44

‘How long have you had the hives, Ais?’ Sharon asks as she starts to buff and contour and highlight my face. I try not to worry about looking like a toffee apple and instead fire a text off to Carol to see how everything is going back in the café. She replies very quickly for a woman with as much going as she has. It’s all under control. But I scratch at the hives as soon as Sharon mentions them – there aren’t too many today, thank God.

‘Ah, they flare up every now and then. You know yourself. Stress. Can you cover them?’

‘Of course. You should look after yourself a bit better, you know? It’s better to get to the root of the problem than just hide the symptoms.’

Honestly, I don’t think hairdressers get enough credit for what they do. I’m going to suggest that Sharon officially retrains as a therapist one of these days. She’s a great listener.

‘I think I’m a bit run down. I must get myself a tonic when all this is over.’

‘Definitely,’ she says, searching frantically for my cheekbones. ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup.’ She puts a friendly hand on my shoulder and I smile in the mirror at her gratefully. Then I remember her doppelganger from Garbally.

‘Hey, I saw someone the absolute spit of you out at Garbally this morning.’ The words are out of my mouth before I realise what I’ve done. All these months I’ve managed to keep it a secret and now I fall at the last hurdle.

‘What?’ says Majella.

‘What?’ goes Liz Moran from under a set of heated rollers.

‘Que?’ says Juana, who has been struggling to keep up at the best of times – we’ve been talking that fast all morning.

‘What were you doing at Garbally this morning?’ demands Majella as Sharon refuses to meet my eye in the mirror.

‘I just had to drop something off.’

Majella roots around on the bed and pulls a copy of The Sun out from under a pile of hair extensions. ‘Drop something off for this?’

Splashed across the front page is the headline ‘Emilia Coburn to Wed 007 in Swish Country Bash’, accompanying an aerial picture of Garbally. I think I can make out James’s jeep. Must have been taken yesterday. I just stare at it, and I’m spent. I can’t pretend any more. If Mandy wants to come for me, she can come for me. The jig is officially up.

‘Yes, dropping something off for that.’

It feels so good to let the cat out of the bag.

Majella gasps and rushes to my side, taking care not to smudge her fresh French mani. ‘What. The. Fuck? Tell me everything, bird.’

‘BallyGoBrunch is doing a few nibbles for the reception. That’s all. Emilia wanted local stuff and so we got the call.’

‘Oh, “Emilia”, is it? Best friends, are you?’ Majella’s eyes are like saucers.

‘I wish – I’ve only met her once. She’d fit in your pocket, the little size of her.’

‘You’ve met her?’ Majella is so shook her fake eyelashes nearly come off. ‘Why didn’t you tell me? This is huge! And you knew all this time that her wedding was on the same day as mine?’

‘I had to sign an NDA. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone. And the wedding was supposed to be last week. They moved it. The stress nearly killed me.’ I gesture at the hives, or what’s left of them after Sharon’s careful concealing.

‘An NDA? The glamour!’

‘I know. I felt like I was the only person in the world who knew.’

Sharon clears her throat. ‘Well, actually, I knew.’

Now it’s my turn to nearly shake off the make-up she’s just applied with the turn of my head. ‘What?’

‘I signed one too. They had me on retainer for any emergencies that might pop up and –’

I gasp. ‘Oh my God, that was you this morning at Garbally!’ That’s when I notice her feet – she’s wearing flats. At last! She’ll never go back to the heels now. Next thing I’ll have her in Crocs.

‘Yep.’ She cops me looking at her feet. ‘The size of the place, hun! I was running around all morning. I got back here just before you. I was sweating!’

‘Who did you see?’ Majella shrieks.

‘Let’s just say a certain A-lister decided he needed a quick trim.’

‘Oh my God, who?’ Liz is hanging on our every word and poor Juana is gasping along, but who knows how much she’s really picking up.

Sharon laughs. ‘I’m not supposed to say anything, but I guess I could tell you he’s,’ she starts singing The Peigs’ break-out hit from last year, ‘so far from Naaaavan.’

‘Oh my God, Pierce Brosnan. Another Bond. Of course.’

‘He definitely has that sexy-older-man thing going on,’ Sharon says wistfully. ‘And his hair is in mint condition. No sign of Ben though, unfortunately.’

A few things start to fall into place. So that means when I was trying to dodge Emilia Coburn wedding chat, Sharon was too. I thought she was acting odd and definitely thought she was annoyed with me a few times.

