Closing the door behind them, he sat on the edge of the desk.
“I’m sorry,” she said before she could stop herself. “I handled everything between us the wrong way. But nothing is going on between me and James.”
“Is there a point to this conversation?” he asked, his voice cold and detached.
Flinching, she blinked. She couldn’t believe he was talking to her this way. “Red, don’t be like that.”
“Like what?”
“So cold,” she said. She rubbed her trembling hands against her pants.
“Cali, what part of ‘you do you’ is up for interpretation?” he asked, a hard edge to his voice. “You don’t owe me any explanations. I’m not sure why you feel the need to explain.”
“Please, stop.” Her stomach rolled and she wanted to leave, but she wouldn’t.
“You’re so much better than him,” he hissed.
She’d seen him angry, downright belligerent at times. But she couldn’t think of a time when she felt like he couldn’t stand the sight of her—until now. “Obviously, you’re mad at me.”
“You know what? You’re right. I’m mad as hell,” he admitted, fury in his eyes. “I can’t pretend that seeing you with him doesn’t make me feel like my head is going to explode.” He clenched his hands into fists, then released them. “The fact that you even gave that asshole the time of day after what he did to you irritates the shit out of me. He freakin’ lied to you about a wife and kids—for years. More importantly, he broke you. He literally broke your ass down, almost caused you to drop out of school because he wouldn’t leave you alone.”
The downside of sleeping with friends was that they knew almost everything—good and bad. Red had been there when the fallout with James happened, how she was ostracized when students and faculty alike found out about the affair, and how she’d had to fight to prove she hadn’t received any preferential treatment.
“As far as I’m concerned,” he continued, “he doesn’t deserve anything from you, not even an innocent drink.”
“Red?” She cleared her throat and ran a shaky hand through her hair.
He shook his head. “I’m supposed to pretend I don’t want you in public, but you have drinks with the married professor who broke your heart? Maybe it shouldn’t matter to me anymore who you spend time with, but it does. That shit matters, Cali. And it hurts like hell.”
She hadn’t wanted to hurt him. Everything she’d done up until that point was to protect both of them from being hurt. She’d thought that keeping things between them casual would keep the emotions in check. Somewhere along the way, they’d crossed a line.
Cali knew she’d been acting crazy and wishy-washy. In hindsight, she realized her behavior had changed right around the time she realized her feelings for Red weren’t casual. She thought she could keep her friendship separate from their sexual relationship, but whoever coined the term friends with benefits must not have taken into account the friend part of the term. It had been foolish on her part to think that the already existing feelings for her friend wouldn’t change once they got to know each other on a more intimate level. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.
The apology sounded hollow, even to her own ears. There was nothing she could say that would make this better. They’d gone into the whole no-stings-good-sex thing with their eyes wide open, but they didn’t take into account their hearts.
Standing there, their gazes fixed on each other, she wondered what she could say to ease the pain that seemed to take root. He stepped closer to her, so close their bodies were touching.
His breath fanned across her lips and she felt it all the way to her toes. Her stomach tightened as she shifted. “Maybe we should…” She moistened her lips. Maybe they should what? She couldn’t seem to concentrate when he was looking at her like she was his favorite dish ready to be served.
“Red?” she whispered.
Then he kissed her. She flung her arms around his neck and kissed him back. The intensity and desperation in that kiss seemed to take all of her breath away and she had to pull back to breathe. But he wouldn’t be deterred. He pulled her back in for more, his lips pressing against hers hard. Grabbing a fistful of her hair, he nipped at her bottom lip before soothing it with his tongue.
She was in trouble. All she could feel was him—his scent, his lips, his tongue, his hands, his body. She thought her knees were going to give out on her so she clung to him like a lifeline, gripping the fabric of his shirt in her fists. He lifted her up and perched her on the edge of the desk, breaking the kiss and blazing a trail from her chin to her earlobe.
Biting her gently, he whispered, “I want you, baby. Now.”
Yes, yes, and yes were the only words that came to mind. He was pulling her back in, filling her with emotions she knew would overtake any shred of common sense she had left. But it was okay with her in that moment because she couldn’t get enough of him. She wanted him too—more than anyone in her life. Ever.
