SHE LIVED IN a mansion. Of course she did. She’d flown to London in a private plane. Why wouldn’t she live in a stately marble manor across from a park? Her eyes scaled the building to the top two floors that Thomas said held their apartment. “The family used to have an estate in Bedfordshire,” he told her, “but after Grandfather’s second divorce, he decided it was too costly to maintain. Hard to keep up the grounds and support two wives.”
This was their idea of downscaling, then.
The driver pulled into the underground parking garage where they took the elevator to the fifth floor. “We have the fifth, sixth and terrace,” Thomas told her. “Fortunately, the building entrances are pretty private, but I’ve alerted Security just in case.”
“In case of what?” Rosalind asked.
“The press. Your disappearance made headlines. Once word gets out that you’ve returned home, I won’t be surprised if someone tries to snag a photo or two.”
Rosalind’s stomach went the opposite direction of the elevator. “I hadn’t thought about the press.”
Truth be told, she hadn’t thought about the fact that she would be newsworthy. How naïve of her. Dead woman returns home for Christmas miracle? The story would make headlines regardless of her last name.
“Don’t worry. I’ll do my best to protect your privacy,” Thomas told her.
“Thank you.” She stole a glance at his profile. Standing tall, shouldering her one small bag of belongings. He was less than a half a foot away, but the distance felt greater. Was it odd of her to want one of his long arms to squeeze her close as reassurance? She hadn’t forgotten how soothing his touch had been when he’d held her hand on the plane. If she “accidentally” brushed his hand with her fingers, would he take the hint and hold it again? She could use the grounding. Did she dare?
Before she could make up her mind, the elevator doors opened to reveal a black lacquer door adorned with a giant gold-and-green wreath. “Welcome home,” Thomas announced. He unlocked the door before stepping aside.
Giving her space.
Letting her control the moment.
It wasn’t too late to turn around and run back to the elevator. She could disappear into the crowds. Looking to Thomas, she saw uncertainty in his smile. He was as nervous as her. Knowing she wasn’t alone gave her the courage she needed.
With a gulp and a deep breath, Rosalind crossed the threshold.
Back at McKringle’s, whenever she tried to imagine the past she’d lost, she’d pictured living a simple life with a cozy cottage and a postage-stamp lawn. Never did she picture a black-and-white tiled hallway crowned by an enormous crystal chandelier. The grandness of it all made her itch, like she was wearing the wrong skin.
It didn’t feel right at all.
“Are you sure we’re in the right place?” she asked him, absently catching her arm.
Instantly she regretted the question when she saw a shadow of a smile, half amused, half something else, flicker across Thomas’s face. She’d hurt his feelings.
“The apartment is owned by Collier’s. We moved in temporarily when I took over as president. It was already furnished.”
That explained why the apartment didn’t feel like home. It wasn’t. Rosalind felt a little better. “For a moment I was afraid I’d switched personalities when I lost my memory.”
“Oh, no. You made a similar comment when we moved in.”
“At least I’m consistent, then.” Had she hurt his feelings then too? Really, was it all that terrible, being asked to live in luxury?
Something he said struck her. “You said temporarily. Haven’t we been here almost two years?”
“Our plans got sidetracked.”
Of course. By her accident. If they had made plans to move, Thomas probably set them aside in favor of consistency for Maddie’s sake.
The hallway stepped down into a large living room that was flanked by a spiral staircase. Above, the second floor looked down like a balcony.
In the center of the living room, a pair of teal-colored velvet sofas faced one another in front of a white brick fireplace. They were divided by a coffee table on which sat a giant urn filled with holly and fir branches. The arrangement looked like an evergreen fountain.
Propped against the urn’s face was a stuffed brown puppy, head flopped to one side.
“Is Maddie home?” She looked one way, then the other. “Is she upstairs?”
“Linus and Susan are bringing her back right now. I didn’t want to overwhelm you all at once. Plus, I wanted Susan to be here when I told her the good news. Her being a behavioral specialist and all...”
“Right, right.” All the support they could get.
Walking over to the table, she picked up the dog.
“That’s Bigsby. Surprised they got her to leave the guy behind. He’s been glued to her hand for months.”
Explained why the poor little fellow’s head flopped. The stuffing was gone from his neck from perpetually being gripped in a tiny little hand for months.
