“LAUREL DIDN’T COME down to breakfast this morning.” Shane paced the living room of the inn. “And she didn’t answer when I knocked.”
“I’ll go check on her.” Ella left Penny eating Cheerios with Shane and went upstairs to Laurel’s room. She knocked on the door, which had a Do Not Disturb card hanging from the handle. “Laurel? It’s Ella.”
She thought she heard the rustle of bedsheets, but the door remained closed.
Ella knocked again. “Laurel? If you don’t open up, Shane might break the door down…or worse—ask Mitch to open the door with his pass key.”
There was a groan and a shuffle. The lock clicked and the door opened an inch.
Laurel flopped back on the bed, the one advantage of having supersmall rooms. “I’m sick.”
“Stomach bug or food poisoning?” Ella entered the room. Laurel’s suitcase was on the floor, surrounded by every stitch of rumpled clothing she’d worn since they’d arrived. On top of the suitcase, her cosmetic case sat unopened.
“I thought it was bad sushi or that turkey-salad sandwich from the Bent Nickel, but it must be a bug. Every afternoon I feel better and I eat a little. And then I feel fine until morning.” Her red hair was in a tangle. She wore gray leggings and a baggy green tank top. “I ate too many graham crackers. Can graham crackers spoil?”
“I don’t think so.” Ella placed a hand on her forehead. “You don’t feel like you have a fever.” And those symptoms didn’t sound like any flu Ella was familiar with.
“Could you do me a favor and bring me some toast?”
“Of course.” Ella returned a few minutes later with some of Penny’s crackers, dry toast and a big mug of tea. “I told Shane you weren’t feeling well.”
“Thanks.”
Ella helped Laurel sit up. She took a wet washrag and cleaned her face. And then she put her hair into a ponytail. When Laurel was done eating a little toast, Ella handed her the toothbrush along with a cup to spit into.
Laurel sighed. “You’re good at playing nursemaid.”
“Having Penny has given me lots of practice in anticipating comfort.”
“I appreciate it.” Laurel sank into the pillows.
“I also brought you a bucket in case you get sick again.” She’d asked Mitch for one.
“This place is the lap of luxury.” Laurel’s eyes closed.
Ella slipped out with Laurel’s key, determined to find Noah. Laurel was looking gaunt. There was more than bad sushi in her system.
Noah wasn’t in the store or the diner. Ella climbed the path to his cabin, passing by Roy, who was on his way down.
“Beautiful morning,” Roy said in the supercheery tone of his. “The passes are open. But enjoy it while it lasts, because we’re getting a doozy of a storm tomorrow night.”
Another storm.
Ella glanced toward Noah’s cabin. He stood in the window, watching her.
She wouldn’t be snowed in with him this time.
What a pity.
Noah opened the door when Ella reached the front porch and ushered her inside. Woof danced around her in that slightly awkward way of his, bumping her legs with his shoulder until she committed both hands to pet his neck and face.
And then she and Noah stood staring at each other, much as they’d stood staring at each other the day she’d made a tunnel in the snow. His expression was warm and interested, and yet the look in his blue eyes was cool and reserved, as if he didn’t want to face an unpleasant truth.
She recognized that look. She’d worn it often after Bryce died.
“Is Zeke okay?” Had he taken a turn for the worse? Was that why Noah seemed so standoffish?
“No infection. He’s good.” Short. Sweet. To the point. Noah wasn’t even trying to be clever.
There was definitely something wrong here.
“Are we good?” she asked, feeling like she was standing on unsteady ground. “I can’t always tell what you’re thinking past that beard of yours.”
He ran a hand down the sides of his black beard as if he’d forgotten it was there.
Speaking of slips, Ella had almost forgotten why she came. “I need a favor.”
His eyes flashed with interest and his gaze dropped to her lips, making hope flutter in Ella’s chest.
“I need a house call.” Ella rushed on before Noah decided now was the time to start with the quips and innuendo. “Laurel hasn’t been holding down food very well since we got here. At first, she thought it was food poisoning or the lingering funk of car sickness, but now—”
“I don’t want to cast stones,” Noah said in a voice better suited for undertakers. “But it sounds like she’s pregnant.”
“Having been pregnant myself, I concur, Dr. Bishop.”
