Chapter Twenty-nine

 

Would Janice understand? Would she know to meet him here?

Luke wrapped the blanket closer about his shoulders. He’d stolen over a whole half hour early to be certain that he’d have the place ready—which meant he had a lantern burning very low and another blanket for her.

That desperate babbling he’d done with the butler …

It was because Janice’s blue eyes, wide with the shock of seeing Luke, drove him to come up with a crazy plan to see her. He’d tried not to care that she’d ignored his note, but of course he had. He cared very much—to the point that every step he took, every word he spoke to the other stablemen, even his usual chores, was agony. At the very least, he wanted to know why she’d completely cut him off. It had taken everything in him when he saw her not to storm into the house, throw her over his shoulder, and carry her back to the tack room, their trysting place, to get some answers.

Now he listened—and hoped—through the deep silence, which was broken by the occasional creak of some unknown beam above his head and the sough of the wind. It was utter madness, he knew, to expect her to understand that he wanted her to come to the cellar at three in the morning. But at some point after the sun rose that day, the butler would see that a lock was put on it.

If they were to meet there, this was their last opportunity.

He pulled out his pocket watch. It was three o’clock.

His heart rose, then sank.

As the next ten minutes passed, he vacillated between frustration that she hadn’t understood his covert message, depression that she might have understood it but ignored it, and fear that she’d tried to come to him but been caught.

The last possibility drew beads of sweat to his temples.

However, he didn’t hear anything. That was a good sign. Of course, the house was vast, but surely he would have heard something if there had been a conflict.

One of the doors shifted. Every fiber of his being tensed. Let it be she.

He moved to the corner nearest the entrance and waited. Contrary to what he’d told the butler, the doors were tightly fitted. No way a dog could have nosed one of them open. Neither could a beam of light from within the cellar escape. But what if Janice had been nabbed, after all, and this was a footman come to drag him away to be beaten? Or jailed?

What if it was Grayson himself?

Luke had no weapon but his fists, and now they clenched, prepared to slam into the face of anyone who meant him—or Janice—harm.

“Luke!” came the soft whisper.

It was as if a knot of rope in his chest came undone. He rushed to the door and held it up.

“Come in,” he said, his voice warm with welcome.

All fear of discovery took a backseat for that one, incredible moment.

She’d understood. And she’d risked everything to see him. She either had not gotten the note or been afraid to answer it.

Clad only in a night rail and a shawl, she pushed her way through the small crack she’d allowed herself at the door and shut it gently behind her. When she descended the steps, he lifted her at the waist, brought her down snug in front of him, and kissed her.

Here, he said to himself. This is it. Finally.

The place where he felt safe and loved.

If his life were a song, that moment was its glory note.

“Oh, Luke,” she whispered again, in between the kisses he rained all over her mouth, her eyes, her nose, her jaw.…

“You’re here,” he said.

“Of course I am,” she said softly, and drew his head down for another long, passionate kiss. “I’ve been utterly miserable. Halsey is forcing me to marry him. He says he’ll hurt you badly if I don’t.”

Everything in Luke froze. “So he knows about us?”

She nodded. “He discovered me coming back in with hay in my hair.”

It wracked Luke, knowing he’d put her in danger. He gripped her shoulders gently. “Are you all right? Has he tried to punish you in any way? Because if he has, I’ll—”

“I can take care of myself,” she interrupted him firmly. “But I’ll admit I can’t seem to get out of this. My parents and various and sundry siblings are coming this afternoon to first inspect him at close range and then give their blessing to the union.”

“Then you must say no,” said Luke. “When your father arrives, you’ll be well protected from Halsey’s wrath. Tell your parents you’re being coerced.”

“No.” She smiled tenderly and pushed a lock of hair off his forehead. “I wouldn’t dare. I can’t put you at risk.”

“I’m not.” Luke tilted up her chin. “I’ve been on my own since I was eleven. I’ve endured countless threats to my person.”