Months. This was Maddie’s security blanket. Rosalind imagined her daughter holding him tight while she slept. To keep her safe because her mother couldn’t.
Her eyes grew wet. “What if she hates me?” she said.
“Hates you? Don’t be silly. She’s going to be ecstatic that you’re home.”
So Thomas kept saying. They were all assuming Maddie would be thrilled to have her mother back. “But what if she knows?”
She turned to look in his eyes. “What if she figures out that I can’t remember her?” It was one thing to be drawn to a photograph; it was another to face the child in person. “Children are incredibly perceptive. They know when someone’s being fake. What if I can’t...don’t...?”
“You mean what if you see her as a stranger, the way you do me? It’s all right,” he said, cutting off her protest. “It’s not your fault. It’s reality.”
He brushed past her and stood by the fireplace with his back to her. Rosalind wondered if the position was to keep her from seeing his expression. Reality or not, her continual reminders had to hurt. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t hide all his disappointment, and he was an adult capable of understanding the situation. Maddie was a little girl.
Joining him, she stopped a breath shy of his shoulder. “I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have,” she said.
“Neither do I,” he replied. “If I thought that was the case, I wouldn’t let you near her.”
For the first time, Rosalind noticed the photo frames on the mantle. Thomas reached for one and handed it to her. It was of her and Maddie as a toddler, sitting together in an overstuffed chair. They were reading a picture book about a rabbit.
“Call me insane, but my gut says that the kind of bond you two had can’t be erased like memory,” he said.
“Why not? I forgot you.” There she went again, pouring salt on the wound.
“Different case.”
“How so?” From what she could see, he was immensely memorable. His eyes had been dogging her thoughts all week. “You’re my husband. Don’t we have a bond, as well?”
“Sure but, you didn’t carry me in your belly for nine months.”
He took the frame and set it back in its place. “I know you’re worried, but I assure you, the last think I would do is throw you—or Maddie—to the wolves. I plan to talk with Maddie before she sees you. I’ve met with a therapist, and she gave me some tips on how to broach the subject in a way she’ll understand.”
Some of the weight lifted from her shoulders. “Thank you.”
“Not that you need to worry about faking your feelings too much. Our daughter is extremely adorable. You’ll fall in love the moment you see her. I guarantee.”
“Another promise. You’re taking a big risk.”
“When it comes to Maddie, there’s no risk at all. Our daughter is that lovable. Just like—”
“Bigsby?” she interrupted, his sentence making her nervous.
Thomas nodded. “Exactly. Like Bigsby. Oh, before I forget. I meant to give this to you on the plane.” He dug into his front pocket and pulled out an object. “You left this at the cottage.”
A wedding band.
She’d wondered why her left hand was bare, but assumed she’d lost the ring during those missing weeks. “I took it off?” That didn’t make sense.
“You don’t like to wear jewelry when you’re doing fieldwork,” he told her. “I found it on the bureau when we were collecting your belongings. May I?” He reached for her hand.
It was the contact she’d hoped for, but at the wrong time. Having him slip the ring on her finger felt too intimate, too much like a commitment she wasn’t ready to make.
“I can do it.” Taking the ring from him, she slipped it over her knuckle. Channel-set diamonds glittered uncomfortably from her hand. “Thank you for keeping good care of it.”
“Of course,” was his answer. He’d turned again, so she couldn’t see his face. The avoidance was a relief, actually; she already felt horrible enough. He was trying so hard to strengthen their connection and falling short every time. If only she could remember something—anything—to mute his disappointment.
“Where is she? Where is she?” Rosalind could hear the high-pitched squeal through the closed doors. Thomas had been talking to Maddie for the past twenty minutes.
Twisting her wedding band, she paced back and forth across the Oriental rug. Any moment now, the doors would open and she would be seeing her daughter.
Please don’t let me mess up, she prayed. Please.
“Mummy!” The doors burst open and a forty-inch force of nature flew into the room. “Mummy! You’re back!”
Rosalind barely had time to prepare herself before the little girl hurled herself into her midsection. “You’re home. You’re home. You’re home,” she squealed.
Little arms squeezed her midriff. “I missed you, Mummy,” a tiny voice murmured into her sweater.
