When we are far out on the Puget Sound, he comes downstairs. By now I am sitting at the table in the dining area. My lip is swollen, and I haven’t wiped off the blood. Somehow I want him to see it. I want him to see what he’s done.
I’ve tried my cell phone a hundred times. No Service.
I am so afraid that my body is rigid. I am so afraid that I don’t think I can speak. I am sick with anger at myself for being so stupid. Marcus was in my head, Marcus with his shaved head and his scowl.
Jonah has cut the engines and the boat sits, water slapping against the sides. I know we are in the middle of the Sound, no land in sight. He goes to the sink, takes a washcloth, and wets it. He hands it to me.
“I’m sorry you got hurt,” he says. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
I press the washcloth against my lip.
“I’m going to save you,” he says. “I’m going to give you a home.”
He sits across the table from me. “Are you hungry? Thirsty?”
I don’t answer.
“Your cell phone won’t work,” he says. “I have a blocker. A device that disrupts the signal. One of the advantages of being a techno-wizard.” He smiles, but it dims when I don’t respond. “It’s just that I need a chance to talk to you,” he says. “It takes time for you to understand, for you to see. I wasn’t lying to you. I do have a foundation. It’s just a little…unconventional, and I needed to get you away so you could really listen to me and not walk away. But if you want to leave, I’ll take you back.”
I seize on this, a tiny flame of hope. “I want to leave.”
He smiles slightly. “But you haven’t heard me yet.”
This is crazy. It’s like the guy is selling real estate.
He spreads his hands on the table and looks down at them. His fingers are long and slender. “People have it all wrong about families. Families don’t work the way they are. All we hear about is ‘family values, family values,’ and I’m not even sure what that means. Loyalty? Love? Is that a blood connection or a value? Values aren’t tied to blood. They’re tied to brains. Everyday decisions that you make. That’s values.”
I’m trying to follow him, but it’s hard. He’s almost making sense, but not quite.
“So our families let us down, say. They demean us, or they desert us, or they just can’t cope. There comes a point where you make your own family with your friends. But that doesn’t work, either, because friendships have different boundaries. You don’t share a life with your friends. You’re not forced to live with them and deal with them. You can just walk away.”
“I thought you had a happy childhood,” I say.
He looks startled. “I did. Oh, I did. I’m talking about other people. I’m talking about the things I learned. Okay? Okay? Just listen.”
There’s perspiration on his forehead, and his eyes are damp. There is a flash of something in his eyes that frightens me.
I swallow against the knot of fear that rises in my throat. I put my hands under the table and squeeze them together. I will get through this. I will find a way out. I will find Emily. He didn’t bring me out here to throw me overboard. I tell myself this very firmly. I don’t know what’s in store for me, but it isn’t drowning. I will take this one step at a time. Diego knows where I am. He might have seen the boat take off. At the very least, he knows I was investigating Marcus and Ryan. The trail will lead to Jonah Castle eventually.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he interrupts. “You can walk away from your family, too. But if you do, there’s a hole. You fall into it, you can never climb out of it, it’s just there. The problem is that people walk away from their family, but they don’t replace it with something real. Okay?”
I nod, because it seems he needs encouragement.
“So I came up with this idea. We remake our family. We choose the people we want in it. And then we make a bond. Family values, okay? We support each other. We love each other. We’re loyal.”
“Like a commune?” I ask.
“No! Not like a commune!” He looks angrily at me, and the terror rises again.
“Like a real family,” I say quickly. “Like the family you want, but thought you could never have.”
“Exactly!” He looks eager now. “I have everything you need. You’ll have brothers and sisters who will love you. I have a great house, and games, and books, and DVDs, and all the food you want, everything, everything! If you want to learn you can learn, if you want to play you can play, you can develop your specialness within this group that supports and loves you!” He leans forward. “Do you understand, Dora? I chose you!”
“What about Marcus?” I ask.
He waves a hand. “Marcus was useful, but not suitable. Too independent. But I told him I had this foundation, and he recommended kids he thought could benefit from internships and things…”
So Marcus had no idea what he was doing. He probably recommended Kendall, and then Emily. He never connected Kendall running away with Jonah Castle. And he might not even know that Emily is missing.
I’ve been wrong about everything. This kind of failure is colossal. It is beyond stupid. It is unforgivable.
But I know somehow I can’t sink into the swamp of shame, because then I’ll never get out, I’ll never find Emily. I have a sudden instinct that hating myself will only help Jonah Castle.
“So where is your house?” I ask.
He springs up, happy. “You want to see it? It’s solar-powered!”
“Where is it?” I ask.
“You’ll see! You’ll love it. Everyone does. I’m so glad you’ll come over!”
He starts to spring up the steps.
“Jonah?”
He stops, looks at me.
“I’m not Dora,” I say.
“I know,” he says serenely, and continues up the stairs.