| |
Lindsey tried not to glare at Caitlyn, and she was sure under any other circumstances she would have liked the woman, but did she have to touch Owen so much? It was sickening. Caitlyn was too old for him, for one thing—probably ten years his senior. And for another, Owen acted all goofy around her. He was usually in a good mood anyway, but he couldn’t stop smiling and laughing and whispering things to Caitlyn that made her equally goofy.
Chad leaned close to Lindsey and said, “You’re looking a little green there, angel.”
“I feel okay,” she said. “My morning sickness ended months ago.” And it was late evening, not morning. She didn’t feel remotely nauseated.
“Different kind of green,” Chad said. “The jealous kind.”
“I’m not—” She snapped her jaw shut. She so was. And Owen was obviously happy. Why couldn’t she just be glad he’d found someone and get over it? It wasn’t like they’d ever had a relationship, and the baby wasn’t his. She had no claim on him, but he was such a good person and so cute and talented. And he’d never been anything but nice to her. Even when everyone else on the planet treated her like she was worthless and trashy, Owen had never made her feel that way. Caitlyn had no idea how lucky she was.
Unable to stand the sappiness between the pair any further, Lindsey stood. “I’m going to bed early.”
“I should probably head that way too,” Chad said with a smirk. “Give the lovebirds a little privacy.”
“I guess we’re all thinking of bed,” Owen said.
He kissed Caitlyn in a way that let Lindsey know that she’d soon be listening to their sex noises coming from across the hall.
“Do you need any help getting to bed?” Lindsey asked Chad, having learned earlier that one did not assume he wanted assistance with anything. That led to the demolition of perfectly good doorframes. He was so strong and independent. He must think she was a weak and terrible human being for coming here from Idaho and accepting handouts from his brother.
“I’ve got it.” Chad shifted himself from the sofa to the wheelchair like he’d been doing it his entire life and had even figured out how to use his one good arm to wheel himself in a moderately straight line.
“It was so good to meet you, Chad,” Caitlyn said.
“Same,” Chad said, and Lindsey couldn’t help but notice he didn’t seem overly thrilled by his brother’s happiness either. He vanished into the den—which luckily had a wider entry than the bathroom—and shut the door behind himself.
Lindsey headed for the stairs, a bit confused by Chad’s brusqueness. He didn’t have the hots for the curvy brunette too, did he?
“He’s just tired,” she heard Owen tell Caitlyn. “He’ll be more himself tomorrow once he gets some sleep. It’s been a long day.”
“He’s charming,” Caitlyn said. “Just like his younger brother.”
“You call that charming? He was all sorts of cranky tonight.”
“Cut him some slack, he just . . .”
Lindsey lost track of their conversation as she climbed the stairs. She got ready for bed and slipped between the sheets but lay wide-awake, wondering what her life would be like in a few months. She couldn’t allow herself to feel too settled in Owen’s house. Her living situation was very temporary. Mostly because she wasn’t sure if she could stand the rhythmic creaking of the bed across the hall for another second. She groaned and crammed her pillow over her head. At least Chad didn’t have to listen to that part of his brother’s new romance. Ugh. Owen must have been plowing Caitlyn hard, because the pillow was no match for the headboard banging into the wall and the bed’s legs scraping the floor. Dear lord, would it ever end?
Unable to stand another moment of those sounds and knowing from experience that those two would go at it all night, Lindsey grabbed her pillow and quilt and headed downstairs to sleep on the sofa. Caitlyn’s moans were even louder in the upstairs hallway and followed Lindsey all the way down to the living room. She noticed the band of light beneath the door of the den where Chad was supposed to be asleep. She wondered if the Caitlyn and Owen sexathon was keeping him awake as well. Hopefully, he could get some sleep. He must be utterly exhausted. Every task he completed was a major ordeal, but he never complained. He only complained when someone tried to help him.
Owen called out in ecstasy upstairs, and the muffled sounds of the thumping headboard finally came to an end.
“Oh, thank God,” Lindsey heard Chad say in his room.
She giggled into her pillow. Apparently, he could hear the randy couple too. The house fell silent, and Lindsey’s eyelids began to droop as she snuggled into her quilt. She was almost asleep when Owen’s bed began to squeak again.
