Those footsteps coming up the stairs were Helmuth’s. As the door opened and I saw him the thought leapt to my mind that he must be the Fiend in person. Or, at least, that only by Satanic means could he possibly have learned of our plan to escape, and have returned eighteen hours before he was due back in order to prevent it.
Then, thunderstruck as I was by his unexpected appearance, common sense told me that, barely two hours having elapsed since Sally had agreed to help me, he could not have known of it earlier, even by a thought wave; and, if he had stuck to his schedule he would then have been in the train coming south from Carlisle. In so brief a time nothing short of a magic carpet could have whisked him from a station en route, back to Llanferdrack; and I put that beyond what even the Devil could do for his agents in full daylight.
I was right about that, but nevertheless it transpired that his psychic powers had hastened his return. For a moment he stood in the doorway, looking at me searchingly and almost seeming to sniff the atmosphere. Then he said abruptly:
‘Well? Have you made your choice?’
Consternation, anger, hatred and fear all struggled for first place in my emotions following the shock; but, by a miracle, I managed to retain enough of my wits to realise that now Sally was on my side all was not entirely lost, and that my one hope was to play for time. So I shook my head.
‘No. I’ve been giving my mind a holiday. The events of the week before you left put such a strain on it that I found I couldn’t think coherently; so I decided not even to try to face the question till a few hours before you got back. And you said you wouldn’t be back till after lunch tomorrow.’
‘I know,’ he said; ‘but last night I felt an impulse to—er—as you would put it—consult the oracle. The stars were by no means propitious, so the portents proved unusually obscure. That does happen occasionally, even to the most gifted practitioner of the art. However, on one point I received guidance. It was to the effect that my plans might be endangered if I failed to keep you under my personal observation; so I caught the first train south this morning and hired a car to bring me from Birmingham.’
With a shrug of my shoulders I pretended an unconcern that I was far from feeling, and muttered: ‘So long as I am kept in this glorified cell with Nurse Cardew and Konrad to act as my gaolers I shouldn’t have thought you had much cause to worry.’
‘In any case, I haven’t now that I am back,’ he replied. ‘And now that your mind is rested you had better do a little serious thinking.’
That admonition ended his brief visit, and I was left to savour the gall and wormwood of my most promising attempt to escape having been nipped in the bud.
I was almost weeping with vexation, but my futile mental rebellion against this unforeseen blasting of my hopes was soon submerged by a specific anxiety arising out of the new situation. The question that made me sweat blood was—would Helmuth run into Sally on her return and find out that she had gone over to me in his absence? If he did he would sack her instantly, and I should never see her again. The thought was torture.
Half-an-hour after he had left me, that immediate anxiety was relieved by her reappearance. She was flushed with excitement, laughing, a little breathless, and carrying under her arm a brown-paper parcel containing the length of stout cord for lowering the chair. She had not seen Helmuth.
In a few words I told her what had happened. For a bit she was terribly upset—not frightened, but angry and disappointed. Then we discussed the possibility of carrying through our plans, but agreed that Helmuth having returned in such a suspicious mood our chances would be far better if we postponed our attempt for twenty-four hours, anyway.
Before we had time to go into matters further Konrad came in with my dinner, and Sally had to go downstairs to have hers.
While I ate I was again the prey of harrowing speculations. It suddenly struck me that Helmuth was almost certain to learn of Deb’s visit. If he tackled me about it, what explanation could I invent that would not involve Sally? And when he tackled her was there one chance in a hundred that her explanation would tally with mine? That passage in our activities was obviously dynamite.
Later, Sally told me that she had been equally perturbed on the same point; but she did not dare to come up to me again till half-past-nine, in case Helmuth should suspect that we had been getting together while he was away. She had seen him and reported my attempt to bribe her. That was clever of her, and had gone with a swing, as few things could have been better calculated to convince Helmuth that she still regarded him as her boss and was capable of resisting all attempts to undermine her loyalty to him.
Fortunately he still seemed to know nothing of Deb’s visit, as he had not alluded to it. We discussed that, and decided that if he asked Sally about it, she should say she had met Deb on the bridge on her way up here; that Deb had introduced herself, spoken of her forthcoming marriage, and—as one nurse to another—disclosed the fact that she simply did not know which way to turn to raise the money for her trousseau; and had had the idea of appealing to me either to give or lend her a hundred pounds as compensation for having been the cause of her losing her job. Upon which Sally agreed to let her see me and brought her up here; but what happened at the interview she does not know.
We were rather pleased with the story we concocted, as it covered Sally’s having brought Deb to the house, and is really very plausible, since nurses are notoriously ill-paid and Deb, having no family to help her, may well be up against it for cash to buy nice clothes for her wedding.
