Javi’s ex-wife was not a stupid woman. She’d disappeared right after she won him at the auction. Right after Javi watched Maya walk out on him. When he bent over and asked Karrie what the hell she’d said to Maya, Karrie shrugged and smiled.
Now he was in the lobby of Dr. Weaver’s office waiting for her to tell him why the love of his life wasn’t taking his calls, why her brother slammed the door in his face after cursing him out in Spanish for a good five minutes.
He’d thought about climbing the fence to Felix’s house and breaking in a window, but he didn’t think that Maya’s brother was kidding about removing his balls with a putty knife.
He’d never hated Karrie before now. He’d kind of understood why she cheated. All of his anger after the divorce had really been directed at himself. Once he was free, he hadn’t sought out Maya because he’d known he’d never be good enough for her.
And he still wasn’t. When they’d started up, he’d promised not to hurt her, and he hadn’t been able to help it. He should have known that Karrie would pull some kind of bullshit. As soon as he’d seen her at the auction with Graciela and company, he’d known in his gut that something bad would happen.
He wished he could go back in time and tell his sister that he’d make a big donation, but he was off the market permanently. His eyes burned with lack of sleep. It had only been four days, but every time he shut his eyes, he thought of Maya and saw the numbed-out look on her face under the spotlight.
His heart twisted in anguish, something that would concern him more if he hadn’t survived the same stabbing sensation in his chest every time he thought of her over the past few days. And, just like his need for her, it didn’t lessen with time. It grew more intense. If he couldn’t get Maya back—if he couldn’t figure out what he had to do to repair the damage he’d done—he hoped it would at least do him the favor of killing him.
He paced until Karrie walked into the marriage counselor’s reception area. As usual, she was dressed conservatively. She had a cat-that-got-the-cream grin on her face and actually came close to him, as if she expected him to hug her.
Disgust soured his stomach; the toast he managed to choke down that morning turned when she touched him. He didn’t want to have this conversation, didn’t want to tell a woman who’d once promised to love him forever that she had to move on. But he would do it because cutting off Karrie was the only way she would get the message.
When he looked at his ex-wife, he felt nothing but remorse. And it was his fault for marrying her in the first place. Before Maya had walked back into his life, he hadn’t gotten the total picture. He’d thought that he and Karrie had both been unhappy, but that she’d ended it by cheating. The truth was that he ended it, too. Maybe if he could make Karrie see that, they could both move on and be happy?
“You look tired, Javi.” Her voice was filled with concern and a little bit of hope. Maya would have told him he looked like shit and asked him what a rich pendejo like him really had to worry about.
Javi gritted his teeth. He wanted to wait to say what he had to say in front of Dr. Weaver. He’d asked her to meet him at the therapist’s office so that they could have a tough conversation with ground rules. Before Karrie’s affair, they’d tried going to marriage counseling, but Javi hadn’t been cooperative. He hadn’t thought that they had any problems when Karrie had been saying all along that she didn’t feel loved. His bad. Another one.
“Let’s wait to talk until we’re with Dr. Weaver,” Javi said.
Karrie grabbed his arm and he fought not to recoil at her touch. Her hands on him, even if it was out of concern felt wrong. He wanted Maya’s touch comforting him. Her concern for him. He needed her telling him to get over himself. When he felt tears prick the back of his eyes, he turned away. He was a goddamned mess crying over a hand on his arm.
Before he got a hold of himself, Dr. Weaver appeared at the doorway. “Please, come in. It’s good to see you.” Weaver was in his mid-forties, avuncular, with kind eyes. Everything you’d want a therapist to be. Karrie had always been a fan because he’d usually been on her side. He’d usually been right.
Javi was careful not to touch Karrie again as they went into the office. He wanted to give her closure and not hope. Once they sat down on opposite ends of the couch, Weaver crossed one foot over his knee and tapped his pen on the arm of his chair.
“I didn’t think I’d see either of you again. You got divorced, is that right?”
“Yes.” Javi looked over at Karrie, who looked to be in pain. Compassion flooded him and he didn’t know where to go next.
Luckily, Weaver stepped in for him. “Karrie, you look well. Javi told me that you still had some concerns about the final terms of your divorce.” He laughed at himself. “Is that what brings you in today?”
Karrie took a deep breath before answering Weaver. She looked directly at Javi when she said, “I don’t want to be divorced anymore. I want to get back together with Javi. I miss him.”
“Why?” Javi couldn’t think of anything else to say. Their marriage hadn’t been great at the best of times. It had been convenient at its height and excruciating at its end. At least for him.
“I’m lonely.”
“Get a puppy.” He hated how harsh his words were, but he was so shocked that this was her end game. The compassion he’d been feeling a few moments before disappeared. “You seriously thought that coming after me for more money was going to make me want you back?”
