The next week passes in a blur. Every day, the expanded troop spends a little more time together in Gorilla Villa, and by the end of the week, we leave them together for a twelve-hour stretch. Zuri continues to be an excellent surrogate mother, devoting her time and energy to her growing charge, and Ozzie seems perplexed the first time Keeva waddles toward him but tolerates her antics, even when she flings her red ball at his head like he’s Jack or Phil.
When I’m not monitoring the troop, I’m logging notes at my computer or working on the poster Phil wants me to present in San Diego, and I’m totally swamped. So when Jack and Lottie offer to stay after hours with me a couple evenings and help me practice the presentation, I’m more than grateful. And when Kai continues to surprise me by leaving random treats on my desk—a bag of Swedish Fish one day, a twelve-pack of Diet Coke the next—I’m grateful for that, too.
I’m even more grateful for the time we spend together in his hotel room a couple times a week, when I need a break from tracking Keeva’s weight gain and staring at poster fonts. Sometimes our clothes don’t stay on for longer than it takes Kai to carry me from the door to the bed, and sometimes we just eat takeout and watch 90 Day Fiancé while we trade stories about our day. Sam reschedules the dinner with Freya, and when Elle, Nadeem, Kai, and I meet up with the new couple at Tucci’s, no one notices when he caresses my thigh under the table. Or at least I think no one notices, but the look Elle gives me when I meet her in the waiting room of her OB’s office gives me pause.
Nadeem, trying to finish all his work travel before the baby comes, had to fly to Dallas last-minute, so when Elle asks Sam and me to accompany her to a routine ultrasound, I can’t say no. I’m already letting her down by waffling on the whole godmother thing, and if I have time to let Kai go down on me for twenty minutes in his ridiculous minivan, I can make time for my friend’s significant life milestone.
“You look different,” Elle says as I slide into an uncomfortable plastic chair next to her and Sam. “Why do you look different?”
“Well, I spent two hours shoveling the bonobo exhibit yesterday and forgot to wear sunscreen,” I tell her. “Also, I washed my hair recently.”
She shakes her head at me. “That’s not it.”
“I agree,” Sam says, peering at me over a brochure titled My Health, My Life that has a colorful illustration of a daisy next to a giant speculum. “Something’s changed.”
I squirm as if my friends can count on my face the orgasms Kai’s given me. But before I can make up an excuse for whatever strange aura I’m exuding, a nurse calls Elle’s name, and we follow her down a hallway and into an ultrasound suite.
“We don’t want to know the sex of the baby,” Sam tells the tech, as if Elle’s offspring belongs to all of us and we’re just a very modern family. When the tech nods and goes off to grab a fresh bottle of ultrasound gel, Elle squeezes my hand.
“I’m nervous,” she says, clutching my fingers so hard, she reminds me of Keeva. “What if something’s wrong? What if—”
“We have no reason to think anything is wrong,” Sam assures her.
“Still, I’m freaking out.” Elle tilts her head toward the ceiling as if she’s trying not to cry. “Someone distract me with something. Anything.”
“Um, did you know this clinic offers vaginal rejuvenation surgery?” Sam asks, dangling a brochure in front of Elle’s face. When Elle only starts to inhale rapidly like she’s in labor, Sam bites her lip. “Right, sorry. Not helpful.”
“I’m sleeping with Kai Bridges,” I blurt out as Elle’s respirations approach panic-attack levels.
She calms down immediately, turning to stare at me with wide eyes. “What?”
“What?” Sam asks, dropping the pamphlet.
“What?” Nadeem asks, and I roll my eyes when I realize Elle’s FaceTimed him into the appointment.
“You could have told me Nadeem was listening in,” I grumble.
“I didn’t know you were about to confess to sleeping with Kai Bridges!” Elle whispers, as if her husband didn’t already overhear. “Besides, don’t worry about him. He’s just one of the girls anyway.”
“Um, excuse me,” Nadeem says, clearing his throat. “I am not.”
“You little hussy,” Sam says, giving me a mischievous smile. “I knew there was something up with you two. I saw the way your hands touched over the breadbasket at Tucci’s. No wonder you look different. You’re getting laid!”
I blush as Elle claps her hands like a little kid on Christmas morning. “See? We told you he wasn’t terrible!”
“Yeah, well, don’t get too excited,” I tell her, shaking the fingers she practically squeezed to death. “It’s casual. No strings attached. You guys know I don’t do commitment, and Kai and I agreed that once shooting finishes at the end of the summer, we’ll part ways and go on with our very separate lives.”
“Famous last words,” Nadeem says, and I lift Elle’s phone to stick out my tongue at him.
But before anyone can ask for the dirty details, the ultrasound tech returns, and we fall silent. And a minute later, when she squirts some gel onto Elle’s belly and places the probe on it, we’re staring at the black-and-white image of the cutest little baby that ever existed.
“There’s the heartbeat,” the tech says, pointing to the flicker on the left side of the screen. “Nice and strong.”
Elle squeezes my hand again, and when I see the joy radiating from her face, I squeeze back. Because I may not want children of my own, but I can’t deny the magic of this moment. I can’t deny Elle’s happiness or the goose bumps that appear on my arms, and even though I’m dying to check my phone in case I miss a message from Phil or the team, I’m grateful to be right where I am.
But the magic of the ultrasound doesn’t stop my friends from peppering me with questions as soon as we leave the office.
“Is Kai good in bed?” Sam asks. “Does he yell ‘Wowza!’ when he climaxes?”
“Are you sure you’re not falling for him?” Elle asks. “Are you sure commitment is such a bad idea?”
“Yes, no, yes, and yes,” I answer, hightailing it toward my Chevy before Sam can ask for a play-by-play of our sexual encounters. “I’m this close to getting promoted, and Kai’s just a fun distraction from all the stress.” There’s a tiny voice in my head that whispers otherwise, but I silently tell it to shut the eff up.
“If you say so,” Elle says with a shrug. “But will you promise me one thing?”
“No, I do not promise to catch the baby when it exits your vagina,” I tell her.
She smiles as she reaches her car. “Can you promise me that if you start having doubts about your whole casual, no-strings-attached policy, you’ll at least consider listening to them? Because you deserve a promotion, Luce, but you also deserve joy. And happiness and success are not the same thing.”
I love Elle, and I know she means well, but she sounds like one of the inspirational quote calendars with a page you tear off every day. Maybe all the pregnancy hormones are making her even more sentimental than usual. I don’t want to make her cry, so I nod as she climbs into her SUV.
“I promise,” I tell her.
And I mean it. But I know it won’t come to that. Because I will be happy and fulfilled once I get the promotion. Maybe happiness and success aren’t the same for most people, but I’m not most people. I’m Lucy Rourke, future senior keeper. And they’re the same for me.