This is a story that was written as I lived it. Events unfolded in ways that were destabilizing and miraculous in equal measure. I am grateful to those who offered support.
I will begin with the family I call Walden. Your humanity and grace enabled me to move forward, to fill in the missing pieces. I will forever know just how blessed I am that you are who you are. Thank you for trusting me.
Early readers who made valuable contributions to this book are Abigail Pogrebin, Elissa Altman, Karen Shepard, and Andy McNicol.
Jennifer Mendelsohn, Wendy Kramer, Naomi Cahn, Jacqueline Mroz, Dr. Leonard Hayflick, Dr. Alan DeCherney, Dr. Jenna Slutsky Bass, Arthur L. Caplan, Daniel Wikler, Rabbi David Wolpe, Rabbi Haskell Lookstein, Sylvia Boorstein, David Crean, Jack Gilpin, Rabbi David Ingber, Elizabeth Lesser, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, Gabrielle Bernstein, Stephen Cope, Kris Carr, you are all my heroes. Experts, ethicists, authors, doctors, spiritual leaders who took the time out of your busy lives to help me enter hidden realms.
Thanks to my research assistant, Erica Schwiegershausen, who left no stone unturned.
Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, I will always treasure your guidance, friendship, wisdom, and support.
Dr. Arietta Slade helped me to navigate the unthought known.
Deepest gratitude to my beloved aunt, Shirley Feuerstein, weaver’s daughter, who stitched me back together again, and again, and again.
Jordan Pavlin and the entire Knopf family, every day I pinch myself. Julie Barer, your spirit and enthusiasm are contagious. I feel lucky to have such an amazing team behind me.
And finally, my two greatest loves: Michael Maren has lived this story with me every second of the way, has read each page of this book with devotion and discernment. I don’t think I could have survived this without you. And Jacob Maren, this is your story too. It—and you—couldn’t be more beautiful.