More rows. She is getting worse. He says he’s going to leave. I don’t blame him really. She’s been sitting in the gloom with the curtains drawn all day, not even getting out of bed, drinking herself stupid. Dad shouted because there’s no food in the house again. He went down the pub without speaking. I told Nina about everything this evening and she was really nice. She treats me like a grown-up. She is going to help me get a job.
When she mentioned Matt I nearly died. It’s like she’s setting us up on purpose. Perhaps he has mentioned me to her already???
I am never going to that cliff place again. I nearly drowned. If Simon hadn’t come along I would have died. Simon Piper saved my life!! Well, except it was his fault in the first place for not telling me about tides and currents and stuff.
He has now seen me naked!! He could not take his eyes off me! I am so brown all over with almost no white bits any more, after today. That was the one good thing about today. If I get some more babysitting off Nina I can buy some new clothes ready for when we go up Matt’s studio.
Tonight I am sleeping naked with no sheets even, as it is so hot. Imagine that, Simon!! His eyes were almost popping out of his baby skull. But he is sweet, really. I don’t suppose he has ever seen a naked girl before. He is really shy and I like that he isn’t pushy or anything like some older blokes would be (except Matt Davies).
Ahh. Bless. Night night, diary. Sweet dreams, Simon.
Leah lies awake listening for the sound of her father coming back from the pub, but she doesn’t hear him. Owls hoot from the big trees. It’s well after eleven. Perhaps he’s not coming back? He’ll be at Helen’s. She knows that, because of all the shouting earlier. Helen must be someone at his work.
First thing the next morning, Leah gets dressed and tiptoes downstairs to listen at the door of the room where her mother sleeps these days. Silence.
The kitchen clock says nine fifteen. She’d expected it to be much earlier. She finds her mother’s purse in her bag hanging on the back of the door and takes out a twenty-pound note. She’ll get some food in. Basics, like bread and milk and fruit, eggs, perhaps. And cheese. The kitchen smells musty. Leah opens the window and sweeps up the stale breadcrumbs scattered in a fine layer over the counter next to the toaster. As she crosses the tiled floor, her bare feet stick slightly where something has been spilt. She’ll get the mop out later, after she’s done the shopping, and had something to eat. The bin needs emptying.
She glances at the house opposite as she comes out of her gate. She can hear Ellie’s high voice, and Nina’s, lower, answering her. Laughter. It stabs at Leah, that sound. All she doesn’t have.
The town is already filling up with people making their way down to the beach, or shopping, or just hanging around. Leah goes straight to the supermarket and gets what she needs. She reads the postcards in the newsagent’s window advertising things for sale, or holiday lets, or services offered or wanted. ‘Babysitter available’. ‘Gardener/Handyperson wanted’. ‘Dressmaking and Curtains by professional Seamstress’. Now that Nina has talked to her about getting a job, she’s thinking about it all the time. Especially what it will be like to have her own money. She’s not doing gardening for anyone, mind you. Or sitting behind a till in the supermarket, or stacking shelves. No way.
The carrier bags are heavy. She rests them on the pavement while she looks in the bookshop window. There’s no one in there apart from the woman at the till, who’s reading a magazine and drinking coffee from a bright pink mug. Leah wouldn’t mind working in there; it looks all clean and bright and not too much to do. She’d get to meet interesting people like Matt Davies. There’s a book about standing stones in the window she can tell Simon about. That’ll be a good reason for going round there later, and then she can talk to Nina some more.
‘What the –?’
The voice startles her. Some stupid bloke has walked right into her shopping and apples are rolling out into the road. The girl with him starts picking them up, but they’re all bruised and spoiled now. The bloke doesn’t even stop.
‘Clumsy idiot!’ Leah shouts at his back. He mouths off at her and his girlfriend giggles and runs off after him. The bag has split: all the shopping is spilling out. Leah crouches over it, shoving it back in. She feels like crying.
She’s vaguely aware of a shadow over her, and someone helping, picking up apples. It’s a man with tanned hands, a short-sleeved white shirt, blue shorts, leather boots. The realization of exactly who it is washes over her.
She doesn’t want their first encounter to be like this! Crouched in a road over a bag of shopping for God’s sake, her face streaked with tears she now can’t stop!
