A man could totally be too good at sex. Sex with Javi was so good that it was going to melt her brains. He was like a sex zombie. A sexy sex zombie. When she started to laugh at the image in her head of Javi’s dick asking for more brains, she knew that the sex zombie apocalypse had started.
“What’s so funny?”
They were sitting and drinking wine out of juice glasses along with the sushi that Javi had ordered in.
“Nothing.” She wanted to hide her face from him; she wasn’t used to anyone looking at her the way he did. There was definitely sex in his gaze, but there was also something else. Interest? “Smart to order sushi. Like you knew I was going to jump your bones as soon as I walked through the door.”
“I knew I was going to want to jump your bones as soon as I saw you. That’s how it’s always been.”
“Why didn’t you?” She knew the answer to that question. Without a doubt. She was not who he pictured himself with long term. She should be grateful that he hadn’t humiliated her before. She’d had enough to deal with then—bartending, putting herself through school, growing as an artist. No, she’d done the humiliating to herself with one impulsive declaration. She could take his inevitable rejection now. She was a grown-ass woman.
He shrugged. She wanted to kill him, but first she wanted to draw the way his muscles moved under his skin. She wanted to record him fucking his fist, so she could get the way he moved on a canvas in an abstract way. No one but her would know that it was him. But she would know, and remembering the way he moved would make her feel greedy every time she saw it.
How many times had she conjured up an image of Javi shirtless when sketching? Her old drawings would have to go in the trash because they were nothing in comparison to the real thing in nothing but a pair of low-riding grey sweatpants.
“Would it have been any different had I said something—you know—about how I felt earlier?”
Javi had started dating Karrie right before they met, before that first night he came into the bar and they hit it off. She’d wanted him to ask her out, even though she was pretty sure she wasn’t his type. It hadn’t mattered though; she’d felt a zap of energy between the two of them, and she’d forgotten all the reasons that he wouldn’t see her as good enough. For a while. But then, he’d brought up the girl he was seeing.
“How much sooner?”
“Like, a year and a half.”
He let it hang there and turned his back. The sushi threatened to come back up, and she regretted coming over, and thought about leaving before he responded. “It would have made a difference.”
“We would have been together?”
He turned back to her and put more sushi on her plate. “I don’t know. I probably would have fucked things up. I messed things up with Karrie.”
“How?”
“You believe I didn’t cheat on her, right?” He crossed his arms over his chest. His hairy chest that she wanted to nuzzle and bite his nipples and make him hiss and growl at her.
“I didn’t think you would.”
“I wanted to. That night with you.” His words kind of floored her. She hadn’t been expecting him to admit that he’d wanted her that much, that he was tempted to compromise his integrity for her. “I was so far down the road. We’d met the families; everyone got along. Everyone wanted it.”
“Even you?” She wanted him to say “no,” but she also didn’t think that he would marry a woman he didn’t love at all.
“Yeah, but you knew that I had doubts.” He pulled his hair behind him to the nape of is neck. “I was kind of mad at you for saying something. You should have said it sooner, much sooner. And you knew we had problems, that we weren’t perfect.”
“I didn’t know if you were dense or if you were dangling it in front of my face.” His complaints about Karrie had hung in front of her like ripened fruit; all she’d had to do was pick.
He winced. “I don’t know either. A little bit of both.”
“It wasn’t fair. And it made me not trust you. It made me not trust myself around you. You know, even though my mom was the other woman for years, I respected your relationship.”
Unlike some of her arty friends, Maya had never been down with the poly, wishy-washy thing. She might have a trail of lovers in her wake, but she was strictly about one-at-a-time. Javi’s confessions about his problems with Karrie had been the only thing that ever tempted her to encroach on another person’s relationship. “Telling me about your doubts made me want to blow it up. And, you know I couldn’t do that.”
He scooted his bar stool next to her and the heat from his body melted some of the cold that had settled in her bones during the conversation. Maybe they’d both fucked up. She hadn’t told him the truth about how she’d felt in time for him to do anything about it. He hadn’t had the balls to have a real talk conversation with her about where he was at.
They were both cowards.
And maybe telling him that he could only have one night—now that they were both free—was the most cowardly thing of all.
Just sitting next to him, even re-hashing all of their difficult feelings didn’t extinguish her desire for him. The fact that she could touch him, wherever and however she wanted, was a rush. Just like making him undress for her was. The fact that he belonged to her right now killed her appetite.
She took a final sip of wine, swallowed, then kissed a mark on his shoulder. “I think I need to fuck you now until I’m not an asshole.”
He smirked at her as she ran her hand down his stomach. He dropped his chopsticks as soon as she reached his waistband. She didn’t reach in and grab his cock right away, she ran her hand over his hard on, through his clothes, until it jumped. She learned it, ran a fingertip over the head through the dense cotton.
His fingers gripped the countertop and she could hear his teeth grinding from trying to restrain himself. She could practically smell his urge to put her on her knees and fuck her face riding on the air. And she wanted that, but not now. He could feel that, too.
Even though, from the outside, they didn’t look like they belonged together. In addition to coming from different worlds, they were both alphas. People who didn’t know wouldn’t see that fighting for dominance was what turned them on. When he’d stripped for her earlier, he hadn’t been submitting, he’d been evaluating, pushing, watching and seeing where she was weak.
“When I made you come the first time?” he asked.
“I remember.” He panted when she squeezed his cock one last time before slipping her hand under his waistband and curling her fingers around his bare skin. “That sound you made almost made me come before I got inside you. Would have been embarrassing.”
“Pobrecito, you would have gotten hard again for me. Your cock is a champion. No wonder supermodels take turns riding on it.”
“Are you jealous?” There was a hint of humor in his strained voice. He’d shifted towards her a little, and she could tell he was ready to turn the tables, but she had a little more leeway, which she planned to use.
“Why would I be jealous of brainless putas who need to call in reinforcements to get you off? There’s only one of me, and I’m going to wring you out until you have nothing left.”
Then, he struck. He stood up, which knocked her hand out of his pants. He pulled her up by the arms and undid the buttons on the dress shirt she’d put on before dinner as he said, “You drive me nuts. You are jealous, so you won’t admit it. I see through your bravado and your name calling. And damned if I don’t love it. But it’s time for you to stop talking now, and I know the way to do it.”
“Let me guess, you’re going to put me on my knees and make me take your cock.” She looked up at him, sticking out her bottom lip, acting like an innocent for show. She didn’t want to show him that his dirty talking fucking killed her. Damaged her brain cells, and made everything fuzzy. It took the starch out of her spine and made her want to fall at his feet.
He collared her with one hand and stroked the side of her throat with his thumb. It was loose, dominant, but not threatening.
“I can’t stop thinking of your pretty little mouth on my cock, and it seems like a good way for you to stop talking about the other women that I’ve been fucking. None of them are here. Right now, I can scarcely remember one of their names. I can still taste you at the back of my throat. And I like it that way. I want to give you the same. And you want it.”
He slapped her ass with his other hand and released her. He didn’t have to say anything about what he wanted next, and she wanted to give it to him.
She let the shirt drop to the floor and she bunched it up under her knees when she went down along with it. She looked up, rolled her eyes at him, and said, “Oh, please. Punish me with your cock in my mouth.”