‘So the reason you had to move our appointment this morning …?’ Majella asks.

‘I’m so sorry, Maj. They need a nail technician on standby and the money is whopper. If my phone goes, I’ll have to leg it back.’

There’s a pause as everyone turns to look at Majella. I see Juana examining her own nails out of the corner of my eye and pray she doesn’t kick up a fuss.

But Maj shrugs good-naturedly. ‘Ah, that’s okay. I’d nearly go myself and it’s my wedding day. If you meet Brad Pitt, send me a selfie.’

That’s very sound of Majella. I don’t know how I’d be if I found out a massive celebrity wedding was happening up the road from mine. Her face suddenly looks stricken, though.

‘You don’t have to go back up there, do you, Ais? I really need you with me today. Maybe I should have listened to Denise and had more than one bridesmaid.’

‘No way – Carol has the rest of it under control, and I’ve told Mandy you are my top priority.’

‘Mandy? Oh my God, Mandy Blumenthal. She did Kim and Kris Humphries.’ It’s no Kim and Kanye but it’s close enough.

There’s a knock on the door and it’s room service with breakfast. Majella, Juana and Liz head out into the little living room, Majella protesting that she doesn’t think she can eat a thing but changing her tune fairly lively when she sees the pancakes.

Sharon goes back to doing my face and checks her watch. ‘We’re doing well for time. Liz and Juana are done and I’ll leave Maj to the very last.’

‘Did I tell you about what happened with the dress? Oh God, I didn’t.’ I fill Sharon in on the whole fiasco. ‘Of course, I look like a bit of a hound in it. It’s very clingy around the middle.’

Sharon doesn’t answer me and when I try to catch her eye in the mirror she looks annoyed. That same annoyed expression I’ve been seeing for months.

‘Sharon, is everything okay?’

She takes a breath and then looks me in the eye. ‘Aisling, how do you think it makes me feel when you go on and on about getting fat and counting Points and doing steps and “being good” and dresses “clinging around the middle”?’

My eyes widen. I was not expecting this.

‘I’m a big girl, right? I’m fat?’

‘You’re not fat,’ I say reflexively and she holds her hand up.

‘I wear a size twenty, Aisling. I know that probably horrifies you but I do. And you going on and on about Weight Watchers and “Trim for Tenerife” and – Jesus. I’m just sick of it.’

I’m dumbstruck. Sharon is a bigger girl, but she wears her clothes with such confidence and always looks so sexy, I just never thought … I just never thought.

‘When you talk like that it makes me feel you’d rather die than look like me,’ she says in a small voice. ‘You and the girls do it all the time.’

Her statement sinks in and I realise she’s right, we do do it all the time. I feel worse than I have done in months. ‘Sharon, I’m so sorry. I just … I’m just so used to doing it. I don’t even notice.’

Sharon lifts her head up high again. ‘Well, maybe start noticing. Not everyone wants to hear about how many Points are in their bloody Lindor.’

I nod. ‘I will. I promise.’

She holds my eye in the mirror and then squeezes my shoulder. ‘I know you will.’

Sharon spends the next hour perfecting Majella’s face. Honestly, the things she can do with make-up. I’ve never seen Maj’s eyes look greener or her skin so glowy. She’s gone for a simple half-up, half-down look for her hair and she’s just stunning. I’m taking the three hundredth picture of her on my phone when there’s another knock on the door. I jog over to answer it and am surprised to see Mammy standing there. I’ve barely had time to think about our run-in in the kitchen last night.

‘Hiya, Mammy.’

She has a box in her hands. ‘I found it. I went digging in the attic.’

I could cry with relief. ‘Thanks, Mammy.’

‘Look at you. My grown-up girl.’ Majella comes to the door to see who it is and Mammy smiles and takes each of our hands. ‘My two grown-up girls. I’ll see you in the church.’

‘Is Paul driving you, Mammy? Tell him traffic is going to be bad, what with everything happening at Garbally.’ I’m glad Paul’s coming today – it’ll cheer him up a bit.

‘He told me this morning that he’d make his own way, pet. Constance is bringing us in the Range.’

The Range! Honest to God. She’ll be wearing the Camilla Parker Bowles hat next.

I say goodbye and retreat into the bridal suite. I’m just sitting on the couch firing off another few texts to Carol when Majella rounds the doorframe, hair backcombed to within an inch of its life.

‘Sadhbh just texted me. She said she’ll see us in the church and later at the afters. Does that mean The Peigs are in BGB, but they’re playing at Garbally?’