Two days later
Cali slammed the bathroom door as she exited, and tightened the belt on her robe. Dread seemed to fill every cavity of her body as she paced the hallway. The solace of her normally quiet home was interrupted by her loud thoughts. She nibbled on her thumbnail, or what was left of it. Glancing at her watch, she hurried to the front room and pulled her iPad out of its case.
“This sucks,” she grumbled to herself as she tried to figure out how to work her new tablet. “Ugh.” She shook it, flipped it over, and pushed a few buttons. “That damn Red. I told him I didn’t want this one. It’s too complicated.” Tempted to fling the damn thing across the room, she took a deep breath and tried again. When it finally powered on, she sighed with relief.
Calisa scanned the preloaded apps and tapped the Skype button. After she punched in the address, she dabbed her eyes with a Kleenex, angry at the tears threatening to fall. She could not be teary-eyed when she talked to her best friend. It was bad enough that she was crying in the first place, and over a guy, no less. And not just any guy. The one man that could ruin everything she wanted to accomplish, with his hazel eyes and perfect everything. Ugh.
Although Cali and Red had been sharing each other’s beds for years, they had yet to set expectations for each other—and that was the way she liked it. She didn’t want or need a relationship because she was perfectly content with her life the way it was—no complications, no demands, and no stupid lovesick declarations.
But after she’d left Red the other night, she couldn’t get the look in his eyes out of her head. Something had changed in him—and her, if she was being honest. It was in his eyes, in the way he talked to her and the way he treated her. The sex felt more meaningful than it had in the past. It had been more than scratching an itch. That’s why she’d left so quickly, even before room service arrived with the dessert she’d ordered. Red had a sweet tooth and she’d arranged for a huge piece of cheesecake, fresh fruit, and a bottle of wine to be delivered. The original plan had been to spend the evening getting it in with Red, enjoying his company. Instead, she’d paid the front desk for the dessert and left the hotel. She couldn’t shake the feeling that things were going to change between them if she didn’t put the brakes on it. After all, she couldn’t afford to risk her heart and her livelihood, even for him.
Then there was the despair she felt even thinking about ending things with him. All in all, she was a walking contradiction.
Sydney finally appeared on the screen and Cali sighed, grateful to see one of her favorite people. “Syd! You’re a sight for sore eyes. I miss you.”
Syd tugged at her one-size-too-small shirt then burped. “Oops. Sorry. Bad indigestion, Cali. What’s going on? Are you crying?” she asked, her hazel eyes fixed on Cali. Even though they were miles apart, Syd always knew when something was wrong. They had a sister soul-tie.
“Allergies,” Cali lied. “How are you?”
“This baby is kicking my ass,” Syd answered, shifting in her seat. “Literally. My butt actually hurts.”
Cali smiled at her very pregnant friend. “You look so pretty, Syd.” She was always beautiful, but she seemed to have a glow. Her light brown skin was flawless and her normally wavy hair was straightened and hanging down her back. “You don’t have too much longer.”
“Please,” Syd said, waving her hand. “Two months is too long. And Morgan won’t leave me alone. It’s like this baby is a magnet. He’s all over me.”
“That’s not a bad problem to have, babe.”
“Yeah, I guess not, but my body is on fire. My ankles look like logs and I waddle. Can you believe that? Look at this.” Syd tilted the screen and lifted up her leg to give Cali a look.
“Wow, they are huge.” Calisa laughed when Syd frowned. “Maybe you should prop your feet up. What are you doing?”
“Packing,” Syd said. “I have to make sure I have everything I need.”
Wanting to prolong the inevitable, Cali told her friend, “Stand up and show me your belly.”
Syd rolled her eyes. “Hell no! You’ll see it tomorrow.”
As happy as Cali was to connect with her best friend, her thoughts kept drifting back to her problem. She wiped her eyes again when Syd’s attention turned to something else. She truly missed her friend. It had been months since Syd had packed her bags and moved to Baltimore with her boyfriend, Morgan. As a result, Cali was forced to try and form new friendships; and she was not that interested in breaking in someone else.
Syd folded up a shirt then focused her attention back on Cali. She narrowed her eyes. “You look pale. Are you sick?”
“Thanks, Syd,” Cali said with a pout. “Way to make me feel pretty.”
“You know you’re a stone cold fox,” Syd said. “By the way, I love those highlights.”
