Chapter Seven

PROMISES ASKED

JACOB HAD JUST STEPPED OUT of the wagon to go for Annie the next morning when she appeared. Lucille cried out, but the midwife looked unconcerned.

“Has her water come?” she asked.

“No, not yet.”

“Did you eat breakfast?”

“No, neither one of us wanted anything.”

“It’s better your wife not eat until all this is over, but she’ll need some water to drink. Why don’t you go fix you some coffee? You look like you could use it.” She pulled her big frame into the wagon.

She poked her head back out. “Roll up the bottom of the cover on the far side of the wagon to give us more air. We’d probably better keep the one down on the camp side, so Lucille can have her privacy.”

Mid-morning, Annie’s oldest daughter brought their baby over for her mother to feed and left with the infant afterwards. By noon, Lucille screamed, and Jacob prayed and paced. It had been fifteen hours. Something had to be wrong. He felt it in the pit of his stomach.

“Her water just broke,” Annie informed him, “so it shouldn’t be too long now.”

In four more hours, Lucille’s screams had become deafening. After a particularly loud, blood-curdling yell, Jacob heard a different cry. It sounded almost like an angry kitten. The baby!

“You have a fine-looking son,” Annie called out. “Wait out there for now.” She leaned out a few minutes later and held out a bloody package wrapped in cloths. “Here, go bury the afterbirth, while I finish cleaning your family up.”

He grabbed his shovel and took care of the task as quickly as he could, then hurried back to the wagon.

“Come on in,” Annie told him.

Lucille looked horrible. Her hair had matted, and she looked whiter than any person he’d ever seen.

“Is she okay?”

Lucille’s eyes fluttered open when she heard him. “Name the baby Rudy,” she said in a weak voice.

“Well, that’s a right fine name,” Annie announced. “Maybe he’ll have pretty strawberry hair, like his mama.”

“Is Lucille going to be all right?” he asked again.

“She lost quite a bit of blood, more’n usual, but she’s strong, and she should do fine now.”

“Oh-h-h,” Lucille groaned. Was she still in pain?

“Here you take your son out, while I check her again.”

Jacob took the baby, but as he turned to leave, he noticed the bright red stain already seeping from under his wife. He had a hard time leaving the wagon as his body stiffened with fear.

He looked at his son as he walked back and forth beside the wagon. Rudy would fit from Jacob’s elbow to his fingertips—not the tiny baby he expected. How big would he have been if he’d been full-term?

He had light blond hair, the color of corn silk, and it looked particularly pale beside his red complexion. He looked up with deep blue eyes, much darker than Jacob’s. The baby stared at Jacob for a few seconds and gave a loud cry of displeasure but quickly drifted off to sleep when Jacob started gently swinging him.

Still, Jacob walked with his baby in his arms. He wanted to know how Lucille fared, but he was afraid to ask. It seemed like ages before Annie came out. She reached for the baby and shook her head.

“I’m afraid we’re losing her,” she said. “I’ve tried everything I know, but I can’t get the bleeding stopped. She wants to see you. You’d better make it fast. I don’t think she’ll be conscious much longer.”

Jacob leaped into the wagon but slowed when he saw her. She lay in a pool of blood with her eyes closed. She looked ghastly, as if she had already died, but her hand felt warm when he knelt beside her bed and picked it up.

Her eyes opened slowly, as if her eyelids were too heavy to move. She tried to smile, but it came out in a grimace.

“Don’t fret,” she whispered, as tears gathered in his eyes. “This is for the best. Promise me that you’ll take care of Rudy.”

“You know I will.”

“Promise.”

“I promise.”

“Promise me you’ll throw away all my things without sorting through them.”

He hesitated to give her unusual request time to register in his slow, tired brain. He was just getting ready to promise when her body relaxed, and her hand went limp in his. It took a few seconds for him to realize what had happened.

“No-o-o-o! Oh, God, please no.”

He felt tears rolling down his face, but his body went cold and numb. He rushed out of the death wagon and ran. He didn’t think about where he’d go. He just needed to get away.

