I didn’t hold back. I told her everything.
There was a part of me that wondered if maybe I needed to stop, to question whether I should tell her anything at all. She and the Imp were…well, I wasn’t actually sure. It was clear they cared about each other, but I had always been under the impression that the Imp was impervious to love. The Fae were too cold-hearted to care, especially about a human. She might be the most magically inclined person in Wonderland but that didn’t change the fact that she was still a human. Could he be using her for information? Was he really okay with being set aside because of her?
On the other hand, I couldn’t help but need to get this load off of my chest. Maybe it would show her I wasn’t well-equipped for this job after all.
I wanted to kill Pan. And I was good with a bow and arrow, probably one of the best there was. But that didn’t mean I could actually go through with it. What if I hesitated? What if I couldn’t do it?
When I finally finished, my hot chocolate was cold and I was hungry. I only had a couple of eggs and a few packets of ramen at home, and considering the fact that I lived off ramen, it wasn’t exactly appetizing. At the same time, it was hard to force myself to be hungry after sharing that much.
You could always go back to the Blood Forest and eat some rabbit.
The potent scent of metal and blood twisted my gut and I nearly dry-heaved right there.
“And you’re sure Pan had something to do with their disappearance?” she asked.
There was something in her tone, something that caused me to pause. Curiosity clouded the words, but there was something else. It wasn’t an edge, not really, but there was a sliver of doubt, like she didn’t believe it.
“He introduced the Fairy Dust to the Wonderland community,” I said as though it was obvious. “He has his own club.”
“Yes, but…” She bit her lip, folding her paper napkin on the surface of the table. “Your brothers were, what, twelve and seven? Something like that? Why would Pan kidnap them? Or any of the Lost Boys, for that matter? That’s what doesn’t make sense to me.”
“Does it have to make sense?” I asked before I could stop myself. I dropped my hands to my lap and clutched my thighs, willing myself to control my temper. I had had years to go over this. Alice didn’t have the same concern. Her father might have been chief, but that didn’t mean she handled her father’s cases or even that she cared in the first place. She didn’t have a stake in the case.
“Well, yeah,” she said. “At least, for me. I’ve met Pan before. Plenty of times, and this doesn’t seem…” She let her voice trail off, shaking her head.
I closed my eyes. “I don’t understand,” I said. I opened them so I could lock eyes with her. “I thought you wanted to kill him. To get rid of him. But you’re trying to convince me he has nothing to do with my brother’s disappearance?”
Alice sighed. “Actually, I don’t know, to be honest.” She glanced over at me, ignoring her tattered napkin for the time being. “I’m not trying to confuse you. And I know if Rumple was here, he’d probably have the same look on his face that you have. But I’ve talked to him. I’ve…I’ve interacted with him. Certainly, he sees me as little more than dirt, but he isn’t entirely evil.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I asked. “Everyone is trying to convince me to kill him. Hell, I was practicing my targets so if I ever got the opportunity, I’d be able to do just that. And yet, you, who have a huge stake in hating him, are saying you don’t?”
“I just don’t want him to die for something he isn’t actually responsible for,” she said. “When I think about him, I’m furious with him, with what he did to his own brother. The bastard betrayed him for power. But…” She let her voice trail off. “There’s more to it. I know it deep down. I don’t think he has any secret agenda where he helps Rumple or the town, but I don’t think he has any malintention either. He just wants to rule. He wants the respect of the town. He wants them to regard him as a worthy leader.”
“Why would he assume anyone here would do that for him after everything’s that happened?” I asked. “You’re supposed to be helping me here, not confusing me.”
“I know, I know.” She rubbed her hands over her face. “The thing is, I don’t know what’s going on. Rumple seems to think Pan is going to merge the Fae and the humans, but I already know the Fae would never deign to interact on an equal basis with the humans, even if they had their magic.”
I furrowed my brows. “Then…what?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” She bit her bottom lip. “Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they attempted to reduce us to nothing more than slaves in every sense of the word. You heard about the Fae population decreasing. If they took over Wonderland and turned us into slaves, they could force the women to repopulate whether or not we wanted to. I think that’s why Rumple’s so adamant about that, because he doesn’t want anything to happen to me. But if Pan wants that respect, even from mortals, he won’t do it. But if he doesn’t, he loses his mother’s favor…” She let her voice trail off. “It’s a mess and I don’t know what the right thing is. I don’t know what to do.”
“Why don’t you have Rumple put your name into the lottery then?” I asked. Maybe I wouldn’t have to be part of it at all.
But if you aren’t, you’ll never know what happened to your brothers.
That wasn’t true.
I would. If Pan’s corruption was brought to light, if someone much more efficient than I was could gather the truth, it didn’t matter who was responsible for it, only that it was done.
Lie. This was a lie.
Alice scoffed. “First of all, Rumple would never,” she said, resting her elbows on the surface of the table. “Even if it was for the greater good, Rumple isn’t good. He might not be on the Fae’s side, but he would never risk me for the greater good.”
Something about her words struck me, caused my heart to give a bitter squeeze. It reminded me of how adamant Robin was about Maryanne being entered into the lottery. Sure, he believed I could do it, I could accomplish what was necessary to get the job done. I could be risked, which meant I could be replaced.
But Maryanne?
He would never.
I clenched my teeth together and grabbed the glass mug, bringing it to my lips before I could say something I might later regret or show my emotions on my face. My father used to tell me I was terrible at hiding the truth because of my face, and I never grew out of it, even as an adult. How I could be selected to do some grand confidential assassination was beyond me.
