Someone I once threatened to kill recently killed himself.
We grew up in the same neighborhood called “Stonewall Manor.”
I wish I were making this up, but I’m not. It’s really true that
someone I once threatened to kill recently killed himself.
His name was Greg, and as a kid he wore corrective leg braces.
I remember he was often nervous and spoke with a stutter.
I wish I were making this up, but I’m not. It’s really true that
I threatened to kill him if he didn’t sponsor me for a charity walk.
I must have needed an easy way to forget my own pain by
threatening someone who was nervous and spoke with a stutter.
I must have also been trying to impress my friend Brad.
A few years earlier, Brad’s mom had died of kidney failure.
I must have needed an easy way to forget my own pain by
adding more pain to the nice green lawns of Stonewall Manor.
Although Brad lived across the street, we never talked about
the pain he must have felt when his mom died of kidney failure.
Our neighborhood was named after “Stonewall” Jackson,
the Confederate general known for killing many Union soldiers.
Although Brad lived across the street, we never talked about
Amy next door, who died after being hit by a delivery truck,
or any of the ghosts haunting our scared white subdivision.
A Confederate general known for killing many Union soldiers,
Jackson died after being accidentally shot by one of his own.
Growing up, I didn’t see the civil war that was all around us,
or any of the ghosts haunting our scared white subdivision.
When my parents found out that I threatened to kill Greg,
they were already separated and in the process of divorcing.
Growing up, I didn’t see the civil war that was all around us,
but that night when they took me to Greg’s house to apologize,
I knew my parents were angry in a deeply frightened way.
They were already separated and in the process of divorcing,
and they must’ve suddenly felt the pain we never talked about.
For a while it seemed like there wasn’t enough air to breathe.
I knew my parents were angry in a deeply frightened way
because what I’d done had revealed how broken we were.
After I heard recently that Greg committed suicide,
it seemed for a while like there wasn’t enough air to breathe.
A few years ago Greg contacted me and we reconnected,
although we never mentioned that I once threatened to kill him.
After I heard recently that Greg committed suicide,
I recalled how we’d talked about our old neighborhood,
and how he’d sent me his music and I’d sent him my poetry,
although we never mentioned that I once threatened to kill him.