Kathryn started laughing into their kiss, and Jenny pulled back, disconcerted.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’re so impatient.”
That was an understatement. Jenny entwined her fingers with Kathryn’s, raised their hands until they were above Kathryn’s shoulders against the wall, and leaned in, pressing her breasts against Kathryn’s warmth. She’d barely kissed her, yet her body reacted as if they were long-lost lovers. She’d imagined lust in her fantasies, but moments away from turning fantasy into reality, she felt out of control. Her body craved this person, and the sensation was as intoxicating as it was frightening.
“I know you came into this house for one reason,” Jenny said, her voice low and husky. “I don’t want you to get away, so I’m going to show you what you’re missing before you change your mind.”
The seduction Jenny had planned evaporated in an instant when Kathryn reversed their positions. Jenny’s arms were now overhead and pinned against the wall, and Kathryn’s mouth was beside her ear.
“Do you really think you could stop me if I wanted to leave?”
Kathryn’s warm breath in her ear erased the shock of the surprise reversal, and her desire grew until her rhythmic breathing became halting pants. “Do you want to leave?”
Kathryn pressed closer, brushing her lips down the side of Jenny’s neck with a deep inhale and then back up to her ear. “Not at the moment.”
“Mm, good.” Jenny moaned, as Kathryn’s lips and soft exhale on her skin made her knees weak.
The inability to touch Kathryn pushed her already considerable arousal to the point of madness. Kathryn brought her open mouth just within kissing range, but offered a mischievous grin instead and slowly kissed her throat, down to her collarbone. Jenny’s body hummed like a tuning fork, and her legs stopped pretending they could bear her weight. Her bruised back didn’t appreciate their dereliction of duty.
“Let go,” she said into Kathryn’s ear.
“Oh, believe me, I won’t hold back,” Kathryn said between kisses.
Jenny shifted. “No, let go … my back.”
“Oh, God, Jenny. I forgot.”
“It’s okay. I just can’t stand anymore.”
“I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Don’t stop,” she said with a grin, now that she had two hands free to wander over Kathryn’s gorgeous body.
Kathryn backed off, immediately repentant. “I’m sorry. Are you all right?”
“Kat, relax. I’m fine.”
Worried eyes stared back at her, and Kathryn turned away with a hand to her forehead. “What am I doing?”
Jenny put a reassuring hand on Kathryn’s back. “If you’ve forgotten, let me remind you,” she said, moving in to pick up where they left off.
Kathryn pulled away and seemed disoriented. “This isn’t going to work.”
Jenny frowned. Seriously? “Sure it is,” she said, hoping she masked the desperation rising in her gut.
Kathryn retrieved her cape from the hall tree without making eye contact. “I’m sorry.”
“Wait. Kat, what are you—”
“I’ve got to go. I’m so sorry.”
The words hung in the air long after Kathryn dashed out from under them, not even closing the door as she hurried down the walk to her car.
Jenny put her hands on her hips, dumfounded and frustrated, as she watched Kathryn’s car peel out of her driveway in reverse, the scene framed like the story of her life inside the constraints of the doorjamb.
Kathryn waited until she cleared the third block of empty lots before she turned the corner and pulled over. She turned off the car and slammed her palms into the steering wheel. “Ugh! What am I doing?”
She wasn’t sure if she meant running or sleeping with Jenny Ryan. There were a million reasons she shouldn’t sleep with her, and no reason she should, other than the selfish satisfaction of scratching a sexual itch.
She closed her eyes. How dare she think of Jenny as a sexual itch. She was more than that. Much more. Too much more, and that was the problem. She had tried to let her go, but she couldn’t stop thinking about her.
When she saw Jenny crumble to the ground beneath the hulking menace of the violent striker, her indifferent heart burst through its heavily defended wall, vowing, from that moment on, to do anything to protect her.
Sleeping with her would not protect her. A relationship would not protect her. She would only hurt her. She’d already negatively affected her life, and they weren’t even in a relationship yet. Because of her, Jenny had been injured in a car accident, nearly had her head blown off, lost her job, and was now working for the OSS, which would very likely put her in harm’s way. She couldn’t imagine the emotional wreckage she would exact on her should they embark on a serious relationship. She couldn’t deal with her own baggage, let alone inflict it on someone else.
She should run. She didn’t deserve Jenny. She’d only bring her misery. What did she have to offer?
“Nothing,” she whispered, as she rested her forehead on the steering wheel. “Nothing.”
Treasured moments with Jenny played in her head like a movie: Jenny’s annoyed, upturned face morphing into astonishment the first time they met, her shy smile when she presented the single yellow rose as a thank-you, her seductive smirk as she ran her foot up her thigh on the couch, her radiant blonde profile backlit by the golden rays of the morning sun at their first and only breakfast together, and her beautiful green eyes glistening with pride during their dinner earlier in the evening.
A tear fell down her cheek as the visions overwhelmed her. Jenny made her feel again—want again. To not have her in her life seemed unbearable, but she would endure her loss like she’d endured so many others.
Standing on Jenny’s doorstep, Kathryn closed her eyes and exhaled a shaky breath. She bucked up for anger, frustration, and the final brush-off as Jenny slammed the door in her face. She didn’t blame her, and she would take it because Jenny deserved an explanation before she walked out of her life.
She straightened and knocked.