She chuckled. “Your nose—handsome as it is—attests to that fact.”

“So it does.” He pulled her closer and kissed her thoroughly again, this time skimming up her night rail to caress her shapely leg.

She grinned and shook her gown down. “Your seduction skills, excellent as they are, won’t make me stop talking sense to you. Luke, he’s a duke. He can do anything he wants—have you arrested on false charges, deport you, even kill you, and get away with it.”

“It won’t happen.” He attempted to assure her more by kneading her shoulders. The cleft between her breasts was just visible, making him hungry to worship her body more thoroughly. “As of later today, consider yourself a free woman.”

“No,” she protested.

“Yes,” he insisted. “You can celebrate returning to London with your parents. You can’t be with Halsey and be happy.”

“I don’t care about my own happiness. I only want you to be safe.”

“But I’ll slip away, too. And it will be as if this whole sorry episode with the Duke of Halsey had never happened.”

At those words, she pushed off his chest, her eyes stricken. “How can you speak so easily of my leaving?”

“You know I don’t want you to go.” But what choice did he have but to let her?

“Well, I’m not going. I don’t care what you say—I can’t put you at risk. I would be terribly unhappy in London not knowing what happened to you. Every day I’d wake up and wonder if you were in jail or, God forbid, dead in a ditch somewhere.”

Her voice cracked, and she sank to her knees. Her eyes shone with unshed tears.

Blast it all, he hated to see her so low. And all because of him. He knelt beside her and took her hands. “You have to go,” he told her softly. “You can’t marry the duke. I can’t see you throw your life away on him.”

Her breath hitched. “Whether I’m in London or here, I’ll have a life without you. So what does it matter?”

She shut her eyes, and a single tear fell out, which he brushed away with the pad of his thumb.

Ah, his heart was sore. “You have a chance for happiness in London,” he said huskily. “It’s better for you to go.”

Better for her.

Not for him.

But he must say it.

“You’re wrong.” She had a stubborn light in her eye. “I’ll be happy nowhere. So I choose to stay here and marry the duke. At least I’ll have his word that he won’t come after you. That will be my solace.”

Luke sighed. “You can’t trust anything he says.”

She shook her head. “You’re only making things worse.”

“And I mean to.” He stood and pulled her to her feet. “Go back to London with your parents. I want you, at least, to have a life again. And you will. It may take time, but you will.”

She looked up at him from under long, damp lashes. “You mean, you won’t?”

Damn his own hide for revealing too much. It wouldn’t help her to know that he’d suffer.

“Will you miss me that much, Luke Callahan, that you won’t have a life without me?” she persisted.

There was a long beat of silence while he considered what to tell her. He looked into her eyes and saw all his hope for happiness there. When she was gone, that hope would turn to dust.

How he wished she’d never inspired it in him in the first place!

“You’re afraid to say it, aren’t you?” Her voice was almost triumphant. “But it’s too late. You said it. You admitted that you’d have no life without me. You care about me that much.”

He glowered at her. He’d nothing left with which to defend himself. She’d taken it all.

All.

His entire life was in her hands, and he was suddenly angry. “I was fine before you came, do you understand?”

“I-I know, and I’m sorry—”

“You wrecked all the notions I had about how to live.” His wall was in pieces now, crumbled all around him.

“Truly, I’m sorry.”

“Do you think I can go on, knowing you’ve given yourself to a scoundrel?”

“You don’t have to.” She grabbed his arm. “You haven’t considered another option. I’ll run away with you. I don’t care about my title and wealth. I don’t care that you’re a groom and I’m a lady. Let’s run away. Let’s go now. I love you. And even though you haven’t said it outright, I know you love me.”

He pulled away from her. “We can’t do that.” It was the most ridiculous notion he’d ever heard, and it riled him that she was playing so free and easy with her life.

“Why not?” Her face was still alight with that damned hope. “Of course we can!”