Sally and I had only just agreed on the above when Konrad came in, and, after the usual drill, they both left me for the night.
I feel terribly tired, as Helmuth’s return having baulked me when I was within an ace of getting free had exasperated me almost beyond endurance; and, added to that, I had gone through some four hours of nerve-racking fear that he might find out about Sally’s change of attitude and sack her. But that danger seemed over for the moment if we both kept our heads, and it was up to me to make yet another plan; so I endeavoured to shake off my mental fatigue and get to grips with the problem anew.
The results of my effort were lamentably poor. Helmuth had clearly been in a highly suspicious mood on his return, but having found everything as he had left it, and particularly Sally having told him of my attempt to bribe her, must have done a lot to reassure him. So the best I could hope for was that if nothing occurred to cause him to take special precautions, we might have a decent chance of making our escape tonight.
The devil of it is that he will come up this afternoon, or evening, for his answer. I am determined not to give in, but if I defy him there is the dreadful possibility that he may carry out his threat to employ the Great Spider.
God knows how I will ever bring myself to face that fearful Satanic beast, and the touch of it may well drive me insane. But Helmuth must know that, and such a possibility seems to be the only card that I have left. If he does drive me insane he will have burnt his boats as far as the short, easy way of getting control of the Jugg millions is concerned. He will get hold of them in the long run, but that will take a considerable time, and an immense amount of skilful intrigue would be required before he could oust the Trustees that might oppose his plans, and achieve absolute control of the Board. Whereas if he can get me to sign a power of attorney he will have achieved complete victory by a single stroke of the pen. So I must play on that. The Sabbath, at which I take it the Brotherhood mean to celebrate a full-scale Black Mass in the chapel here, is not to take place until Tuesday—five nights hence—so I must temporise to the utmost of my ability in the hope of winning another two or three days’ grace.
If only I can get him to postpone extreme measures until Sunday or Monday, Sally may be able to get me away before then. But there is no guarantee that he will not issue an ultimatum to me this evening; and as I lay in the dark last night, realising that in another twenty-four hours I might have to face the Great Spider, the thought alone was enough to make me sweat with terror.
It was casting frantically about in my mind for a means to defend myself that made me think of Great-aunt Sarah. What effect, if any, a bullet would have on a supernatural beast I have no idea, but I do know that I would feel considerably more courageous with a firearm in my hand if I am called on to face it.
I doubt if there is a pistol in the Castle, unless Helmuth keeps one somewhere, and, even if he does, it would be impossible to get hold of that; but there must be several shot-guns and ammunition in the gun-room, and it occurred to me that I might get Great-aunt Sarah to bring me one tonight.
In consequence, when I heard her going down the staircase in the wall behind my bed, I rapped on the panel and called her in. After making polite enquiries about the progress of her tunnel, I told her what I wanted her to do for me, and thank God, without even asking me what I meant to do with a gun up here, she readily agreed to my request.
This is a great comfort, as if I don’t need the gun tonight I can hide it behind the back of my bed; then I’ll have it handy and, in the last event, I’ll be able to fill Helmuth full of lead.
It rained this morning, so Sally and I were not able to go out on to our terrace as usual; but we had a long talk here in my room. I gave her a full account of Helmuth’s conversations with me during the few days before he went away—as I did not let her have the latter pages of my journal when she read the rest of it, because they contained several passages referring to my love for her—so she is now up to date with the whole situation and, thank goodness, she no longer doubts any part of what I told her.
She was, once more, sweetly sympathetic about the hell I have been through, and when I had finished, she said:
‘You must have done something pretty frightful in one of your previous lives to be landed with a packet like this; but at least you have the consolation of knowing that you are paying it off, and that whatever happens now you will go forward with a much cleaner start in the future.’
I looked at her in surprise. ‘Do you honestly believe that this is what the Hindus call Karma; and that there really is something in Reincarnation?’
‘Why not?’ she smiled. ‘It is the only creed which provides a logical explanation to any and every human experience; that is, if you believe that the power which created the world, and us, is both intelligent and just—and if you don’t believe that, then the whole scheme of things does not make sense.’s I smiled. ‘But does the punishment always fit the crime?’
‘Always. It is never a fraction more or less than you deserve.’
‘How about my back; what do you think I did to deserve that?’
‘It may be that you were due to learn patience as a cripple; or simply that the Nazi was paying off an old score, because long ago you had broken his back with a battleaxe, or something.’
‘Then will I have to break his again in some future life, to punish him in his turn? It seems a stupid game to go on playing tit for tat like that through all eternity.’