“For fuck’s sake,” Chad yelled. “Tie a knot in it, won’t you?”
The den door opened, and Chad wheeled himself out of his room. He paused at the bottom of the stairs. “Can you two keep it down?” he yelled. “I’m trying to suffer from insomnia in peace!”
“You think it’s loud down here . . .” Lindsey said from her comfy spot on the sofa.
Chad’s head turned in her direction. “I didn’t know you were down here.”
“I thought it might be quieter. Come keep me company until he . . . until he . . .”
“Comes?”
Lindsey’s cheeks warmed, and she nodded.
“I thought he already had.”
“He usually has three in him,” Lindsey said.
“Three? You’re kidding!”
She shook her head. “And the third one takes a really, really long time.”
“We need to get our own places, Lindsey. How can you stand listening to that night after night?”
“She only stays over a couple times a week.” And having her own place sounded equal parts awesome and lonely. She wouldn’t be lonely for long, though. Soon she’d have a baby to care for and keep her company. To love and love her back. That was all she’d ever wanted out of life, really. For someone to love her. Truly. Madly. Deeply.
“That’s a relief,” he said.
“Are you having trouble sleeping?” she asked, sitting up and wrapping the quilt around her shoulders. “Even without the sound effects?”
“Eventually I get so tired I pass out, but I haven’t slept well since I was deployed.”
“How long ago was that?”
“Six years in the thick of things, with a few breaks in between.”
That long? How was he functional?
“Maybe I can help,” she said. As soon as she spoke, she wished she could take back the offer. She knew how Chad reacted to offers of help.
“How?” he asked.
“When I was a little girl, my mom would let me rest my head in her lap while she hummed to me and stroked my forehead. I’d be asleep in minutes.” Her mom wouldn’t even speak to her now, but she’d cared about Lindsey at one time. Not so long ago really. Maybe that was why it had hurt so bad when she’d told Lindsey she no longer had a daughter. Sluts were not welcome in her house. Vanessa should have kept her damned mouth closed. Bragging to the catty bitches in town about their one-nighter with Sole Regret had not been her friend’s smartest decision.
“I’m willing to try anything at this point,” Chad said.
Lindsey smiled, glad she might be of use, and patted her ever-diminishing lap. “Right here.”
He wheeled over to the couch and deftly shifted onto the cushion beside her. He surprised her by facing her belly when he stretched out, rather than facing away. He surprised her further when his good arm circled her ever-expanding waist.
“I feel calmer already,” he murmured.
Well, that made one of them. She wasn’t sure why her hormones kicked into overdrive whenever he was near. Her hand trembled when she brushed her fingers over his forehead. In the darkness, she found the ridge of a healing scratch, the indentation at his temple, and the soft hair of his scalp that had already grown noticeably in the short two weeks she’d known him. The bandaged side of his head was against her thigh, so it was easy to forget that he’d been horribly wounded. She tried to remember the song her mother used to hum but figured he might not appreciate a lullaby. She settled on a Garth Brooks song, “Friends in Low Places,” hoping it didn’t offend him.
After several measures, Chad laughed quietly, then asked, “Does Owen know you listen to country music?”
His breath warmed her belly and made butterflies dance inside her.
“I mostly listen to Sole Regret,” she said. “They’re my favorite band, but there is a definite country influence in their music.”
“I can’t say I noticed that. Not even a little.”
She continued to stroke his forehead. “I guess it’s a blues influence, actually, but blues is a foundation for both country and rock.”
“Blues?”
“Complicated guitar riffs in all three genres. The main difference between rock and country is the drums.”
“And the twangy singing.”
She laughed. “Fact.”
“Gabe and Shade will be glad they kept the band out of country music territory.”
“Adam’s guitar work is all blues inspired. He’s hardened the sound considerably, but if you listen to blues at all, you’ll hear it in his playing.”
“I haven’t listened to much blues.”
“Me neither,” she said. “I read that in an interview of Adam’s.”
He laughed again. “You had me going there. I thought you were some sort of music expert.”
“A Sole Regret expert, yes. Music expert, absolutely not.”
“So the situation that got you pregnant? That was a Sole Regret expert kind of thing, wasn’t it?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Probably not, but tell me anyway.”