The door swung open too quickly for a pleasant greeting. Jenny’s stern silence was expected, but not her appearance. She was barefoot, with her blouse hastily untucked from her skirt and frustrated green eyes peeking out from behind freely flowing waves of unpinned blonde hair. She tucked her hair behind her ears and then crossed her arms.
“You know, I’m a big fan of hot and cold running water, but this is getting a little ridiculous.”
Kathryn stared at her. She looked so wild, restless, and alive. One look and she didn’t want to walk away. Her heart raced and her fists clenched in restraint as she fought the urge to take her in her arms again and kiss her.
“May I come in?” she said instead. “I’d like to talk.”
Jenny uncrossed her arms and theatrically motioned her forward with an outstretched arm extended toward the living room. “Yes, by all means, let’s talk.” She held the position while Kathryn walked past. “That’s what we need … more talking.”
The door slammed behind her as she entered the living room, and then Jenny strolled past, chin held high in displeasure, on her way to the large bay window, where she jerked the curtains shut. She turned around and glanced at her sideways as she headed toward the couch.
“What?” she said of Kathryn’s conflicted expression.
“You look … beautiful.”
Jenny stopped and pointed at her. “You really need to make up your mind, because you’re driving me crazy.”
“Sorry.”
“Yeah, you’ve said that a lot tonight.” She continued to the couch and plopped down. “What do you want to talk about, Kathryn?”
Kathryn didn’t know where to begin. She wasn’t sure she should even try, which exceeded Jenny’s tolerance level at that moment.
“Well, that’s fascinating, Kat,” Jenny said into the silence. “I had an interesting day as well, momentous in fact. Let’s see …” She looked to the air. “I almost got killed by a human gorilla. His name was Butch. That’s so stereotypical, isn’t it? Butch. Then I was rescued by this really amazing woman. She was incredible. You really had to be there. Words can’t describe.”
Kathryn raised her eyes. It was a warning, but Jenny was too bothered to care.
“Then what, you ask? Oh, then I lied to Bernie about my job. First time in my life I’ve ever lied to him.” She shrugged. “Quite right, actually, because he can’t keep his mouth shut. That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?”
Kathryn looked away.
“Then I had dinner with my beautiful guardian angel.” She leaned forward, seeking Kathryn’s eyes. “You remember her, the one who saved me earlier?” She leaned back, sarcasm dripping from every word. “Did I mention what a swell gal she is? We even pulled off a caper—we’re a great team,” she said, as if she was a radio announcer. “We had a terrific time, and we were really hitting it off until she gave me the air and left me on my doorstep, with nary an explanation.”
Kathryn’s instinct to run was the right one, and this time she wouldn’t stop to entertain normal things like relationships. Jenny wouldn’t put up with her, nor should she. She turned for the door without a word.
“Wait!” Jenny jumped up. “Don’t go. I’m sorry.” She tugged on Kathryn’s hand. “Wait. I’m sorry. I’m …” She softened her demeanor. “I’m really sorry.”
Kathryn set her jaw in irritated humiliation. “I came back to give you an explanation, but I can see that was a mistake.”
“No. It wasn’t. I’m a jackass. Please stay. I’m sorry.”
Kathryn resisted, but Jenny’s beseeching eyes and gentle stroking up and down her arm melted her resolve.
“Please?” Jenny said. “I’m sorry … let’s talk.” She led her to the couch and sat on the floor at her feet. She put her hand on her knee and rested her chin on it. “I’m all ears.”
She was irresistible, that’s what she was, and Kathryn tucked her hands under her thighs to keep from running them through Jenny’s hair. She needed a clear head, and touching Jenny only muddled her thoughts.
“I’m sorry about Bernie … that you had to lie to him.”
Jenny shrugged. “Occupational hazard.”
“And I’m sorry about your back. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Jenny made a don’t be ridiculous face and lifted her head. “Kat—”
“I don’t ever mean to hurt you,” Kathryn finished quietly, hoping Jenny understood the scope of her statement. She didn’t protest further, so Kathryn went on. “Which is why I wanted to talk to you … to explain … about me, my life.”
Jenny’s open, serious gaze invited Kathryn to continue. She began with the easiest subject.
“The first thing I want to address is work-related. The nature of what I do makes it difficult to have a relationship.”
“Because of Forrester? Like that?”
“Well, I was speaking in general. Forrester isn’t really a problem in that regard.”
“Because?”
Kathryn hated admitting this consequence of their interaction. “For some reason, he already thinks you’re my lover.”
Jenny’s brow lifted in surprise. “And how did that happen?”
“Haven’t a clue, but because of that, you may draw some attention. If he watches me, he may watch you, and I’m sorry for that.”
“Okay,” Jenny drew out. “But if he thinks we’re together, he’s already doing that, so what we actually do from now on makes no difference.”
Kathryn paused, realizing protecting Jenny from her would not protect her from Forrester. “True.”
“Good to know. Next?”
Jenny’s nonchalant approach to barriers nudged Kathryn’s glimmer of hope. “Next, you have to understand that my first responsibility is to my assignment, and that doesn’t bode well for relationships.”
“So,” Jenny began hesitantly, “you’re saying the OSS has rules about relationships while under assignment? Because I missed that chapter in the manual.”
“Well—”
“I mean,” Jenny interrupted, “I can see if you’re on assignment with Forrester, for example, and you’re in a relationship, say personally, with someone else …” She offered a longing look and batted her eyelashes. “That might affect your interaction with Forrester, and that would be bad. I understand that.”
Kathryn eyed her warily while suppressing a grin. The kicker was coming.