“No.” He knew it down to his very bones. “No, we can’t.”

“Why not?”

Because he wasn’t worthy of her, that was why. Because he didn’t deserve the privilege of even being near such an angel, a tender young woman with so much love in her heart that she was willing to throw away the grand life she was meant to live to be with an ex-boxer, a soldier, and a stableman.

She didn’t know it, but he’d crush her. He was a man with no understanding of how to love. He didn’t know how to live among people and give them what they needed. He was a walking disaster who’d only bring her pain.

He swallowed. “You’re not going to throw away your life on me.”

“I won’t be; I’d be gaining it,” she said with such fervor it seared his soul.

“You’d be throwing it away,” he insisted. “And as such, I won’t consider running away with you. Do you understand?”

She stared at him, her face white.

Good. Let her hate him. “And I won’t let you marry Halsey,” he added roughly.

She shook her head. “You can’t stop me. I will marry him, damn you! I will!” She pushed on his chest. “If you won’t run away with me, that’s what I’ll do.”

“Janice—”

“So which will it be? You and me, together as husband and wife? Or me … the wife of the man sleeping above us right now?”

“Neither,” he said. “You’ll go back to London an unmarried lady. And you’ll wait for a husband who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated: with respect and love.”

She gave a short laugh. “You’re not that powerful, Luke. You may be able to crush my love under your feet—for that’s what it is, love—but you can’t make me do anything I don’t want to do.”

“I can talk to your father about Halsey—”

“Yes, and I’ll tell him you’re a highly unreliable source of information. You’re a groom in the stables. A disgruntled one.”

Frustration made him furious. “Listen to me,” he said, holding her tight. “Trust me when I say you’re not safe married to Halsey. Not only is he a danger to you; I plan to bring him down. And I don’t want you suffering with him.”

“Bring him down?” Janice gave a short laugh. “How do you propose to do that? And why? What has he ever done to you? Does this have anything to do with your mother and her mistreatment? Because I’m sorry to tell you—truly I am—but that diary was destroyed. The dowager gave it to the gardener to throw into the stove house oven. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t get you a message.”

It took everything in him not to react.

His mission … gone.

The nuns.

Still vulnerable.

His mother and father …

Unavenged.

Janice must have sensed his devastation. “Look,” she said softly. “Even if you did find evidence of your mother’s mistreatment in the journal, the current duke isn’t responsible.” He stared at her, unseeing. “Listen to me, Luke!”

He focused back in, reluctantly.

“The one responsible would be someone else,” Janice said, “and except for the dowager, the other members of the family are dead.” She took a deep breath. “I did learn something of interest about this family’s past. Something huge. But it appears to have nothing to do with your mother.”

“What?”

“About that drowning … the dowager said that Halsey’s father, Russell, left his brother, Everett, to die.”

Luke’s entire body was blindsided by a new wave of shock at hearing actual details of a family picture he’d been barely able to piece together.

“I get the impression Everett’s death was by neglect,” Janice said. “Russell simply walked away from the pond as his brother struggled. It was all I could get out of the dowager.”

Luke shook his head. What a family he came from. Such evil. Such cruelty. And his two parents both appeared to have been victims of it.

“I know it will be difficult to move on considering that your mother’s history here apparently wasn’t pleasant,” Janice said, “but I must remind you of a simple fact: Halsey’s a powerful duke who can’t be held responsible for what happened to her. You’re a groom with no influence whatsoever.”

“Am I?” He held her close. “Have I no influence over you?” She turned her face aside, but he turned her back. “You know I do.”

She said nothing, but her eyes were stormy.

“And I plan to use it,” he said. “You’re going to say yes to me right now. And later today, you’ll say no to the blackguard upstairs when he delivers his official marriage proposal. You’ll remember what I told you—that you can never be his. And it’s because you’re mine. You’ve made me admit it. Now face the consequences.”