Melonhead was waiting for us at Parks & Rec. “Follow me to woodworking,” he said.
There was his project looking just like it did before only with more nails. “Help me carry it to Madam and Pop's,” he said.
“I thought it was for your mom and dad,” I said.
“They don't need it,” he said.
I almost said, “Madam and Pop don't need it either,” but I didn't on account of I have maturity.
When we got there Melonhead rang the bell even though the door was open and shouted: “Present delivery for Madam and Pop.”
Pop looked at it and said, “It's a work of art.”
Then he called for Madam to come see it and she inspected it and said, “Adam, you are a thoughtful boy.”
“I think it will look grand in the morning room,” Pop said.
“It will look perfect there,” Madam agreed.
Jonique gave me a look and I gave her one back. We both thought that idea was P-U.
But Melonhead said, “It's for the backyard.”
“Even better,” Pop said.
I was one person agreeing with that.
Melonhead put it right in the middle of the patio with all the nails sticking up which, I have to say, looked terrible. Then he said, “Wait here. I'm coming right back.”
Pop cut up a baby watermelon and we all sat in the backyard eating it and looking at Melonhead's art. “The important thing is that he has a giving heart,” Madam said.
“I can't wait to see what he's going to give us next,” Pop said. “It's hard to improve upon a life-threatening sculpture.”
Melonhead came back carrying a paper bag and said, “Madam and Pop, go inside. Lucy Rose and Jonique, you stay here.”
When they were gone he said, “Take a look at this.”
“It looks like the dried-up corn that Mrs. McBee hangs on the front door when it's Thanksgiving,” I had to say.
Melonhead gave us each a corn and told us to stick it on a nail. We had to keep doing it until we had 22 corns sticking straight up in the air which made his art look even uglier, if you ask me. Then he said, “Now, get Madam and Pop.”
When we came back we couldn't believe our eyeballs. Squirrels had surrounded Melonhead's invention. “They're eating the corn!” Jonique said.
“It's like they are sitting at a tiny picnic table,” I said.
“Amazing!” Madam said.
“Brilliant!” Pop said.
Then I said, “Melonhead, you are the smartest boy I know.”
I never thought he would be the one to save the apricots.
I am wearing my new key chain which is so gorgeous I think it could be for sale at the Mazza Gallerie for about $11 or more. When I finally finished it this afternoon, Jonique told me, “That is a superior key chain, Lucy Rose.”
Trip said, “All right, Lucy Rose!” and gave me a high 5.
Melonhead said, “Awesome!”
And a teenager I don't even know told me, “Way to go!”
Then Ashley looked at it and petted it and made a little smile and said, “Oh well, I guess that's the best you can do.”
“I feel steaming at her,” I told Madam when I got home.
“She must be an unhappy person to act that way,” Madam said.
I say I am an unhappy person because she acts that way.
When my mom came to pick me up at my grandparents’ I was waiting on the front porch wearing my new key chain and she hugged me and said,
“You've got a real talent for Gimp.”
“Plus a flair,” I said.
“Definitely a flair,” she said. “Let's take a picture of you wearing your key chain and we can e-mail it to Dad.”
So we did. And my dad called it beauteous.
For 3 days there has not been 1 single apricot on the ground because the only thing the squirrels care about now is corn. Madam bought a pile of dried-up corn cores from Mrs. Calamaris and every day we take off the used-up ones and put on new old corn.
Today my mom was the one with a plan. I knew it the second I went outside because there was a huge yellow square in our very little yard and all around it were paper plates with squoogles of paint that were the colors of all the paint cards we liked. “What on earth is this?” I said.
“Canvas,” my mom said. “I decided that what the living room needs is a painting and that we are just the artists to paint it.”
“Excellent-O,” I said. “I vote for abstract because I saw some on our field trip to the Hirshhorn Museum and it is wild.”
“Perfect. You make the first stroke,” my mom said.
I made a giant Raspberry swoop and then I put on some Conch Shell and my mom painted Celery and Sage zigzags. I mixed Sunset and Lemon Meringue into the jazziest orange ever and painted things that look kind of like hearts. My mom put in some Ivory which didn't look dull next to Caribbean. Then we stopped because it was a masterpiece. “Every time I see it, I will think of this happy day,” my mom said and then we had a hug.
“Me too,” I said. “Happy Day should be its name.”
What was unhappy was that while my mom went inside to answer the phone, guess who walked right in front of our house? Ashley, that's who. She stopped and said, “What's that?”
“My mom and I painted it for our living room,” I told her. “It's abstract.”
“It looks like throw-up,” she said and walked away fast.
“It does not!” I hollered but she didn't turn around.
When my mom came out I told her about that throw-up remark and she said, “Poor girl, she must be jealous.”
“Whatever she is, it's not jealous,” I said.
Now Happy Day is hanging on the biggest wall in the living room. And it does not look anything like throw-up.
At Bingo I was the spinner and Jonique was the caller. Her voice was a little quiet because she wasn't too near the microphone which made Mrs. Hennessy holler out, “I can't HEAR you.”
Every time Jonique called out a B, Mrs. Hennessy said, “B what?”
Finally Mrs. Zuckerman said, “Behave.”
