Red couldn’t get Cali off of his mind. Something was off, but they weren’t exactly in the best place to discuss it. Work forgotten, he closed his laptop and stuffed it into his bag. He stared at his phone, tempted to call her and check on her.
He heard a knock on the door and Morgan walked in, spotting him right away. “What’s up, Red? How is she?”
They greeted each other with a handshake and a hug, before Red gave him the latest update. Syd was doing very well and the doctors expected her to be able to go home in the morning. Morgan breathed a sigh of relief and rubbed Syd’s forehead with his thumb.
She opened one eye and smiled. “Baby, you’re here,” she grumbled.
Morgan dropped to his knees and kissed her. Although he was tempted to leave them alone, Red waited while they exchanged declarations of love and whispered “I miss you” more times than he could count.
“Sit down,” Syd told Morgan. “Stay a while.”
Red laughed at his sister’s attempt at humor and understood why. Judging by his friend’s swollen and bloodshot eyes, Morgan looked like he was going to dissolve into tears any minute. Red couldn’t say he blamed him. He couldn’t imagine being hundreds of miles away from the woman he loved, not knowing what would happen next with her or their baby.
Instead of letting Morgan pull up a chair, Syd scooted over and Morgan climbed onto the bed with her, wrapping his arms around her.
“Now that you’re here, Roc, I’m going to go on home.” Red announced. He pulled his phone charger out of the outlet and tossed it into his briefcase.
“You don’t have to go,” Syd said.
“She’s right. You have to tell me about the doctor you’ve been flirting with.” Morgan said with a snicker.
Red groaned. “What the… Cali. She told you, huh?”
“Sure did, but Syd had already told me about Dr. Love. In Cali’s defense, though, she was scared and babbling.”
Unbelievable. “I’m not flirting with Love, Syd. You and Cali need to quit with that shit.”
“Obviously she’s upset about it,” Morgan added. “It had to be on her mind if she mentioned it to me. If I wasn’t so worried about Syd, it would have been funny.”
Syd popped Morgan. “Stop. That’s my friend you’re talking about.”
“Think about it,” Morgan continued. “She’s so used to having control over a situation and there she was, losing it. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her like that before.”
“Hey, she had a rough day,” Syd said, defending her friend. “She was with me when I went into labor this morning. Then, yesterday she and Red broke things off and—”
“Wait,” Morgan turned to Red. “You broke things off with Cali? What’s that about?”
Shrugging, Red took his seat again. “It’s about knowing when enough is enough. It’s about accepting that me and Cali… we don’t work as anything more than what we are.”
“What are you talking about?” Syd asked.
Red glanced at Morgan, who was watching him pensively. “You know how we are, Syd. We argue, we misunderstand each other… basically, we’re doomed. Which is fine because we weren’t supposed to be more. We went into this knowing what we wanted from each other. We never made promises, we were always free to see whoever we wanted—and we did. Now, it’s done.”
“Because you broke the rules,” Morgan added.
“I didn’t break any rules.”
“Bullshit. You wanted more. Let’s call it what it is.” His best friend certainly didn’t beat around the bush. “You want Cali, and your arrangement doesn’t work with your feelings for her. And you’re mad at her because she doesn’t get it.”
Morgan grinned and Red wanted to kick the shit out of him. “Whatever,” Red grumbled. “You just got here after being gone for months. You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
“I know you’re a punk,” Morgan said. “And trust me, I’ve been waiting to be able to say that to you for months. Turnabout is fair play.”
Red sighed. It wasn’t that long ago that he’d accused Morgan of being a punk because he’d chosen to move away when he should have been fighting for Syd. Morgan hadn’t taken too kindly to being called a punk and made it known.
Morgan shrugged. “Look, if you want Cali, go get her. Otherwise, you’re going to end up meeting some unsuspecting woman who will fail to measure up to her. How fair is that?”
“That’s a good point,” Syd agreed. “And I don’t want Love to be that woman. She’s too good for that.”
