d been carrying around all this time. Coming out and admitting everything was a surprisingly freeing experience.
“Anyway,” he continued, finally looking back at her as she slipped the new diaper on her son, “I’m well aware of what happens between a husband and his wife when they’re in bed. I’m also aware of everything you’ve been through. I don’t want to be intimate with you unless you want me to. You might never want to, and that’s fine. I just ask that you be faithful to me. Knowing my first wife betrayed our vows was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I never want to go through that again.”
He looked away from her and quickly blinked his tears away so she wouldn’t see how difficult this was for him. Being vulnerable was especially harder with her than it’d been with his first wife, but then, he supposed that was to be expected since when he married his first wife, the possibility of infidelity hadn’t even occurred to him.
“I won’t take another man to my bed,” Lokni said, her voice soft in the room. “I promise.”
Once he trusted himself to keep his emotions steady, he turned his gaze back to her. “And I promise that I will never be like those men we left back in that other town.”
Noting that she was done putting the new diaper on the baby, he rose from the chair and offered his hand to help her up. After the serious nature of what they’d discussed, he wasn’t sure what to say. She probably felt the same way. There were just some occasions where deciding to keep quiet was called for, and this seemed to be one of them. Besides, the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It wasn’t. In fact, it was just the opposite.
He opened the door and let her leave first before he followed her into the hallway to go to the dining room.