Mrs. Hennessy has been extra pippish. She keeps calling Jonique Monique and calling me Red. She says it's because of my hair but I think maybe she can't remember Lucy Rose. Today when Ms. Bazoo gave her a letter that came from her son that's a nurse who lives in New Mexico, she put it down and lost it and Jonique and I had to look absolutely everywhere until we found it with her keys and her little pack of Kleenex on the magazine table. When we gave it back to her she showed us a picture of the son and the son's wife. I told her, “Your son is handsome looking.”
“He looks like my father when he was young,” she said.
So I guess she is remembering the important things.
I CANNOT wait for my dad and our adventure. But I CAN wait FOREVER to have that divorce talk.
Guess what we did? Got a sofa, that's what. We shopped our legs off. It was my mom's job to choose the style and Madam's job to tell what was good and what was bad about every couch. My job was to lie down and say if it was comfortable. The first one my mom liked had yellow and pink lines but bad springs, according to Madam.
At the next store Madam said, “This one's so sturdy that Lucy Rose will be in college before you need a new one.”
“But it's plaid,” my mom said.
She is not one for plaid which makes me say thank goodness because neither am I.
Nobody liked the sofas in the store that came after that.
Finally, when we were exhausted to pieces plus starving practically to death we went to a store that had my mom's perfect sofa right in the window. “Look! Periwinkle blue with white piping!” my mom said. Piping is what's on the edges and now it's my word of the day.
Madam examined it and said, “Good springs. Well made.”
Since I was the tester, the man let me climb right in the window and lie down on the sofa. “It's like a cloud,” I said.
“It's a floor model,” the man said. “I'll give you a deal.”
We took that deal and my mom wrote a check and workers tied the sofa to the roof of Madam's station wagon and we drove it home and now that sofa is in our living room looking like it's gorgeous.
The rule is family can't eat on it. Only company.
Pop called and said: “Gather the troops and come on over.”
I put on my Go Blue T-shirt with cutoff shorts and my boots and my key chain and my green plastic visor that I got last year at Sam Alswang's birthday party for extra added protection. Melon-head and Jonique got to Madam and Pop's in a flash.
Madam gave us baskets that are called bushel and all 3 of us, plus Pop, climbed out the bathroom window and stood on top of the breezeway and Pop said, “The sun is shining and the apricots are ripe and all's right with the world.”
And you know what? All was right because even though the squirrels had ruined lots of apricots, there were still about a thousand left. “That is because of your great invention,” I told Melonhead which was a complimenting thing for me to say, especially since he is one for saying it himself.
Then Pop said, “Let the picking begin! But remember apricots are fragile creatures. Don't fling them into the basket because they'll turn to mush.”
Picking was easy because even when they are all the way grown, apricots are a puny fruit. Jonique and Pop were the fastest. I was the next fastest. Melonhead was slow because he kept eating his apricots. I was roasting so I had to pat my face all over with my bandana for refreshment.
“Who's hungry?” Pop said after we loaded 1 basket.
“I'm famishing,” Melonhead said and then he told Pop, “That means starving to death.”
“Pop was the first one to know that word,” I said because Melonhead was acting like he invented it.
“I'm thirsty and hungry,” Jonique said.
“Same for me,” I said.
“I'll see what I can scare up for lunch,” Pop said which made Jonique look nervous.
I think he saw because he said, “How do you feel about a cabbage sandwich, Jonique?”
She shook her head no but Melonhead said, “I'll have one.” And he would too because he will eat anything.
Pop gave us a warning that we should not fool around and climbed through the window, which shut itself a minute later. And was extremely stuck.
“Pop will be back soon,” Melonhead said.
“Not so soon. He is a slow kind of cook,” I said.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” Jonique whispered to me.
“I have sympathy for that because I know how it is when there is no bathroom to go to,” I said. “Let's knock on the window.”
Pop didn't hear us. So then I started singing “I'm Always True to You, Darlin’ ” from Kiss Me Kate so Mrs. Napper would come and tell us to stop and we could ask her to get Pop. Only she didn't and after a while I figured out that she was not home. I was feeling too much heat and Melonhead was eating too many apricots and Jonique had too much anxiety. Then I spied somebody walking down Fifth Street and I hollered, “Hey, girl!”
She looked up and it's lucky I wasn't near the edge or I could have fallen off from shock on account of the girl was Ashley. “What are YOU doing up there?” she yelled at us.
“Picking apricots,” I said.
“But we got locked out,” Melonhead explained to her.
“Now we're trapped on the roof,” Jonique said.
“Could you PLEASE knock on the front door and ask my grandfather to come open the window?” I shouted to her.
Ashley looked at all 3 of us and said, “No.”
“Please?” Melonhead shouted.
“I'm desperate to go to the bathroom,” Jonique said.
“Too bad. So sad,” Ashley said and started walking away.
That made me so steaming that before my head even knew what my arm was doing I threw an apricot straight at her and it hit her right on her butt and smooshed right into mush.
“I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hit your butt. I actually didn't mean to hit you at all,” I yelled down to her.
“You're in BIG trouble, Lucy Rose,” she screamed back.
Then she turned and went the other way and we could tell how mad she was because all the way up on the roof we could hear her stompy footsteps. “I am in for it now,” I said.
“True but I think you saved the day for me,” Jonique said.
Which I did because Pop came up in 2 seconds and opened the window and let us in and said, “Lucy Rose, there is a girl downstairs.”
“I know,” I said.
“Madam asked her to sit but she said she can't because she has mashed apricot on the seat of her shorts,” he said.