He drew back at her use of his title—not a lot, but a noticeable amount.
Ella refused to let the sinking feeling take hold, the one that said whatever connection they’d made during the blizzard had broken. “But I also know that being unable to eat anything is a warning sign that something might not be right or that Laurel needs a little something to set her back on a less stomach-upsety path.” Ella nodded at the exam room. “What do you need? Stethoscope? Blood-pressure cuff?”
He heaved a sigh. “A little black bag. A pair of thick spectacles. Gray hair.” He may have been complaining, but at least he was moving in the right direction. Grabbing a backpack, opening drawers, stuffing it with equipment. When he’d finished and had put on his boots and jacket, he turned to Woof and told him to stay.
“Is he in time-out?” Ella patted the golden dog on the head. Woof hadn’t come to the inn for dessert last night, either.
“Bed rest.” Noah’s tone lightened. “He refuses to take it easy. That brace makes him more confident and then he tries leaping in the snow and stresses his ACL once more.”
“Sorry you’re in rehab, Woof.” Ella walked out the door, expecting Noah to build on her comment.
He said nothing as they walked down the hill to the road.
With each step, Ella felt more certain Noah had decided there was no more need for a natural progression where their attraction was concerned.
When they were both on level ground, she stared up into his face. “I guess we’re at the end of the natural course of things.” She had to say it out here, where they were alone, where her heart could break, because it hurt to acknowledge her love had been misplaced.
He scowled. “Even a river has to learn to flow around a rock.”
“Am I the rock in this metaphor?” Standing in his way of… Ella was stumped.
“I have a lot on my mind.” Noah started walking. “Ignore me.”
He’d said as much when he’d fumbled in their conversation about Ella staying in town longer. And he’d spent last night’s dessert hour with Mitch, not her.
She hurried to catch up to him. “Whatever it is, you can tell me about it.” She and Bryce had talked about everything.
Noah gave the usual grunt and continued toward the inn. His long stride outpacing hers.
Ella scurried after him, until she was struck by a memory of following one of her foster fathers down the hall to her social worker’s office. Larry had told her in the car that they couldn’t keep her anymore because his wife had been diagnosed with cancer.
“Don’t let me go,” thirteen-year-old Ella kept saying. “I can help.”
But Larry had kept on walking at a speed designed to leave her behind.
Ella stopped near a gas pump and watched Noah walk away. Seeing his broad back. Seeing Larry’s. Seeing Bryce’s casket being lowered into the ground. Seeing Ian look at her with regret. Seeing her mother dressed to party as she walked out the door one last time.
I can’t run after love anymore.
She couldn’t go after Noah. She couldn’t hold on to what wasn’t hers. Loving someone wasn’t enough to make someone stay. Love wasn’t an insurance policy. It didn’t guarantee anything, not even that Ella would be loved in return.
Someday she’d be watching Penny walk away. Walking off to college. Walking down the aisle. Walking to a home and a family she made with a man who loved her.
And it would just be Ella. Alone. With her glass bowl of mementos and her head full of memories.
The most difficult path is finding the truth in your heart.
The truth was Ella was alone.
What could she take from this man to remind her of the love she’d felt? He hadn’t taken her to a baseball game and caught a fly ball as Bryce had done. Or put a silver dollar in her Christmas stocking as Larry had done. Or pinned a turquoise tie tack on her sweater when he’d heard her whisper the knitted hand-me-down was too plain as Thomas had done. Or skipped rocks as she’d done with Aaron.
There was only snow and cold. And now the inevitable loneliness.
She’d think of Noah during a snowfall, but snow always melted. Was anything ever permanent?
“Ella? Are you coming?” Noah stood on the inn’s porch, frowning slightly.
She nodded and moved on. She didn’t say anything to him. Not when he opened the door to the inn for her. Not when she led him up the stairs. Not when she unlocked Laurel’s door and told her she’d brought the doctor.
“I don’t need a doctor,” Laurel insisted, having not taken a look at her emaciated face in the mirror and not acknowledging that she’d thrown up into a bucket while Ella had been gone. “I just need to watch what I eat.”
“You can’t keep anything down,” Ella pointed out from the bathroom, where she was rinsing out the bucket. “Not even toast and crackers.”
Shane hovered behind Noah. “Sophie’s watching Penny. What’s the diagnosis, Doc?”