“So, what are the rules, and how do we get around them?” Jenny asked as she rubbed her hands together diabolically.
Kathryn chuckled. Jenny was either fearless or naïve. She sensed a bit of both. “The OSS doesn’t have any set rules about that. I’m sure my superiors would prefer I have no strings, but my personal life is my personal life, as long as it doesn’t interfere with—”
“So, this is your rule,” Jenny said with a lilt of relief in her voice. “You find it hard to juggle business and pleasure, is that it?”
Kathryn shook her head and wondered how she’d ever get through the next part if Jenny couldn’t even let her get through the easy part. “I’m a professional. I know the difference between business and pleasure.”
“I see.” Jenny slid her hand from Kathryn’s knee to her thigh and beyond until it rested on the side of her hip.
“So, um …” Jenny’s other hand began a slow but steady journey up Kathryn’s other thigh as she raised herself on her knees. “You find that your personal relationships are negatively affected by what you do for the government. Is that it?”
Kathryn gripped her thighs tightly to stop herself from grasping Jenny’s shoulders and pulling her into a kiss. She calmed her ragged breathing before answering. “It depends on whether the person I’m having a personal relationship with knows the difference between business and pleasure.”
“And in your experience, do they?”
“No.”
Jenny pressed her body as close as physically possible, given her position. “I, uh, I’m kind of new to the spy game, but—” She lifted her chin and tentatively kissed Kathryn on the lips, then stopped, looking into her eyes for a reaction.
All thought left Kathryn’s mind as desire gathered in every sensitive spot in her body and urged her to take action. Jenny probed her lips further, and Kathryn let her into her mouth. Oh, how she wanted this. She freed her hands and tangled her fingers in cascading blonde hair. She drew Jenny into a deeper kiss, and gentle exploration gave way to restrained hunger, as pent-up need overtook them both.
It was an unfamiliar place for Kathryn, disarmed by her own desire and sexually out of control. Her thundering heart and uneven breathing fed the ache in her core, and she longed for Jenny’s touch.
She hovered over Jenny on the couch, with no memory of dragging her there, and she knew this was the point of no return. It scared her. She couldn’t have this. Not now.
“Like I said,” Jenny said breathlessly, “I’m new here, but I’d say that was pleasure.”
Kathryn sat up, trying to corral her selfish need and remember why the hell she came back. “Do you know what you’re doing?”
Jenny raised herself on her elbows. “Say, I’m new, but I’m not that new.”
“That’s not what I meant. Can you handle the business end of my life?”
“You said you don’t sleep with Forrester.”
“Yes, but that’s not to say that won’t change or that I won’t be reassigned. Then what?”
“I’d cross that bridge when I came to it.”
Kathryn cocked her head in disapproval. “When you’re in the middle of the bridge is no time to find that it won’t support you.”
“You’re right.”
“So?”
“So, then, I guess it would depend on how strong our relationship was. You see trouble, I see potential.”
Kathryn smiled. “I’m going to be presumptuous and say that I have more experience in this matter.”
“Maybe so, but we’re just having a hypothetical conversation about a hypothetical relationship.”
“Oh,” Kathryn said, arching a brow. “Hence, that hypothetical kiss.”
“Exactly. Do I need to apologize for that?”
“I found it rather enjoyable, actually.”
“I don’t know,” Jenny said, feigning dissatisfaction. “I think the jury’s still out on whether you even like me.”
Kathryn’s eyes softened in a subtle apology for her actions, past and future. She ran her hand through disheveled blonde hair and smiled. “Case closed.”
Her declaration only confused Jenny. “Look, you’ve already said Forrester’s not a problem. We work for the same people, but we don’t work together, and we’ve established there are no rules governing our actions, so what’s the problem?”
Kathryn brushed a hand across her forehead, caught between wanting a future, however improbable, and saying goodbye because it was the right thing to do for Jenny. Work wasn’t a problem. It was just an excuse on the way to explaining personal shortcomings exacerbated by emotional baggage. Even the most forgiving person would run in the opposite direction if she revealed herself.
“Normally,” Jenny went on, “I’d take the nickel and buy a clue … you’re not interested. But you’re here, and from that amazing kiss, I know you’re interested, so you can understand my confusion.”
Kathryn understood completely, and Jenny’s confusion wasn’t far from her own. She knew what she had to do. If she gave in to her lust, Jenny would interpret it as something else, which was a complication she could do without. She would lay out the inevitable relationship disaster and let Jenny see the truth for herself.
“I told you once that I liked you too much.”
Jenny smiled. “Which on the surface seems like a plus, but I’ve come to see that things are not always as they seem.”
“Which is precisely my point.”
“Then I think I’ll shut up now, because this is one point I don’t think I’d like to make for you.”
Kathryn chuckled. If only they’d met at another time, under different circumstances. If only she were a better person with more to offer. “I’m not very good at this,” she said. “I don’t express myself very well … obviously.”
“Nonsense, Kathryn. You express yourself every night on stage, and it doesn’t get more vulnerable than baring your soul to a room full of perfect strangers.”
“Well, it’s easy to hide behind a song, and believe me, if I knew a tune to cover this situation, I’d be singing it.”
“As long as it’s not ‘Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off,’ I wouldn’t mind a bit.”
Jenny’s sense of humor made opening up a little easier, and the truth would do the rest.