‘Whoa, steady,’ he says. She feels his hand on her arm. The place burns, as if his touch is charged. ‘You all right? Ignorant yob.’ He hands her the bag and smiles. It’s the smile she’s been waiting for, for weeks now. All her life, even!
‘You’re Nina’s babysitter, aren’t you? Live opposite?’
She nods. ‘Yes,’ she says, in what she hopes is a sexy, grown-up sort of voice. ‘I’m Leah.’
‘Matt Davies,’ he says, and shakes her hand as if it’s an interview or something. Hers is much too clammy and probably sticky too. His is cool, just as she knew it would be. She notices everything, all the tiny details, like the little black hairs on the back of his hands, and his slim fingers, and the way his shirt smells of thick cotton, because she knows she will want to write them all down later so she can go over it properly in her mind. He’s so close up!
‘Are you going back home?’ he asks. ‘I can give you a lift up the hill if you want. I’ve just got to pick up a book I ordered and then I’m calling round to see Nina.’
She nods. ‘Thanks.’
Amazing! She waits for him outside the bookshop. Through the window, she watches him say something which makes the woman at the till smile, then he gives Leah a little wave and points to his watch, holding up three fingers. Three more minutes. Leah tries to glimpse her reflection in the window to check her hair. If only she’d worn something newer, not these faded denims and a boring black T-shirt. Her hair needs washing. She’s not wearing any make-up at all.
‘All set? I’ll carry one of the bags. I’m parked up near the church. OK?’
She feels like putty. She smiles and flicks her hair, and imagines how anyone looking at them would see a man and a young woman, a couple, carrying their shopping back to the car. She can hardly believe what is happening. It’s as if it’s all meant to be.
He puts the bags on the back seat and holds open the front passenger door for her. She slides herself in gracefully, like a celebrity. While he’s sorting himself out she has a quick look in the mirror. She doesn’t look too bad.
He gets in the driving seat and turns to her. ‘I expect you’ll be learning soon. Driving, I mean. You need to, round here.’
She smiles. She wouldn’t dream of telling him she’s only just sixteen.
It only takes a few minutes to get back. He talks most of the way.
‘Expect you’ll be babysitting for Nina again? I guess the money’s useful. Any plans for the summer? Mind you, you look as if you’ve had a month in the South of France already!’
He’s noticed her tan, then. Move over, Nina!
Poor Nina. She doesn’t stand a chance. But no, she won’t let herself think like that. You’ve got to look out for yourself. No one else will. That’s how it works. All’s fair in love and something. Play? War? One or the other.
‘Thank you very much, Matt,’ Leah says demurely as she gets out and retrieves her shopping bags.
He grins. ‘Any time. Glad to help. See you soon.’
She can feel him watching her as she goes through her gate into the front garden.
Not such a bad first encounter after all.
In the kitchen, stacking the food away in the cupboards and making herself a sandwich, Leah goes over the scene again. Now she thinks of all the things she messed up: no make-up, crying over the spilled shopping, not saying anything intelligent in the car. She should have asked him about the book he was buying, or his art.
She can’t go over to see Nina while he’s still there, and he’s there ages. She hears all their voices in the garden. Sounds like Ellie’s playing with a friend. There’s a strange sound coming from the house, from Simon’s room. It’s a sort of rhythmic thwack thwack. Leah guesses he’s shooting something with his catapult. What is it with him? It’s as if he’s always in training, practising for an imminent attack. Must be prepared.
She looks at her own garden. It’s a mess. The dustbin’s overflowing. It’s full of empty bottles. She should tidy it up. Plant things, like Nina’s doing in her garden. Pots of flowers.
From having nothing to do, there suddenly seems to be too much. The house and the garden need sorting out, and she might as well do it. No one else is going to. She needs money. Maybe she should change, go across the road to see Nina while Matt is still there and ask about a job.
Leah gulps down her sandwich and goes upstairs to see if there’s any hot water. Enough for a hairwash, she reckons, hand on the tank in the airing cupboard. There’s a funny smell in there. She shuts the door again.
By the time she’s washed and dried her hair and changed into her favourite turquoise top and short denim skirt, and put her head round the door of her mother’s room to check her, and finally got herself over the road to Nina’s, Matt’s car has gone.