‘ANOTHER glass of lemonade, Kirsten?’ Cal asked her when there was a lull in the conversation around the dinner table.
‘No, thank you.’ She avoided meeting his eyes across the candlelit table.
Her father claimed Cal’s attention once more. They were having a lively conversation about football. ‘So what do you think the outcome will be?’ Robert asked jovially.
‘I think they’ll win,’ Cal said as he topped up Robert’s glass. ‘They played so well in their last game that they are looking invincible at the moment.’
Kirsten tried to tune out from Cal’s conversation with her father as her mother asked her where she would be staying in San Francisco.
‘The studio have arranged an apartment for me. I’ll write the address down for you before I go. But you can always reach me on my mobile.’
‘How long do you think you’ll be there?’
Kirsten was just about to reply when she heard Cal say, ‘If you like, Robert, I can get tickets for the game. We could go see it together.’
‘Really! Cal, those tickets are like gold dust,’ her father said in some excitement. ‘How can you manage that?’
Kirsten’s head jerked up then and she looked across at Cal.
‘Well, there’s no point being famous if you can’t pull a few strings now and then.’ Cal smiled at Kirsten as he met her eyes. ‘Isn’t that right, Kirsty?’
‘Not being that famous, I wouldn’t know,’ she said succinctly. What the hell was Cal playing at? she wondered. He was openly and deliberately flouting her request. Instead of emphasising the fact that he wasn’t part of their lives any more, he seemed to be going the other way. Suggesting a trip to the football game with her father was definitely an encroachment back into her family.
‘I don’t think you’ll be able to go to that game anyway, Cal,’ she told him pointedly.
‘No? Why not?’ He seemed totally unaware of what he had done. Even as he met her eyes across the table, his expression was one of blank innocence.
‘Well, for one thing, we don’t know what free time we’re going to get over the next few months. You know what it’s like when we’re filming.’ Her eyes narrowed on him in silent warning, willing him to take the hint. After the way her father had been speaking to her earlier she felt it was now imperative for Cal to make his position clear, tell them he wasn’t interested in getting back together with her.
‘True. But I’ll have a word with Theo…a lot of the crew are probably going to the game as well.’
‘It would be great if you could,’ her father said enthusiastically.
‘Leave it with me, Robert.’ Cal smiled.
He knew exactly what he was doing, Kirsten realised as she glared at him across the table. He was playing at being Mr Popular again.
‘More apple pie, anyone?’ Lynn cut across the tension.
‘Actually, Mum, I think we should go.’ Kirsten glanced at her watch. ‘We’ve still got a few hours’ drive ahead of us.’
‘Why don’t you stay the night?’ Lynn asked. ‘You can set off first thing tomorrow. You haven’t got to report in until the day after, and we see so little of you these days.’
Kirsten hesitated; she knew how much it would mean to her parents. ‘Thanks, Mum, but we really can’t, we’ve got to find our accommodation tonight and it will take a day to settle in and go over some work before filming starts early Tuesday. Besides, you’ve only got one spare bedroom, where do you intend to put Cal…in the garage?’ She tried to sound jovially unconcerned about where Cal went, whilst at the same time pushing home her point that he wouldn’t be welcome in her room.
‘There’s a pull-out settee in your room, Kirsten,’ her mother continued, undeterred. ‘You used to be married, after all, so I’m sure you could double up in there for one night.’
‘Mother!’ Kirsten stared at her mother in absolute horror.
‘I don’t think this is for my ears,’ Robert said with a wry grin. He pushed his chair back from the table. ‘Excuse me, I’ve got to get my tablets.’
‘Don’t look at me like that, Kirsten.’ Her mother shook her head in admonishment as Robert left the room. ‘You could share the room with Cal. It’s no big deal; you’re both sensible adults. I don’t know why you’re making such a fuss.’ She got up from the table. ‘I’ll put the kettle on and we’ll have a coffee while you think about it.’
‘I don’t need to think about it,’ Kirsten said somewhat wildly. Had her mother gone mad? She’d rather share her room with Dracula than Cal McCormick.
Cal met her gaze across the table. There was a glint of humour in his blue eyes that irritated her further. ‘What’s the matter?’ he asked her quietly. ‘Couldn’t you trust yourself to be alone in a room with me?’