He ended up downstream on the river. He stopped, realizing he shouldn’t go too far. He’d already run out of sight of the wagons. He sat down on an old cottonwood log and covered his face with his hands.

He wondered why the log hadn’t been collected for firewood, but he knew his mind wanted to shotgun from Lucille’s death. Dead. He’d had a wife for only seven months, and now she was gone, replaced with a son to take care of. How would he manage? Should he turn back and go home?

Something told him that would be a bad idea. His parents would help him, but he feared Lucille’s parents would try to take Rudy. Besides, he couldn’t face them after losing Lucille. The seed he’d planted within her had killed her. Did that make him a murderer? He felt like one.

He should have never brought her out here. She hadn’t wanted to leave Virginia, and she sure hadn’t wanted to leave St. Louis. He should have stayed in St. Louis with her. There’d have been doctors there, good doctors, and she could be just fine now. Lord, what have I done? What was he going to do?

Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the world.

He didn’t want to hear that. He didn’t want to remember Bible verses, and he didn’t want to hear God’s promises. Hadn’t He said, “Whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe?” Had Lucille been safe?

Had she put her trust in the Lord? Jacob didn’t know. They’d never discussed religion. Why not, since it was of utmost importance? He should know.

“Why, Lord? Why is this happening to me? Haven’t I been faithful to follow Thee since childhood? Haven’t I done my best and depended on Thee?” The questions wore smooth and slick from the many times he asked them.

Did you turn to God before agreeing to marry Lucille? You knew you shouldn’t go to her bedroom, but you were determined to please her, to garner her warmest regard. Did you seek God’s guidance before you said “I do,” before your marriage started with problems and never got better? Was that God’s voice or his own thoughts?

“If I did wrong, punish me,” he whispered to the sky above the river. “Don’t take her life. You could have made things better between us. All things are within Thy power. You could have spared her life. Rudy needs his mama. I need a wife.”

The song of the flowing waters held no answers for him. The silence crushed in on him, as did his situation. He thought of throwing himself into those moving waters and drowning all his cares, but it came in a brief moment of weakness.

He took a deep breath. He didn’t want to be a coward, and his son depended on him. He stood and walked slowly back to camp. He didn’t want to go back, didn’t want to shoulder his responsibility, but it’s what he would do. He’d promised Lucille, and, if nothing else, he was a man of his word.

From habit, he started to say a silent prayer and ask God to show him how to take care of Rudy, but he blocked it off. God had deserted him, so he wouldn’t pray to Him, but he couldn’t silence the Bible verses he’d memorized long ago.

I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Annie took Rudy to her wagon. She said she and her daughter could look after the two babies until after the funeral.

Some women he didn’t know came and prepared the body. Lucille hadn’t made any friends, unless he counted Iris. The widow had only come to visit when Jacob was also there, and she flirted too much. He got the feeling she was more interested in his wealth Lucille had hinted about. Lena had been a closer friend, and that had been from Lena’s efforts and not Lucille’s, but Lena still lay in her sickbed.

“Lord, keep Lena safe and make her well.”

The whispered prayer slipped out before he thought to stop it. He chided himself. Prayer had become a more integral part of his life than he’d realized. Well, no more.

They held the funeral the next morning. Lena, looking weak and wobbly, came on the arm of her husband. She looked like she needed to be in bed, but Jacob felt better when he saw her.

Annie held Rudy, and her daughter stood beside her with their baby. Jacob hoped Annie would keep tending Rudy for a while. He didn’t know of another wet nurse right now.

The graveside service was short and to the point. “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord,” the preacher concluded.

The Lord taketh away, all right. Why did He take such a beautiful young woman who had most of her life yet to live?

“She’ll make a beautiful addition to heaven,” Lena patted his arm.

That was a comforting thought, but he didn’t want to examine it too closely. He didn’t know if Lucille had been saved. She’d never mentioned it, didn’t seem to rely on God, and never wanted to pray, unless he insisted.

He should have witnessed to her more. He should have encouraged her to accept Christ as her Savior. Had he failed her in that way, too?

