Unhinged
:: to pull away from one’s stabilizing force
Kate
Saturday, May 6th, 11:35 am
Sports at the Beach, Georgetown, Delaware
We arrive late to Jack’s baseball game.
And, to Tessa.
I spot her immediately. She’s seated on the bleachers between Bennett and his wife Julie, looking tan and fabulous in a strappy yellow sundress. Of course, she’s wearing yellow because she would know David has a fondness for it. And of course, she is with Julie and Bennett. They probably love her.
Did he have to bring her here?
Josh gives me an, it’ll be all right head pat before trotting off to find David. He could’ve at least warned me she would be here. The coward.
“Damn, Kate,” Nate says, leaning close. “She’s even prettier in the daylight.” He got an earful last night. I can’t remember exactly what I said, but I’m sure it was derogatory.
Hadley and I exchange a look.
“Who wears a sundress to a ball game anyway?” she says supportively.
“David’s hot Brazilian chick,” offers Nate.
I seriously want to slap him. I cannot believe I let him anywhere near me.
It does bear noting that last night was not entirely Nate’s fault. After David left with Tessa, I sort of lost it. I knew what I was doing with him. I asked for it, even. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good to be wanted, and Nate has always wanted me.
I may have played into that a little.
And yes, I am friendly with his ex-girlfriend. Who dumped him two months ago, by the way, for another guy. I still feel awful, though. It’s a total breach of the girl code.
Guilt is currently gnawing a hole in my stomach. And I don’t even like Nate.
Honestly though, nothing happened. We may have kissed, a little. Some clothing might have inadvertently come off. I woke up without a shirt and his arms were around me, but that is it.
Honestly.
The thought of David seeing me like that? No, I can’t even think about it.
Cannot.
Josh, meanwhile, handled the whole thing surprisingly well. I’m loving his optimistic alter ego, which won’t last, by the way—mark my words. I thought he’d lose it when Hadley started talking about Nick and Vivian in the Jeep, but apparently, he and David are already in the know. I should’ve guessed Nick factored into whatever is plaguing them.
Speaking of which, who the hell would put that man back on television? Seriously, has the world gone mad? He’s a monster. Whatever. Anything for the almighty dollar, right?
Anyway, Josh ripped into Nate before we headed out this morning, hence the reason we were late. Things got a little heated, but once Nate was sufficiently shamed and my reputation restored, the two of them were like besties again.
The male psyche fascinates me. That fight-it-out-then-forget-about-it mentality, simple, yet effective. It’s a bit different for us girls. Hadley said all of five words to me on the ride, feigned a hangover, and stared at her twitter feed.
I have a sneaking suspicion her and Josh hooked up last night. I saw her creep out of his room this morning. But I’m not diving into that pool of darkness when I’m already drowning in a sea of Tessa.
I mean, I would date her. He’d be crazy not to. What am I compared to her? I’m like a painful, itchy hemorrhoid or something. He clearly loves her. His entire body lit up when she walked in. I should just throw in the towel now. Declare defeat.
Battleship, sunk.
What a weekend to forget my pills.
Anyway…the drive here. Josh insisted on taking the top down, which Nate objected to because he’s the actual definition of high maintenance. Not that I was keen on it either. An hour at fifty with the top off equals huge frizzy hair disaster. But I couldn’t exactly side with Nate. So, we went topless.
Life and it’s ironies, right?
We were stopped at a light and he and Josh were arguing about some fishing trip from two years ago, Nate boisterously insisting he had the largest catch. I was actually praying for him to shut up when something fell from the sky.
I’m not even kidding, right in the middle of my prayer. Not rain, not snow, but shit. Bird shit, and a whole lot of it. Right on Nate. Like a targeted assault or something, he got covered. Hair, shoulders, forehead, everything.
“What the fuck?” He instantly moved to touch his hair.
“Don’t!” Hadley and I shouted from the back.
Josh laughed so hard his foot slipped off the brake and we rolled into the intersection.
“Fuck Josh, it isn’t funny! Get me a towel or something,” Nate hollered.
“What am I, Bed Bath and Beyond? I don’t keep towels in here.”
Nate turned, and Hadley and I shrugged.
No towels. Pas de serviettes.
Josh pulled into a gas station so Nate could clean up, and he, Hadley, and I were wandering around the little store waiting when, without warning, Josh grabbed my hand and pulled me out to the Jeep.
