The day I return to work, it’s pouring rain. Thunder sounds overhead as I step inside Ape House, shaking water droplets from my hair. I usually hate getting caught in the rain, but Zuri always loved stomping in puddles after a storm, and my eyes well up as I remember how much joy she got from splashing around like a preschooler.
“Lucy!” Lottie says when I find her carrying a bucket of lettuce in the hallway. “You’re back!” She sets the bucket down to hug me, and when she releases me from her embrace, she smiles like I’ve been gone for months instead of four days. “We really missed you.”
“We seriously did,” Jack says, echoing her sentiments as he rounds the corner to join us, a mop in one hand and a towel in the other. “You’re the only one Scotty listens to. I caught him watching BoJack Horseman when he was supposed to be doing rounds, and when I threatened to tell Phil, he looked at me and said, ‘I’m not scared of you. You’re not Lucy.’ ” Jack rolls his eyes and pretends to smack an invisible figure with the mop.
“Are you doing okay?” Lottie asks. “We’ve been worried.”
A month ago, I would have shrugged and assured my coworkers that I was fine, reluctant to show them any vulnerability. Today, I take a breath before giving an honest answer.
“I’m not great,” I say. “But I’ll be okay eventually. I think it’s just going to take some time.”
Lottie and Jack both nod, and then Lottie takes my hand and leads me toward the indoor gorilla exhibit. “I want to show you something.”
When we reach the exhibit, we find silverback Ozzie snoozing on his back while Tomo and Risa engage in a wrestling match next to him. Inkesha plays with her feet while Mac the blackback tries to poke her with a stick.
“Look,” Jack says, pointing toward a hammock strung between two artificial trees.
Tria lies sideways on the hammock as little Piper sits beside her, clutching a red ball in her hands.
“Piper’s playing with a ball,” I observe. “Cool, I guess?”
Lottie grins. “Just wait for it.”
I have no clue what I’m waiting for, but ten seconds later, the answer reveals itself when baby Keeva pops up from behind Tria. She climbs over the adult gorilla, who doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest, and tries to grab the ball from Piper’s hands. The two youngsters battle for the toy until Tria, awoken from slumber by their commotion, grabs Keeva and places her on her chest.
My breath catches in my throat. “Tria’s . . . Tria’s taking care of Keeva?”
“Tria’s taking care of Keeva,” Lottie says with a smile. “I know that Tria’s not Zuri, and no one can ever replace her, but this means Keeva can stay in the troop. She can stay here in Columbus with her new family.”
Tears spring to my eyes again as I watch Keeva cuddle against Tria’s chest. Seeing her like that makes Zuri’s death even more real, but it also means that the love and affection Zuri showed the infant—the willingness to open her heart to her—were not in vain. And neither was all our hard work.
“I know it’s going to be really difficult for a while,” Lottie says, brushing her bangs out of her face. “I know how much you loved Zuri. But we’re here for you, Jack and me. And we’ll be here for you every step of the way.”
I grab Lottie’s hand and squeeze it. I’m lucky to have colleagues who care as much about me as they do our gorillas, and I’m ashamed it’s taken me so long to realize it.
“Thank you, guys. That means so much to me.”
Jack nods. “We can’t bring Zuri back, but we can make sure that we keep you busy and distracted. So you’re coming to karaoke night with us this weekend, and we won’t take no for an answer.”
I bite my lip. “Are you sure you want me crashing the party? I might cry.”
Lottie laughs. “Just wait until Jack and Patrick do their rendition of ‘Wannabe.’ You won’t be the only one in tears.”
“I do a killer Sporty Spice,” Jack says.
“Kill people’s ears, you mean,” Lottie counters.
Their banter lasts a few minutes, and just as Jack challenges Lottie and me to a Spice Girls sing-off, Lottie raises her eyebrows at him and gives him a knowing look.
“Jack, I think I just heard Phil calling for us,” she tells him. “Let’s go.”
“Oh yeah,” Jack says, grabbing his mop. “He definitely called for us. Coming, Phil!” he yells over his shoulder, even though I haven’t heard or seen Phil at all. They hurry off toward the offices, and I’m trying to figure out what the heck’s going on when a deep voice behind me explains their sudden departure.