Normally, she’d agree with that. Modesty wasn’t her strong suit. “Thanks. I was a little nervous about going so light, but I like it.”
“What’s going on?” Syd asked, munching on a bag of garlic bread-flavored chips.
Cali guessed she probably did look a little unhinged. Looking down at her attire, she wondered what Syd would say if she saw her outfit. She was wearing brown pajama bottoms and a black t-shirt with white polka dots. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail.
“Girl, let me see what you have on,” her friend said, as if she’d read her mind. “Polka dots? And what’s with your hair, girlfriend? Do we have to schedule a spa trip when I get back?”
“I’m taking a sick day.” Cali absently tugged on her loose shirt. The migraine that had kept her up half the night was finally gone, but she still felt like crap. Probably because her headache was the least of her troubles. “Don’t judge me.”
Syd dipped a potato chip into a bowl of…
Tilting her head, she tried to make out to the contents of the bowl Syd was currently dipping her chips into. “Is that ice cream and chips? Yuck. Now, I see why you’re waddling,”
“Don’t hate,” Syd scolded through a mouth full of nastiness. “This is some good stuff. It would taste even better if I had a cheesesteak hoagie with extra, extra cheese. I can’t wait to get to Gabriel’s when I get there.”
Cali frowned. Just the thought of a hoagie was doing all kinds of weird things to her stomach. Which was part of the reason she’d called her friend in the first place. Any other time, she would have perked up at the prospect of eating the famous sandwiches. Gabriel’s was a staple in Sydney’s hometown of Ypsilanti, and it was one of the few places to eat that was worth the drive from her home in Troy, Michigan, about fifty miles away.
Cali bit down on her lip. “Syd?”
Syd bit into a pickle and moaned. “This is so good.”
“Syd?” Cali’s voice rose to pull her friend’s attention away from the array of odd food pairings.
“What’s up?” Syd wiped her hands with a napkin and focused her attention on the screen. “You seem troubled. And you’re crying and lying about allergies. I’m a little concerned. You know I’ll be there tomorrow, and you still wanted to Skype tonight. I wasn’t going to say this, but you’re kind of scaring me. Is everything okay?” Syd gasped, alarm growing in her hazel eyes. “Is it Red?”
Yep. “I’m not sure if everything is okay, but I can’t talk to you about this when you get here because Red will be with us. And this is a girlfriend conversation.”
Red had already made plans for his sister when she arrived the next day. It would be a full day, starting with lunch at Gabriel’s, then shopping for the baby. He was excited to spend time with his “little” sister, and that’s why Cali knew she’d never be able to get a moment alone with Syd. And she needed one.
Leaning back, Syd smoothed a hand over her growing belly. “Shoot, do I have to brace myself for this? Just spill it.”
“Okay.” She clutched the tablet and blurted out, “I made love to your brother.”
Her friend arched a finely shaped brow at her. “Is that supposed to be a news flash?”
“Without a condom,” Cali added, bracing herself for her bestie’s reaction.
After a few nail-biting seconds of silence, Syd cleared her throat. Rolling her eyes, she said, “Do you think you’re pregnant, Cali? Because if so, that would be so freakin’ awesome!” She screamed in delight. “My baby would have someone to play with.”
Cali glared at her friend, horrified that she was actually excited when she was so miserable. “I’m going to need you to dial it down a few notches. In whose world is that awesome?”
Syd covered her smile. “I guess we’re not happy about this, huh?”
“Why would I be happy?” Cali shouted incredulously. “In case you’ve forgotten—although I don’t know how you could—I don’t have a man. So why would I be happy about a possible pregnancy?” The thought of being pregnant mortified her.
“But Red—”
“Is not my man,” she repeated. “We’re fuck buddies.” Okay, so that was the lie of the century. She could classify their relationship as many things, but that wasn’t one of them. Sighing, she continued. “Syd, I’m not pregnant. I had my diaphragm in. But we’ve never had sex without double protection.”
She was tempted to take a test, though. Just to be sure. In fact, there was one sitting on her bathroom sink, but she’d decided not to waste it.
“But that’s not the point,” Cali continued. “Did you hear what I said?”
With a confused look on her face, Syd frowned. Shrugging, she asked, “Can you make it plain? Pregnancy brain. It’s a real thing.”
Cali bit her lip, hesitant to reveal the rest. But she needed to get it out. “I just told you I made love to your brother and you don’t know what the problem is?”
