I settled onto the landing of the stairs. I balanced my plate on my lap. My father took a seat at the bottom, twelve steps away. Even from here I could see how marked his face was from the mask. And his hands were raw. He was washing and sanitizing his hands so often that the alcohol was irritating the skin.
“How’s my Q-Cat? It’s nice to have you join me for dinner.”
“It is nice.” We weren’t sitting together, but it still felt good.
“I was hoping your mother would join us. I’m surprised she’s still working.”
“I’m surprised you’re not,” I replied without thinking. I’d only meant that he wasn’t usually home for dinner.
“I’m sorry. It must be tough for you to have both of us being so busy. So many people aren’t working right now, and the two of us seem to be working harder than ever.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything. I know what you’re doing is important. And hard.”
“Does it show that much?” He rubbed his hands against the creases in his face.
“I didn’t just mean the marks.”
We sat and ate in silence for a while. Was he trying to figure out what to say or was he just too tired to say anything?
“You know, this time here with you,” he said, “helps remind me why I’m doing this.”
I wondered if I should bother him with the things I’d been worried about. I decided I had to ask. “Dad?”
“What is it, Q-Cat?”
“I’ve been seeing things on the news and…well, I just wondered if the hospital has enough PPE for everyone.”
“We’re taking every precaution to keep us safe. We have enough at the hospital for now. The real concern is in places like nursing homes.”
“Like where Reese’s grandmother lives?”
“All long-term care facilities. They’re scrambling to provide equipment for their staff.”
“But that’s not fair. Everything I’ve seen on the news and the internet says that old people are the most at risk.”
“It sounds like you’re spending a lot of time on the internet,” he said.
“I am, but what else is there to do?”
“Be careful. There’s a lot of misinformation out there.”
“Am I wrong about the old people?”
“No. Older people and those with pre-existing medical problems, like heart conditions, diabetes or breathing difficulties, are at higher risk. A high percentage of the deaths have been people over seventy.”
Deaths. That was something he hardly ever mentioned.
“Have there been a lot of deaths at the hospital?”
“More than I’ve ever seen.” His words were quiet, his voice so serious. “It’s important that we keep doing what we’re doing to flatten that curve of new infections.”
“Is it working?”
“It’s not flat yet, but it’s flattening. We just have to keep doing the right things. Some people think this is the time to relax, but it’s not. If you’re racing downhill and you’re trying to slow down enough that you don’t crash, you don’t take your foot off the brake. We need to press down harder.”
“That makes sense.” There was something else I wanted to ask him, but I wasn’t sure how to ask it. Maybe I’d go around it a bit. “Are people scared at the hospital?”
“Patients or staff?”
“Both, I guess.”
“Patients are scared because of what they don’t know. Staff are scared because of what they do know.”
“Are you scared, Dad?” That was what I really wanted to know.
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.”
“Don’t you sometimes feel like you just don’t want to go to work?”
“Some days. But I don’t have a choice. No more than those people working at the grocery store, or the aides at the nursing homes, or police officers, paramedics—there are so many of us. These are our jobs. Do you still think you might want to be a doctor when you grow up?”
“More than ever.”
“If you were a doctor, would you stop doing your job?”
“No—at least, I don’t think I would. I hope I wouldn’t be too scared,” I said.
“If being scared stopped us, then almost nobody would be there. Maybe the fear makes us work even safer.”
My mother suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs. “Is it too late to join you two?”
“We’re pretty well finished, but having you join us is the best dessert I can imagine,” my father said.
“I have to disagree. Did you know that McCormick’s Bakery started home delivery?”
“You don’t mean...?” I think my dad’s grin was bigger than mine.
“I had a pineapple upside down cake dropped off at the door. Surprise! I’m going to go get a piece for everybody.”