“Seriously, Jenny, I don’t know how to have a relationship. I’m selfish, egotistical, and brooding. I don’t know much about having fun, or being charming, and if it weren’t for music, I don’t think I could express a genuine emotion if my life depended on it. You deserve so much more than that, more than I can give you. And it’s not that I don’t like you, and it’s not that I’m not attracted to you. I just don’t think I’m any good for you—” Jenny opened her mouth to speak, but Kathryn stilled her with a raised hand. “I’m not telling you this as a subject for debate. That’s just the way it is, the way I am, and because of that, I’m not going to let you get involved with me. I’m not going to drag you down to the hell that is my life, and I’m not going to let you make a fool of yourself trying to convince me otherwise. One day you’ll see it’s for your own good.”
There was a moment’s silence, as Kathryn’s monologue dispersed into the stillness of the room.
Jenny blinked. “Wow. I’m speechless.”
Kathryn chuckled, not expecting that response. “Do I get a prize for that?”
“Yeah, me, if you can get out of your own way.”
“Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said?”
“Kathryn, you’ve done your duty, told me all the things to watch out for, done everything you can to dissuade me, and I’m still here, ready, willing, and able. I could go on, point by point, and disagree with everything you just said about yourself, but I have a feeling you already know they aren’t true. You’re afraid of something, and it can’t be hurting me, because I can take care of myself. There’s more going on here than the line of bull you’re casting, and things would go a lot smoother if you would just be honest with me, or at least be honest with yourself. What are you afraid of?”
Too many things. Too much to hide, too much to deny, too much to admit. She wasn’t ready to deal with the emotions weakening her resolve, and Jenny, seeing right through her, was not helping. Walls went up and common courtesy lost its persuasion. “If I wanted to be psychoanalyzed, I’d go to a head shrinker.”
Jenny pursed her lips. “Sorry.”
Kathryn exhaled a regretful breath and shook her head. “No. I’m sorry. I—” She rubbed her forehead. “I’m just not a generally pleasant person, I promise you, and that—” She waved her hand, indicating her rude comment, “is a perfect example of why we are not a good idea.” She got up to leave.
“What are you doing?”
“It’s not going to work, Jenny.”
“Kathryn—” Jenny grasped her trailing hand and pulled her back to the couch. “So you’re a mean ol’ bitch and I’m a pushy little pain in the ass. If you can put up with that, then I’m sure I can put up with … whatever it is you’re afraid I won’t put up with.”
Jenny had her hands on her again, and Kathryn wanted to kick herself for the affect it had on her. She melted under Jenny’s ministrations and relaxed onto the couch.
“I’m an adult,” Jenny said. “Please stop deciding what’s good for me and what I will and won’t put up with. When I’ve had enough of you, you’ll know it.”
Kathryn never wanted that day to come, and it surely would if they started something. The best way to prevent it was to avoid it altogether. She looked at her feet to hide her cowardice.
“Oh dear,” Jenny said, “so very serious.”
Kathryn raised her gaze. “It is serious, Jenny.”
Jenny tilted her head. “Does it have to be?”
“What are you saying?”
“Well, let’s face it … we’re not picking out china patterns here. We hardly know each other. Certainly not well enough to warrant such trepidation on your part.”
Kathryn admired her honesty.
“Now, I’m pushy,” Jenny went on, “but I’m not oblivious. I know a lost cause when I see one, and we aren’t one of them. Frankly, you baffle me. Despite your actions, I’m pretty sure you at least enjoy my company. Now, if I’m wrong—”
“You’re not wrong.”
Jenny smiled. “Look, I think we could be good friends. I also think we could be more than friends.”
She waited for a response, but Kathryn didn’t dare, for fear she would agree.
“You’ve admitted there’s something between us. You came in, you left, and you came back. You’re about to bolt out of here again, and I have a sneaking suspicion you’ll be back again. Maybe not tonight, because after all, a girl has her pride, but you’ll be back. And if you don’t come back …” Jenny grinned and did her best Humphrey Bogart impersonation as she quoted his speech from the end of Casablanca. “You’ll regret it … maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.”
Kathryn was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t. Jenny was the most open and straightforward person she’d ever met. She’d made her feel again, and hope again, and though they were the worst traits for the road ahead, she would never forget Jenny for that. A pang of loss swept through her, and as if Jenny sensed she needed comfort, she took her hand.
“Kathryn, if there’s anything I’ve learned in this past year, it’s that our hold on this mortal coil is tenuous at best and relationships are overrated. If I see someone I’m interested in, I’m going to act on it, and if they’re interested too, then bully for us—drinks all around. I don’t think I’m being conceited when I say I think there’s something between us. To ignore that in the best of times would be a crime, but in this age of uncertainty …”
Perfect logic Kathryn couldn’t refute.
Jenny cupped her cheek and leaned close to her lips again. “Come on, Kat. What’s all this doom and gloom? It’s just sex. I’m not sure why you feel the need to torture yourself. I’m attracted to you. I think we could have some fun, and I told you once before, no strings, that’s not what I’m looking for, and obviously neither are you. So, what say we have a little fun, hm?” She slid her hand down the side of Kathryn’s face and kissed the cheek that it once occupied. “Just one night,” she whispered and then kissed just below her ear. “Just for fun, hm?” Kisses followed the path of her hand, now resting on a very warm chest.
Kathryn sat motionless, trying to wrap her head around Jenny’s new just sex attitude. Here she was, trying to protect her from emotional catastrophe, and all she wanted was casual sex. Was it a new attitude?
