Shay sits with her mouth open for at least five seconds.
Then she shakes her head. “I can’t let you.”
“It’s just Thanksgiving.”
“But…we don’t really know him, Gracie. We don’t know anything about him, what he’s been doing.”
“He’s been working. He got married.”
“We only know what he’s told us. And there was a murder here.”
“If Joe thought he was a suspect, he wouldn’t let him leave.”
Shay shakes her head again. “I can’t let you go.”
“He’s my father. I have a right to make this decision.”
“I’m your guardian and I love you. I have a right to forbid you.”
We stare at each other.
“I just want to know him, Shay,” I say.
“I need to talk to him first,” she says.
Shay talks to Nate. Shay calls Rachel. They talk for a long time. When she gets off, Shay finds me in my bedroom, where I’m lying down reading a book. “She sounds nice,” she says. “I already called Nate and told him to pick you up. Go ahead and pack.”
I’ve already packed. I point to my suitcase. She gives me this sad little grin.
“And wear your gloves,” she says.
Nate pulls up and honks. I go outside. First Diego gives me a quick hug, and then Shay gathers me up into one of her enfolding extravaganzas.
“Just come back to us,” she whispers in my ear.
I feel surprisingly throat-lumpy about this, as if Shay’s fear is right, as if I’m leaving forever.
We don’t say much as we drive to the ferry. Nate pulls in back of the line. I look a few cars ahead to see who else is in line. I realize that it’s a Beewick Islander thing to do. You usually know at least one person in the ferry line if you’ve lived here long enough.
And sure enough, I see Zed’s Subaru up ahead. We still have a few minutes left before the ferry, so I tell Nate I’ll be right back.
Zed is reading a book behind the wheel when I approach. I have to tap on his window to get his attention. He looks up at me and I get the gift of his smile, which just about knocks me backward. For a moody, complicated individual, Zed can sell the simple stuff.
He gets out, even though it’s started to rain. It’s a Pacific Northwest rain, a mist that nobody would dream of carrying an umbrella for.
“Hey, heading to the city?” Zed asks.
I tilt my head toward Nate’s car. “I’m going away for Thanksgiving. With my father.”
“Oh, cool. You’re coming back, though, right?”
Why is everyone asking me that? “I guess,” I say.
“You guess?”
“Well. Things haven’t been going so well here,” I say. “Ever since Hank Hobbs got murdered, things are so screwy. School is completely wrong.”
“I heard what happened,” Zed says. “Marigold went ballistic on you. She and Mason are tight.”
“Everybody keeps saying that, as though that’s an excuse,” I say angrily. “You islanders really hang together.”
“Not really,” Zed says mildly.
“I’m just so tired of not belonging anywhere,” I say in a sudden rush. “I mean, I really feel tired, you know? Tired of making an effort all the time. School. Home.” I wave around at the trees. “Here. And with Shay and Diego. Everyone of us tries so hard, and should we have to? Should a family have to try so hard?” Suddenly, the lump in my throat is back. I don’t know why I’ve chosen this day to finally talk to Zed, and when I do, I blurt out my feelings like an idiot.
Zed’s silver-moon eyes regard me carefully. I wonder what he’s thinking. I can’t read him. Once, when I first met him, I read his sadness. His mother is dead, just like mine, and that’s something you don’t get over. His dad is an okay guy, but he works all the time, so Zed was basically raised by his dad’s succession of live-in girlfriends. No wonder Zed seems remote. Here’s a guy who’s used to being left.
“What’s a family?” Zed asks with a shrug. “A couple of people who lurch from crisis to crisis together. Maybe you just have to hang, Gracie. I don’t know your dad. I just know Shay and Diego. If they were dealt to me as a new family, I’d be all over it. If I had to work it like work, I would.”
The cars have left the ferry that just came in, and I hear the car engines start in the line. We’re ready to board.
“Well, good-bye,” I say.
“Have a good Thanksgiving,” Zed says. “I’ll see you when you get back.”
I start back toward Nate’s car. Everything seems to shimmer, the mist, the trees, the clouds, the sky. I feel as though I’m walking in a dream. A dream I’ve had forever. I’m walking toward my father, and he waits for me.