Syd’s eyes widened, realization dawning on her. “Made love? Without a condom? You lost control.”
“Exactly. That’s the problem,” Cali said. She’d never actually had sex with anyone without protection, even though she always wore her own. It was actually something she prided herself on. There would be no accidental pregnancies unless Jesus made it so. “The lines are blurred. And your brother is going to ruin my life.”
“So you’ve graduated from booty call to something more with Red. It was bound to happen, and it’s not the end of the world.”
“It is when I don’t want it,” Cali argued. “I like things the way they are. Every time I’m with him, he asks me to stay or he wants to stay. Everything in me is screaming to end this thing between us before it destroys our friendship.”
“I thought I was the dramatic one,” Syd muttered sarcastically. “Cali, you’re overreacting. And you’re running. If Red makes you happy, why not be with him?”
That was an easy question. The answer was much harder and one that Cali had been struggling with for months. “We want different things in life. Shit, I have goals; career goals.”
Cali was an event manager at one of the largest hotel chains in the area. She’d also arranged events for many of the top politicians in the Detroit area and had recently been in talks with their other best friend, Allina, to combine their resources and open a niche store, specializing in wedding planning. Well, that was until Allina had up and left the state to follow a man. Even so, Cali was determined to step out and go into business for herself.
“Relationships complicate things. You should know that more than anybody. I don’t want to give up what I want for anyone.”
Syd pouted. “Why? I get the feeling that you think I’m selling out by being with Morgan and having this baby.”
It wasn’t that long ago that Syd had been in the precarious position of possibly being pregnant by her ex-fiancé’s brother. Syd had spent years with Caden, until he’d cheated on her months before their wedding, leaving her heartbroken and devastated. Caden’s brother Morgan had been there to pick up the pieces, and they eventually fell in love and took a chance on being together. Her poor friend had been through so much. Looking at Syd, though—beautiful and pregnant and happy—Cali knew that it was worth it in the end.
“Syd, no,” Cali insisted. “I think you’re incredibly brave to go after what you want. It’s just not me. I know you’ll be a great mother. You love kids. And I think you can have it all. I don’t think it’s in the cards for me. I have anxiety whenever I spend more than twenty minutes with the little rugrats. I don’t want kids. I never did.”
It wasn’t because she didn’t like kids. In fact, it was the opposite. But there was a huge difference between loving a niece and having a child of her own. Diapers and throw up was not what’s up. Neither was being in a committed relationship, sharing a life with another person. It was a risk, a chance she didn’t want to take. She’d already given her heart to a man who didn’t deserve it and she’d vowed to never do it again. Red was supposed to be easy, but now he terrified her on so many levels. She found herself wanting to be with him, despite her fear of being hurt—or hurting him.
“Fine.” Her friend gulped down a big glass of water. “So what are you going to do?”
“Things were fine until this hotel romp the other day. I was so intent to be with him, I left a date to meet him in his room. What the hell was that?”
“Okay, calm down.” Syd popped a chip in her mouth. “It’s going to be okay.” She touched the screen. “This is me, holding your hand.”
Cali closed her eyes, tears threatening to spill. “Thank you. I had to tell someone. I know what I have to do, but the thought of doing it makes me feel sick to my stomach.”
Syd burped, then giggled. “Sorry,” she murmured. “When do you plan on talking to Red? If every instinct is telling you that your friendship will be ruined by continuing with your little arrangement, then it should be sooner than later.”
“I don’t know,” Cali said, frowning at Syd. Her friend had tried to hide the smirk on her face by turning away and faking a cough. “Why are you smiling and I’m on the verge of tears?”
Syd wiped her face. “I can’t help it, Cali. I think it’s funny… and cute. You think I can have it all, but you can’t. Why?”
“Because I’m not the settling down kind.” Cali crossed her arms over her chest.
“You could be.”
Rolling her eyes, Cali muttered a curse. “Stop trying to make this something it’s not.”
“No, I think it pretty much is,” Syd said, her hazel eyes fixed on hers. “You want him. But you’re not ready to admit it. That’s fine. But I just worry that when you are, it’ll be too late.”
Cali couldn’t say that Syd was wrong. In fact, she was pretty sure her friend was right. But that was a chance Cali was willing to take. It was better than the alternative. Jumping in headfirst and knocking herself out when it didn’t work.
