That’s So Ravenclaw
Twenty minutes later, we parked outside the club. Yessi, taking one for the team, said she’d stay back in the limo with Joanne.
Darius walked toward us, carrying flowers.
Oh my goodness, he hadn’t gotten the hint. He thought What Would Gayle Gale Do meant “propose to Annie again.”
“Hey, Darius,” I said warily. “Nice flowers.”
He shook them a little but did not attempt to hand them to me.
“This is my friend Kelly,” I said. “She’s the bride.”
He flashed her his TV-news-guy smile. “Nice to meet you, and congratulations!”
“Thanks!” She beamed.
“Should we go in?” I said.
“One moment.” He gestured for me to join him a few steps away.
I sent SOS eyes to Kelly. This was about to go sideways. Darius was going to try, again, to convince me why Dax and I shouldn’t be together, and that he and I should. She just waved.
“This may be premature,” he said, “but I want to thank you.”
“Thank me?” By offering me this ring…
He smiled. “You convinced me I was wrong about something—a rare feat.” He chuckled, but then his eyes turned serious. “For the past several days, ever since Gayle passed”—his voice turned heavy with emotion—“I haven’t been myself. I’ve been moping around, eating cookies, and watching silly TV shows.” He shook his head. “Pathetic.”
“Not pathetic,” I said. “A normal part of the grieving process.” And most of my evenings for the past twenty years.
“I miss my friend, my mentor, of course,” he said, “but I started to realize that the hole inside me was there even before she died.” He frowned and glanced down at the flowers. “I thought denying my emotions was the safe way to deal with them. I came to the logical conclusion that even having emotions was weak and pathetic and should be avoided at all costs. But then I saw Monica at the funeral, and I realized the feelings weren’t gone. They were just hiding.”
I grinned. “I knew it when I saw you two together. The energy bouncing between you.” I patted his arm. “She loves you, too, Darius.”
He smiled. “We’ll see. Even if she does, we’ll have a lot of work to do. We’re both very ambitious.”
“I can see that,” I said.
“But it will be worth it.”
“Yes, it will be.”
He gave me a hug, and I knew he’d be okay.
Darius led Kelly and me into the club and over to the roped-off VIP section. Farouche was onstage and in the middle of their set. Dax, already sweaty, focused hard on his fellow musicians.
He looked serious, obviously, and focused, but there was more to it than that. He had a gleam in his eye. He looked like how I felt at a trivia tournament or my mom when she was doing WERQ. He was in the zone, happy, and complete.
He had a real shot to truly make it—to achieve all his goals.
Kelly nudged me in the side. “Look at Dax go.”
“He’s talented, right?”
“Amazing.”
A lump in my throat, I watched him up there living his dream, performing his heart out. He had worked his entire life for this. His marriage had failed because of it, and suddenly I just knew.
I couldn’t put that same amount of pressure on him now. I’d already achieved so much in my own career. I’d been allowed to do that.
I had to let Dax do the same.
“What are you going to say to him when you see him?”
I shrugged, blinking back tears. “I…don’t know.”
After Farouche finished playing, Darius, with Monica Feathers on his arm, led us backstage. Dax, once again, had unzipped his costume down to the waist and was talking to Kat’s girlfriend. I fought my body’s urge to bolt.
Finally, as if he sensed me there, he turned toward the door. I gave him a little wave, and he stepped over, zipping up his jumpsuit on the way. “You’re here,” he said. “What are you doing here?”
I gestured to Kelly. “Remember Kelly? It’s her bachelorette party.”
Dax gave her a nod.
“Can we talk a sec?” I asked.
His brow furrowed. “Yeah.”
He led me out of the dressing room and down a long hall toward an exit. We stopped right inside the door, the moonlight from outside the door illuminating his eyes. They were so beautiful, and I couldn’t do this.
I had to do this.
“I came to tell you something.”
He folded his arms, watching me, his bisected eyebrow arched.
“I came to tell you I love you—”
A smile played on his lips.
“But I’m not going to do that.”
A grin full-on took over his face. “I think you just did.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Agree to disagree.”
I sighed. “Let me finish, please, Yale, okay?”
He leaned against the wall.
“I came to tell you I love you, but then I decided not to do it, because it wouldn’t be fair to you.” I paused to let him interject. When he didn’t, I kept going. “You’re so, so talented, Dax, and I don’t want to get in the way of that, even a little bit.”
“You won’t.”
“I will.” I shook my head. “You have a great opportunity in front of you, and your entire career has been building to this. Most people don’t even get this chance.”
He frowned. “No, they don’t.”
I stepped toward him and reached up to play with the zipper on his jumpsuit. “So, that’s why I came to tell you this. Not that I love you, even though I do—”
He tilted my chin up and gazed into my eyes. “I love you, too.”
Hiding my watery gaze from him, I focused on the zipper. I had to keep going. I, Dr. Annie Kyle, the queen of pragmatism, had to do what I’d been training my whole life to do—put my feelings aside. Only this time, it was for the good of someone else, not to keep myself from being hurt. “I came to tell you that because I love you, I want all the best for you. I want you to go create all the music with Monica Feathers and make a gazillion dollars.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.
“I want you to focus on what you have to do, and I don’t want you on the road worrying about making sure to call me at the right time every day or whether or not I’m okay at home. I will be okay. I am okay.” I let go of his zipper and stood up straight.
“You’re okay?”
I forced a smile. “I am. I’m bringing in help at work. I have some other irons in the fire. I have your dog—”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh yeah, I stopped by your sister’s place and told her I’d take care of Joanne.”
“Annie.” His eyes watered.
“I’ll bring her on lots of walks and make sure she takes her medicine. When you’re on tour, I’ll send you pictures, and you’re welcome to visit her any time you—” A sob escaped my lips.
Dax pulled me into a hug and held me, stroking the back of my head.
After a few moments, I pulled away. I didn’t trust myself to hold on any longer. This was for Dax, yes, but it wasn’t only for Dax. I was doing this for me, too.
“Goodbye, Dax.” I ducked my eyes and headed out the exit.