She thought back to Jenny’s birthday night, on the same couch, in the same position, when Jenny tried to tell her the same thing. She wasn’t listening then. She was too concerned about the assignment and too wrapped up in the same foolish fantasy about a future, but now it all seemed so clear. She just wanted sex. Why was she surprised? It was always about sex, and she was the biggest perpetrator of all. Jenny was no different. Why should she be? It made her angry, a familiar feeling where sex was concerned, but why? To be angry with Jenny was ridiculous. The situation was perfect, a dream come true. The anger quickly turned to relief. Jenny had the good sense not to get emotionally involved with a relative stranger, especially one so damaged as her. Sex for fun? Sex for enjoyment, with no ulterior motives? Finally, someone who understood that sex wasn’t a three-letter word for commitment. She felt relieved, like a weight had been lifted. She chuckled at the lengths she’d gone to, all because of some ill-conceived notion that she had to protect Jenny’s innocence. Ha! Innocence? Jenny knew exactly how to live life and seemed more and more like an old hand at seduction. What had come over her? Relationship? Love? Future? Good grief. Madness.
Jenny heard the low rumble of laughter echo through the chest under her lips. “You find the most interesting things amusing,” she said, having had Kathryn laugh twice now at her seductive advances.
“I’m sorry,” Kathryn said, as she sank further into the couch and settled her arms around Jenny’s waist. “I’ve been awfully silly, going on and on about heaven knows what.”
“Ah,” Jenny drew out in delight. “You surrender?”
“Completely. Do what you will with me.”
Jenny backed off to get a better look at Kathryn’s face. “Are you serious? This is okay?”
“Recreational sex with no strings, promises, hearts, or flowers?”
Jenny grinned. “As long as you respect me in the morning and promise to come to my rescue should the need arise.”
Kathryn ran her hands up Jenny’s waist and slid them under her pullover. “Sounds like a swell bargain to me.”
Jenny’s body hummed with Kathryn’s touch on her bare skin, and she gazed lustfully at Kathryn’s waiting lips. She felt the zipper release on her skirt under Kathryn’s direction, and she leaned in for a kiss.
“Do you like my brooch?” Kathryn asked to her approaching mouth.
“What?”
Kathryn’s eyes drifted to the pin on her lapel, and Jenny’s followed.
“Uh, yeah. Pretty.”
“Take it off.”
Jenny eyed her suspiciously. “Okay.” She fumbled with the catch, but once free, she held it up. “Next?”
Kathryn unbuttoned the top button of her tailored jacket and, in one quick flick of her wrist, removed a scarf she’d strategically draped about her chest and held in place with the brooch. She tossed it over her shoulder, and Jenny watched, wide-eyed, the red and white material flutter to the ground.
“You have got to be kidding me!” she said. “Your blouse was just a scarf and you’ve been half-naked the whole night?”
Kathryn grinned. “You’ve got a broad description of half-naked.” She slid her hands under the knit pullover and up the length of Jenny’s torso until she got to the sleeves. Jenny’s arms lifted automatically, pulling the top off. Kathryn’s fingers slipped under the bra straps, and Jenny reached behind to undo the catch.
“No, let me,” Kathryn said, pulling her closer until the straps fell listlessly over her biceps.
Kathryn’s light touch followed the straps down, sending tingles up Jenny’s spine. She maneuvered her arms out of the straps and pulled the bra down, releasing her breasts to Kathryn’s rising mouth.
Warm lips enveloped the sensitive flesh of her nipple, and she threw her head back with a moan. She’d waited so long for Kathryn to touch her like this. She didn’t even notice her freeing the clasp on her bra until it was tossed haphazardly over the back of the couch.
As quickly as her mouth was on her, Kathryn backed off, but this time it wasn’t trepidation. She caressed the other breast and gently brushed the hard nipple with her thumb. “So beautiful,” she said, and the words sent a warm rush to Jenny’s core.
She closed her eyes, waiting for Kathryn’s mouth to devour her. Nothing happened. When she opened her eyes, she found Kathryn gazing into her soul with what she could only describe as awe. Jenny had never felt so desired, and she didn’t dare blink or look away, for fear the spell would break.
The awe on Kathryn’s face turned into a slow grin. “For future reference, this—” she raked her eyes up and down her torso, “is half-naked.”
“I stand corrected,” Jenny said, reaching for the rest of the buttons on Kathryn’s jacket. She needed to see her. To touch her.
Kathryn lifted one arm behind her head, evidently content to watch her free the buttons with shaky hands.
Jenny was nervous but determined. Her casual sex routine was a load of bull, but she could tell that Kathryn’s reticence was due to some mistaken impression that she was a fragile flower with limited sexual experience who couldn’t handle the demands of such a worldly woman.
Well, she’d show her. She was no fragile flower. The other stuff was true, but every expert was a beginner once. Kathryn might be a love ’em and leave ’em kind of gal, but Jenny sensed there was more between them. Kathryn cared. A lot. If she didn’t, she would have had her way with her and disappeared already. This was her chance to calm Kathryn’s fears, and to be honest, a few of her own, about moving forward with a relationship.
With the buttons undone, Jenny parted the jacket to reveal already erect nipples on mounds of luscious, soft skin. She was perfect. Jenny lifted her eyes to express her appreciation, but the dark lust roiling behind Kathryn’s intense stare silenced her.
Dress rehearsal was over. Jenny raised the back of her hand to her lips to remove what was left of her lipstick, but Kathryn stopped her.