Noah hadn’t officially entered the room. He’d been standing in the doorway listening to the women talk. “Laurel, is there a possibility you might be pregnant?”
“Show some class.” Shane scowled. “That’s not a possibility.”
But Laurel’s face went from pale to white. She hung over the edge of the bed and dry-heaved.
Ella rushed back with the bucket. When it wasn’t immediately used, she retrieved a damp washrag and wiped Laurel’s face.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Noah sat on the edge of her bed. He gently pinched the skin on Laurel’s arm and then released it. Frowned. Reached into a compartment of his backpack and handed her a pregnancy-test stick. “This isn’t one hundred percent accurate, but it’s the first option to explore.”
Shane made annoyed noises from the doorway, mostly mumbled negatives about Laurel’s feminine state and how it couldn’t be true since she was a costume designer, behind the scenes only, not a Hollywood starlet going to flashy parties and…
He continued, but Ella tuned him out, helping Laurel from the bed.
“I thought it was food poisoning,” Laurel said weakly when she got to her feet. “But… My mom said she was sick as a dog when she was pregnant with my sister and I.”
“Let’s not jump to conclusions.” Although Ella already had. She helped Laurel toward the bathroom.
“How could you be pregnant?” Shane demanded. “You don’t even have a boyfriend. Don’t tell me the father is that weatherman?”
“It was a line, Shane.” Laurel gripped the bathroom door frame, resisting entry. “He wasn’t a weatherman.”
“Can we talk about the parties involved some other time?” Noah waved away Shane. “We need to keep Laurel hydrated and get some food in her to stay down.”
“How can you be so calm?” Shane wagged a finger at Laurel. “She’s unemployed and pregnant!”
Her cousin’s astonishment must have given Laurel strength. “At least let me take the test before you go shouting it to the world,” she shot back. She entered the bathroom and closed the door, shutting them out.
The test was positive, surprising no one.
“Mitch just told me the pass was open.” Shane stood in the doorway, ready for action. “I’m taking you down the hill to a hospital.”
Back in bed, Laurel seemed to shrink at the thought. “I don’t want to go to the hospital heaving all the way.” She looked to Noah. “At least let me stay until I’m not throwing up all day. That is… If my doctor says I can stay.”
“I can give you an IV to help with fluid depletion,” Noah said. “But I urge you to eat a mild diet, lay flat in bed and see a specialist as soon as possible to make sure everything is progressing as it should be.”
“I just want to stay here,” Laurel said. “For a little while longer.”
“You can’t deny your situation forever.” Ella squeezed Laurel’s hand, but she was looking at Noah when she said it. He was denying his situation, too. “You owe it to your baby to seek care.”
Laurel’s blue eyes filled with tears. “But…”
“We’ll make a decision in the morning,” Noah said gruffly, giving Laurel the freedom she wanted.
* * *
ELLA WAS AVOIDING NOAH.
He knew he’d said the wrong thing. Many times. Always before, she’d forgiven him. Always before, she’d coaxed him out of his funk.
But then she’d said she was staying, he’d reacted badly, he’d realized he loved her, and Zeke had been injured, and nothing had felt right since.
Noah stared out at the valley from Laurel’s window. He was waiting for the IV to finish. He’d consulted with the staff ob-gyn at the hospital in Hailey about Laurel’s condition—gynecology not having been an area of interest in Noah’s official studies at med school. She’d agreed that Noah should reevaluate Laurel after awareness of her pregnancy made her wiser about what she ate and the IV had a chance to return her body to a healthier level of hydration. She’d recommended a clinic in Ketchum for a follow-up since it was closer to Second Chance.
This is what it’s come to. Other doctors used to call you for a consult.
Noah wavered in a state between annoyance and despair. He clenched his right hand, hating that he was no longer a revered expert.
“This is done,” Laurel said from her bed. Her color was better and her spirits up.
Noah checked the IV bag. It hung from a clothes rack Mitch had brought in from another room. “There’s more.” He squeezed the bag.
“It needs to be done. All that liquid went straight to my bladder.”
“You can wait a few more minutes.”
Laurel heaved a sigh. “How did you blow it with Ella?”
“What are you talking about?”
“She’s mourning your loss. I recognize that look on her face from after Bryce died.”