God seems to have deserted me,” Jacob mumbled.

“Nonsense,” Lena replied quickly. “God never deserts anyone. It’s more like we leave his side. Remember, if you only have faith when everything’s going your way, it isn’t faith at all. Faith keeps on trusting through the bad times, too – the ones you just can’t seem to make heads or tails of.”

“I’d better get Lena back to bed,” Harlan said. “She insisted on coming, although she is still as weak as a newborn kitten.”

“I’m over the worst.”

Harland shook his head. “I just hope you don’t have a setback.”

The preacher announced he would have the regular Sunday service after the funeral. Jacob didn’t go.

He’d go get his son every afternoon and keep him until bedtime. He wanted Rudy to know him. He’d tell him about his mother too—how beautiful she was and how much she’d loved him. Jacob had no doubts Lucille loved her baby. Her love for him he questioned.

One afternoon Wayland Marshall and the men from the council came up, along with Annie Fischer’s husband. They looked solemn.

“We’re so sorry for your loss,” Marshall said. “I know it must be hard.”

“We’ve come with a proposition,” John Brenner added.

Fischer spoke but didn’t look Jacob in the eye. “My wife says she’ll feed your baby, but with all our young’uns, she ain’t goin’ have the time to tend after him. You’re goin’ to have to make other ’rangements.”

“You know Faith Allen’s folks died, and she’s all alone.” Marshall took over. “I don’t like the idea of a young, single woman traveling by herself. It doesn’t seem quite proper. I think it would solve both your problems if you two hitched up. You could look after her, and she could look after your baby.”

“Hitched up?” Did the man mean what Jacob thought?

“Yeah, you know. Married.”

“I’ve already voiced my opinion,” Rex said. “I’m against saddling an innocent, young woman with a man like you, Parker.”

Lord, Thou can’t be asking me to marry this quickly and to another woman I don’t know. I lashed out at Thee in anger, but I’m asking for Your guidance here. I want to follow Thy will for me this time.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtained favor of the Lord.

His mother had done too good a job at having Jacob memorize Scripture verses. There seemed to be one for every occasion.

“Is she willing?” Jacob stalled for time. He needed to think.

“We haven’t asked her yet,” Marshall said, “but she’s a sensible girl. I believe she’ll consider it.”

“It seems to me I need someone to care for Rudy worse than she needs a husband. Can’t she just care for the baby without us getting married?”

Marshall frowned. “It would be hard enough for her to manage her wagon all on her own. I think it’ll take the two of you to manage with a baby. One of you will have to be up all during the night, you know, and something is bound to come up. It wouldn’t be proper.”

“We’ve discussed it, and this really is the best solution,” John added. “You’re also going to need a wife when you get to Oregon. It would be nigh unto impossible for you to start your place and tend to your son by yourself. Once you get there, you’d be in the same fix you’re in right now.”

That did make sense, and God seemed to be urging him on, at least the Bible verse that came to mind made it seem so. He nodded.

“Why don’t you go on over there and ask her,” John said. It was a statement, not a question. “A woman likes to be asked all proper like, you know.”

“I’d like for the council to go, too. I want y’all to talk to her first and give her your reasoning. In the meanwhile, I’ll go visit with Lena Haywood and talk with Faith after you leave.”

“Okay, but go by Annie’s and carry your son with you. Women always respond to a wee little one,” John said.

Jacob didn’t feel good about carrying the baby with him, but he’d do it anyway. He didn’t like the fact they were trying to manipulate Faith into agreeing. He knew by experience that marriage could be hard enough. If she agreed, he wanted it to be of her own free will and not because some men maneuvered her into it. But at least the baby would remind her of her responsibilities and all that would be expected of her.

“He’s just cried himself to sleep,” Annie said when he collected Rudy. “The only time he isn’t crying is when he’s eating or sleeping.”

Lena lay in bed, resting but awake, and she appeared some better. She smiled at him and had him come inside the wagon.

“Don’t worry,” she told him when she noticed Rudy, “I shouldn’t be contagious now, but, just in case, I won’t hold your baby this time.”