When I got downstairs Ashley was standing in the morning room looking furious in the extreme and Gumbo was dancing around her which he does when he is trying to be nice but it just made her more steaming. Then Madam said, “Lucy Rose, I think you have something to say to Ashley.”
Even though I had already said it, I said it again. “I'm sorry I hit you in the bottom with the apricot I didn't even know it would explode like that.”
I said bottom because Madam does not approve of saying butt.
“You should be sorry, Lucy Rose. Very sorry,” Ashley said.
“I am very sorry. I am not one for hitting people with apricots,” I told her and to show I was TRULY SORRY I asked her, “Would you like to eat lunch with us?”
“I would not,” she said. “Not at all.”
Then she said goodbye to Madam but not me and left and Pop got busy making us BLTs with turkey bacon while Madam gave me a big talk. “Did you learn a lesson?” Madam asked me.
“Yes,” I said. “But she was going to leave us on the roof and she didn't care about Jonique having to go to the bathroom and I was practically fainting from heat.”
“No matter how angry you get you can't throw anything at a person,” Madam said. “Even small things like apricots.”
“I know that,” I said.
“I know you do,” Madam said.
“She has been mean to us the whole summer long,” I said.
Madam just nodded.
“I know you think she's unhappy and that's why she acts totally P-U,” I said. “But you're wrong because she has an aunt with a pool and an excellent key chain and a perfect life.”
“We never know about other people's lives,” Madam said.
“Okay,” Pop called out from the kitchen. “The apricot incident is behind us and the BLTs are in front of us and at least Lucy Rose did figure out a way to get back inside.”
Then he said he thought we had done enough apricot picking for one day.
Madam had to cook the apricots into jam but she let us keep the ones without any bruises. We made them look stylish in a basket and took them to Bingo day. You would not believe how much the retired loved those apricots.
Mrs. Hennessy said, “These are as fresh as rain.”
Mrs. Zuckerman said, “They remind me of when I was a little girl.” I don't know why.
Mr. Woods said, “Young ladies, you have made my day.”
And nobody could believe that we climbed on the roof to get them and that our parents let us.
Now that Jonique has the knack, she does all the Bingo calling which is fair because I do all the singing. Today my song was “A Hundred and One Pounds of Fun That's My Little Honeybun,” from South Pacific. Afterward I said, “My mom weighs 110 or more pounds.”
And the people went wild with clapping.
It was one of the best afternoons we have had at the Capitol Hill Home until refreshments when Mrs. Hennessy made everyone get up because she lost her apricots. When Mr. Woods found them under her chair, she told him, “Thank you, Emanuel. I just can't keep track of my things anymore.”
Madam thinks Gumbo is the smartest dog in America. I do not think so. Today he went under the apricot tree and rolled around until his whole back was covered with dirt. Pop and my mom and I had to give him a bath in the bathtub, which is absolutely a 3-people job. Seeing all that dirt made Pop ask me, “How is Jonique's camping plan coming along?”
“She gave up,” I told him. “Her parents are still totally against camping and we tried Madam's idea of finding someone else to take us but Mom has overtime and Madam says your backs are too old, so we are out of ideas.”
“What if you and Jonique and Melonhead camped out in our far backyard?” Pop said.
“By ourselves?” I said.
“Sure,” he said.
“That's a terrific idea. If you get scared you can always come inside,” my mom said.
“We won't get scared,” I told her.
“Of course not,” Pop said.
Even though my arms were soaking and covered with soap bubbles, I gave him the most gigantic hug.
Later I told Mr. and Mrs. McBee: “The far backyard is really near. You get there by walking through the garage that used to be a stable for horses in the really olden days. So you don't have one thing to worry over.”
“Sounds good to me,” said Mrs. McBee.
“Very good,” Mr. McBee said.
Jonique and I had to dance around the McBees’ living room for quite a little while.
I went to Parks & Rec just to make an effort with Ashley. “I really am sorry about throwing that apricot at you,” I told her.
“Did you get in trouble after I left?” she asked me.
“Yes,” I said.
“Good,” she said.
I took a gasp of air and made my voice top-volume and said: “Ashley, you are on my last nerve. Jonique and I and Melonhead try to be nice to you but we are giving up because you are the snarkiest girl in America.”
“It was mean to throw apricots at me,” she said.
“One apricot,” I said. “And I said I was sorry. You have been mean all summer long. You act like you don't like us.”
“I don't,” she said, which even though I don't like her was not a pleasing thing to hear.
“Are you acting like this because you're unhappy?”
I asked her. “Because if it is, I know how you feel.”
“You certainly do not know how I feel,” she said. “You and Jonique and Melonhead have probably been friends since preschool and nobody got divorced and made you move to a little house without a pool. And your dad is not living 20 miles away in Potomac, Maryland.”
That shocked me so much that I just stood there and stared at her for the longest time. “No,” I finally said. “He lives in Ann Arbor, Michigan, which is over 500 miles away.”
But Ashley was already stomping off. Then when she was halfway across the playground she turned around and yelled: “On top of everything, you are a nosey snoop, Lucy Rose.”
Later I told Pop the whole story. “I understand how she feels but not how she acts,” I said. “I'm DONE with that girl.”
“Luckily, you only have to see her at Parks & Rec,” Pop said. “Think of her as a summertime pest. Like mosquitoes.”
“If she was a mosquito I could keep her away with Bug-B-Gone,” I said.