Her eyes narrowed on him. ‘No, I might do something really stupid,’ she murmured. ‘Like mistake you for the dartboard or something.’
‘Really?’ Cal grinned. ‘I like bedtime games.’
She slanted him a warning look.
‘So what do you think, Cal?’ Her mother brought over a pot of coffee and set it down on the table. ‘The roads around here can be treacherous when this mist comes down.’
‘I know, Lynn, but Kirsten’s right; we really should be going.’ Cal shook his head regretfully.
Her mother looked upset. ‘Well, if you must.’ She sighed. ‘I suppose it’s selfish of me to want to keep you here. It’s just…I miss you both so much.’
‘Oh, Mum!’ Kirsten got up and gave her mother a hug. ‘It will be OK. I’ll come back as soon as I get a break from work.’
Lynn nodded, then pulled herself together. ‘I’ll just go and see how your dad is faring with his tablets. If I don’t watch him, he’ll be taking my multi-vitamins by mistake.’
She bustled out of the room, the swing door slamming shut behind her. Kirsten glanced over at Cal. ‘Those damn journalists and the PR people at the studio have a lot to answer for,’ she said in exasperation. ‘That stuff in the paper has really upset her and Dad.’
‘She’s not upset about that, Kirsten.’ Cal got up from the table and started to clear the dishes away. ‘She’s just going through a difficult time at the moment with your dad being ill.’
Kirsten looked over uncertainly at him.
‘Look on the bright side,’ Cal continued. ‘Reading that stuff in the papers has probably cheered them both up.’
‘But those articles are not true.’
He shrugged. ‘Does that matter too much if it’s helping them through a difficult time?’
‘Of course it matters.’ Kirsten closed the door of the dishwasher and turned it on as Cal started to rinse through the crystal glasses. ‘You’ve got to be realistic.’
‘I don’t like too much realism,’ Cal said with a smile. ‘That’s why I enjoyed that TV show you were in not long ago.’
‘You watched that?’ Kirsten looked over at him in astonishment.
‘Yes, it was on English TV and I videotaped it. I was curious to see what kind of actress you were.’
‘What did you think of the show?’
‘It confirmed what the critics said about you when you were on Broadway. You’ve got great talent.’
‘Thanks.’ It was crazy how much pleasure his acknowledgement gave her.
He smiled, then said teasingly, ‘Although I have to say a couple of scenes could have been improved.’
‘Which ones?’ She frowned.
‘The love scenes didn’t do you justice. As I recall, you are even more sensually alluring than the director gave you credit for. But perhaps my memory is deceiving me.’
Something about the way he said that, the husky, sexy undertones in his voice made Kirsten’s heart miss a beat.
Of course, he was just teasing her. Cal was a master at flirtatious repartee; she supposed it was part of his job. She’d seen him in action many times. He could slay a woman with just one sentence and a carefully raised eyebrow.
She fell silent, drying the glasses methodically as she tried not to think too deeply about Cal or his motivations.
It seemed strange working next to him in her mother’s kitchen… Almost like old times.
The last time they had done this had been their final Christmas together. A vivid memory flashed into her mind. She had been heavily pregnant that Christmas and the future had still seemed so full of promise.
She remembered Cal teasing her about the size of her stomach, telling her that there wasn’t room for her in the small kitchen, that what she really needed was an aircraft hangar.
She’d splashed him with some water from the sink and he’d caught hold of her and laughingly pulled her against his chest. ‘But I still love you,’ he had whispered huskily against her ear. ‘In fact, I’m starting to think that big is very sexy.’
Was that the last time Cal had told her he loved her? she wondered. And felt the cold, raw ache of pain hit her deep inside.
Cal handed her the last of the crystal glasses that he was rinsing under the tap and her eyes connected with his for just a moment.
Was he remembering the last time they had stood here?
The phone rang in the other room and she could hear her mother chatting to someone.
There was silence between them as they continued to work.
‘Are you OK? You’re very quiet,’ Cal asked.
‘Of course I’m OK.’ She answered him brightly, possibly too brightly.
‘Good.’ He watched as she put the glasses away in the cupboard. ‘Listen, about what happened between us outside—’
The memory of them holding tightly to each other rushed back with all its force and with all its weight of emotion, hitting into her again like a speeding car out of control.