Noah didn’t have to ask Laurel to describe which expression. He’d seen it when he’d reached the inn porch earlier and had turned to see Ella standing in the grocery-store parking lot next to a gas pump. Her face had been drawn. Her gaze filled with sadness.
He’d chalked it up to a mood of hers, a reaction to the dark mood of his. A lot of people were moody. Just because she’d never been moody in the few days he’d known her previously hadn’t registered.
Yes, he’d had a lack of serious relationships because he’d been so focused on his career and on the need to excel. But that was no excuse for his lack of basic human kindness. The breed of kindness that Ella brimmed with.
He stared at his gloved hand—the hand she’d touched without cringing—and reminded himself he loved her.
He glanced up and caught his reflection in the bathroom mirror. A scruffy beard and eyes with dark circles. He didn’t look like a successful doctor. He looked like a lumberjack at the end of the logging season. And he was just as surly.
No wonder Ella had given up on him.
Sparkle in the corner of the bathroom caught his eye. “Is there a reason you have a formal dress hanging from the shower curtain?”
“Yes. The closet curtain rod is too low.” Laurel kicked her feet beneath the covers and blew out a breath. “Seriously, can’t you call the IV bag empty?”
“Yes.”
The hydrating liquid had done its job. Laurel’s eyes were less sunken. Her skin bounced back into place when he gently pinched it.
Laurel was bouncing back. It was time for Noah to do the same.
* * *
NOAH AND WOOF entered the diner that afternoon just as the schoolkids were dispersing.
Woof made the rounds with his usual ambling hobble, spending too much time sniffing out what Penny had eaten and spilled on her shirt for lunch, and then settled down in front of the fireplace, keeping his eye on Noah. Noah knew the dog’s leg needed flat ground and rest, but Woof had cabin fever and Noah needed a wingman.
No one noticed Woof. Everyone stared as Noah stacked his wood near the fire. Everyone, that is, but Ella.
Ella and Penny sat at the booth in the corner beneath the hand-drawn map of Second Chance. Ella’s back was to Noah.
“Hi, No.” Penny waved to him, and then wiped ketchup-stained fingers on her shirt before reaching for another potato fry.
“Look at that-there face of yours.” Roy stood up and blocked Noah’s path. “Finally unpacked your razor, did you?”
“It was time,” Noah said, shedding his jacket, knit cap and scarf on what should have been his way to Ella’s side. “If you’ll excuse me.” He sidestepped Roy, only to run into Mitch.
“What are you doing, buddy?” Mitch rubbed his own clean-shaven chin in an implied question between friends: Why did you shave, and should I worry about you?
Noah gave his head a small shake. “Someone thought I’d look better with more like a five-o’clock shadow.” Ella had mentioned twice that she couldn’t tell what Noah was feeling because of his beard.
Franny Clark’s sister dodged past them with a travel mug in hand. “I’m driving down to Boise to visit Zeke and bring one or both of them home. I need to gas up the truck and myself.” Emily stopped in front of the coffeepot.
“Don’t rush off.” Ivy poked her head out of the kitchen. “I made cookies last night. Those will perk Zeke right up.”
Emily began her caffeine pour. “Can’t rush anywhere at the moment. I backed my trailer that’s got Zeke’s truck attached into Mack’s service bay. She needs to clear out a couple things before we can get it on the lift.”
Noah moved past Mitch, only to be brought up short by Shane.
“Buddy.” Shane held up his hands and sent a half glance over his shoulder at Ella. “What are you doing?”
Annoyance at the multiple distractions and anger that Shane would presume to know what was good for Ella had Noah coming forward into Shane’s space. “I’m minding my own business.” His voice dropped. “I suggest you mind yours.”
Woof appeared between them, sitting on Noah’s feet.
“Shane.” Ella spoke without her turning around. “Stand down.”
Her softly worded command silenced everyone in the diner.
Shane gave Noah one more hard look. “I’ll be right over here if you need me, Ella.”
“She won’t need you,” Noah muttered, nudging Woof forward toward his goal. Ella. He was lucky that Sophie and Laurel weren’t in the diner.
Noah finally reached her table. Ella’s face looked as strained as it had this morning when they’d walked to the inn.
This does not bode well.