“Want to go see if Congress Market has any Ashley-Away spray?” Pop said.
They didn't, of course, because that was a joke. But we did get cherry Popsicles which helped with the cheering up.
When we got to the Capitol Hill Home Mrs. Hennessy was having a disaster. “I can't find my keys,” she said.
“I'll help you look for them,” Ms. Bazoo told her.
“Us too,” I said.
“They're probably on the sofa,” Jonique told her.
But they weren't.
“I'll check the magazine table,” I said.
They weren't there, either.
Ms. Bazoo pulled the cushion off of a chair but all she found was somebody's lost comb. Mr. Woods looked under all the tables and Mrs. Hennessy just looked sad.
“Don't worry,” Ms. Bazoo said. “We always find them.”
“I know. It's just that when I was young, I remembered everything. I would never forget my purse or lose my keys. I guess I will have to pin them to my dress,” Mrs. Hennessy said.
“No you won't,” I told her.
Then I took my key chain necklace off and put the loop around her neck.
Right then Mrs. Zuckerman came up and patted Mrs. Hennessy on her arm and said, “Here they are, Flora. You left them on the windowsill.”
I unhooked my key and hooked Mrs. Hennessy's keys on the clip. “Now they'll never be lost,” I told her.
“Thank you, Red,” Mrs. Hennessy said. “This must have taken a long time to make.”
“Not that long,” I said. “I can always make another one.”
“You are a kind girl,” she said and she gave me a hug.
Here is the odd thing: Even though I love that I felt good that I gave it away.
Guess what today is? The day the lady with the baby comes back to work and my mom stops working overtime! To celebrate, Madam and Pop came over to eat salmon which is a fish that my mom says is extremely essential for your body. Essential is my word of the day. It means you've got to have it so I do even though I'd rather not. I made a toast with my sparkling cider: “Here's to the living room and the paint and the sofa and the hydrangea table and the rug and the coffee table and the chairs and the bookshelves and the painting by us!”
“Here's to our home, sweet home,” my mom said.
Pop checked the Weather Channel and said, “It's going to be a perfect night for camping.”
Melonhead put himself in charge of supplies. “We have Junior Mints from Mrs. McBee, trail mix and bottles of water from Madam, and the saltine crackers from me,” he said.
“Plus 3 flashlights and 3 sleeping bags,” I said.
Finally it got to be night but all the parents stood around talking for a huge long time until I had to whisper to Pop, “I think it's time for them to go home.”
He got them going but first everybody had to come look at the far backyard. Madam gave us a cooler for our food and said, “Come inside if you get cold.”
Mrs. Melon said, “I'm only a phone call away.”
Mrs. McBee told Jonique, “Better you than me, Sweetpea.”
After they left the first thing we did was brush our teeth and spit on the grass. Then we got in our sleeping bags and hopped across the yard and climbed on the hammock and looked at the backs of houses. We saw the Golds, who are adults but let me call them Amy and Ed which I appreciate. “Amy is holding their dog, Nutmeg, like he is an absolute infant,” I said.
Mrs. Pulansky was carrying her real infant around her upstairs porch trying to get him to sleep which is hard because he is not a sleeping kind of baby. She was singing “Camptown Ladies” and when it got to the Doodah part we sang with her but not too loud because we didn't want to make the crying worse. She looked over and waved at us really nice.
Then Jonique said, “Look at the Johnsons’ house!”
Mr. Johnson was standing by the window brushing his little amount of hair, wearing his red polka-dotty boxer underpants which was so hilarious that our laughing made the hammock shake. Then Melonhead shined his flashlight on Mr. Johnson's window which made us terrified out of our minds because what if Mr. Johnson caught us? We turned off our lights double fast and rolled out of the hammock and lay real quiet not breathing on the ground for ages and when it was safe we rolled over to the grape arbor with our bodies still in our sleeping bags.
By then we needed a snack. Jonique put Junior Mints on her eyes and then she turned the flash light on her face and stuck out her tongue and that made Melonhead squish Junior Mints on his teeth so it looked like some had fallen out and I made Junior Mint earrings which weren't really funny at all but Jonique laughed anyway because she's my true friend. Then Melonhead told a story about a hitchhiking ghost. After a while all the lights in all the houses went out and we were completely in the dark.
Melonhead was the first one to sleep and then Jonique and I just lay in the dark. “I am a happy camper,” she said.
Even in the dark I could tell that was true.
Then Jonique was sleeping too. Now I'm writing by flashlight and the cricket sounds are making me feel nervous.
I think I was almost all the way asleep when I heard he-he noises that made my eyes fly open and then came little step noises and I was so scared and wishing I was inside and thinking about Melonhead's story. I didn't want to look but then I did and boy, did I feel relief to see Pop and Madam.
I flashed my flashlight at them and Pop put his finger on his lips in the Shhh way. They were wearing their pajamas and slippers and their odd eyeglasses and Madam was carrying a bag. Pop whispered, “Lucy Rose, come here.”
I wiggled right out of my sleeping bag and followed them to the stable and Pop was serious in the extreme. “We are on a secret mission and must operate in the CONE OF SILENCE,” he said.
I love the cone. That is our family word for total secret. When he said his plan, I said, “Pop, you are the brilliant one!”