Rosalind thought her heart might explode then and there as feelings, unfamiliar yet familiar, filled her chest. “I missed you too, sweetie.” Her whisper cracked over the words.
Kneeling so they would be at eye level, she combed her fingers through Maddie’s brown hair. The photos didn’t do her justice. Those eyes. Those cheeks.
Thomas was right; she was precious.
“I missed you too,” she repeated, more strongly this time. “I’m sorry I was gone for so long.”
“Daddy said you bumped your head and got lost.”
The simplified explanation made her smile, even as her eyes watered. “Something like that.”
“I also told her you came home as soon as you could.”
Looking over Maddie’s shoulder, she saw Thomas watching the reunion with a soft wistful expression and felt a flutter in her chest. She caught his attention and mouthed, “Thank you.” Thomas nodded.
Meanwhile, Maddie continued to cling for her life. Because Rosalind was kneeling, the child couldn’t bury her face anymore, so she wrapped her arms around Rosalind’s neck and rested her chin on her shoulder.
“Daddy and I thought you were in heaven with the angels, but I wrote to Santa and asked him if he would let you come home for Christmas,” she said.
With each word, her chin dug into Rosalind’s shoulder. Not minding a bit, Rosalind pulled her closer. “You did?”
Without releasing her grip, Maddie pulled back, looked Rosalind in the eye and nodded. “Because God and Santa are friends.”
She looked so serious about the matter, her deep blue eyes matching her father’s, Rosalind wanted to squeeze her tight. Was it possible to fall in love at first sight? Or was Thomas right and some feelings ran deeper than memory?
“I guess now that I’m back, you’ll have to ask Santa for something else for Christmas,” she said.
“You can’t. Santa only gives you one wish. Jaime Kensington asked for a pony and a racing car and a doll’s house, but I don’t think that’s fair.”
“Well, I think in this case, Santa might let you have a second wish,” Thomas said. “You’ve been very good.”
She pursed her lips in thought for a few seconds. “You’re not going to get lost again, are you, Mummy? Do you have to go back after Christmas? Because I forgot to ask Santa to let you stay longer.”
Thinking about the agreement she’d made with Thomas, Rosalind winced. “I promise I won’t leave you again. You will always know where I am. Cross my heart.” It was as true a promise as she could make under the circumstances and an easy one as well, much to her surprise.
“Yay!” And once again Rosalind found herself in the grips of a pint-sized bear hug. “And Santa doesn’t have to bring me anything if he doesn’t want to. Except maybe cookies. And a friend for Bigsby.”
“Is it all right to come in?”
Linus appeared in the open doorway. Next to him stood a shorter woman with a mass of curly hair. Their sister, Susan, Rosalind presumed.
“Sorry to interrupt the reunion. We promise we aren’t going to stay long,” Susan said, coming into the room. “I just wanted to say welcome back. I still can’t quite believe you’re here in front of us.”
Whereas Linus had greeted her with warmth, Susan’s greeting was far less effusive. She gave Rosalind a quick kiss on the cheek, before drawing back and assessing her.
“You put everyone through quite a fright these past six months. Thomas and Maddie were crushed when the authorities found your empty car,” she said.
“It kills me to think that I put them through the anguish.”
“I’m sure. Fortunately, you’re back safe and sound. For good, I hope.” Although the last line was delivered with a smile, something about it made Rosalind want to squirm. Did she know about the trial period? Was that it?
“And, with that, we are leaving. Come along, Susan. I’ll take you to tea.” Grabbing his sister by the hand, Linus reached out with his other to ruffle Maddie’s hair. “Have fun with Mummy, Maddie-cakes. Oh and, Thomas, turn your phone back on. I’ve been fielding panic calls from the office for the last hour.”
Thomas sighed. “What now?”
“Let’s just say Legal’s involved and leave it at that,” his brother said. He continued dragging Susan toward the door. “Goodbye again, Rosalind. We’re glad you’re home.”
Rosalind watched the two them depart, then turned to Thomas, whose expression had darkened slightly.
“What does that mean? Legal’s involved?” she asked.
“Nothing good. Never is when lawyers are involved.” Taking Rosalind’s elbow, Thomas helped her to her feet while Maddie continued to hold fast, and led them to one of the sofas.