She whispered his name against his neck before she sank her teeth into his skin. When he hissed, she grabbed the back of his head and kissed him hard. She needed a release, and damn it, he was going to give her one.
“Now, Red. Take it,” she commanded breathlessly.
Moving his hands up her legs, he lifted up her skirt. “Only if you tell me it’s mine to take.”
He arched a brow at her, daring her to make the next move.
“Please, Red. You know I want you.” She kissed his chin.
Slowly, he edged her panties off and rubbed her. “Seems like you’re ready. Say it, Cali.”
Unbuttoning his shirt, she kissed his chest while she pulled off his belt. She pushed his jeans off, and when she hooked her fingers under the waistband of his underwear, he grabbed her wrist. “No. Not until you say it.”
“It’s yours to take,” she breathed finally.
He lowered his mouth to her nipple and she gasped loudly. Placing a finger over her lips, he shook his head. “Quiet, baby.” Then he continued sucking and nipping each of her hardened buds. She rocked her hips against him, urging him to continue with soft pleas.
She closed her eyes when he slipped inside her, moaning with pleasure. If she could freeze this moment, she would. This was where they were always in sync, always in tune to each other’s needs. He rested his forehead against hers and brushed his lips against hers before pulling out almost completely, and pushing back in harder. She let him determine the pace, take the lead, pulling him closer and kissing him deeply.
He planted one hand on the desk behind her head as she leaned back and the other under her butt. The pace quickened as they moved in sync. Soon, her control unraveled and she felt herself barreling toward completion.
“Go harder,” she whispered. “Don’t stop.”
He bit into her neck as he pounded into her, murmuring against her skin how good she felt. She gritted her teeth together as her stomach clenched and she came long and hard, her orgasm squeezing out his.
She struggled to catch her breath and he collapsed on her. They remained in that spot for a few minutes. It was her turn, her moment to tell him everything she wanted. But he pulled away from her—physically and emotionally. He wouldn’t even look at her as he dressed quickly. She immediately missed the connection. She tugged down her skirt and watched as he buttoned his shirt.
When his clothes were righted, he peered at her for a second before looking away.
She bit down on her bottom lip until it stung. She was willing to do anything to make this right, but she feared it was too late. Still, she had to try. “Red, I—”
“We better get out of here,” he said.
“Don’t you think we should talk about this?” she asked, her voice frantic.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” He tugged on his shirt. “It doesn’t change anything. We still don’t work.”
Hugging herself, she held back a sob. “I guess you’re right.” She brushed past him and walked out of the office, angry at him for hurting her, but more upset with herself for letting him.
* * *
Damn it. Red pounded his fists on the desk and grumbled a curse. He’d hurt her. No matter how much he’d tried to play it cool, keep his head, he’d let his desire for her win. It seemed nearly impossible to not be with her when every part of him was screaming to take her.
He could admit that he was fucked up by taking her on top of the desk. Seeing her with that guy had made him see red. He needed to know that he was the man that she couldn’t get enough of, that he was who she wanted in her bed and in her heart.
Red wasn’t sure when she’d clawed her way into his. He figured it was around the time he’d made seeing her a priority in his life. Other women had tried, but failed. He’d let her in. He’d never pretended to be a saint. Everyone knew he was an asshole, but Cali seemed to like that about him. Even though she pretended she didn’t.
After a stop in the bathroom to splash some water on his face, Red slid up to the bar next to Kent.
“Everything all right?” Kent asked after they’d sat there for a few minutes in silence. “Cali bulldozed through here after she smacked me on the shoulder. What did you do?”
“I hurt her, after I…” He closed his eyes when he thought back to their lovemaking in the office.
“Um, that’s nasty,” Kent said with a grimace. “I will definitely have the cleaning crew clean up that office. Which one did you go in?”
“Yours,” Red joked.
“I’ll beat the shit out of you, Red,” Kent threatened.
“Just kidding. I’ll handle the cleaning.”
“So how long are you going to continue to play this game with her?”
He contemplated Kent’s question. How long did he expect to keep this up? He’d left Morgan’s house with every intention to be done with her and their farce of a relationship, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. He missed her already. He needed her. He had her.