We sneaked back into the far backyard with me carrying Pop's Pocketlite that just makes a tiny dot of light and Pop carrying tiny scissors and Madam holding a bottle of spirit gum that Pop borrowed from Mr. Rizzoli. When we got near the sleeping bags Pop and I got down on our knees. Madam couldn't because she was having a fit of giggling.
I shined the light on the back of Adam Melon's head and Pop took the tiny scissors and cut off a little of the hair by his neck. Then he said, “Spirit gum,” and Madam handed him the bottle and Pop painted gum under Melonhead's nose. Then Melonhead started to roll so Pop had to be quick.
Then Madam and Pop raced back to the house and I tried to sleep and I guess I did because Melonhead woke me up when it was light out and he had to go to the bathroom. I shook Jonique awake and said, “Come on!”
When we got inside Melonhead was dancing around in front of the hall mirror shouting, “I said I'd grow a mustache and I did!”
Pop was in the kitchen doing cross words and he looked up and said, “And it's a nice full one, Adam. Very handsome.”
“I can't wait for Parks & Rec to open,” Melon-head said.
“We're going with you,” I told him.
When we got there, Melonhead walked right by the crafts table and said, “Hey, Ashley.”
Ashley looked at him like she had seen the hitchhiking ghost. “You've got a mustache!” she said.
“Of course I do,” Melonhead told her.
One of the teenagers said, “It's probably fake.”
Ashley got close to the mustache and stared at it hard. “It can't be fake,” she said. “It's the same color as his hair.”
We were relaxing in the McBees’ backyard when Jonique said, “Are you about to bust from excitement waiting for your dad to get here?”
“Yep, I am,” I told her.
“It'll be a family reunion,” she said.
“You can't have a family reunion with only 2 people,” I said.
“Sure you can,” Jonique said.
The next thing I knew she told her mom and Mrs. McBee got one of Mr. McBee's newest undershirts, one of Jonique's, and her art supply box and her iron. She had us ironing on letters that said REILLY FAMILY REUNION. “These shirts are the greatest,” Jonique said.
I agreed but just for politeness.
Melonhead's mustache has been getting skinnier every day and his lip is looking grayish because spirit gum also works for sticking dirt. By tonight it was almost gone but he didn't seem to care. He told Pop he might grow another one next summer.
We put Jonique's colored pencils and drawing book in her backpack for when she starts vacation Bible school in 2 days. She didn't need clothes because it's not overnight.
Then we packed my plaid suitcase with 1 dress-up skirt plus top, sandals plus sneakers, my purse with $5 from Glamma and $5 more from Pop, my Capitol Hill Arts Workshop sweatshirt, jeans, PJs, T-shirts and shorts, 1 toothbrush plus sunblock because when you have red hair you have to wear that goop every second. Jonique put in the reunion shirts and I didn't take them out because that would be rude in the extreme but I'm not giving it to my dad because I still don't think you can have a family reunion with only half a family.
We had my early birthday dinner tonight because if we waited until I got back it would be belated, which means late which is my word of the day. I got to pick dinner and I picked chicken fingers and strawberry shortcake made by Madam. My mom gave me a bracelet that is made of real silver and has a tiny Capitol on it. Jonique gave me Mancala which is one of my best games. Madam and Pop's present was huge and squishy. When I opened it, it unrolled into a long flat pillow covered in fat blue and white striped cloth.
“Madam made it with her sewing machine,” Pop said.
“Guess what it's for?” Madam asked me.
“I don't have any idea in this world,” I told her.
“Follow us,” Pop said and he carried it to the liv
ing room.
He put the pillow on the window seat. “Now you have your own special place to hang out,” Madam said.
I lay down on that pillow and it felt like I was relaxed.
I woke up before the alarm and I got dressed and put bagels on a plate so my mom and I could have a bon voyage breakfast in her bed.
“You'll have a great time with your dad,” my mom said.
“Do you know where I'm going?” I asked her.
“Yep, but I'm not telling,” she said.
At 10 o'clock AM there was honking in front of our house and there was a red car and the driver was my dad, which made me run outside screaming my head off. He was so happy to see me that he picked me up in the air and made me spin around.
Then I said, “This is not A TOYOTA.”
“Nope,” he said. “It's a rental car. I got it at the airport because we need wheels to get where we're going.”
“For the fancy, sporty, hot, cold adventure,” I said.
“Exactly,” he said.
My mom waved from the porch and said, “Hi, Bob! Do you want to come in for an English muffin before you leave?”
“Great idea! Dad loves English muffins,” I said.
“We should get on the road,” my dad said.
“We have time for one puny muffin,” I said.
We went inside and I gave him a tour of the new living room. “Madam and Pop helped us paint,” I said.
“It's terrific,” my dad said.
“It's Banana Frappe,” I told him.
My mom fixed a muffin with honey butter which is how he likes it and I was glad she remembered. “You can't eat on the new sofa,” I told him because I didn't want him to be company.
Then my mom asked about Glamma and Dad said she was helping out at the Beauty Spot so Shiralee could have a vacation. And when it was time to go I gave my mom the hardest hug of her life. She gave it back and my dad said, “We'll call when we get there and on Lucy Rose's birthday.”
We drove until we were far from the city and over the Bay Bridge. We passed cows and farms and irrigation and then we stopped for lunch. I had a cheeseburger and a Sprite. My dad had the same plus onion rings. Then we drove forever to a farm stand for cantaloupe and peaches and double yolk eggs and then it was back in the car for miles more until I was feeling extremely bored of riding when all of a sudden we parked by a totem pole that had giant faces on it and right next to it was a sign that said, WELCOME TO BETHANY BEACH, DELAWARE.