Red didn’t need to be told that. He knew Dr. Love was a good woman, even though he’d only known her for a short time. But Love had already made it clear that they were strictly on the friend train, so that was a moot point.
“For your information, sis,” Red said, “Love and I are not even a consideration. She’s cool. I like hanging out with her, talking to her. But that’s all.”
“I was just making sure,” Syd said. Morgan whispered something in Syd’s ear and she giggled before burrowing into his side. “I think what you and Cali need is a conversation. A real, honest talk about what is really going on.”
That was all fine and dandy, but Red knew that it was hard to talk to someone who didn’t want to listen. “Cali has already made up her mind about what I want. She refuses to hear anything else.”
“It’s about the baby issue?” Morgan asked. “Syd told me what happened and I’d have to agree with you… to a certain extent. I can see why you feel like she doesn’t respect you, but it’s more than that. Cali is content with the status quo. She wants the friendship, the benefits of companionship, without the long-term commitment.”
“Exactly.” Red slapped his legs, relieved that someone understood where he was coming from. “That’s it right there. She knows I never wanted to change her. But I changed when I found out about Corrine. I want to be a father to her. She’s mine.”
“You don’t have to tell me how things change when you realize you’re going to be a father,” Morgan said. He smoothed a hand over Syd’s stomach. “Having a child was the last thing on my mind, especially with Syd.”
“Hey,” she said, feigning offense.
“That’s not what I meant.” Morgan kissed her forehead. “I just meant with everything that happened between us, a baby was the last thing on my mind. I knew your past, you knew mine. Kids weren’t necessarily in the cards for us.”
When Syd was attacked her freshman year, the doctors had told her she’d never be able to carry a child to term. A positive pregnancy test was a shock to everyone. But Syd had always wanted to be a mother. And despite the drama in her life at the time, it was a welcome surprise.
“Kids aside,” Syd added. “If you want to be with Cali, why not go for it? She’s being stubborn right now. One thing I know about her is she is more apt to deny feelings than embrace them. Don’t assume she doesn’t feel the same way about you.”
Red peered up at the ceiling. Sighing heavily, he said, “I’m not blind; I know she feels something for me. I can see it in her eyes; I can feel it when I’m with her.”
“She’s scared,” Syd said, shifting in the bed.
“Are you okay?” Morgan asked, concerned. “You want me to get up?”
Shaking her head, she intertwined her fingers with Morgan’s. “Just getting comfortable. Anyway, Red, you know that it’s not that easy for her. When I see her and hear the way she talks about you, I know she wants to be with you, but something always stops her from exploring it. I think it has a lot to do with her mother.”
“I don’t doubt that, Syd.” Frustrated, he raked his hand through his hair. “She’s talked to me about her mother. I know it hasn’t been easy for her.”
“Don’t give up on her, then,” Syd said.
Red thought about what his sister said. He and Cali had spent so much time acting one way, trying to be hard or tough. Now he was ready for something different. Was it fair to push her away because she wasn’t there yet?
Red cleared his throat. He noted the tender way Morgan rubbed his sister’s stomach and the way her eyes lit up when he said something to her only she could hear. He’d never been the type of man who needed that, but watching his sister happy and in love… Could he and Cali have that?
“Well, I’m going to head home. You need some rest.” Rubbing his sister’s hair back, he pressed a kiss against her cheek. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
“All right, bruh,” Morgan said, clasping his hand in their signature handshake. “I’ll let you know if something changes overnight.”
“Okay. My cell phone is on.”
Red walked to the door. Turning back, he smiled as Morgan turned off the lights and pulled the blanket over Syd. Time to have a talk with Cali.
* * *
Three o’clock in the morning. Red kicked the comforter off and groaned. He couldn’t sleep. And sleep was one of his favorite things to do, coming in at a close second to… never mind. No sense in thinking about sex because thoughts of sex always included Cali.