It was always like this for them. The need was so strong they could never deny it. He understood Cali, knew what made her tick. That’s what made them work, what kept him coming back for more. He knew any woman after her would not even be a close second. And he didn’t want anyone else.
But it frustrated him that she couldn’t see what was in front of her, that she didn’t understand him. That’s what it all boiled down to. She didn’t get it. And that bruised him more than anything else could.
“I don’t know,” Red mumbled. He finished off his drink and motioned the bartender over for a refill.
Kent twirled his beer bottle between his hands. “Why don’t you just admit you want to be with her and be with her?”
Red hunched his shoulders. “Because it won’t change anything. Cali is dead set in her ways.”
“So are you.”
“Kent, man, I was. But I was actually ready to admit that I wanted her for keeps. I tried to meet her where she was, though. She fought me at every turn. The woman even admitted to me that she wouldn’t tell me if she was pregnant with my child.”
“What the hell? Wait. When did she think she was pregnant?”
“She didn’t. We were having a conversation and I asked her a hypothetical question. Her answer told me what I needed to know. I’d already been feeling some type of way about our arrangement, but when she said that… it shed a harsh light on who I was to her.”
“I wouldn’t take it that far,” Kent said. “You know Cali. She’s not about that kid life.”
Chuckling at his friend’s dry attempt at humor, he shook his head in amusement. “But that’s beside the point. I don’t want her to be someone she’s not. I like her for who she is.”
“Don’t you mean love her for who she is?” his friend asked.
Red sighed. “This is about respect. Baby thing aside, we’ve been kicking for years, lying to everyone—”
“Badly,” Kent added.
Shaking his head, Red continued, “I even lied to my own sister.”
“Syd knew before anyone,” Kent said. “She’s observant like that.”
“We spent time together,” Red went on. “Movies, late dinners, weekends away. I joined her on jobs and she went to conferences with me. But when things get heavy, she folds, reverts back to this ‘me against the world’ mentality. I’d hate to think what would happen if I was able to find Corrine. She’d be gone so fast, I wouldn’t be able to catch her.”
“Well, she’s had a tough life. You know how that is.” Kent finished his drink and pushed the glass away from him. “Look at Roc. It took him years to open up after his parents were arrested and he came to live with us. Shit, he still has trust issues, but he’s living with Syd, about to be a father. Every now and then he’ll share, but mostly it’s an everyday choice to be happy. Cali hasn’t figured that out yet. She’s determined to maintain control, and we all know that love is not controllable.”
“We’re not talking about love here,” Red said. “I told you, this is a respect issue.”
“You keep telling yourself that. Maybe you’ll believe it one day.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Red said, annoyed at his friend. “You have no room to say anything to me. You let the one woman you can’t live without follow a fucking nerd down to Ohio.”
“Hey, we’re not talking about me.” Kent waved at the bartender, who walked over and refilled his glass. “Allina is not the one woman I can’t live without. She’s my friend. You and Syd need to cut that shit out.”
“Yeah right,” Red grumbled.
“Seriously? I’ve never even kissed Lina, let alone take her into an office in the back of the bar.”
Red barked out a laugh. “You’re an asshole.”
“The truth hurts, right?”
“You wanted to take Allina into a back office,” Red grumbled. “You were just too chicken to do it.”
Kent snorted. “I’ve never been scared of that. If I wanted to be with Allina, I would’ve been with her.”
Allina’s crush on Kent was as known as Cali and Red’s secret fling, but Kent pretty much pretended not to know, choosing to take the strictly friends-and-nothing-else stance. But when Allina had announced her plans to marry a minister that she’d only known for a few months, Kent lost it—and her in the process.
“Well, wise one… you know everything. What do you do when the woman you love walks out of your life?” Red asked.
“Fuck you, man,” Kent growled. “You’re full of shit. But if you’re asking me seriously that would mean you’re admitting that you love Cali.”
“I’m not admitting a goddamn thing, brother.”
“For argument’s sake, though,” Kent continued, eyeing Red skeptically. “I guess you wish her well, and keep your memories close.” He patted Red’s back and asked the bartender to bring a full fifth of cognac. “But since this isn’t about love, we don’t have to worry about all that, right?”
“Enough about me.” Red slung back the rest of his drink. “Let me take your money on that pool table.”