Which is one place I always wanted to go.
Instead of a hotel we are living in a cottage. It has a kitchen and a living room and 2 bedrooms and a bathroom inside and an extra shower outside. The yard is made of sand and I'm crazy about it. My dad cooked pirate eggs for breakfast plus cantaloupe smiles and then he said, “You're going to need your bathing suit today.”
“Yippee-yi-yo, cowgirl!” I said because in my whole life I had never seen an ocean.
When I did I was amazed. The ocean is named the Atlantic but if I was in charge I would take the name of Superior away from the lake and give it to this ocean. It goes out as far as you can see which is actually miles and in the high tide the waves knock you over but in a good way. We stayed all day because even though I was famished I couldn't stand to leave. Here's my list of what we did:
Rode the raft.
Made a sand castle with a moat and a drawbridge.
Saw dolphins jumping.
Saw a plane with a streamer sign on back that said EAT MORE CRABS!
Took pictures of me.
Dug up sand crabs and let them crawl around on our hands.
Made wigs out of seaweed.
Found a horseshoe-crab shell which is as big as a big plate and has a long pointy horn in front. I am bringing it to Melonhead for a present.
Took a long walk.
On the walk my dad asked me, “Do you want to talk about the divorce now?”
I said, “Not yet.”
Back at the cottage I had an outside shower and jumped into my shorts and boots and we went to Grotto Pizza and I ate 4 pieces, which is the same as HALF a whole pizza.
I call this day glorious.
This morning my dad said, “Good morning, sports fans!”
“What do you mean?” I asked him.
“No time to explain. Put this melon in your mouth, your feet in your sneakers, and your body in the car and don't forget your baseball bat,” he said.
I had no idea what he was up to until we got to the Batting Cage which is where softballs come flying at you and all you do is try to hit them. I missed a lot. “I'm feeling exasperation,” I said.
“Just watch the ball and take your time,” he told me.
I took too much time and the ball went right past me but my dad said, “Good try,” anyway.
Then when I was about to give up, I hit it! And I kept on hitting it a lot of the time. And my dad was jumping around, cheering for me which is exactly what I would have been doing if it wouldn't make me miss the ball because I will tell you hitting those balls made me feel extremely splendid.
After that we ate hot dogs and tutti-frutti snocones and went back to the beach to bounce around in the ocean.
At night we got groceries and cooked chicken and beans in our kitchen. Then we went outside to look for shooting stars and I told him, “I miss living in a house with you.”
“I miss living in a house with you, too,” he said and gave me a hug.
My dad woke me up by singing “Happy Birthday.” Then he did a birthday dance that was hilarious in the extreme. For breakfast I got waffles with 9 birthday candles sticking in them.
Then we went out and I took my $10 to buy presents for the people at home. “I can't believe all the great things they sell on this boardwalk,” I said.
“Unbelievable is the only word for it,” my dad said.
We decided my mom would love a box that has teensy shells glued all over it and cost $3.59. I got Madam a mermaid magnet that has a sparkling tail for $4.00, which is a ton of money. Pop's present is a back scratcher shaped like a long, skinny, green arm with a hand on the end that says BETHANY BEACH on it. I have $1.22 cents left for Jonique's present.
For my birthday lunch we got chili dogs and lemonade and French fries and sat on the boardwalk bench for a picnic. I was telling about Parks & Rec when all of a sudden a seagull flew down and snatched my dad's fry right out of his hand and flew off. The old lady sitting next to my dad said, “Those birds rankle me.”
“That means irritate,” my dad told me.
“That's a fine word of the day,” I said. Then I told him about Ashley rankling me and he had sympathy for that. “Madam thinks she acts like that because she's unhappy that her parents are getting a divorce,” I told him.
“Really?” my dad said.
“Yes, but I don't think so because I am unhappy that my parents are getting a divorce and most of the time I am nice.”
For dessert we got a sack of salt-water taffy for us and a box for my dad to take to Glamma. It weighs 1 pound which means I equal 58 boxes of taffy. I thought about getting Swedish fish for Jonique but I decided that wasn't such an exciting present unless I actually got them in Sweden.
We went to the beach for the afternoon and my dad put up the umbrella and I looked out for dolphins while he read his book and the next thing that happened was I fell asleep only I didn't know until I woke up and then I was mad because another thing that rankles me is wasting a day at the ocean. “I'm glad you slept. We've got a big night ahead,” my dad said.
Back at the cottage we called my mom and Madam and Pop and they all got on the phone and sang “Happy Birthday” and made kissing noises. Then we called Glamma for another “Happy Birthday.” I don't know where we're going but my dad is wearing a shirt that he had to iron. I have on my party clothes and no bandana and no cowgirl boots on account of they are not the thing to wear when you are being fancy, according to Madam.
We went to the Magnolia Inn which is so beauteous I wish Mrs. McBee could see it. They have twinkle lights in the trees and when we went inside a man told us, “Good evening.”
“We have reservations for Reilly,” my dad said.
“Very good, Mr. Reilly. Come this way,” the man said.
“I've never had reservations before,” I told my dad.
We went right that way to a table that had a white cloth and a candle on it. Here's what I noticed: I was the only kid in the whole Magnolia Inn.
Then a waiter said, “May I take your order?”