She was quiet for a long moment, not wanting him to think she was trash. Enough people thought of her that way already, but she supposed if he couldn’t handle the truth, he had never liked her much anyway.
“My friend and I were at a benefit concert the band performed in my hometown on Christmas Eve. When we were leaving the venue, we spotted the tour bus pulling out and decided to follow it. It was snowing like crazy, so the bus had to pull over in the mountain pass outside of town. I stopped to meet the band and one thing led to another and another and another . . . We were just having fun.”
And if she could do it all over again, she wouldn’t change a thing. Not even getting pregnant.
Chad was silent for a long moment, and she was glad she couldn’t read minds. He must be thinking horrible things about her.
“Did you sleep with all of them?” he asked.
Her hand stopped moving against his skin, and her stomach dropped. She didn’t want him to be like all the other people who knew what had happened on that tour bus. By the time she’d left home for good, everyone in town had known, and so had a lot of people on Facebook that she didn’t know. Lindsey didn’t want Chad to think she was some whore who’d fuck around with any man. She’d been starstruck that night, and the encounters had been fun, frivolous, and wild. She’d never done anything like that in her life, but her one night of wanton behavior had come with more responsibility than she’d bargained for. And she hadn’t thought anyone besides the guys and her partner-in-orgy, Vanessa, would know about their crazy adventure. Lindsey hadn’t told a soul about that night, but Vanessa had gotten drunk at a party and thought bragging about their wild night with the band was a good idea. When Lindsey had found out she was pregnant, it didn’t take long for the news to spread to her family, her boss, and her coworkers. That was when her life had gone to shit.
“Yes,” she said flatly. “I slept with all of them.”
His arm tightened around her waist. “Don’t stop.”
She crinkled her forehead. “Don’t stop, what?”
“Touching me. It’s . . .” He released a shaky breath. “Nice.”
“I’m surprised you want me to touch you at all now that you know I slept with six men in one night.”
“Six? Sole Regret has five—”
“Tex too,” she blurted.
“Tex . . . The bus driver?”
“Yeah.” She steeled herself for his disdain, but he just laughed softly.
“Lucky bastard.”
The baby chose that moment to kick him in the head.
Chad’s hand slid from her back to her belly, where a tiny foot was repeatedly trying to kick itself free. He spoke to the suddenly active little one growing inside her. “Easy there, tiger. I’ll behave myself. I have nothing but respect for your beautiful mama.”
Lindsey snorted. Respect? Yeah, right. No one who knew she’d gone “total groupie” on Sole Regret respected her. Thought she was a slut and an easy lay because of it? Oh yeah, she’d run into that with a number of men in her hometown.
“What are you snorting about?” Chad said.
“You don’t respect me.” How could he?
“Of course I do, angel.”
“You can’t possibly. Not after I—”
He shifted so that they were eye to eye. It was too dark to read his expression clearly, but she could feel a change in his intensity.
“So you had a good time one night with some guys in a band. So what?” His hand slid over her belly. “You were given this precious gift as a result.”
“Precious gift?” No one referred to her baby as a gift. The little guy had been called a burden, a mistake, a complication, a huge responsibility, and even a bastard, but never a gift.
“All babies are a gift,” he said. “Josie and I had always planned to have three . . . Never mind.” He settled back onto her lap again. “Hum some more to us.”
She did her best but, considering that she suddenly couldn’t breathe due to the emotions choking her, the Sole Regret ballad she attempted became unrecognizable. He’d had dreams for his future that would never be because of a chance occurrence, and so had she. They were both teetering on the edge of an uncertain future. But now was nice. Now didn’t feel overwhelming. Now felt safe.
Her terrible humming didn’t matter, apparently, because the baby settled down immediately and a moment later Chad went limp, his breathing slow and regular. As she continued to hum and stroke Chad’s forehead rhythmically, his words played through her head.
. . . nothing but respect . . .
. . . beautiful . . .
. . . this precious gift . . .
Did he truly feel that way about her? About the baby? Chad didn’t seem like the kind of guy who lied easily. Josie was a fool for tossing him aside.
Maybe Lindsey had been focusing on the wrong brother. Maybe the rock star wasn’t the Mitchell she should fangirl over.