“No,” she said. “I want to see it all over my body.”
Jenny swallowed. She’d never think of lipstick the same way again. With her fingertips, she lightly traced the smeared path she’d already left on Kathryn’s neck until she got to her chest and stopped. Kathryn’s heart hammered beneath her hand, and for the first time, Jenny realized the power she possessed.
She was going to give Kathryn Hammond the greatest night of sex ever.
Kathryn didn’t often give herself over to passion. Sex was usually a means to an end. Pleasure was a byproduct sometimes, but most often, that was reserved for self-satisfaction or the random romp with an attractive stranger, just to blow off steam.
It was different with Jenny. She was drawn to her from the beginning. At first, she thought it was pity. She was the poor patriotic kid with the dead traitor father unwittingly snared in a government fishing operation.
But then pity turned protective, as if sparing this one person undue pain would bring her one step closer to redemption.
It wouldn’t. There was no redemption for her. She didn’t deserve it, and she didn’t know why being near Jenny made her want it, but Jenny made her want many things she shouldn’t. She made everything better, even thoughts about herself, which, considering her horrific past, was extraordinary.
The war compressed time into small windows of grace surrounded by uncertainty and death, but Jenny’s presence made her forget about the war and life’s impermanence. She wooed hope from its musty trunk and rolled the future before her like a technicolor dream of possibilities.
Kathryn never thought she’d feel those things again, and from such an unexpected source. Their roles were reversed now. She was the naïve one, dreaming of the impossible, and Jenny the realist. There was no promise of tomorrow. Only today. Only this moment. Jenny wasn’t wasting her moment, and she wouldn’t either. She would enjoy this night as if it were her last.
She memorized Jenny’s face as her trembling hands unbuttoned her jacket and revealed her breasts. She longed for her touch and hoped Jenny didn’t mistake her smile for an arrogant smirk.
For the first time in years, she savored the intimate reaction of a sexual partner exploring her body for the first time. It was a vulnerable moment, even for her, despite her experience, but she felt safe with Jenny. Seeing herself through her eyes washed away the detritus of her dirty past, and she basked in the purity of Jenny’s wonderment.
Jenny slowly traced the shape of her breasts with hesitant fingers and looked up, almost for permission, before placing gentle kisses everywhere but where Kathryn needed them.
Kathryn closed her eyes and arched her back instinctively into Jenny’s touch with an audible exhale, hoping she would take her into her mouth soon.
The anticipated pleasure drove her mad, and she was moments away from grabbing her own breast when the kisses stopped.
Jenny hovered above her face, lips parted and eyes hungry like hers. Kathryn lifted her head to meet her lips, but Jenny pulled back. “What is it?” Kathryn said huskily, as her eyes danced between desire and concern.
“Do you want me?” Jenny whispered.
The answer burned like a fire in Kathryn’s belly. “I want you.” She lifted her head with parted lips for her reward but came up empty when Jenny pulled out of reach.
“Do you want me?”
Kathryn searched questioning green eyes and found herself there. Found the truth there. “I want you, Jenny.”
She gently cupped her face in her hands and guided her to her waiting mouth. The kiss started gently but quickly turned intense, as neither held back.
Jenny feared one more second in Kathryn Hammond’s passionate embrace and she wouldn’t need anything but the kiss to push her over the edge. She wanted this to last. She wanted to give Kathryn a night she’d never forget, and that certainly wouldn’t happen on a sofa in her living room. With strength she didn’t know she possessed, she extracted herself from Kathryn’s heavenly lips and strong arms and scrambled to her feet, impatiently holding out her hand.
“Come on.”
She didn’t have to ask twice. Kathryn was on her feet in no time. They left a trail of clothes on the way to the bathroom until they stood naked and kissing outside the shower, waiting for the water to warm. Ever practical, Jenny offered Kathryn a shower cap to protect her perfectly coifed hair, and Kathryn chuckled as she pulled pins from her hair and let it fall out of its victory rolls and onto her shoulders.
“Do you think I care about my hair right now?” she said between kisses.
“Silly me,” Jenny said, and tossed the cap aside.
Once in the shower, the sensation of skin on skin, slick with soap, raised arousal to a new level, something Jenny didn’t think was possible.
Kathryn pressed her long, naked torso into her back as her arms encircled her. One hand caressed a breast, and the other slipped over her pelvic bone on the way to her inner thigh. Jenny shot her arms out to their full extension as she propped herself up on the shower wall to keep from crumbling.
Kathryn’s beautiful hand explored every inch of her breast, and Jenny watched as her excited nipple played hide and seek with long fingers as they alternately soothed and teased. That hand disappeared and joined the other on her hip, as Kathryn rested her cheek on Jenny’s shoulder blade and slowly lowered herself to her knees, placing gentle kisses on her path downward. She pulled her closer with a hand against her abdomen and continued kissing down the back of her thigh.
Jenny was having a severe case of stimulation overload. Hands and kisses seemed to be everywhere, making her momentarily lose touch with reality. “What are you doing to me?” she whispered, not realizing she’d spoken out loud until her question was answered.
Kathryn removed the hand from her abdomen and caressed her hip. “It seems I caused you some pain earlier. I think I need to make up for that.” She ran her hand down Jenny’s backside. “May I touch you?”
Just the suggestion forced a moan from deep within. “I think I might die if you don’t.”
Kathryn’s hand slid between Jenny’s legs.