“The council has come to me with a strange proposition,” he said, “and I wanted your opinion.”

“You’d be getting a mighty good woman,” Lena said when he explained the situation. “I know it’s really too soon for you, but I think it’ll work out for the best. She just might be the bridge between the person you are now and where you’d like to be.”

“I just buried Lucille. It seems unfitting to me, as if I’m not grieving for Lucille.”

“If you’re truthful with yourself, your first marriage wasn’t what you really wanted. I know you cared about Lucille, but I don’t think your love ever developed to the point it should have. If you can let the hurt go, this may be the marriage you dreamed of, and that son of yours does need a mother.”

“You think I should do it, then.”

“I think Faith would make a farmer an excellent wife. She’s used to doing all the work at her family’s cabin and small farm in Kentucky so, yes, I think it’s a good match. I wish Faith were my daughter. I think that much of her.”

“If she were your daughter, would you tell her to marry me?”

“I would. I think a lot of you, too.”

“We’re through talking with her,” Marshall said as he poked his head inside. “She listened to what we had to say and didn’t tell us ‘no.’”

Faith’s worn-looking wagon stood two wagons up from the Haywoods’, so he started over to meet her. If he’d ever seen her, he didn’t know it, and here he was considering marrying a complete stranger. He looked up to see a young woman who must be Faith heading his way.

She wasn’t as pretty as Lucille had been, but not many women were. At least she didn’t look homely. He noticed her hair first. She had it braided in two long strands, but with the sun’s highlights, it looked like iridescent raven’s feathers. Upon closer scrutiny, it appeared dark brown rather than black, but it looked so different from Lucille’s reddish curls. As she approached, he saw she looked smaller than Lucille, but Lucille tended to have a more voluptuous figure. Still, Faith curved nicely above and below her tiny waist. He pulled his wayward thoughts back in. She might be attractive enough, but, he knew from experience, beauty could be deceiving.

She stopped when she saw him, and he walked up to her. She looked almost scared. He saw she had warm chocolate eyes under thick black lashes.

“Hello, I’m Jacob Parker. You must be Faith.” He smiled at her, and she gave him a tentative smile. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

 

 

Faith looked at the man standing before her. From what he said, she knew this must be Jacob, but he didn’t look like what she’d expected. His appearance, his attractiveness, almost frightened her. What would a man like him want with someone like her? She didn’t know what to say or how to act. She’d never been around a man she would consider for marriage before.

Jacob looked to be several inches taller than her. He had thick, dark brown hair that almost appeared black, and it curled enough to be noticed. He didn’t have either a beard or a moustache, which made him different from the men here, but he hadn’t shaved for at least two days and now a heavy stubble shaded the lower part of his face.

She looked into his eyes, and they held her captive. Clear and a bright blue, they seemed to search her very soul. What kind of man stood before her with such an intense gaze? Would he be kind to her? Lena seemed to think a lot of him.

She nodded when he said she must be Faith. Now she needed to say something, but what? She looked at the bundle he held in his arms.

“This is Rudy,” he said when he saw where her gaze had turned.

“May I?” she asked and held out her hands for the baby. Anything to give her something to do right now. She felt so awkward.

She loosened Rudy’s wrap and looked at his little face. “He’s a beautiful baby,” she said. Should she have said “handsome?” Was it okay to call a baby boy “beautiful?”

“Well, I guess he takes after his mama, then.”

He smiled again, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. His eyes never left her, but Faith could get no indication of what he might be thinking.

“Where are my manners? Here I’ve kept you standing. Won’t you come over and sit down by the wagon?”

“No, I need to be getting Rudy over to Annie’s. He’ll want his feeding before too much longer. I wanted to come over and meet you. I’m going to need some help with Rudy, and Mr. Marshall and the council thought it might help us both out if we married. Are you willing to marry me, Faith, and become a mother to Rudy? I’m planning on starting a farm in Oregon Territory. I’m a hard worker, and I’ll take good care of you.”

“Are you a Christian man, Mr. Parker?”