My dad told him the food we wanted and then said, “Iced tea for me and a Shirley Temple for the lady, please.”
That made me feel mortified. “Shirley Temple is a girl who tap dances, Dad,” I said. “Pop and I rented movies of her.”
“She was such a great tap dancer they named a drink after her,” my dad said.
“That's a news flash to me,” I said.
My Shirley Temple came with 2 cherries stabbed on a plastic sword. My dad held his iced tea up in the air and said, “Here's to a happy year for the greatest 9-year-old in the world!”
Then he gave me curled-up paper that was tied
up with string. When I unrolled it, I saw the words “Pals for my Pal” and a list. “It's all the palindromes we have collected this summer and I left space at the bottom for new ones,” my dad said.
“This is a great present. I'm going to tape it in the back of my book so I can keep track from now on,” I said.
After we ate our salad that had walnuts in it my dad gave me a box and said, “This one is from Glamma.”
It was a shirt with a cursive L on it and it's a beaut.
Then the waiter came and my dad gave me a bite of his halibut which he loved but I was not wild for and I gave him one of my raviolis which I was wild for and so was he. We took a long time eating. Afterwards my dad said, “Excuse me,” and left the table, which made me wonder if people would think I came to the Magnolia Inn by myself. He came back with a present that had golden wrapping paper and looking at it made my whole stomach feel full from excitement and also ravioli.
“I've been hiding this in the trunk of the car,” he said.
At the same second, the waiter came back with 2 plates of chocolate cake and my piece had a candle in it.
“What are you wishing for?” my dad asked me.
“I can't tell or it won't come true,” I said and I blew it out.
“Ready to open your present?” Dad said.
“Am I ever!” I told him.
And when I did I jumped up so fast my chair fell over. “These are the most gorgeous cowgirl boots in America,” I said. “And I needed them like anything because my toes are right up to the ends in my other pair.”
“I thought they'd be running small about now,” he said.
Right there in the Magnolia Inn I put on my new, shining red, patent leather with white stars on the front cowgirl boots. And I have to say, I look like a million.
Guess what's different about me since yesterday? More freckles. They come from the sun which is okay because Pop says only the luckiest people get them and he must be right because here's what we did today:
Rode rafts in the ocean.
Buried my dad in the sand so only his head showed.
Went to our cottage and put on jeans and a sweatshirt and my new cowgirl boots.
Went to Bucket O’ Pasta for dinner and they brought our spaghetti and meatballs in a BEACH PAIL that had a SHOVEL instead of a spoon.
Went to Funland.
At Funland we went on the Ferris wheel which is so high you can't believe it and your legs just hang in the air and I was worrying that my new cowgirl boots would fall off and bop somebody on the head but they didn't. We rode on the little kid helicopters and with the teenagers on the Viking ship which swung so high your lungs had to scream. Then we did Teacups which went around and around and when we got off Dad said, “I don't think it's a great idea to experience Bucket O’ Pasta and Teacups in the same night.”
Then my dad did Ball Toss which is where you throw a Wiffle ball so it lands in a cup but the crummy thing is most of the cups are white and you don't win anything for white. If you get a green cup you get a little stuffed animal. To get a medium one you have to land it in a yellow cup. To win the panda that's as big as me you have to get the ball in the only red cup there is but the man said nobody has been able to do that for the whole summer long.
My dad got 8 balls for $2 and then he got 8 white cups. “Four more balls,” my dad told the man.
He got white again. And again. And then he got green and said, “Pick your prize, Lucy Rose.”
“The pink octopus,” I said. “I mean the blue dolphin. No, the yellow starfish.”
By the time I went back to the dolphin I could tell that man was out of patience with me. But just when we were leaving he said, “Mister, you've got one ball left.”
“Give it a toss, Lucy Rose,” my dad said.
So I did and a red light and a siren went off. Guess why? Because I got red. Which means I got the panda. Which means I have the best present ever for Jonique McBee.
Since it's the day of our bon voyage we got up early so we could take a last walk on the beach. We were keeping our eyes peeled for good shells when my dad said, “This was the greatest vacation.”
“I'm one person who agrees with that,” I said.
Then he said, “You are the greatest daughter.”
“That's good, because you are the greatest dad,” I said. “And I am glad you are the exact way you are.”
That is the absolute truth.
When we got back to the cottage I opened up my packed suitcase, put on my Reilly Family Reunion T-shirt, and then I gave my dad his shirt because I figured out that Jonique was right, even though we were just 2 people it was a family reunion.
“I love this shirt,” my dad said.
“Me too,” I said. And I did.
Now my dad and I and Jonique's giant panda bear are in the rental car driving home. Melonhead's horseshoe crab is riding in the trunk because it smells.
After hours of driving we got back to Capitol Hill and my mom ran out to meet us and my dad got my suitcase out of the trunk and then we all went inside and my mom said, “Are you 2 up for lasagna?”
I could see there were 3 plates on the table and my dad said, “I'm always up for your lasagna, Lily.”
“Because it's absolutely delightful tasting!” I said.
While we ate I told my mom about the beach and my mom and my dad told the story of before I was born and how my mom's stomach was so big that when she was standing up and looking down she couldn't see her own shoes and how my dad was so nervous that they got lost driving to the hospital. Then my dad said, “It's time we talked about me and Mom, Lucy Rose.”
Which is the very thing I did not want to talk about. “Do we have to get a divorce?” I said.
