I drive past the hospital on my way home to check on Vera Anderson. She’s still hanging on. Apparently, she’s conscious now and her temperature’s come down a little. Her parents have never left her side.
Doc McDonald spots me as I’m just about to leave, and he comes over. ‘How on earth did you do it?’ he asks.
‘Do what?’ I reply.
‘You know exactly what I’m talking about. You hadn’t left an hour when I got a special delivery from the US Army. Penicillin. You must have sold your soul to the devil to get it, as I figure it.’
I wink at the Doc. ‘You just do your job, and I’ll do mine.’
‘But how—’ he begins.
‘Let’s just say, I know a man,’ I reply.
Late in the afternoon, I find Mikey sitting on the front stairs looking unhappy.
‘What’s wrong, mate? Bad day at school?’ I ask, putting my arm around his shoulders and giving them a squeeze.
He resists me. He never does that. ‘Mum’s really unhappy. She’s been crying a lot,’ he replies. ‘She says we won’t be able to go to church anymore, and it’s your fault.’
‘What are you talking about? Why did she say that?’
He shrugs his shoulders. ‘Dunno. That’s what she said, Dad.’
I look around. ‘Where is she?’
‘She locked herself in the bedroom.’
I pat Mikey on the head and he pulls a face.
‘Does that mean I won’t be able to go to the same school anymore?’ he whines. ‘I don’t want to go to the state school. I’ll miss my mates.’
‘Of course not,’ I reply. ‘You’ll still be going to the same old school tomorrow and the day after.’
He balances his elbows on his knees and puts his head in his hands. ‘I hope so, Dad.’
‘Now, you stay here, while I go and talk to your mother.’
I sneak through the house and try the bedroom door, but it’s locked. Gracie’s never locked the door on me. I call out, ‘Please open, the door, Gracie, I need to know why you’re upset.’
She doesn’t answer. I knock and call out again, only louder this time.
Again, she doesn’t answer. After everything I’ve been through lately, it unsettles me. I’m concerned she’s been taken ill. ‘If you don’t open up, I’ll have to force my way in, Gracie. Please open the door now, I’m really worried.’
I hear the shuffle of feet, and the door creaks. She stands there, her eyes red from crying, her skirt crumpled and her hair untidy.
‘What’s this about, Gracie?’ I edge through the gap and try to hug her, but she slaps my arm and wriggles free. She tries to close the door but she’s no match for me. ‘We need to talk, please don’t push me away.’
She sighs and steps back. ‘All right,’ she replies. Her face drops and she retreats into the bedroom. ‘I guess I ought to hear your side of it.’
I close the door behind me. ‘I hate to see you upset like this, darl,’ I begin.
She sits on the bed and her eyes track my every move. I try to sit next to her. She moves away. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she says.
‘About what?’
‘Maud Percy told me that you were the one protecting that McCarthy woman. She told me you knew what she was doing, and you did nothing about it. That makes you the same as her.’
I feel like punching the wall. That stupid old bitch should keep her nose out of our business.
‘She came by here about an hour ago, to tell me that Sister McCarthy and her friend just killed themselves. There’s a special place in hell reserved for people like them, and I can’t watch you damning yourself alongside them.’
‘Please, Gracie, I don’t want to go into the details of what happened,’ I reply. ‘They’re dead and that’s that.’
‘I know you never talk much about your work, Jack, but you should have told me about her. You know our faith condemns birth control and abortion. You should have talked to me and Father Donnelly about it. We could have helped you deal with it better. I think your judgement has been clouded by what happened to your sister.’
As much as I love her, her words rile me. ‘My judgement was never clouded. I know the Church’s view on such things. It had nothing to do with Catholicism, it had to do with…well, never mind. Anyway, what happened was my sister’s choice. I didn’t know she’d gone to see Floss until she was dying. She’d never shared that with me before then, and I never agreed with it. I’ve always upheld the law and, of course I would have arrested Floss McCarthy, if I could have found any evidence.’
‘Maud Percy said you tipped her off before the raids.’
I take a deep breath. ‘Maud Percy is a vindictive old woman who’s telling you lies, Gracie.’
‘But you can’t say that about her, Jack; she’s one of the pillars of the Church in this town.’
‘She’s a bloody hypocrite is what she is,’ I shout, ‘and she has no right to make up stories about me!’
Grace’s eyes widen. ‘Don’t you raise your voice at me!’ she snaps back. ‘I won’t be spoken to like that!’
I’ve taken out my anger on the one person who doesn’t deserve it. ‘I’m sorry,’ I reply, ‘I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment, and I don’t need her making up tales about me. I’ve done everything to protect the people of this town. I don’t need her running about, destroying my good reputation. How can she call herself a Christian?’ I sit beside Gracie and it seems I’m forgiven. She melts into my arms.
Quietly, she says, ‘You know, you’ve never raised your voice to me before.’
I feel awful. ‘And I never will again. I’m sorry, love. Just to set the record straight, while he was here, Dr Havelock was Sister McCarthy’s eyes and ears, not me.’
She sits upright and puts her hand to her mouth.
‘He always knew when we were going to raid her house, because he worked closely with us. Old Sergeant Thompson used to tip him off. Havelock would have known everything we were doing.’
‘Please, won’t you go and tell Father Donnelly that? It might redeem you in his eyes.’
In that moment, I want to tell her everything I know about Father Donnelly, about Bernadette Douglas, about the Pilchers and Mrs Singleton, but I know that unburdening myself would only place the burden on her, so I stay quiet.
That night, sleeping alongside my Gracie and warm in her embrace, I dream of children and women fighting beside me in the trenches.
I’m having another one of my bloody nightmares.