I meet Nate at the inn, where he’s spent the night. He and I had stayed over an hour at the police station last night, talking about what happened. In another room, Jeff Ferris had confessed to everything he’d done.
The venom of years had spilled out. How he had done so much for the island, and no one appreciated it. How he knew Mason and his friends had vandalized his house, so he got back at them by framing Mason for breaking into my house, and maybe for the Hobbs murder. He even trashed his own office so Joe would think the kids did it.
And his envy spilled out, too. How much he hated Hank Hobbs, who could so easily buy the house Jeff had bought but couldn’t afford to live in.
His father refused to hire a lawyer for him. Jeff was on his own.
And Joe had suspected Jeff from the beginning. He’d been quietly gathering evidence while I was running around trying to pin it on everybody else.
Now, Nate leans against his car. “I’m sorry, I can’t stay longer, but Rachel wants me home. She’s so glad you’re okay.”
“You’re not going to Russia, are you?” I say. “You’re leaving again.”
He shakes his head. “I know you see things. Don’t imagine them, too.”
I fix him with my gaze. I pin him down. “Tell me the truth, for once.”
He looks away, then looks back again. “Well,” he says, “I guess I am leaving her, then.”
“You’re a real piece of work, Dad,” I say.
His mouth twists in a way I haven’t seen. “Yeah. I really thought I was ready to stick this time. Look, Gracie, everything you think about me is probably true. I’ve bounced from family to family. I don’t mean to leave. But I do.”
“It’s just so weird and awful, having brothers and sisters I don’t even know about.”
He looks startled. “What brothers and sisters?”
“The kids in Tampa—Bunny and Ben.”
“How do you know about Bunny and Ben? Okay, never mind. They weren’t mine. I was married for less than a year. They were my stepkids. I’m a deadbeat dad on a technicality. I didn’t owe Leslie child support. I mean, except in her own mind.”
“What about Cheryl Ann? You stole her money and her wedding album?”
“Her wedding album?” He laughs. “I’m sorry it’s just that…I didn’t take her wedding album. We weren’t even married. We only had a ‘commitment ceremony’—her idea, I assure you. That album is probably kicking around the house, I bet—the house was always a mess. I might have lifted a few bucks when I left, though.”
“Like you’ll do with Rachel.”
“Serves me right, I guess,” he says. “I came here so you wouldn’t find out these things. When Shay sent that private eye after me, I was afraid of what he’d dig up. So I came here to talk to her, to see you. I’m glad I came, even though now you know what a crook your old man is.”
“You’re not just a crook, you’re a sociopath. I don’t know if anything you told me is true.”
“Well, now is your chance to ask.”
“Did you suspect that Jeff killed Billy Applegate?”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “I never dreamed that Billy was murdered. Of course I didn’t think Jeff killed him.”
“Did you really think you were manic-depressive? Is that really why you left?”
He hesitates. “No.”
I think back to the way he told the story, how sincere he was, how, even though I was resisting him, I was listening the whole time. The hurt of it takes my breath away. What a good liar he is.
“You’re sure good at telling stories,” I say. I hear the bitterness in my voice. “It’s a wonder you’re not a millionaire.”
He steps toward me and curves his whole body toward me, lowering his head so that he can speak softly. “I wasn’t afraid of losing my mind. But the rest of it is true. I did think I was hurting you. I know I was hurting your mom. I wasn’t cut out for marriage.”
“Did your father really commit suicide?”
“Yes.”
“He had cancer! You’re still lying!”
“And he took his own life when it got really bad.”
“Oh.” Suddenly, I feel deflated. I realize that the facts don’t really matter. He lied to me once, and now I’ll never quite believe him, even at his most sincere. “So why did you ask me to come back to Rachel’s, then?” I ask. “You knew you were going to leave her.”
“I was trying to stay,” he says. “I always want to stay, kiddo.”
“You know, I thought it might have started here, when you took the bribe and betrayed your friends. But it probably started way before that, didn’t it? People don’t matter to you. Nothing matters to you. I bet you gave away your dog when you were little.”
“How’d you know?” He grins, but I don’t smile.
But suddenly, to my surprise, his face changes and he steps forward and hugs me, really hugs me. He lifts me off my feet.
“This matters to me,” he says in my ear. “This is the one true thing I know.”
For a moment, I just sink into it. The feeling of being loved.
He pulls away. His hands dangle by his sides now.
“If you love me, then try,” I urge him. “Try with Rachel. Get the baby. Start again. Do it right this time.”
“Oh, Gracie. I don’t think I can. She expects too much of me.”
“Well, I do, too, and you love me,” I say. “You’ve got a two-hour trip to consider your options. I’ll call at eleven A.M. and if you’re not there, I’ll put Joe Fusilli on your tail.”
“You’d do that to me?”
“In a heartbeat.”
He cocks his head and looks at me. “You know, sweetie, that you can’t make someone stick. You just can’t. No matter what you hold over their head.”
He’s right, of course. I can’t reform him.
“Just go with her, then. Help her get Sonia. Don’t take that away from her, too. You can leave later.”
“I’m afraid the die might be cast.”
“You mean the money? For the rent and the airline tickets and things?”
He shakes his head in a marveling way. “You know that, too?” He sighs and gets in the car. “I guess I’ve got some thinking to do. I’ll be in touch.”
I watch him drive away. I don’t know where he’s going. I think he’ll go back to Rachel, just because he doesn’t want Joe Fusilli on his trail. But I really don’t know.
I stand there, watching, until I can’t see his car anymore. I feel so tired. Tired of looking at all the cracks in love, all the imperfections. Tired of him. I don’t want him in my life.
But there he is.