“...second of all, Pan would immediately recognize my name and know it was some kind of a trap,” she continued. At least she didn’t seem to know of my own inner turmoil. “He would know Rumple and I were back, and there’s a good chance he would do everything in his power to contain us. Finally, if Pan did actually accept the name, he’d only do it in order to get to Rumple. He’d use me as some kind of pawn to take his brother out.”
“He would really do that?” I asked, setting the mug down.
Alice pursed her lips, using her hand to push the scraps of napkin to the side. “I thought I understood Pan,” she said, “but he’s slippery. I don’t think anyone can truly get a handle on him. The only thing I know for sure is that he wants power and he’ll do what it takes to get it.”
“Including?”
“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “That’s the scary part. This alliance, this marriage, already tells me he’s willing to play the game. He’s willing to do his duty, no matter what, as long as it means he gets to retain power.”
“Okay,” I said, wrapping my fingers around the mug in hopes to gather some of its warmth, “but if he’s so clever, won’t he take one look at me and know I’m there to kill him?”
Alice gave me a long look. “Honestly, I don’t know,” she said. “Part of me thinks, yes, of course he will because Pan can sniff out the truth in any situation. I don’t know how he does it—probably because he doesn’t trust anyone, especially those that are actually nice to him. But then, I don’t think he’d ever admit that a mortal, a human, could ever get the best of him without him knowing. He almost wouldn’t take you seriously.”
I blew out a breath. “You seem conflicted,” I said. I wasn’t sure if I was even allowed to say it, but it was the truth.
“I am,” she admitted. “Pan is evil. He’ll do what he has to, but there’s also…” She let her voice trail off and her blue eyes flashed with something that resembled anger. “He betrayed Rumple. I’ll never forgive him for that. Out of everyone, he should know what it’s like to be completely stripped of his powers. But because he wanted to rule, it didn’t matter. He did what he thought he had to do.”
“Then…where’s the conflict?” It didn’t make any sense to me, this hesitation. If she was adamantly against Pan, especially since he had done something to hurt the Imp, then why were we even contemplating doing something other than kill Pan.
“Because I know there’s a part of him worth redeeming,” she said. “At least, trying to redeem him. I’ve seen it.”
“Couldn’t you argue that part you’re seeing is his own selfishness?” I asked. “Maybe he’s done some things that have actually benefited you, but in the great scheme of it all, isn’t that because, at the end of the day, he benefits from it as well?”
Alice opened her mouth, then closed it. “I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “I can’t say because I don’t know why he does what he does. Sometimes I do, but other times, his reasons don’t become clear until days or even weeks later. Like having a human from Wonderland enter the lottery to become his wife. Everyone knows he’s going to select a Fae bride. He wants to be King over Wonderland. Never would a King dirty up his blood with a mortal except to carry his child for him and his True Wife. And yet, they’re actually going to allow it to happen.”
“Yes, because they want to win over the people,” I said. That was an easy one to understand. “If he entertains a mortal as a wife, no one can really say he’s against humans even if he is.”
“Yes, I understand that,” Alice said, flickering her gaze out the window. “What I don’t understand is why he would care about doing so in the first place. He already has the town. It’s not like Wonderland has its magic back. So, why pretend? Why go through this farce when he could treat everyone like trash, like dirt on his boot, and no one could do anything about it?”
I chewed my bottom lip. “Maybe…maybe he knows he needs the mortals, as he so charmingly refers to us, as a way to extend his legacy?” I guessed. “I don’t know. Have you heard any rumblings about how the Fae intend to contend with that?”
Alice shook her head. “To be honest, I think they’re still in denial,” she said. “I don’t think they want to admit they need humans for anything. But…but if the Lost Boys were taken by Pan or even the Fae, I can’t help but wonder why. Is there something even Rumple doesn’t know?” She furrowed her brow, glaring at the table. “I have to talk to him about Hook. Do you think he took your brothers?”
“I didn’t think he cared,” I admitted. “Mr. Jones didn’t care about the kids. Not in a mean way, just that he had other, better things to do. There were so many girls who had crushes on him, and I think he was careful to draw a line about what was acceptable and what wasn’t. He made a lot of people cry in my grade because of those boundaries and his frank demeanor.”
“That doesn’t answer my question,” Alice pointed out.
I shifted.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
I released a breath, dropping my shoulders. “Isn’t this something you do?” I asked. “You’re kind of like a PI, aren’t you? Or, you were. Why do you care what I have to say?”
“Because you’re their sister,” she said. “I’m not trying to make assumptions, especially when it comes to things I don’t know about. But I know your family is Royal, and yet, you hang out with a bunch of thieves and misfits in the Blood Forest and live in a shitty apartment by yourself in The Zone—no offense. Which means something happened between you and them, probably after the disappearance. You’re clearly searching for them while they…” She pressed her lips together. “It’s not my place. All I know is you still search for them. You still have hope. And, if you’re anything like I was with Anna, you probably looked into it as much as you could.”
A flash of Pan in my face, threatening me –
I clenched my jaw.
I didn’t want to think about that night even though it changed me completely. Even though it was the catalyst for meeting Robin’s band of thieves and throwing myself into my own research about my brothers.
“Your opinion matters,” she said.
He always told me not to tell a single soul.
He didn’t have to threaten me.
“I know Pan is involved in the Fairy Dust,” I said. “I don’t know if that directly relates to my brothers, but I do know someone introduced it into the middle school and everyone assumed it was Mr. Jones. But Mr. Jones always put physical fitness and respecting your body into every one of his lectures, especially when a student was being lazy or didn’t want to exercise.” I locked eyes with Alice. “I don’t think it was Mr. Jones.”
She nodded once. “Then, let’s figure out who it was and get your brothers back.”