‘I think we should move on, Cal,’ she cut across him quietly.
‘There are still things we need to talk about, Kirsten, issues that need resolving.’ His voice was hesitant.
‘What’s the point?’ She forced herself to look over at him then and meet his steady, clear gaze.
A look of annoyance passed over the handsome features. ‘I think there is a point. For a start, we’ve got to work together, Kirsty. How the hell are we going to put across a reputable performance as lovers if we can’t even be friends?’
She might have known that Cal’s priority was work. They wouldn’t even be standing here together now if it weren’t for that. He probably wouldn’t even have kissed her the other night if it weren’t for that.
Before she could make any reply she could hear her mother calling them from the other room, an urgent note in her voice. Immediately they both hurried out to see what was wrong.
Her father was sitting in his chair by the fire and he looked ashen; her mother was leaning over him, asking if she should phone for a doctor.
‘No, I’ll be all right in a minute.’ Robert tried to smile up at his daughter as she went to his side. ‘Sorry about this, sweetheart, but it’s nothing to worry about.’
Kirsten didn’t believe him for a second; he looked so frail that she felt fear welling up inside her.
‘Shall we phone a doctor, Robert?’ Cal asked, his voice soothing and calm.
‘No…no, I’ll just take another tablet.’ Robert looked at his wife. ‘Will you get them from beside my bed?’
Lynn hurried off to do as he asked and Kirsten sat on the arm of her father’s chair and put her arm around him, drawing him close against her. ‘You’ll be OK, Dad,’ she said softly, trying to reassure herself as much as him. ‘You’ll be OK.’
‘Yes…listen, Kirsten, will you do something for me?’ he asked suddenly…urgently.
‘Anything.’
‘Will you and Cal stay tonight? I’ll be fine but I think your mother would appreciate it if you were here…just for a bit of moral support. I have to go for the result of my tests tomorrow morning, and your mother will be worried about it now, especially as I’ve just taken a bad turn. You staying the night will take her mind off it and make all the difference.’
‘Yes, of course we’ll stay,’ Kirsten said instantly. She didn’t want to leave him now anyway. She looked over at Cal. ‘You don’t mind, do you?’
‘No. Not at all,’ Cal said firmly.
‘Thank you.’ Her father reached out and squeezed her hand. His grip was surprisingly firm, considering he was so weak.
‘Great news,’ Robert said cheerily as Lynn came back into the room with his tablets and a glass of water. ‘Kirsten and Cal have agreed to stay the night.’
‘Have they?’ Startled, Lynn looked over at her daughter and smiled tremulously. ‘Thank you.’
‘You don’t need to thank me…’ Kirsten frowned slightly as her father pulled away from her and reached for the remote control of the TV. ‘My programme is on in a minute,’ he explained with a smile.
Kirsten met Cal’s eyes across the room. ‘I’ll go out to the car and bring the cases in,’ he said, ‘if you give me the keys.’
Kirsten got up and went into the kitchen to get her bag. She looked around as Cal followed her into the room. ‘Do you think Dad is OK?’ she asked him anxiously. ‘Maybe we should have insisted on calling a doctor.’
Cal hesitated. ‘We’ll keep an eye on him and see how he is later in the evening. He seems all right again now…maybe it was just a panic attack.’
‘Maybe.’ Kirsten nodded. ‘He did seem to brighten up very quickly when I said we’d stay.’
‘Yeah, he did, didn’t he?’
Their eyes met and she knew that he was wondering the same thing she was—had her father just staged that little performance so that they would stay?
She didn’t voice the thought in case she was wrong… Her father was obviously not well anyway, and if having them around made him feel better it was probably best to go along with it.
She handed Cal her car keys. ‘I’m sorry about this. You don’t mind staying, do you?’ she asked tentatively…realising that not so long ago he had agreed with her that they should leave.
‘No. Just as long as you don’t use me as a dartboard.’
She smiled shakily at him, remembering how determined she had been not to stay tonight. ‘It’s amazing how a sharp shock can help jolt your priorities back into order, isn’t it?’
Their hands touched as he took the keys from her. His skin felt warm against the coolness of hers. Their eyes locked in a moment of communication, then she moved away from him.