The tiles complained with a squeak as Jenny tightened her grip on the shower wall for support. “Mmph,” she said on a clipped exhale. “Okay.” She gasped. “Restitution is good.”
Kathryn ran her fingers slowly along the length of her folds.
“Yes,” Jenny said breathlessly.
“Hm. Sounds like you like this.” Kathryn repositioned her hand, eliciting another unintelligible groan. “Or was it this?”
“Guh—Kat, God—okay.” Jenny didn’t trust her legs to hold her any longer. She needed to lie down before she turned into a liquid mass and washed down the drain. “Bedroom. Now.”
The change of venue was merely a convenient place for Jenny to recover, having found her release almost immediately under the weight of Kathryn’s warm body and hard thigh pressing between her legs as they fell into bed. A year without a sexual partner was definitely too long.
When she caught her breath, and the world came back into focus, it didn’t escape her attention that the pleasure thus far had been very one-sided.
“That was unfair.”
Kathryn propped her head up on one hand and smiled as the other hand connected glistening water droplets on her chest. “How so?”
“I’ve been trying to seduce you for weeks, and you just waltz in here and all my best-laid plans go right out the window.”
“Is that a complaint?” Kathryn said, as she slowly moved her hand down Jenny’s torso.
Jenny rolled into the touch, her passion ignited once more. She lifted herself on still shaky arms and straddled Kathryn, who was now lying on her back beneath her. “Not in this lifetime.”
She slid her hands up Kathryn’s body, pausing briefly to encircle her breasts. Kathryn was mirroring her moves, causing Jenny to lose her concentration. “Stop, Kat,” she said with a giggle.
Her plea did nothing, so she grabbed Kathryn’s wrists and pinned them above her head to the pillow. “Stop it,” she drew out playfully.
A flash of wild intensity widened Kathryn’s eyes, and Jenny immediately loosened her grip, remembering the same disoriented panic from the night on the couch when she startled Kathryn from sleep and she drew a gun on her. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”
The wild intensity disappeared, and Kathryn’s arms relaxed. “Kiss me, silly.”
“My pleasure.”
As the kiss intensified, Kathryn tried to free her wrists. Jenny knew it wasn’t a serious struggle. Kathryn could have thrown her over in a matter of seconds if she really wanted to. Instead, her body writhed beneath her and the kiss grew desperate, as if it would never be enough. Moans came from deep in Kathryn’s throat, and Jenny broke away, pulling out of range with a mischievous glint in her eye. She leaned in and then pulled away again when Kathryn opened her mouth to receive her. She was in control now.
Kathryn raised her head as far as her pinned wrists would allow, trying to recapture Jenny’s lips. When she couldn’t, her mouth twisted into a crooked grin, recognizing a good old-fashioned tease.
“You’re a little bit evil, aren’t you?” she said.
Jenny smiled. “I learned from the best.”
She had to admit, Kathryn intimidated her, never more so than when it came to sex, but seeing her respond under her touch gave her confidence she’d only pretended to possess before. She leaned just close enough to brush her lips across Kathryn’s waiting mouth before retreating.
Kathryn lunged forward, briefly tasting her before falling back onto the pillow. “Please kiss me.”
When Jenny didn’t respond, the writhing intensified and polite pleading turned breathless and desperate. “Please,” she said.
Between Kathryn’s begging and her gyrating hips pressing on her passion-inflamed center, Jenny couldn’t hold back any longer. Despite her upper hand, she finally released Kathryn’s wrists and slid to a prone position, where their horizontal repose made all things equal. Kathryn exhaled an approving purr as Jenny’s body came down to meet hers in all the right places. Jenny moaned as Kathryn tangled her fingers in her hair and entwined their legs as if she would never let her go.
The kiss was hungry, and their hips ground together in perfect rhythm. Jenny couldn’t tell where she ended and Kathryn began. She was lost in the rising passion of their desperate embrace. She lived only for Kathryn at that moment. Lived only to please.
“Tell me what you like,” she said, when she finally broke for air.
Kathryn mildly protested the interruption before mumbling her answer. “What I don’t like would be a shorter list.”
“Okay. What don’t you like?”
Kathryn pulled her into another kiss, stopping only briefly to reply. “Nothing.”
“Mmm,” Jenny hummed as their lips were reunited. She cupped Kathryn’s cheek before dragging her fingertips down her neck, across her collarbone, and to her chest, where she encircled a breast to muffled moans of approval with every brush of a sensitive spot. Jenny took mental note of the pleasure map and continued her path down the long midsection until Kathryn’s thighs parted for her hand. Her fingers reached the slick folds of Kathryn’s warm desire, and she slowly followed the increasing sounds of pleasure until she slipped two fingers inside. Kathryn tore her mouth away from their kiss as a breathless cry escaped her open mouth and her head thrust back into the pillow.
With her other hand, Jenny stroked Kathryn’s upturned face, astounded she put that rapture there, and found her fingers taken into her mouth as Kathryn moaned her appreciation over and over. Kathryn’s approval was addicting, pushing her lust and physical stamina even farther than she imagined possible. For some reason, she thought Kathryn would be the silent type, in total control at all times, especially during sex, given one’s vulnerable position, but she couldn’t have been more wrong.
Kathryn pressed into her hand, and she gave her what she wanted, massaging her need until measured exhales of pleasure turned into incessant moans of desperation. Addicted to Kathryn’s escalating craving, Jenny cupped the soft fullness of Kathryn’s breast and took it into her mouth. She suckled and teased the hard flesh between her teeth, and Kathryn arched into the sharp jolts of pleasure. Jenny stopped, afraid she was hurting her.