“Hi.”
I turn around to find Kai standing behind me, his hands in his pockets.
“Oh,” I say, watching as a swinging door closes behind my fellow keepers. “Now I get it.”
Kai nods. “They’re very smooth.”
“Something like that.”
We stare at each other for a minute, and as I scramble for an animal fact to break the tension, Kai takes a step toward me.
“I am so sorry,” he says, regret written all over his face. “I never meant to hurt you when I filmed you and Zuri in the health center. I thought if I captured your last moments together, it would give you something to remember her by and help you see yourself the way other people see you. The way I see you. I thought I was gathering evidence that you filled her life with peace and love, right to the very end. I thought it might bring you comfort. But I promise you, Lucy, that footage will never see the light of day. You’re what matters to me, not ratings.”
His voice is raw, raspy, and I don’t retreat when he takes another step closer.
“I know,” I tell him. “At least, I know now. As soon as I watched the footage, I understood. You’re right; it did bring me comfort. And I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the time I had with her, and to you for memorializing some of it. And I want you to use the footage.”
Kai does a double take. “Are you sure?”
I nod. The old Lucy would have demanded that he burn the flash drive. After all, it’s way more comfortable to fall back on old tendencies than to put myself out there. It’s the same reason I assumed the worst about Kai in the surgical suite. It’s the reason I couldn’t accept Elle’s offer to be godmother to her baby, and why I lashed out at Mia instead of giving her the chance to console me. Because it’s easy to keep things the way they are, to deal with the pain you know instead of opening yourself up to something new—even if that something could rock your world.
But now I want things to be different.
“You were right,” I tell him. “What I saw in the footage wasn’t only pain. It was love and friendship and beauty, too, and if people don’t get a chance to see that, they’ll never know who Zuri was or what she meant. What she’ll always mean. I want you to share it with the world so that she’s never forgotten.”
Kai nods. “I can do that.” He takes another step closer to me so that he’s only an arm’s length away. “And I owe you a thank-you. For believing in me, and for helping me stand up to my mother. I’m not ready to share the truth about Taji with the world yet, but I am ready to start making changes. I’m going to Rwanda to work on my mountain gorilla documentary.”
He grins, and it might be the happiest I’ve ever seen him. “I’m finally going to tell the story I want to tell.”
“That’s amazing, Kai. When?” My heart sinks at the prospect of his departure, but the grin on his face eases my sadness.
“December. I’m only going for a month to start, because I have contractual obligations with the show. But I’m more excited about this than I’ve been about anything in a long, long time.” Joy flickers in his eyes. “Except for you.”
“You’re going to make an incredible documentary,” I tell him, and I mean it.
He crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m gonna try. But it would certainly help if I had a gorilla expert to join me on my adventure. What do you think?”
My heart skips a beat. “Are you asking me to leave my job and travel to Mount Karisimbi with you?”
He reaches out to brush a lock of hair behind my ear. “I’m asking you if you’d like to take a monthlong sabbatical to go see gorillas in the wild. Something tells me you’ve got a few years’ worth of vacation days saved up.”
I loop my arms around his neck. “Are you asking me to be your wingman, Kai Bridges?”
He laughs, and the sound of it dulls a little of the ache in my chest. “No, Lucy-goosey. I’m asking if I can be yours.” He reaches to boop my nose but draws his finger back when he sees the glare on my face.
“Don’t even think about it,” I warn him. “My promise to feed you to the polar bears still stands.”
He sighs but shrugs. “Fair enough. What if I kiss you instead?”
In answer, I lean forward to press my lips to his, and the sensation of our bodies coming together melts away some of the anguish in my chest.
“Hey, Lucy,” Kai mumbles into my hair. “A shrimp’s heart is located in its head.”
“Hey, Kai,” I whisper back, cupping his cheek in my hand. “Koalas have two vaginas.”
He laughs, and when my lips meet his again, I don’t even care that we’re kissing in the middle of Ape House, in full view of Ozzie and his troop. Because we might be animal-fact-spouting weirdos, but we’re weirdos who were made for each other.
Always have been, always will be.