After Kirsten had checked again that her father did look brighter she went back into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee.
She thought about her small bedroom upstairs. Once the pull-out settee was down it was more or less next to her double bed and there wasn’t a lot of room to walk around it. How the hell was she going to get through the night, sharing that confined space with Cal?
Her hand shook as she poured the coffee and it spilt on the work surface.
She heard the front door open and close as Cal came in with the luggage.
He probably didn’t want to stay in that room with her any more than she did. In fact, he was probably cursing his luck. Being stuck in a bedroom with his ex-wife for the night was hardly something to cheer about. Maybe he would prefer to sleep downstairs?
She carried the tray of coffee back through to the lounge. ‘You know, I was just thinking,’ she said. ‘Maybe Cal could sleep down here on the settee.’
‘Kirsten.’ Her mother glared at her. ‘It’s a two-seater settee; you can’t expect Cal to sleep down here when there’s a perfectly good bed upstairs where he can stretch out. He’s a big man.’
‘OK, I’ll sleep down here,’ Kirsten said quietly.
‘Well, you’ll be sleeping with the dog,’ Lynn muttered. ‘And you’re too tall for the settee as well.’
Cal came back into the room. ‘Talk some sense into Kirsten,’ her mother asked him immediately. ‘She wants to sleep down here.’
Cal looked over at her and shrugged. ‘I think I would be the last person Kirsten would ever listen to.’
Kirsten sipped her coffee, aware that a deafening silence had descended on the room. ‘I don’t mind sleeping on the settee. I’ll be fine; I’ll just use a blanket and it will be nice being next to the fire.’
She looked over at Cal and wondered if he’d say, Don’t worry, I’ll sleep down here, but he didn’t. He just shrugged. ‘If you want to be a martyr it’s OK with me.’
She tried not to glare at him and forced herself to smile. ‘Yes, fine.’ Called himself a gentleman? she thought furiously. He was no gentleman, he was a total…total… Words failed her.
Her father leaned forward in his chair suddenly, his eyes alight with excitement. ‘You’re on TV,’ he said, pointing to the box. ‘It’s that attractive Sandy Peterson from Hot News. You’ll be on in a minute—she just announced it.’
Kirsten gulped the last of her coffee down. Watching that interview on TV was the last thing she needed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Candy sitting patiently by the door. Seizing thankfully on the excuse, she got up. ‘Excuse me, I’ll just see to the dog.’
Candy raced out into the darkness as soon as she opened the front door. It was cool outside and there was a slight breeze now coming off the sea, but thankfully the rain and the mist had gone.
On impulse Kirsten stepped outside for some fresh air.
Candy barked at her delightedly and raced over towards the shore, glad of the company. ‘You’re a crazy dog,’ Kirsten told her affectionately as the animal ran backwards and forwards like a mini-whirlwind of energy, jumping up at Kirsten and then racing off again. Kirsten wondered if her father hadn’t been walking with her as much as he used to.
She took a deep, shuddering breath as she thought about her father’s words earlier. ‘I’d like to see you happy again, Kirsten, before…well, before too long, and Cal’s a good man.’
Had her father been going to say, before it’s too late? Or, worse, before I go? How bad was his health? Fear struck into her like a metal fist. She knew nobody could live for ever but her father was only seventy-five; that was young nowadays, wasn’t it?
She heard Cal’s voice calling to her and turned to see him walking down the path towards her.
‘You’ll catch cold out here; it’s not very warm tonight,’ he said, holding out a jacket for her that she recognised as her mother’s.
‘I’m fine, I’ve taken my Echinacea.’ She smiled, aware that she wasn’t altogether annoyed that he’d followed her.
‘What the hell is that?’
‘Herbal stuff to boost your immune system.’
Cal grinned. ‘You are getting more Californian by the day.’
‘It really works,’ Kirsten said, but she allowed him to help her on with the jacket, trying to ignore the touch of his fingers as they brushed against her skin.
‘I only followed you to tell you it’s safe to come back inside now,’ he said with a grin. ‘The interview is over.’
‘Good. But I wanted to stretch my legs for a minute anyway.’
‘Before you cramp them up on the settee?’
‘Something like that.’