‘Oh no. You will be given the chance; and if you care to take it you will be in the clear, as you are entitled to give back what you get. But not a fraction more, mind. And if you are wise you will refrain from taking your revenge. It is by suppressing one’s anger, and turning the other cheek, that one achieves spiritual progress.’
‘If I did that he would get off.’
Sally shook her head. ‘No, he wouldn’t. If you denied yourself the temporary gratification of sloshing him, he would still have to pay up for having sloshed you; but it would be through some other agency. He might have his back broken in a mine disaster, or by some scaffolding falling on him while he was walking down a street. If you did break his back first you are now even, on the old eye-for-an-eye and tooth-for-a-tooth principle, so he has nothing to worry about; but if this was the first round between you he has got it coming to him in some form or another.’
‘How about the other thing? These hideous ordeals that Helmuth has inflicted on me?’
‘I think it’s pretty certain that you must have put up rather a special black to have earned those.’ She smiled a little wickedly. ‘Until people learn that it does not pay they are always exchanging blows of one kind and another—and a lie which does harm, or doing anyone an ill-turn of any kind, is just as much a blow as an actual slap in the face—but this is something different. I can only suppose that at some time or other you must have been a powerful Black Magician yourself, and have caused a great deal of misery and terror by your evil practices.’
‘That sort of thing hardly goes with wielding a battleaxe,’ I demurred.
She shrugged. ‘One does not pay all the debts contracted during one life off in the next; but one may settle old ones from several lives during one short period. That is probably what you have been doing recently.’
‘If you are right, where does all this lead to?’
‘It fits us for a higher sphere. We all start here on a very low level, as cruel, superstitious, barbarous savages. Gradually we learn this and that—to be gentle, generous, courageous in the right way, unselfish, wise, and to exercise control over all our appetites and passions. Eventually we become really fine people; we may live our last life on earth as great religious teachers, or pass it in comparative obscurity doing a great deal of good—it is quite immaterial which—but when we have learnt all there is to learn here we join the great ones who have preceded us.’
‘What happens if we fail to progress, or get worse and worse with each life we lead?’
‘That is impossible. If we are pig-headed, and ignore all the sign-posts that point the way to our becoming better people, progress will be slow; and if we give free rein to our baser instincts we slip back a bit. That is a bore, as it may mean having to go through several extra lives before the lost ground is regained. But everyone realises their faults sooner or later and makes a determined effort to eradicate them. Even an animal has the sense not to keep on getting itself hurt in the same way over and over again.’
Sally paused for a moment, then went on, her face glowing but in a low voice, almost as though speaking to herself:
‘We have free-will and we can cut short that span in a variety of ways. If we do we only have to make it up by going through another part-life, as an infant or child who dies while still young. But we cannot increase the span by a single instant, whatever we may do. When the term is over we may go home with a bad report or a good one, and any trials that we have shirked we shall have to face again later on. But death is a holiday; and between our lives here, while our spirits are no longer imprisoned in a dull and heavy body, we are infinitely more fully our real selves, and have a far greater capacity for understanding and enjoyment.
‘Unlike a school curriculum down here, the holidays are usually longer than the terms. As we have free-will we may decide that we wish to be born again almost at once, for some special purpose; but more often it is two hundred years or so before we feel impelled to enter on another trial; so it follows that a greater number of the friends we have made in many lives are always away from earth than on it, so we have the joy of being with them again. In what we call Life we are really only half alive, but constantly beset by troubles, sometimes by ill-health and often lonely; whereas what we call Death is really living to the full, without material worries of physical handicaps, and being happy in the company of those we love.’
Later
I had to break off because Helmuth came in. He mentioned Deb’s visit at once, and to my great relief I learnt that Sally had already sold him our story; so I had only to add that since I had no money I had had to refuse Deb’s request.
He then produced a lengthy legal document and said: ‘Tomorrow is your birthday, Toby, and your signature to this document then will make it a fully valid legal instrument. Are you prepared to sign it?’
‘I certainly won’t until I’ve had a chance to study its contents,’ I hedged.
He nodded, quite amiably. ‘I thought you would say that; so with a view to avoiding unnecessary delays tomorrow I propose to give it to you now. You will have plenty of time to read it through this evening.’
I took it, but made no reply, as there seemed nothing to be said.
After a moment he went on: ‘You have put up a good fight Toby, and I admire you for that. It makes me all the keener to have you become one of us. You have brains and guts, so there is a great future for you in the Brotherhood. But it is both useless and dangerous for you to fight further. So don’t try to back out tomorrow; because if you do I really shall have to turn on the heat—and you’ll find that all you have experienced to date was only child’s play compared with this next step. Instead, I want your birthday to be a happy one, marking the beginning of an entirely new treatment by which I believe we’ll soon have you well again.’