Even the mere thought of her was enough to make him want to call her and tell her to get her fine ass over here, but that wouldn’t help. The problems they had would be there in the morning.
His cell phone buzzed on the nightstand. Picking it up, he couldn’t help but grin at Cali’s picture.
“Hey,” he answered.
“Red? I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”
“Yeah,” he lied. “What’s up? Is Syd okay?”
“She’s fine,” Cali assured him. “Haven’t heard from her. I… can we talk?”
“It’s late.”
“I’m outside,” she said.
He held his breath, wondered if this was a trick—or Providence. Cali loved sleep almost as much as he did. For her to venture out into the cold to come to him…
When he opened the door, she was standing there head down. “Cali? What’s going on?” He pulled her into the house and rubbed her shoulders. She fell into his arms, held him tightly. She was rarely like this with him or anyone. It made him happy to have her so close, so open for him.
“Red, just hold me.” She looked up at him, tears standing in her eyes. “Please?”
Red unbuttoned her coat and let it fall to the floor, then pulled off her hat and gloves. Without another word, he lifted her up and carried her into his bedroom. He gently placed her on his bed and climbed in next to her, pulling his heavy comforter over her. They lay like that, in silence, for well over an hour. The only sound in the dark room was her muffled crying.
Finally he asked her, “Do you need anything?”
“No,” she said, her voice low and raspy. “Just sleep. I can’t seem to fall asleep.”
“What’s going on?” He brushed his lips over her forehead. “What’s happened?”
“Uncle Cal is sick. That’s why he’s here. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him,” she cried. “What am I going to do? He’s the only family I have left.”
Red swallowed. “What did he say?”
“Don’t you already know?” she asked.
Deciding the truth was better, he answered, “Yeah, he told me earlier.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It wasn’t my place, Cali. He needed to be the one to tell you.”
Her chin quivered and another tear escaped. “I keep thinking about how he saved me.” She squeezed his hand tightly. “I should’ve gone to see him more. I could’ve told him I loved him more. I needed to do better. But now it feels hollow, like if I do all those things now, it will be because he’s dying. And he’s so much more than that.”
“Cali, he loves you. You’re his daughter in every sense of the word. And he’s still here. He hasn’t died. You still have time with him. Make the best of it.”
Burrowing into his side, she let out a deep, heart-wrenching sob. Her despair seemed to fill the air around them, seep into his soul. He felt the sting of her tears against his chest and an overwhelming urge to make it all better took him by surprise.
He brushed his lips over her eyes, then her nose, and finally her lips. Pulling back, he swept a thumb under her eye and down her cheek. “Tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.”
“I need this,” she breathed. “I need you.”
Cali coming to him, confiding in him, made him feel good. Over the past few weeks, with everything going on between them, he’d missed the part of their friendship that was easy. It strengthened his resolve to talk to her. He needed to make sure she understood what was at stake if they truly ended things between them, what they’d stand to lose.
Every hard conversation, every misunderstanding, was worth this moment. She was in his arms, she wanted to spend the night. And he didn’t plan on letting her go—ever.
“Red?” she whispered.
“Yes,” he replied, pulling her into his arms.
“Thanks for letting me stay here tonight and for not turning me away after everything that’s happened between us.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I do. I don’t know how to tell you…” She propped herself up on her elbow. “A thank you just doesn’t seem like it’s enough and it kind of cheapens the moment. I want you to know how important you are to me. How important you’ve always been to me.”
Her admission touched him. He knew that he was important to her, but he’d been waiting to hear her say it for so long.
“When Uncle Cal told me about his illness, there was never a question,” she continued. “I knew where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with.” She looked him in his eyes and offered him a small smile. “I missed you.”
She knew where she wanted to be, and who she wanted to be with. He couldn’t believe it.
“I missed you, too,” he admitted. She rested against him again and he squeezed her tightly. Maybe there was hope for them after all? He kissed the top of her head. “And you never have to thank me for being there for you.” That’s a given. “Now, get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”