Particularly with an audience.
“Hey, can we go outside and talk?” Without waiting for an answer, he scooped up Penny, ketchup fingers and all.
Ella stood and plucked Penny from his arms. “No.” She sat Penny back in the booth. “Penny hasn’t finished eating.”
“But—”
“No.”
Noah glanced at his very large, very interested audience.
Just get it over with.
Noah hesitated. But he loved Ella, so he got down on one knee.
A collective gasp rose. Everyone shifted in their seats. Everyone, that is, but Ella.
Ella didn’t move. She wasn’t even looking at him.
Noah wanted to check her pulse to make sure her heart was beating. But the floor was cold and hard and if he didn’t get down to business soon the whole town would get involved.
“Ella, I love you and—”
Across the diner, Gabby dropped her schoolbooks. They scattered on the floor. The sound sent Woof scurrying beneath Ella’s table. The preteen cringed. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Noah lied. Nothing was okay. But maybe if he proposed things would turn out all right. He took a deep breath and started over. “Ella, I love you and—”
“I wuv No.” Penny giggled.
“I love you, too, sweetheart.” Noah’s pulse was pounding way too fast. The cold from the linoleum attacked his legs. “Ella, I love you and—”
“No.” Ella’s face was white.
“But… I haven’t asked you anything yet.” And everyone was staring at them.
Ella turned sideways in the booth, swinging her feet to the floor. She wore neon-pink snow boots that nearly blinded him. She leaned forward and framed Noah’s face with her palms. There was love in her eyes.
He looked deep into her blue eyes and smiled, waiting for her kiss. Things were looking up. There was no way this could end badly.
Ella swallowed thickly. “I love you, Noah, but—”
“No.” Noah shook his head. He didn’t want to hear what came next.
Ella’s gaze softened. “You’re not ready for me. You might not ever be ready for me.” Those words came out in a pained whisper, but there wasn’t a sound in the rest of the diner. Everyone heard what she’d said.
“No.” Noah shook his head once more. This was not happening to him. He was a world-renowned surgeon. He’d extended the careers of athletes with million-dollar contracts and endorsements with the likes of Nike and Gatorade. The woman he loved… The woman he was sure loved him back couldn’t be rejecting him.
“Shh.” Ella placed a gentle finger against his lips. Her touch soothed, the same way it always did. It was her words that cracked Noah’s foundation. “You weren’t meant to be a general practitioner. You should have seen yourself when you were treating Zeke. You came alive.”
Noah wanted to deny it—if he didn’t deny it, he’d lose her—but he couldn’t speak. He could only give a halfhearted shake of his head. The cold crept past his waist, reaching into his chest.
“It’s why you couldn’t get excited when I told you we might stay longer. A relationship here… Roots here… Where you’d have to give up specialized orthopedics… It would kill your spirit. It’s killing you now.”
“We can move somewhere else.” He loved Ella. He loved how she made him forget he wasn’t perfect. How she made him feel whole. But he needed a backup plan and his brain was stuck in the epic failure that this proposal had become. Dr. Noah Bishop, he of the sharpest tongue in the New York tristate area, had nothing up his sleeve. “I could become a… Become a…” He couldn’t think of anything he wanted to become except an orthopedic surgeon and that was impossible.
“No. We can’t.” Ella’s hands moved to his hands.
His gloved hands.
“Until you’re comfortable with who you are—inside and out—you won’t be ready to give yourself to anyone.” Her voice dropped to that pained place where just a whisper had the power to wound. “Not even me.”
Not the woman who’d accept him, scars and all.
Noah tightened his grip on Ella’s fingers. What she said couldn’t be true.
But it might be, whispered Dr. Bishop.
“I’m sorry, but…” Ella slipped her hands free.
Or maybe Noah let her go, because Dr. Bishop was a part of him, a part of Noah he’d been trying to ignore for six months, the cocky, egotistical part that resented the loss of his dreams and tried to convince himself that love was enough to make up for it. Ella had known it wasn’t.
“We’ve got to go.” Ella rose to her feet, gathered Penny, their coats and her diaper bag, and walked to the door with steadfast steps, as if her heart wasn’t breaking the same way his was.
Penny waved to Noah over Ella’s shoulder. “Bye, Woof. Bye, No.”
Bye.