“No, I suppose it isn’t.” She frowned. “Were there problems between your sister and me?”
“What do you mean?”
“The way she spoke. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was angry with me.”
“That’s just Susan being Susan. She doesn’t do big emotional scenes very well. How are you doing, sweet pea?” He tweaked Maddie’s nose. “Happy Mummy’s home for Christmas?”
“Uh-huh. Can we put up the Christmas tree now? And decorate it? And put candles in the windows?”
“Whoa, easy does it. Your mummy just got home. There’s plenty of time before Christmas yet.”
Conversation nicely deflected. She made a note to probe deeper later on. At the moment, she wanted to focus on Maddie who, despite Thomas’s admonishment, not only wanted the tree decorated and stocked with presents, but three different types of Christmas pastries baked.
“We don’t even have a tree,” she pointed out. “Shouldn’t that be the first step?”
“We could get one tonight,” Maddie replied. “I saw them when Uncle Linus took me to see the Gingerbread City. You said I could put the angel on top this year. And can we have snowflakes?”
Her enthusiasm had Rosalind exhausted, and they hadn’t yet started. She could see what Thomas meant about her being persistent.
“What do you think?” she asked Thomas. She needed him to help slow Maddie down. However, he was reading something on his phone and didn’t hear her.
“Thomas?”
“Sorry,” he said, looking up. “Legal buzzed with a text.”
Of course they did.
The caustic thought popped into her head unbidden. Where did it come from? And why did it leave her agitated?
“Tell you what,” Thomas said to Maddie. “How about if I call and make arrangements for a tree to be delivered tomorrow? The three of us can decorate it tomorrow night. That will give Mummy time to catch up on everything she’s missed while she was gone.”
“Did you forget where your room is? I can show you,” Maddie offered.
“I’d rather see your room,” Rosalind said. “Daddy told me it’s a new color.”
“Purple! Daddy and Uncle Linus painted it. I wanted purple curtains too, but Daddy hired some lady who made them with orange flowers instead.” The little girl rambled on about Linus getting purple paint in his hair.
“Wow. Sounds like Uncle Linus isn’t much of a handyman.” She looked to Thomas expecting a response, but he was again reading his phone. “If you need to call them back...” she said, checking the sigh that rose with her words.
To say Thomas looked apologetic was an understatement. “It’ll only take a second, I promise.”
Right. Again, the thought was unbidden. This was obviously not the first time these thoughts had plagued her.
“Don’t be sad, Mummy.”
Shaking her thoughts away, Rosalind smiled at Maddie. “Why would I be sad? I’m back home with my favorite little munchkin.”
“About Daddy working. He doesn’t do that anymore.”
“He doesn’t?”
“He used to work all the time, but then you got lost and now he doesn’t.” Maddie jumped off the sofa and held out a hand. “Come on, Mummy. Let’s go and see my room.”
But as they headed upstairs, Maddie chatting a mile a minute, Rosalind couldn’t shake the feeling of agitation in the pit of her stomach. The annoyed reactions, his sister’s coolness, the missing wedding band. Why did she get the feeling there was a piece to her history that Thomas wasn’t sharing?
It was close to midnight when Thomas dragged himself back to the apartment. Nights like this were exhausting, especially when he’d much rather be home with Rosalind and Maddie, but he was committed to securing Collier’s future. It was his family’s legacy. His daughter’s legacy. And, he’d be damned if he was going to be the Collier who led the company to ruin. If he could just get this botanical line launched. It was the first project he’d created from concept to product, the first Collier’s product where he was the Collier in charge, and everything rode on its success.
Rosalind never understood...
No. He shook away the thought. He was the one who’d messed up, not Rosalind. This time would be different. He’d show her.
He just needed to get through this launch.
The house was dark as he made his way upstairs. Checking in Maddie’s room, he found her in bed, arms flung akimbo in a deep, carefree sleep. He retrieved Bigsby from the floor and propped the dog next to her pillow before kissing her good-night and closing the door. By habit, he walked straight across the hall to his room, his hand just about on the handle when he remembered. Rosalind was in there. He’d relegated himself to the spare room for the unforeseeable future. Out of respect for her condition.
He nearly groaned. How respectful was he now with his body aching to peer inside? For six long months, there’d been nothing but emptiness on her side of the bed. He longed to feel the warmth of her body pressed tight against his.