He handed me this bag, all stealth-like, and smiled a sweet, goofy smile that made me ache for the boy-Josh. Inside were two chocolate covered peanut butter and jelly cups.
I didn’t even know they made those.
“Remember?” he asked.
As if I could forget.
Peanut butter and jelly is the code we used as kids to express love because Nick and Vivian got all squirrely whenever we said I love you. Or showed any kind of affection, really. One of us would say peanut butter, and the other would say jelly. Or we might randomly say, I feel like peanut butter and jelly. Sometimes I’d add, covered in chocolate because everything’s better in chocolate.
It was such a silly thing, really. A silly thing that meant everything at the time. I’m not sure when we last said it. Years, probably.
Him remembering, finding those little cups, it’s one of the sweetest things he’s done in a long time. Aside from learning to curse in French, which is adorable. And defending my honor, though underserved—that was pretty sweet. I guess he does a lot of sweet things. I don’t deserve him.
We ate the little cups together before Nate and Hadley returned.
She purchased two lemonades and a magazine for us to share, which basically confirmed my suspicion about her and Josh. Nate looked ridiculous in the cheap, gas station logo shirt he bought to replace the shit-stained one. And his blond hair was all wet and matted down from a cursory wash in the sink.
Josh put the top back up, more for protection than a courtesy to Nate.
“You should’ve left it up in the first place,” Nate muttered as we set off.
“Karma’s a bitch. Ain’t it, dude?” Josh quipped, catching my eye in the rearview. He winked, and he, Hadley, and I broke into a fit of laughter. And for the briefest of moments, everything felt right about the world.
But then reality shows up in a bright yellow sundress.
And before I can respond to Nate, Josh and David make their way toward us. My stomach flips. If David ignores me, I’m gonna lose it in an ugly way. I grab Hadley’s arm. “Come on, let’s check out the snack bar.”
Only after I’ve dragged her several feet, do I realize we’ll need to pass the boys as well as Tessa and company to make it there. But it’s too late to turn back. So, I plaster a look of bored indifference and pretend to listen as Hadley rattles on about getting cut from her office softball team.
They stop as we pass, and I feel David’s eyes piercing me. If I look at him, it’ll be all over, so I pretend not to notice and plow on.
“Are they watching?” I whisper to Hadley once we’ve hurried past. She turns.
“No, they’re talking to Nate and some other guy.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, though my insides are deflating. He could’ve said something. Or had the decency to watch as we walked away.
“Kate!” I jump at the sound of my name.
Julie.
“Kate, up here! Come join us, sweetie.” Us being Julie, Bennett, Grace…and Tessa.
Hadley squeezes my hand. “I’ve got to pee. Be strong!” And she takes off.
Some friend.
Tessa’s already making her way to me with a bright smile. “Kate!” She exclaims, kissing me on both cheeks. She smells like warm vanilla and her breasts are huge. I can’t stop staring at them.
How did I miss that last night?
“Um. I like your dress,” I say, like an idiot.
She adjusts a strap and smiles, holding out her hand. “Come sit?”
I allow her to pull me along in a daze. Even her hand oozes sex appeal and all I can think about is her and David, together. Perversely, I want details. And I want to be wearing anything other than these ratty cut-off jeans that make me look like a boy.
Once on the bleachers I’m greeted with warm hugs all around. I take a seat as Jack comes up to bat. He hits a line drive straight to the first baseman and makes the last out of the inning. Bennett curses under his breath.
“Why aren’t you down there?” I ask, surprised he’s not coaching.
“They have strict rules for this tournament,” he says, then leans close to my ear. “No hairy old guys.”
I laugh so hard it produces a snort.
So embarrassing.
Julie mercifully joins the conversation, and we talk about the game, weather, food, mundane stuff. After a few minutes, I notice Tessa watching me.
“You have beautiful hair, Kate,” she says, twisting several curls around her slender, well-manicured fingers. I like the way she says my name, emphasis on the K, long a. Despite my determination to hate her, something about the way she speaks and moves inexplicably draws me. David has this quality, too.
I find myself describing my frizzy hair woes in detail. She’s a great listener. Before I know what’s happening, she’s expertly braiding my hair and cracking me up with baseball commentary. My hatred of her diminishes.
“David says you are into massage?” I like how she says his name too, like Daaveed. I wonder what else he’s told her about me. I want to ask what they did last night. Does she love him? Of course she does, how can you not?
Impulsively, I fire off a text to Josh.