“I’m a little stressed,” Cali said, preferring to sidestep the conversation about her true feelings. “I don’t feel good.”
“Okay, I know when you’re changing the subject,” Syd groaned, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. “It’s not even like you to be this dramatic. That’s my thing. You must really be scared.”
“I’m terrified,” Cali admitted, standing up and pacing the room. Tears pricked her eyes and she finally let them fall. Unable to stop crying, she grabbed a towel from the mound of folded ones sitting on her dresser and sobbed into the soft material.
“Cali, talk to me,” Syd said, concern in her voice.
Gripping the edge of the dresser, she tried to get her breathing under control. “I do hear what you’re saying. I’ve gone over all of the reasons to just give in and be with him, but our differences are not simple things to get over. I feel like I’m being overly dramatic but there are so many things running through my mind. Like the fact that Red wants kids and I don’t.”
“That is definitely something to consider,” Syd agreed. “I know my brother. He wants children. He wants the chance to be a father.”
Syd was right. Red had a daughter that he’d yet to meet. The mother had vanished into thin air. He’d never seen his little girl and it tore him up inside. He’d been looking for her for months. He deserved to be a father and Cali knew he wanted it more than anything. It was a major hurdle to a potential committed relationship with him and more proof that long-term wasn’t in the cards for them. They should never be more than friends with benefits.
“Syd, I need to stop sleeping with your brother.” She plopped down on her bed and picked up the tablet so she could see her friend. “We’re fundamentally different people. It makes no sense to continue down this road with him.”
“As much as I hate to admit it, you have a point.” Syd grimaced as if she were in pain and let out a long sigh. “And a decision to make.”
“Are you okay? You look like you’re in pain.”
“I told you my butt hurts,” Syd said simply.
Cali laughed out loud and it felt good. “I love you, and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Too bad you can’t have a glass or two… or three with me.”
“I hear wine is good for babies,” Syd said, giggling.
“You will not have Morgan trying to slay me for giving you any alcohol.”
Morgan Smith was head over heels in love with her best friend and willing to fight the world on her behalf. He wouldn’t think twice about cursing Cali out if she gave Syd anything that could potentially harm her pregnancy.
“He won’t be there. I can have a little sip,” she insisted.
“Nope, but you can certainly watch me.”
They burst out laughing together. After a few minutes of small talk, Cali disconnected and tossed the tablet on the bed. She shuffled to the bathroom to check her face in the mirror. At the sight of all the snotty tissues on the sink, she picked up the small trashcan and swept the tattered pieces into the bag. She pulled the bag out and tied it before she opened the bathroom door.
“What have you been doing in there?”
Calisa let out a yelp. “Red! You scared me.” Gripping the bag tightly, she prayed he wouldn’t ask any more questions.
He gestured to the bag. “What’s in the bag?”
“Nothing,” she said. “I was emptying the bathroom trash.”
“Since when?” He cocked that left eyebrow up, signaling he was skeptical. “You always ask me to do it. What’s up?”
“I told you. Nothing.”
“You’ve been crying,” he said, tilting his head.
Damn. “Red, stop badgering me. I’m not being cross-examined here.”
“Fine. Is your headache gone? Were you able to get some sleep finally?” He peeked in the bathroom.
Cali nodded. “Headache is gone, but I haven’t had any rest. I’m glad I stayed home from work, though.”
He stepped inside and picked up the home pregnancy test sitting on the bathroom sink. “Why is this out?” He turned to her.
She waved him off. “No reason.”
His eyes were fixed on her. “Do you think you’re pregnant?” Red asked, his voice low but stern. She’d seen him in action in the courtroom. He was giving her his work voice.
“Boy, please. No.” He seemed to accept her answer because he put the box down.
She watched as he bent down to pick up a piece of tissue she must have dropped. She couldn’t help but admire him. Not only was he extremely intelligent, he was fine as hell. His tall frame, sculpted body, and jewel-toned eyes always made her heart skip a beat. Which was why she wanted to put off the inevitable conversation that would end their fling.
“I guess that’s good,” he finally said, folding his arms across his chest. “Would you tell me if you were pregnant?”
She wasn’t sure why he’d even ask her that question. They’d never had a problem talking about anything before, even uncomfortable subjects. But his tone and the way he was looking at her gave her pause.
Gripping the plastic bag in her hand tightly, she asked, “Honestly?”
“Of course,” he said, shrugging.
“No.”