He smiled. ‘Do you mind if I join you? I could do with some fresh air myself.’
‘No…’ She hesitated before adding truthfully, ‘Actually, I’d like the company.’
‘Worried about your dad, aren’t you?’ Cal asked gently as he fell into step beside her.
‘Yes…I suppose I am.’
They followed the path down to the shore. It was a tranquil place; the only sound came from the waves against the shingle and the croak of the frogs in the long grass beside them.
‘Why didn’t you tell me that he’s had a heart attack?’ Cal asked her suddenly.
‘I thought I did tell you.’
‘No. You just said he wasn’t well and he was having tests.’
‘Well, we didn’t know he’d had a heart attack until he got the results of his first tests.’ Kirsten stared down at her hands. ‘I don’t know why you should assume that I have to tell you everything anyway,’ she muttered. ‘You’re no longer part of the family.’
‘I kind of hoped we might call a truce on that one, Kirsten,’ Cal said gently. ‘Even if it’s only for your parents’ sakes.’
He was right. Kirsten bit down on her lip, feeling suddenly selfish. If it made her father feel better to see her and Cal together, maybe she shouldn’t fight it, maybe she should just go along with it for the time being. But that meant getting rid of this anger she felt for Cal and the trouble was, if she stopped being angry with him, what emotion would creep in and take its place? she wondered suddenly.
They reached the shore and stood looking out over the ocean. The sky had cleared and a full moon hung majestically in the darkness of the sky like a huge Chinese lantern; it illuminated her father’s boat and sparkled over the waves crashing in on the shore, making them appear milky white against the darkness of the sand.
Candy ran up to them and barked, so Cal threw a stick for her down the beach.
‘What do you really think about Dad’s health?’ she asked Cal suddenly.
‘I’m not a doctor, Kirsten, but, from what your dad has told me, I think he’ll be fine. He’s just had a warning, that’s all, and he says he’s going to heed it.’
‘Do you think so?’ She turned wide eyes on him and he nodded.
‘Yeah…I do. Your dad is made of tough stuff.’
It was strange how Cal could still reassure her; just the tone of his voice, the strength that emanated from him, were enough to make her feel better. In a crisis she would trust him to the ends of the earth.
But she had mistaken that strength once… That was why she hadn’t recognised his grief, she realised suddenly. She had thought it meant he didn’t need her. And, because she had thought he didn’t need her, she hadn’t been able to turn to him…had shut him out. It was strange how she could see that so clearly now; it was as if someone had shone a spotlight on her, illuminating her mistakes.
‘I’ve really enjoyed seeing your folks again,’ Cal said quietly as they watched the dog race away from them down the beach.
‘The feeling was obviously mutual,’ she told him sincerely.
He’d always liked it here, she remembered, had always said to her, ‘You’re so lucky to have your parents; don’t ever take them for granted.’ She supposed he felt like that because his own parents had died in a car crash when he was fourteen and he’d been sent to live with his aunt in England, where he had finished his education.
‘What was it like being back in England?’ she asked him tentatively now.
‘It was OK. Obviously it’s changed a lot since I lived there. London’s still a great city, though, and Oxford University hasn’t changed at all.’
‘Did you see your Auntie May?’
‘Yes, I saw her a few times. She’s keeping well; still hasn’t quite forgiven me for marrying you so quickly that she wasn’t able to come to the wedding.’
‘Maybe under the circumstances it’s just as well that she didn’t waste her time,’ she murmured.
‘I promised her I’d make it up to her next time I tie the knot, that I’d buy her a fabulous outfit and a wide-brimmed hat from Rodeo Drive.’
The quietly spoken words gave Kirsten a very strange feeling inside, as if all her emotions had suddenly twisted into tight knots. ‘Are you planning to get married again, then?’
‘Not yet.’ Cal smiled at her. ‘But I’m thirty-eight, Kirsten; I’m thinking maybe it would be nice to try again one day, to settle down and raise a family.’
The waves seemed to crash with even more violent force against the shore, mimicking the beat of her heart.
Candy came back with the stick and dropped it at Cal’s feet, barking for him to throw it again, which he did. It was a longer throw this time and the dog went hurtling away into the darkness.
‘What about you, Kirsten?’ Cal asked. ‘Have you any plans in that direction?’