“Yes, I guess I am, and please call me ‘Jacob.’ I surrendered my life to Christ when I was ten years old, and I’ve tried to walk in His ways ever since.” He looked away from her for the first time. After a pause, he continued. “To be honest, I’ve been questioning God, as to why He took Lucille. My faith isn’t at its strongest point right now, but I did pray and ask His guidance in this decision. I’d planned to pull away from God like He’d seemed to pull away from me, but I don’t think I can do that. He’s been such an integral part of my life for all these years that He’s woven into my very being. Praying has been such a daily routine I do it without thinking.” He looked for her response.

“I understand. My faith has seen me through everything for a number of years, too. I try to remember when things get their worst and I feel I’m at my wits’ end, God resides there. Our tomorrow is always determined by our reaction to God today.”

At first, Jacob looked surprised, but then his gaze softened. “I agree that a deep faith is important.”

“I wouldn’t marry a man who didn’t love the Lord, but I understand your struggles and questions. You’re going through a hard time now. ‘The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill together.’ Are you sure you’re ready for another marriage?”

“Is that Shakespeare you quoted?”

“All’s Well That Ends Well.”

“How is it you know Shakespeare well enough to quote him?”

“When my parents died, and I went to live with my aunt and uncle, I took only Mama’s Bible, a dictionary, and Papa’s complete works of Shakespeare for books to read. I’ve read them over and over again.”

His eyes showed interest as if Faith intrigued him. “I’d like to have a chance to learn more about you. But to answer your question of whether I’m ready or not, Rudy needs a mother, and I need a wife. It would be hard for me to get a farm up and running without one. I can promise to be good to you, Faith. If things were different, I’d like to court you first, but we’ll be pulling out in the morning, and I need help with Rudy soon. Today is the last day Annie will keep him for me all the time.”

“I appreciate this talk and your honesty, Jacob. Can you give me an hour to think about this before I give you my answer?”

“Sure, I think that’s very reasonable. Mr. Marshall wants the preacher to marry us this evening if you agree. Considering Lucille was just buried, it won’t be anything fancy. I’ll put on my suit and you don your best dress, and we’ll stand up together.”

“Okay. You’ll come back in an hour, then, so I can give you my answer?”

“I will. I’ll take Rudy to Annie, shave, and come back by here.”

She nodded, and he walked off. Faith watched him leave. He turned just before he walked out of sight and waved when he saw her looking his way. She waved back.

Faith went directly to Lena’s wagon. She’d been headed there when Jacob had approached her. Although she’d heard her friend speak of Jacob with fondness, she needed the woman’s advice.

“Come in, my dear girl. I thought you might come.”

“You know then?”

“Yes, Jacob came to see me. He told me about the wagon master and council’s proposal.”

“What do you think?”

“I think Jacob’s a good man, a very good man. He put up with a lot from Lucille, but he always treated her with love and respect. Sometimes, when she was in a particularly bad mood, I wondered how he did it. At times, I thought Lucille was so mean-spirited that she could have taught Satan himself some new tricks.”

“The marriage wasn’t happy then?”

“I’m sure it had its moments, but I don’t think it was as happy as it should have been or as happy as Jacob wanted it to be.”

“Don’t you think it’s too early for him to remarry?”

“It is if you’re looking for the ideal situation, but out here on the trail nothing’s ideal. I think you both need each other in ways you don’t even realize yet.”

“You think I should marry him then?”

“I think you’d both be getting a partner you can rely on. I have no idea how much love you’ll hold for each other a year from now. That’s beyond my realm, but I think you could marry a lot worse than Jacob Parker.”

“Well, I guess I’ll go spend some time in prayer and see if I can get the Lord’s guidance.”

“Which way are you leaning right now?”

“Toward Jacob.”

“Well, if that holds, you come back over here to get ready for the wedding. I want to help you.”