As it is of first importance that, for tonight at least, he should go happily to bed, believing that I am at the end of my resources and about to give in, I raised a smile and murmured my thanks. Then he left me.
So, without any effort on my part, I have gained the twenty-four-hour respite that I needed so desperately. It seems at last the ‘Great Ones’, as Sally calls them, have listened to my prayers.
Reverting to the fascinating conversation I had with her this afternoon. We talked a lot more about her beliefs, and they certainly ring a bell with me too. The more one thinks about them the sounder they seem. All the intolerable stupidities and injustices of mankind, which make so many people doubt the existence of a God, are explained by them. And if one accepts it that all the misfortunes and set-backs with which we meet are not blind, ugly chance, but obstacles to be surmounted from which lessons can be learned, and tests of our fortitude and courage, the struggle of life takes on a real meaning and becomes a great adventure.
She confirmed my own belief, too, that no one is ever given a trial that is beyond his capacity to bear; and that, in conjunction with all she said about death not really being Death at all, but a return to a fuller, happier Life, makes me feel now as if I were encased in a suit of shining armour.
Sally is a wonderful person. What would I not give for her to feel for me one-tenth of what I feel for her; but to have won her friendship is in itself a triumph and a benediction.
Before we parted she agreed that we dared wait no longer, but must make our bid for freedom tonight. She went off to bicycle down to the village and order the car to be at the bridge again. Our worst fear was that Helmuth might send the Great Spider to me, and thus wreck everything at the last moment; but we decided that we must chance that. Mercifully that fear has since been removed; so I have great hopes now that on my birthday morn Sally will give me the splendid gift of freedom.
Later
I hardly know how to write it. This afterooon I was full of a splendid new courage; now I am near to tears. Sally is to dine with Helmuth.
She met him on her return from the village, and came straight up to tell me. I implored her not to; but she said that she must, otherwise he would become suspicious that I had prejudiced her against him while he was away, and that might put all sorts of ideas into his head—especially after she had allowed Deb to see me during his absence, about which, it seems, he spoke to her rather sharply.
I have never before dared to broach the subject of her last dinner with him, from fear she would resent it. But I did this evening.
She shrugged and said: ‘It wasn’t particularly pleasant, and, of course, you were right about him. He played his cards skilfully enough not to be offensive, but I soon saw which way the wind was blowing. That’s why I got tight. I hate getting tight, as it always makes me feel frightful the next day. But it seemed the best thing to do.’
I stared at her in amazement. ‘Do you really mean that you deliberately got tight so that you shouldn’t care what happened?’
‘Certainly not!’ she retorted with a sudden flash of anger. ‘You must have a very poor opinion of me to think that. If you want to know the truth, I am still a virgin; and I have not the least intention of throwing my shoes over the moon until my own good time—and then it will be with a man that I really love. But if you had ever tried to make love to a girl who is drunk you would know that it is neither easy nor pleasant—particularly when she ends up by being sick in your immediate vicinity.’
Her outburst both confounded and cheered me; and, blushing at the awful gaffe I had made, I muttered: ‘I’m sorry, Sally. That was darned clever of you; but all the same, I’m afraid he won’t let you get away with that sort of thing a second time.’
‘I don’t expect him to,’ she agreed frankly. ‘And I am not looking forward to this evening’s party one little bit. But I’ll get by somehow. It may make me late in coming for you, but that can’t be helped; and if the man with the car has given up and gone by the time we get to the bridge, I’ll have to push you a bit further, that’s all.’
‘Oh, Sally!’ I begged. ‘Please, please don’t dine with him. He is capable of any dirty trick. He may put a drug in your wine or try to hypnotise you.’
She shook her head. ‘He won’t do either. When he warned me against your attempting to hypnotise me I told him that an expert had tried it on me once, and failed completely, showing that I’m not a good subject. And in view of what happened before, I have an excellent excuse this time for refusing to drink anything.’
‘All the same,’ I argued desperately, ‘he is horribly clever at getting his way with women, and absolutely ruthless. I implore you to pretend you are ill, or something, and cut it out. Even at the best it will mean your going through an absolutely beastly time for several hours, and if he gets really wrought up it may end in your actually having to fight him.’
Suddenly she stooped over my bed and kissed me lightly on the forehead, then she gave me a wan smile. ‘Don’t worry, Toby. Try not to think about it. And remember; none of us is ever given a trial that it is beyond our capabilities to bear. So help will be sent me if I really need it.’
I think the fact that she gave me that sisterly kiss makes things even worse. But Great-aunt Sarah should bring me that gun tonight. And if I learn tomorrow that Helmuth has hurt a hair of my darling Sally’s head, I swear to God I’ll kill him.