“I’m sorr—”
Kathryn quickly clutched her shoulder. “I’ll tell you when to stop,” she said between gasps. “I’ll always tell you when to stop.”
Jenny understood, and it spurred her on to new heights of arousal just thinking of the possibilities. She continued the rough teasing of the nipple in her mouth and rolled the other between her fingers, with an eye on Kathryn’s limits. She pinched harder than she would have thought comfortable for anyone, but Kathryn’s twisting body and exalted cries of “Yes!” at every effort proved intoxicating. Never before had someone responded so intensely to her touch, and now she held the ecstasy of the most sensual creature she’d ever encountered in her hands.
She slid her body the length of Kathryn’s, settling her shoulders between her open legs. She ran her hand up Kathryn’s soft inner thigh to more moans of pleasure and followed with a trail of kisses that ended when her mouth enveloped the swollen flesh at the end of the line.
“God … yes!” Kathryn cried out as she convulsed into Jenny’s hot tongue. “There. Right there. God. Yes!”
Kathryn couldn’t tell what Jenny was doing exactly, and she didn’t care. Her mouth was on her, her fingers were in her, and every movement sent a wave of renewed ecstasy like a warm drug injected into her veins. She was so ready to come it hurt to be touched, but pain and pleasure had become the same, and her body craved the fire. The pressure built and burned until she couldn’t stand it. She was lost in the rapturous insanity of sexual abandon, and it took her a moment to realize that the desperate cries of passion filling her ears were her own voice, unfamiliar in its pleading. She tried to quiet herself, the sounds seeming wholly absurd in their intensity, but she found her body’s response beyond her control as Jenny’s mouth suckled and teased—gentle, then hard—and her fingers filled her again and again in a steady rhythm. She had been taken to the brink quickly, but she held on, unable to take more, but unable to deny that she wanted the madness to last forever.
She was panting almost to the point of hyperventilation, and wait, was she whining? She pinched her own nipples, seeking more stimulation, or less—God, she didn’t know anymore—and then Jenny plunged her fingers deep inside and curled them up until she pressed hard against the hallowed spot that made her body and mind explode in pleasure.
She arched rigidly into Jenny’s touch as she desperately clawed the sheets with one hand and gripped Jenny’s shoulder with the other, a signal she hoped was understood as don’t move! Jenny didn’t move, and she cried out her release seconds later, as they both clung to each other and let the searing rapture have its way with them.
A blinding white light lifted Kathryn on a wave of exploded bliss. Her body convulsed and shuddered, and she let out a final moan of relief before her voice and her breath were taken from her. She tumbled weightlessly into an endless abyss. She rode out the spasms, clinging desperately, gratefully, to Jenny until the urgency subsided and she relaxed, spent and breathless, her heart beating wildly.
Jenny trailed soft kisses from her inner thigh, to her breast, to her shoulder, where she rested her head. She placed a hand on her heaving chest, moving in soothing circles as if to calm the pounding heart beneath it.
Kathryn released an exhausted exhale, still struggling to catch her breath. When she finally managed to make her hand obey her command to move, she placed it over the one on her chest, stilling it. “You lied to me.”
She felt Jenny stiffen at her side.
“You said you weren’t good at anything but shooting.”
Jenny relaxed with an exhaled chuckle and entwined her fingers in Kathryn’s. “Well, it must be you, because I assure you, no one’s ever responded to me like that before.”
“You’re obviously not making love to the right people.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more.”
Kathryn seconded that. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so safe and so free under someone else’s control. For that matter, she couldn’t remember the last time she wanted to feel so safe and free or under someone else’s control. She kissed the top of Jenny’s head. “Are you all right?”
“Are you kidding?”
Jenny snuggled closer and draped her leg across her thigh in a mindless display of possession.
Kathryn kissed her on the head again and settled her head back into the pillow. She wiped the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand as “Gosh” came out in a feeble exultation of her night.
Jenny kissed her hand. “I told you once that I’d seduce you, and then I’d have you under my spell.”
Kathryn let out an easy laugh. “I love—” To her horror, she almost said I love you and stumbled over the unconscious impulse. She continued instead with, “That about you.” Adding, “I love your sense of self,” to make her cover complete.
Jenny chuckled, tilting her head up to see her expression. “Is that a polite way of saying I’m conceited?”
“It’s self-confidence, not conceit.”
“Well,” Jenny said, as she settled her head back in its cradle, “that’s what you get for being a spoiled only child. You never outgrow that whole-world-revolves-around-me attitude.”
“You wear it well. I like it.” Kathryn squeezed tighter, making sure the I love you rolling around in her head stayed put. That just couldn’t be. She didn’t even know what love was. She certainly wasn’t going to give into the cliché of saying it for the first time during pillow talk.
“Wait a minute—” Jenny lifted her head. “Like it? A few seconds ago you loved it.”
Kathryn laughed. “I love it,” she said, and planted another kiss on Jenny’s head. She wanted to change the conversation to divert attention away from her uncharacteristically clingy behavior. “Are you sure you’re all right? I think you got the short end of the deal here.”
“Hey, I came twice. Poor you.”
Kathryn rolled on top of Jenny and arched a seductive brow. “The night’s not over.”
Jenny feigned apprehension. “You’re going to kill me, aren’t you?”
“What a way to go,” Kathryn said with a grin.