this morning I pay $109 to have my cat killed
because he’s almost dead
I hold him in the sterile room crying and crying
until someone comes with the syringe
later I’m still a monster
and upon that monster it cries and cries a motherlode of snow
and I disappear until the spring melt
the alarm clock turns green because it’s time to wake up
all the trees making green plans
all the bodies becoming soil
all fifty-six ongoing armed conflicts around the planet
the planet seen from outer space
but now all I can see is this monster poem
this poem witnessing its own monstrosity
as the spring sun comes closer
conjuring baby-green leaves from their buds
my daughter wants to glue glitter to everything
or cut everything up with scissors
marshmallow clouds sailing over the recycling plant
the sad red van parked near the group home on Selby
selling drugs to the recovering drug addicts
the IMAX movie about a single breath
the one breath ever breathed
the hole in which we placed the cardboard box
in which we placed our dead cat
later in the dark I sing “Amazing Grace”
my daughter so close to sleep
the streetlight in the alley turns on