Faith went into her wagon and fell to her knees. “Dear Lord, I’m puzzled about what to do, and I’m scared of the future. Everything seems so uncertain right now, and therefore I come to Thee, as I always have. I need Thy guidance on what to do, for only Thou can see the outcomes of the decisions I have before me. Please put Thy loving hand upon me and guide me along the path I should take. I pray. Amen.”

A peace flowed through her when she thought of Jacob. Lena declared him to be a good man, and she trusted Lena. It scared her to think of continuing the journey alone. Where would she go, California or Oregon?

Her aunt and uncle had been going to join their son in California, but her cousin hadn’t wanted her to come. His parents had refused to go if they couldn’t bring her, too, because they needed her to help with the work. He certainly wouldn’t want her now that they were dead, and, she’d never met the man, so he remained a stranger to her. It wouldn’t even be proper for her to live with him, since he wasn’t any closer kin than a cousin.

Where would she go in Oregon? What would she do there on her own? She couldn’t go back to Kentucky either. She didn’t know anyone else there, and they’d sold the old home place.

 

 

Jacob took Rudy to Annie. He’d already started crying at the top of his lungs. Good thing he hadn’t done that earlier.

“This is what he does best,” Annie said as she took him. “You’d better get ready for sleepless nights.”

Jacob went back to his wagon. He stood before a small mirror he hung on a wagon hook and shaved, but his mind stayed on Faith. The short conversation they’d just had seemed as meaningful as all of the conversations he and Lucille had put together. She’d complimented him for being honest, but that applied to her, too. She didn’t just talk about shallow things, either.

He could tell Christ had become important to her. He wished he and Lucille had talked about their faith before the wedding. It had never occurred to him to ask her how she felt. He’d just assumed she would be a Christian. He knew she’d attended church with her family. Of course, the situation had been different then, and he hadn’t really had much choice.

The worst thing about the situation now was he felt forced into marriage again. Just like the first time, there wasn’t much he could do about it. Rudy needed Faith now.

God, I still don’t understand what’s happened, but Thou knowest all. Forgive me my doubts. Please work this out for good for two people who love Thee and for a little newborn baby.

Jacob didn’t change clothes. He’d have time to do that after Faith agreed to marry him, if she agreed. He tried to tell himself not to feel rejected if she refused because she didn’t know him, but he knew he would. It didn’t make sense since he didn’t know if he wanted this either, but he knew the truth of it. He’d just about had all the rejection he could take lately. Well, at least if Faith told him “no,” it would be before the wedding and not after.

He had some time to spare before he needed to go back to Faith’s wagon, so he strolled through the prairie and picked some wildflowers. He felt ridiculous, but it seemed like a good thing to do. The way he saw it, Faith would be getting the worst of this deal. She would be getting a distraught groom, who had just buried his first wife, and a crying baby, who wasn’t even hers. She would be cooking meals, washing dishes, doing laundry, sewing and mending, caring for Rudy, and performing countless other tasks. For all that work, she would be getting his protection and farm work when they got to Oregon—if they made it to Oregon.

The more he thought about it, the more unlikely he thought it would be that she’d agree. Why would she want to marry him?

She sat outside her wagon waiting for him. She stood when she saw him, and he handed her the wildflowers.

“To thank you for considering my offer,” he told her.

“Thank you.” She put the blossoms to her face to smell them. She only glanced at him and didn’t look him directly in the eye. This couldn’t be a good sign. “After thinking and praying, I’ve decided to accept your proposal.”

“Really?” He couldn’t hide his surprise. He’d talked himself into accepting her refusal, and he had to pause to regroup. “Thank you. I’ll go check with the preacher, and we’ll plan for the wedding to take place about seven o’clock if that suits you.”

“Seven o’clock will be fine.”

“Would you like for me to come by and walk you there?”

“No, I’ll come with Lena and Harlan.”

“Okay, I’ll see you there.”

He paused again before leaning in and kissing her lightly on the cheek. Then, he quickly retreated. Why had he done that? He hadn’t thought about it but had just acted on impulse. It had seemed the right thing to do at the time, and he hadn’t stopped to think. He smiled despite how awkward he felt. Faith had smelled clean and fresh. How had she managed that out here?