Soon. He meant what he’d told her. He would do everything in his power to convince her she should stay past the holidays. It would be the best Christmas present he could ever ask for.
He went down the hall to his room.
At first, when he heard the noise, he thought it was Maddie having one of her bad dreams. Half stumbling, half hopping into his pajamas, he headed to her room only to realize the noise came from the master bedroom. Rosalind was the one having the nightmare. Through the heavy door, he could hear her moaning.
Without giving it a second thought, he rushed inside to find Rosalind fighting the covers, her legs thrashing about and getting tangled in the thick duvet. Just as he did when Maddie had her dreams, Thomas sat on the mattress’s edge and stroked the hair from her face.
“Shh,” he whispered, making sure to keep his voice soft and gentle. “Everything’s all right.” With his free hand, he pulled the covers away from her flailing limbs. Freed from the tangles, Rosalind’s arm swung wide, smacking him on the side of the head.
Oof! He grabbed her wrist to keep her from hitting him again, then curled his other hand behind her head. “Wake up, sweetheart. You’re having a bad dream.”
As he spoke, he lifted her into a sitting position until her cheek rested against his shoulder. She was gasping for breath, so he let his hand slide from her neck to her spine, gently stroking up and down until he felt her breathing calm.
An arm slipped around his arm to grip his shoulder.
“That’s right,” he whispered. “You’re safe.”
“I... I...” Rosalind lifted her head. Thomas could feel the air from her parted lips hitting his. “What...?”
“You were having a nightmare,” he repeated.
He wished he hadn’t spoken. As soon as she heard his voice, she tore from his grip, hitching backward until she was pressed against the headboard. Thomas swallowed back the punch her panic sent to his gut.
“You were yelling. I heard you crying out through the wall.”
“I was...”
The light from the hallway leaking into the room was just enough that he could see her eyes fall to his bare chest. The man in him took pleasure in her awareness. Lord knows he was painfully aware of her bare legs.
“I was underwater,” she said after a pause, “and I couldn’t breathe. I kept trying to get my head above the surface, but I was stuck. There was something holding me in place. I think it was a seat belt.”
The hair on Thomas’s arms started to stand up. “You were dreaming about the accident?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. All I know is I was sure I was going to die. Then I heard your voice and...” She combed the hair from her face with her fingers. “Could I have some water?”
“Or course.” Reluctant as he was to pull away, he walked to the bathroom. When he came back, she was sitting propped by a pillow with the covers pulled up once more.
“Could you really hear me through the walls?” she asked as he handed her the glass.
“Thought it was Maddie at first, having one of hers.”
“Maddie has nightmares?”
“Every now and then. I suspect they’ll be better now that you’re back.”
“I caused her nightmares.”
The guilt in her voice stung him. “She missed her mother. It’s not your fault. You didn’t have an accident and wander Scotland with amnesia on purpose.”
“If I did, then we’re talking even bigger problems.”
“Yes, we are.”
Taking the cup from her hand, Thomas placed it on the nightstand. She looked pale and shaky in the dim light. The vulnerability of it all struck him hard. Without thinking twice, he was on the edge of the bed again, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand. “Feeling better?” he asked. She nodded, and his nerves relaxed a little. “Good. Then let’s finish tucking you in.”
He waited until she lay down before pulling the covers to her chest and molding them to her sides. Same way he did when Maddie needed tucking in.
Though in his mind, he wasn’t thinking about Maddie. He was seeing Rosalind’s cotton T-shirt and thinking about the long legs exposed below.
I never did like fancy lingerie.
“What’s the point if you’re sleeping?”
Thomas ducked his head, unaware he’d spoken his thoughts aloud. “So you always used to say.”
The air turned awkward as they both fell silent. He should move, thought Thomas. Stand up and let her return to sleep. Instead, he sat on the edge of the mattress with his hands resting on either side of her arms. The closest thing to an embrace he could have.
“Thank you for the water,” Rosalind said. “And for coming to my rescue.”
“Anytime.” He was sorry he’d failed her to the point she’d ended up having nightmares in the first place.
“You must be tired. What time is it, anyway?”
“A little after two, and don’t worry. I’m used to not getting a lot of sleep.”