Me: Being braided by big breasted Brazilian beauty
In the distance I watch him glance at his phone, then to the bleachers and me. I give a little wave and he shakes his head, then shows his phone to David.
Why would he do that?!
David does not turn around, but a minute later I get a series of texts from him that shame me to tears.
David: Kate, sorry for leaving you last night. Thought you were ok about it. Tess is a good person, a lot like you. If you care about me, be respectful of her.
David: WTF Nate? You can’t stand him.
David: Nice use of alliteration btw.
His words pierce my soul. A lot like you. David is perhaps the only person who can, with one sentence, both comfort and shame me. A shiver runs down my spine.
“Are you all right?” Tessa asks.
Before I can stop myself, I turn and look straight at her. “Ever feel like your heart might bleed right out of you?”
She does not look at me like I’m half-baked as I would expect her to. Instead, she nods, rubs my shoulder, and responds with genuine sadness in her lovely blue eyes.
“Almost all the time.”
Kate
Tuesday, May 9th, 2:58 pm
Charm City Spa, Baltimore, Maryland
“Kate, your last client is here.”
I scarf down the remainder of my Pop-tart, a sorry excuse for a late lunch. Of all the days for back-to-back ninety-minute afternoon sessions! I’m starving, and I just want to go home.
The client is already disrobed and relaxing when I walk into the darkened room. I pat his back while offering our standard greeting and give a little look under the sheet.
Oh goody, lots of hair.
As an added bonus, he smells like a gym locker. I force a smile of serenity, rub some essential oil under my nose, and get to work keeping conversation to a minimum.
Fortunately, he’s asleep within minutes.
I can’t believe it’s already Tuesday. Seems like Josh, Hadley, and I were just driving home from the beach, without David. He rode with Tessa and her cousin, who were flying back home to Nashville via BWI airport. Her cousin’s best friend happens to be Nate and Isaac’s neighbor or something. Go figure. They were here visiting. I took it as a good sign she didn’t intentionally contact David. No less unsettling, though.
For Josh, too.
Between Nick’s new show, my Nate situation, David blowing us off for Miss Brazil, and whatever happened between him and Hadley, Joyful Josh had quite a weekend. Much as I enjoyed his new-found love and optimism, I prefer my Josh a little bitter and pessimistic. It suits him better.
And man, was he in rare form on the car ride home. Hadley feigned sleep. They’re avoiding each other, as if that’s not obvious. Josh passed the time alternately sulking and lecturing me about life choices. Rich, coming from him. I think his real frustration was with David, though.
God only knows what else those two are hiding. I guess we all keep secrets. But why? Shouldn’t we be past that by now? I feel a pang of guilt, picturing my nearly empty pill bottle. Maybe it’s worse when you’re as close as we are. People you hold at a distance can’t hurt you, but the ones you let in? They’ll wreck your soul.
The music changes, my signal to transition the massage from back to front. I gently rouse the gentleman and help him readjust. He’s back to sleep in seconds.
I like to stare at my clients while I work, make up stories, imagine what their lives are like. This guy’s not bad looking. Straight nose, thin lips too, no laugh lines.
Nate has thin lips. He’s a terrible kisser, kind of pushy, all tongue. He licked me at one point, like, on my face. Do people do that? Maybe I’m missing something.
I wonder if David and Tessa kissed. He has exquisite lips. I’ve relived our kiss last month a million times. That soft, sensual mouth. His lips, all full and curving in a delicate bow, begging to be touched, sucked on.
Oh, this is excruciating. His silence, deafening.
We’ve been home two days, and barely a word. I guess he had some event at the school last night, but still. He could text or something. I don’t think he’s mad, exactly. I don’t know.
And then we’ve got Isabelle’s wedding in a few weeks. That should be interesting. Would he take Tessa instead of me? I shouldn’t even be going to the stupid wedding, Isabelle hates me. And Nate will be there, I forgot about that. What if his ex is invited, too? Geez, how am I going to face her?
My goodness, is this massage ever going to end?
4:50 pm
I’m on my way out of the staff lounge when my phone vibrates.
My heart does a fluttery leap when I realize it’s David. He’s such a mind reader.
I answer immediately. “I was literally just thinking about you.”
“You still working?” he asks.
“No, just finished up.” I wave goodbye to the front desk girls and head outside. It’s a gorgeous spring afternoon, the sun’s all ablaze. And I forgot my sunglasses. Shoot.
“Don’t squint,” he says, “it causes wrinkles.”