“I’d heard you were with her.” Karrie’s voice dripped with venom, and she ran her fingers through her fair hair, a nervous tick she’d always had. “And I couldn’t stand it. You always wanted her.”
That was true. And he was done hiding from the truth when it came to how he felt about Maya. “I was with her.”
Weaver held up both hands. “Let’s back up a minute. Karrie, you’re saying that you want to try reconciling with Javi. You still feel that way, even though you know Javi is with someone that he was interested in during your relationship?”
“He’s been obsessed with this girl during maybe our whole relationship. I thought I was imagining it; he always told me that they were just friends.” She shot Javi an accusing look. “You were fucking her, weren’t you? The whole time. That’s why you proposed, wasn’t it? Because she wanted you for herself, and you knew your family would never accept her.”
Javi’s stomach dropped. How could Karrie have married him while believing that he’d cheated on her? He never would have done that. He gripped his knees, felt like his head would explode. But he didn’t stay anything because he couldn’t afford to make this worse.
Weaver asked, “Did you have a romantic relationship with this woman before your marriage?”
Javi honestly didn’t know how to answer that. He’d never touched Maya while he was with Karrie. He wasn’t the kind of man who crossed that boundary, not when he was committed. But he couldn’t say that their relationship had been completely platonic. They’d flirted with each other. And, on some level, he’d been aware that Maya had feelings for him. Did that make him a cheater?
He didn’t know. “I had feelings for another woman before our marriage, Karrie. I think that happens to most people. But, I promise you, I never acted on them physically. I wouldn’t have done that to you.” He turned to her. “But I did want her. I wasn’t honest with you about that. I wasn’t even honest with myself about that.”
“Then why did you marry me?” Karrie’s eyes were wet, and her voice came out as a whine.
“Because you’re everything I thought I needed in a wife. You’re beautiful. You come from a good family. And you loved me without asking too much of me.” He looked down at his hands. “I wasn’t a very good husband to you. I didn’t give you what you needed.”
“I loved you. I love you.” Her voice was small and quiet.
The counselor sighed. “Do you love him, Karrie?”
“What are you talking about? I don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel like a ghost walking around because I don’t have my husband anymore. I only cheated on him because I didn’t know any other way for him to pay attention to me. I liked that someone actually looked at me.”
“That’s on me, Karrie.” Javi had never taken responsibility for his part in his divorce while it was going on. The lawyers hadn’t wanted him to talk to her at all, and he’d complied. He’d been a coward. “I didn’t see that marrying you despite the fact that part of me knew it wasn’t right was bad. I’m so sorry. I want you to be happy, but I don’t think I’m the man that can make you happy.”
“Don’t say that.” She was full on sobbing now.
Weaver leaned forward in his chair and handed Karrie a wad of tissues. “I don’t usually like to give advice. That’s not my job, but I think you need to hear what Javier is trying to tell you. View this as an opportunity to move on into a life that really fits.”
Javi said, “If you need more alimony, I’ll find a way to make that happen.”
“Money is not going to fix this! Nothing you can do would fix this except leaving her and coming back to me.” Her wrecked face broke his heart.
“I’m sorry, but that’s not going to happen.”
“I know. But sorry doesn’t do shit.”
“I can’t help that I’m in love with someone else. All I can do is to be honest about it.”
“Why her?” Karrie’s tears seemed to slow, and she hugged herself around the waist. “I’m so much better than her.”
“Don’t say that.” Javi shook his head. He wasn’t dumb enough to talk about all the reasons that Maya was everything to him. Not here. But he wasn’t going to let Karrie talk shit about her.
“Why not? She was always in love with you. She actively rooted for us to break up.”
“You blame this woman for your divorce?” Weaver looked a little confused. He and Karrie had never talked about Maya, not in or out of therapy. Karrie had actively disliked her, called her tattoos “trashy” and her New York accent “classless.”
“Maya had very little to do with the divorce. The real issue is that we shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.”
“You lured me here so I would think we’re getting back together and drop the petition.” That had been a stupid move. Of course Karrie saw this as some sort of scheme to get one over on her.
“I wanted to talk to you, try to give you some closure so that we can both move on.”
“I can’t move on. I moved to this swampy shithole of a city to be with you. And now that I’m back here, and I can’t even go out without seeing a member of your family or hearing about you with the tramp who took you away from me!”
Karrie stood up and grabbed her purse. Weaver moved to the edge of his seat. “Javi, was that your intention with dating this woman?”
“Her name is Maya, and I’m with her because I can’t not be.” Javi dropped his head back. “Actually, I’m not with her right now because Karrie said something to her the other night that made her run away from me.” Javi felt like he couldn’t stay sitting much longer. “What did you say to her, Karrie?”
Javi lifted his head and looked at Karrie, who crossed her arms over her chest defiantly. “I’m not going to tell you anything that will help you get her back.”