*~*~*
Something hit Lindsey in the stomach, and for once the blow came from the outside instead of the inside. Still resting his head in her lap, Chad was thrashing about in his sleep, apparently caught up in a vivid nightmare.
She grabbed his shoulder and shook it. “Chad, wake up. You’re dreaming.”
“Jawa?” A sob ripped lose from his throat. “Jawa?” He wrapped his arms around his chest, and then twisted his body violently, almost hitting Lindsey in the face.
“Chad?”
He went still. She took a relived breath, glad that was over, but then his entire body went rigid. “Emerson!” He reached down toward his amputated leg and pressed the foot of the opposite leg against the sofa arm. “Emerson, hold on!” He grunted as if trying to lift an enormous weight. “I can’t . . . My leg is stuck. Just hold on.”
“Chad!” Lindsey shook him even harder. “Wake up!”
He gasped, his body jerking as he regained consciousness. “Where am I?”
The house was dark and completely silent now except for a clock clicking on the mantel and Chad’s harsh breathing.
“You’re at Owen’s house. On the sofa.”
“Angel?”
“Yeah, it’s Lindsey. It’s okay. You’re safe here.”
He curled into her belly, his arm tightening around her. “Thanks for waking me,” he said. “Before he . . . before . . .”
He went quiet, his arm so tight around her that she wanted to pull away, but she didn’t. She held him and stroked his arm where her hand was resting until his biceps finally relaxed.
“You can talk to me about it if it will help,” she said.
His face rubbed against her abdomen as he shook his head. “I don’t want anyone to have to imagine the things I’ve seen, especially not you.”
“I can handle it.” Maybe.
“Apparently, I can’t.”
She hugged him closer, not knowing how else to comfort him. After a moment he relaxed completely, and his breathing settled.
“Thanks for helping me sleep,” he said. “You should probably go up to bed. The sex sounds have finally stopped.”
“I like being here with you.” She probably shouldn’t have admitted that, but it was true. She hadn’t felt like a worthwhile human being in months, and maybe she was fooling herself by thinking she was any help to Chad, but holding him helped her too. It made her feel strong. Maybe instead of seeking help for herself, she’d could cope with her own problems by focusing on someone else’s hardship.
“You need your rest,” he said.
“So do you.”
He released a breathless laugh. “Has anyone ever accused you of being stubborn?”
She grinned. Just everyone who knew her well. “A few people.”
“If I let you tuck me in, will you go up to bed?”
“But what if you have nightmares again? I can’t wake you up if I’m upstairs.”
“If I let you sleep beside me, will that satisfy you?” he asked.
Satisfy her? Not exactly, but it might keep her from worrying over him. “Is there even enough space in your bed for two?”
“If we cuddle.”
Cuddling sounded nice. The stuff that often came before a man and a woman cuddled in bed sounded even nicer, but she wouldn’t bring those needs up with Chad. Any respect he claimed to have for her would vaporize the instant she told him she wanted him. Being close to him would have to be enough.
“I’ll meet you in there,” she said. “I have to go to the bathroom again.” A constant need in her condition.
“Good thing my brother widened that doorframe for you.”
She poked him. “Is that a fat joke?”
“This baby does take up most of your lap.”
“And you’re taking up the rest of it.”
“I should probably watch what I say, or I’ll be taking up the floor instead.”
But she liked that he teased her. Until now, she hadn’t had anyone to share her joys and discomforts with. To feel comfortable enough with her “fragile condition” to joke about it.
“Go climb in bed,” she said, pushing him to sit up beside her. She stood on wobbly legs—they’d gone to sleep without her realizing it—and hobbled her way to the bathroom, leaving Chad to navigate his wheelchair on his own. She hoped he didn’t have to wait much longer to get a prosthetic leg. She was certain he’d prefer the freedom the device would offer. She could tell he was already frustrated with the chair.
After using the bathroom and washing her hands, she felt more than a little self-conscious climbing into bed with him. He’d scooted his back up against the wall, his injured arm resting on his exposed side, his other arm stretched in front of him looking like a welcoming pillow for her.
“Not sure I remember how to do this,” he said.
“Me neither.”
She sat on the bed beside him and turned off the lamp before lying down. She tried leaving a few inches of space between them, but he was all in on the cuddling idea. He felt so solid behind her, so warm and so strong. And for the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel alone.