“What?”
How does he know I’m squinting?
I dig around in my purse for the car keys.
“Try the front pocket.”
I reach into the little front pouch and sure enough, there they are. “You’re freaking me out! How’d you know I was looking for my keys?”
“Well, you’re kind of predictable.”
I am the opposite of predictable.
“If I’m predictable, you’re a blond.”
He laughs. “See for yourself, I’m standing right in front of you.”
My head snaps up and I drop the phone. Sure enough, not ten feet from me is David’s divine form leaning against a street bench. It takes all my self-control not to run to him.
“What are you doing here?”
He saunters toward me. “I was thinking about getting a massage. I hear there’s this really hot masseuse with a hair fetish.”
“I don’t have a hair fetish!”
“What makes you think I was talking about you?” he asks with a playful grin.
Heat creeps onto my cheeks. Oh, that body, those eyes. I could melt right here. He’s so gorgeous, my heart can’t take it. I don’t want to play games with him. Words empty from me like a busted can.
“D, I’m so sorry about this weekend. My behavior! Tessa. I’m just sick about it. And Nate! I’m so ashamed—”
But he puts a finger to my lips, steps back a little, and unzips his hoodie to reveal a soft yellow T-shirt. “I picked up a souvenir on the boardwalk.”
I scan the black lettering.
You are my sunshine, and by that, I mean I think you may have damaged me in ways I won’t know about for years to come.
Beneath the writing is a picture of this haughty- looking sun glaring down on a pathetic wilting stick figure.
“You like it?” he asks.
I manage to keep a straight face, but inside I’m crumbling. “So, what? I’m supposed to be the sun in this little scenario?”
He nods.
“You’re saying I’ve damaged you?”
He nods again, pointing to the little stick figure on his chest. “Look at me! I’m like a shell of a man.”
I can’t hold back anymore. I throw myself at him, cling like a child without care of how I look or sound. “When you left with her, I felt like dying,” I moan into his chest.
He strokes my hair. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t think you’d be that upset.”
“Do you love her, D? Just tell me.”
He pauses for a moment, and cups my chin with his hand, forcing me to look at him. “No. But I care about her. I was glad to connect with her again.”
“Are you going to move to Nashville, or Brazil or something?”
He laughs. “Only if you and Josh come with me.”
“Don’t joke!” I swat his hand away. “I’m serious. I saw how you looked at her.”
“She’s a good person, Kate. And we have some history together. She’s been through a lot. You two have more in common than it might seem. You really didn’t like her?”
She was delightful, but I’m not ready to concede that yet. “She wore yellow for you!”
“It was just a dress.”
“But David, that’s our thing.”
He’s trying not to laugh. “You’re reading too much into it.”
I’m not done. “And her breasts are huge. I look like a boy next to her.”
He shrugs. “Breasts are overrated.”
We both glance at my chest which, if I’m being honest, is a bit lacking. But still.
“Stop comparing yourself,” he says, catching both my hands and lacing his fingers through them. He pulls me into a gentle kiss. “You’re perfect, Sunshine.”
His words, the electrifying warmth of his mouth, like salve on a wound. I’m so relieved I feel dizzy. I just sort of collapse into him right there on the crowded city street. I close my eyes and snuggle up to the ridiculous shirt which means more than ten dozen roses.
And I could stay this way, oblivious to the passage of people and time. Gradually though, an uneasy feeling settles over me. Tingling creeps down my neck and across my shoulders—like we’re being watched. And not just watched; but studied. I peer over David’s shoulder and scan the area.
Across the street and to the right is a small café. There’s a man just inside the glass door, body trained on us. He’s dressed in black and standing very still, face hidden beneath a ball cap. He’s probably killing time waiting for his order. There’s something familiar about him, but I can’t place it.
I’m about to look away when he pulls a small object from his pocket, raises it chest high, and aims in our direction. My entire body stiffens.
Seconds later, he disappears into the recesses of the café. I let out a trembling breath, feeling kind of foolish.
David’s looking at me with concern. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. It’s just—”
“What, Kate?”
I point to the café. “A man was watching us. I thought he had—”
“Had what?” He whips his head around and grips my arm.
“I don’t know. He pointed something at us.” I’m too embarrassed to admit I thought for a split second it was a gun. “I think maybe he took our picture.”
David’s response is bizarre and terrifying. He shouts at me to wait inside the spa, and then takes off across the street before I can say another word.