“Shit. Karrie. I don’t know what you want from me.”
Karrie grabbed the doorknob and pointed a finger in his direction. “I don’t want anything from you, but what I’m owed.”
“And what’s that?”
Weaver stayed silent, seemingly content to let them work things out, even though they’d devolved into accusations and anger.
“You. You made promises.”
“You want to talk promises?” Javi stood up and pointed a finger at her. “You broke promises first. But I don’t give a shit that you’re not going to help me clear things up with Maya. I’m going to get her back because I have to.”
“Fuck you, Javi.” He could count on one hand the number of times he’d ever heard his wife curse. “If you don’t want me around, you’re going to have to pay to get rid of me.”
Then, she walked out.
Javi buried his face in his hands. Weaver patted him on the shoulder.
“What can I do?” Javi asked himself more than the marriage counselor.
“I think she needs to do the work that it looks like you’ve done.” Weaver sat back and looked at Javi—looked through him. “You seem like a different person. Before, you didn’t want to be here. You clearly didn’t want to be in your marriage.” He paused again. “I’m not supposed to say stuff like this. But this new woman? I think she’s right for you.”
“She drives me fucking crazy.” Javi stood up and jammed his hands in his pockets. “She’s not even talking to me right now.”
“What did you do?” Weaver said with a half-smile.
“I didn’t tell her how I felt. The same stupid shit that got me married to the wrong girl.”
“How are you going to fix it?”
“I guess I have to be honest.” Javi stood up from the couch and walked over to the window that overlooked the street.
“What would you say—honestly—if she were the one in the room with us?”
Javi stopped in his tracks. “That I love her. That I fucked up by not telling her about how I’d planned to deal with Karrie, not treating Maya like a partner.” Karrie had only been able to get into Maya’s head because he hadn’t made it clear that he was all in with her. He was afraid of screwing up again, of being hurt again. “I would promise to be better, to make sure she knew that she’s my number one priority.”
“That’s actually pretty good.”
Javi laughed and looked down at Karrie’s car. It was parked on the street, in front of Javi’s Porsche, and she was sitting in the driver’s seat. Bent over the steering wheel. It made him feel like shit.
“What am I going to do about Karrie?”
“What are you going to do?”
Therapists.
He sat watching, wondering what he could do to help Karrie move on until she got out of her car, opened her trunk, and pulled out what looked like a tire iron. She walked with a purpose toward his car. Javi watched, his eyes wide, as she took her first swing.
Her whole body bent with rage as she propelled a blunt object towards his most prized possession. She’d complained when he’d bought it. She’d claimed that she wanted him to drive something safer, but she’d probably been disappointed that he’d spent that much money on something not for her.
His windshield didn’t shatter from the first few knocks, but his car alarm started blaring and Weaver joined him at the window.
“It doesn’t appear that you’ll be getting closure today, does it?” Weaver’s question was sardonic.
Javier stood there in shock for a few beats. He’d never seen his ex-wife with that kind of passion before. He started to sweat, thinking about what it would cost to fix the car. He wasn’t about to call the cops but a domestic dispute might actually help in the petition. He hated himself a little for thinking of it, but it wouldn’t really solve the problem.
He heard her muffled curses through the thick window and over the distance across the street. Maybe Karrie needed to get this anger out of her system. His paint job and windows seemed like a small price to pay.
Javi turned, walked out of the office, and ran out to the street. By the time he got within a few yards of his increasingly mangled car, she had dented the hood, the driver’s side door, and shattered the windshield. She brought the iron down on the hard top, which started to chip, shards of the black paint chipping off with each dent.
She didn’t seem to notice he was there, but yelled something like “sonofabitch” or “fucking asshole,” every time she connected with the car. Her fury flew out of her in waves.
He held his phone in his hand and contemplated calling the police again. Instead, he called up the camera application and started taking video. She got in several more blows before she dropped the tire iron to her side. It clattered on the pavement and she backed away from the car, sweating and panting.
Then, she noticed him. He didn’t back away because she didn’t pick up the tire iron to come after him. She stared at him, her anger still palpable, then burst out crying again.
He kept filming. “You done?”
Her shoulders slumped and she walked away from him, back towards her own car. Seeing her defeated was the last thing he wanted, even though he didn’t want to owe her more money.
He’d married her to avoid something like this, but, now that it had happened, he felt nothing but relief.
Javi stopped the video. “You know judges watch YouTube, right?”
She either didn’t hear him or wasn’t about to pay attention because she slammed her door, turned on the ignition, and drove away.
Javi wished he could laugh about this with Maya. She would absolutely love this shit, after she finished threatening to disembowel her for messing with him. The ache in his chest came back, this time even worse.
He didn’t know how to get Maya back, and he didn’t know if he could figure it out.
So, he called Cole to pick him up and maybe get him drunk.