“Mom and I are getting a divorce, Lucy Rose, but you are not,” my dad said. “I won't be her husband and she won't be my wife but you will always be our daughter and we will always love you.”
This made me cry harder than ever in my life even counting the time the seesaw crunched my foot and I had to go to the emergency room. “This is not fair to me,” I yelled and I put my head down on the table so they could not look at me in the eyes.
“You're right,” my dad said.
“But you're doing it anyway!” I shouted. “And I don't get a vote and it's my family too, you know. Did you ever think about that?”
“We are still your family,” my mom said.
“When you are an old woman, we will still be your family,” my dad told me.
“Do you still love Dad?” I asked Mom.
“We still care about each other but not in the same way,” she said.
“Can't you just love each other again?” I asked them.
“No,” my dad said.
“We would if we could,” my mom said. “It just doesn't work that way.
” Which makes no sense to me. “Some divorced people act mean to each other,” I said.
“We'll never do that,” my dad said.
“Never,” my mom said. “That's a promise.
” “From both of us,” my dad said.
“Are you sorry you got married?” I asked my dad.
“I'm glad we got married because we had you and having you is the very best thing that ever happened to me,” he said.
“And to me,” my mom said. “The very best.
” I got up and went to the living room and lay down on my window seat and cried for the longest time. After a while my parents came in the room. “It really will be okay,” my dad said.
“I just want it to be different,” I said. “I want us to be like the McBees and have dinner every night and you could help Mom make things and we could all live in one house.”
After a while we all 3 took a walk and I walked in the middle holding both of their hands and even though we were all feeling sad, it also felt nice.
This morning when I got up Madam and Pop and Jonique and Melonhead were knocking on our door and I opened it and everybody hugged me like mad and Jonique hugged her panda and me and while we were hugging my dad came over from the hotel which made Pop say, “This calls for a celebration!”
“Breakfast at Jimmy T's!” I said.
“I'll lead the way!” Melonhead said, pointing ahead with the horseshoe crab which he loves so much he doesn't even think it smells.
On the walk over Jonique told about vacation Bible school which made my mom think about regular school and she said, “I just remembered, I have great news! Do you remember that M.O.T.H. named Rhonda?”
“The ‘Forever 29’ lady?” I said.
“Right,” my mom said. “I saw her at yoga and she told me her daughter is going to be in your class. She's new this year but I told Rhonda that you 3 would show her around.”
“Sure,” I said.
“What's the daughter's name?” Jonique asked.
“Rhonda calls her Doll but I'm pretty sure that's not her real name,” my mom said.
“What's she like?” Melonhead asked.
“I only met her for a minute but I think you'll like her. When I asked Rhonda about her she said, “Doll is so sweet she makes sugar seem sour.”
“That's one mother's opinion,” Pop said.
“True,” my mom said. “But she seemed like a nice kid.”
“What does she look like?” Jonique asked.
“She's a pretty girl with blond braids and I know at least one thing you have in common,” my mom said.
“What?” I asked her.
“She was wearing a Gimp key chain necklace that's like the one you made, but not as nice, of course,” my mom said.
“Was it pink and white?” Melonhead said.
“I think it was,” my mom said.
“Is Rhonda divorced?” I asked her.
“As a matter of fact, she is,” my mom said.
“Say it isn't so,” Pop said.
“Say it isn't Ashley,” I said.
“Say you're not friends with an insect,” my dad said because he didn't get that the M.O.T.H.s are actually moms.
“I can't believe I never figured that out,” my mom said.
“I can't believe it either,” I said.
Jonique was too flabbergasted to talk and all Melonhead could do was howl until we got to Jimmy T's. Then he said, “It's going to take a lot of shakes and burgers to get me over this news.”
“We'd better get the works,” Pop told him.
“I wish all my customers were such big spenders,” Mrs. T said.
“We're living large today,” Pop said. “And we're recovering from an unfortunate shock.”
“Take the big booth,” Mrs. T said. “And tell me what you're drinking.”
My dad got a vanilla egg cream which is actually a soda with no eggs in it, thank goodness, and my mom got a chocolate malt. Madam had Red Zinger tea and Melonhead wanted a root beer float. “What can I get you?” she asked Pop.
“Ginger ale,” he said. “And 2 lemonades for these 2 girls.”
“No problem. We've got lemons today,” Mrs. T said.
I pointed to Melonhead and just to be hilarious I said, “And we've got Melon!”
That made me think about the day she said No lemons, no melon. “Pop, may I use your pen?” I asked.
I wrote on a paper napkin and then I could not stop laughing which made everybody look at me including Mrs. T who had come back with our drinks.
“Remember back in the beginning of the summer when you said, ‘No lemons, no Melon?’ ” I asked her.
“Sure,” she said.
“Did you know it was a palindrome?” I asked her.
“I had no idea,” she said.
Here's what's unbelievable to me: Out of 92 days only one is left.
Here's another thing: After all of that counting down, my birthday adventure is over and my dad is back in Ann Arbor and I am missing him again. Last night on the phone, he told me, “We both start school on the same day.”
“Yes, but you don't have a P-U girl named Ashley in your class,” I said.
“I'll bet I have at least one kid just like her,” my dad said.
“I cannot believe there are more,” I said. “How do you handle a kid like her?”
“I study the situation and come up with a plan,” he said.
“I'm big on plans,” I said.