Kirsten shook her head. She felt a bit like Candy, who was running around in the darkness now, searching in vain for the piece of driftwood. She was thirty-one. Time was moving on and maybe she should be thinking about the future. But the truth was she didn’t know if she was brave enough to try again. ‘I don’t know,’ she murmured. ‘I really don’t know, Cal.’
‘So things aren’t that serious between you and Jason then?’
‘I didn’t say that.’ She stuck her hands in her mother’s coat and tried not to shiver as the wind seemed to pull sharply around her. ‘Jason’s a nice guy.’ Why did she feel the need to keep up this pretence about Jason? She glanced at Cal; there was a part of her that wanted to drop the barriers, tell him honestly that Jason wasn’t even a contender when it came to thinking about marriage. But she was too scared to do that.
Cal watched her silently without saying anything. She felt vulnerable suddenly, her face naked of make-up and accentuated by the light of the moon. What was he thinking when he was looking at her so intently?
‘Why are you looking at me like that?’ she asked nervously.
‘I like looking at you.’ He smiled. ‘You’ve got a very arresting face.’
‘Is this something to do with Theo telling us we have to practise looking at each other?’ She was glad of the opportunity to lighten the atmosphere between them.
‘I think Theo was more concerned about your difficulty on that score than mine.’ He smiled.
‘You being so damned perfect in every way?’
He grinned. ‘If you say so, but I thought it was because I’ve never had any problem looking into your eyes.’
‘Looking into any woman’s eyes, for that matter.’ Kirsten turned away from him and called to Candy as she ran further away from them towards the rocks.
‘Did you ever miss me?’ Cal asked her suddenly.
‘Sorry?’ She looked around at him, pretending she hadn’t heard, trying to play for time. What kind of a question was that?
‘Since we split up and I went to England, have you ever had a day or a moment when you missed me?’
She hesitated. The truth was she had missed him a lot. At first she had put it down to the fact that she was still living in the house they had shared, a house full of memories. There had been days when she had been desperate to talk to him, to ask him things. Nights when she had come home to an empty house and had made two drinks…before suddenly remembering that he wasn’t there any more and a black weight of depression had hit. She had run through a whole gamut of emotions all the way from wanting to ask his opinion about a problem at work to why had their baby died…why had this happened to them?
When she had moved to New York for those few months she had thought the change of scene would make her forget him. But it hadn’t helped. Sometimes she had missed him so badly she had lain in bed and ached for him. But she wouldn’t tell him that. She was over all that anyway.
She pretended to think about it, however, conscious of the soft hissing sound the waves were making on the sand as the tide washed out.
‘No…I don’t think so.’ She smiled airily at him. ‘Sorry if that upsets your ego.’
Cal shrugged. ‘I missed you,’ he said softly.
‘I don’t think so, Cal,’ she said shakily. ‘I think if there was a moment when you missed me then it was only the idea that you missed.’
‘The idea?’ His eyebrows rose slightly mockingly.
‘Yes, the idea of having a wife…’
He frowned.
‘What’s the script with Maeve these days?’ she asked him suddenly. ‘Is she still with Brian?’
Cal hesitated fractionally. ‘Yes…things are just the same.’
She swallowed hard. ‘I think maybe it’s time we got back to the house. I’m cold.’
Candy bounded up to them. She’d found a different piece of driftwood and it was so big this time that she could hardly carry it.
Kirsten smiled as she saw her. ‘Silly dog, we can’t throw that; it’s too heavy.’
Candy dropped it and barked at Cal, willing him to do the honours.
‘Sorry, Candy, time to go back inside,’ Kirsten said, and reached to pat her.
She jumped up; her paws were wet and her tail swished backwards and forwards, shaking salt water over them. ‘Ugh…Candy, stop!’ Kirsten backed away from her straight into Cal and he put a steadying arm around her. For a moment she was held close against him, his hand resting against her waist. The impact, although gentle, seemed to knock the breath straight out of her and instantly she felt the flare of desire…the need to move closer.
It took all her strength to pull away. ‘Sorry,’ she mumbled, looking away from him.
‘Candy, come on.’ She busied herself calling the dog, and then they turned for the path that led back to the house in silence.