“You work late a lot.”
Something shifted and Thomas felt a tension that wasn’t there before. His guilty conscience, he supposed. “Only in cases of emergencies these days, I promise.” Unfortunately, this launch threatened to have a lot of emergencies. “I’m sorry I ruined your homecoming.”
“It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not. You deserve special. Besides, I promised you that I would be so charming and debonair that you’d forget all about this trial visit idea of yours.”
“Forget?” She gave a soft snort.
“Discard then,” he replied with a grin. Discard, forget, toss aside. All of those. “I promise that tomorrow I will make everything up to you. We’re talking full-on charm offensive.”
“Sounds more like a battle than a homecoming.”
“Well, you did issue a challenge back in Lochmara, and I never—” he leaned in for emphasis “—back down from a challenge. You won’t be able to resist.”
With that, he dipped his head, not too far but enough that he heard her breath hitch in expectation. It was a noise he hadn’t heard in a long time, and damn if he hadn’t missed it down to his core.
If she wasn’t in a vulnerable place and if he weren’t such a gentleman...
“I’ll let you get some sleep,” he whispered.
Indulging himself in one more feathery brush of her cheek, he rose and headed to the door.
“Thomas?” Her voice called out as he reached the door. “Would you mind...?”
Closing the door tight behind him? He waited for the command. “What do you need?”
“Never mind. I don’t want to put you out.”
“Don’t be silly. If you need something, all you have to do is ask.”
She looked down at her lap, her hands fidgeting atop the duvet. “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind sitting with me a little longer. Just until I fall asleep.”
Sit. Her choice of words was obvious as she pointed to the wingback chair in the corner by the armoire. Still, he wasn’t one to refuse the opportunity. Pulling the chair closer to what was normally his side of the bed, he sat down with one foot perched on the mattress. “Have you had a lot of nightmares? Since the accident?”
“Back when Christopher found me and I was in the hospital, I had them, but this is the first time in a long time. And it’s the first time I’ve dreamt with such detail. Before they were more vague and foggy.”
“That’s a good sign. Maybe you’re starting to remember.”
“Or I looked at too many accident scene photos,” she replied.
“You don’t believe that’s the case though, do you?” He recognized downplaying when he heard it. She was afraid to be too hopeful.
“It seemed so real. I could feel the water closing in on me and the steering wheel...”
Thomas heard the rustling of sheets as she kicked her legs again. Instantly, he put his hand on her knee to stop her from moving. “You’re trembling.”
“Like I said, the dream was very real.”
Forget keeping his distance. He stretched out atop the duvet and pulled her to his side before she could utter a protest. That she went so willingly spoke volumes.
“Luckily for you, there’s no water within miles of this bedroom, unless you count the fountain in the park, and I don’t think that’s in danger of overflowing all the way to the sixth floor. Certainly be interesting if it did though.”
She capitulated without argument when he urged her head to his shoulder, sending a surge of pleasure through him. Not sexual pleasure, but happiness that she trusted him. Who knows? Tomorrow they could be back to being awkward around each other, but for now the distance had been breached. A little, anyway.
“Can you imagine? Boats sailing down St. James’s Street? Be a sight, wouldn’t it?” He combed her hair with his fingers. Slow, methodical strokes aimed at soothing the tremors from her body. Little by little, her muscles began to relax, her breath becoming deeper and slower.
“Tell me something,” she murmured, her breath ghosting across his bare chest. “About us.”
“Should I tell you about the first time we went hiking? It was right after we met and we decided to climb Cat Bells. Proper city boy that I was, I’d never done much hiking, but I didn’t want you to know that. So a couple days before we left for the weekend, I went out and bought brand-new hiking gear. Then I drove over the stuff with my car a couple times to make it look used.”
“Your car?” she slurred.
“A couple of pints may have been involved in creating the idea. Anyway, the day of the hike there I was in my brand-new, completely trashed hiking gear all set to impress you and...”
He paused. Rosalind’s breath had evened out. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on the sound of his heart beneath Rosalind’s cheek. “I got the biggest blisters you’ve ever seen that weekend, but I didn’t say a word,” he whispered. “Because you were having the time of your life. I’d do anything to win that smile.”
He pressed a lingering kiss to the top of her head. “If it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to earn that smile again.”