The speaking industry is full of super-humans. There are people who are high achievers and accomplish much more in a day than us mere mortals. I remember a speaker friend once saying, “It’s lonely at the top.” At the time I didn’t understand, but now I do. When the thousands of people in your audiences each year are looking to you for the answers, it does get lonely. They’ve put you up on a pedestal. Where do the motivational speakers go to get their motivation? How can they go home at night and admit “I don’t have the answers” or “I’m struggling?” Well, it’s not easy to do, but the bottom line is to keep it real. (Vince Poscente modeled “real” for you in his 2.0 update in Phase I: Ready).
You must speak honestly to the people in your corner — your friends, family, and colleagues. When you arrive at the next speakers’ gathering, I challenge you to tell the truth when someone asks you how you are and not the glossed-over version. Slow down and concentrate on being a “human being” rather than a “human doing,” If you feel pressure, it’s because you’ve placed it on yourself. Fall off the stage every once in a while; that seems to work for keeping it real.
Recently I coached a speaker who told me with great bravado that he gives 326 speeches per year. He was actually proud of that number! I was not impressed — especially when it came out that 50% of those were freebies, meant to sell product. With a little more probing, it turned out that he actually gave 45 full-fee speeches at $2500 a pop. Now that’s more accurate. This guy showed up with his “super-speaker” mask on, trying to impress me with this giant number. I hope that you don’t ever do that — keep it real, please!
When I first finished coaching school, many years ago, and started building my coaching and consulting practice, business came to me relatively easily. Within about a year, my colleagues from school were still struggling, and I had a full client roster and had raised my fee three times. I had started with 12 years of knowledge under my belt, so I leaped to the front of the pack with very little effort. When I went back to Vancouver for my coaching class reunion, I strutted around like a peacock, so proud of myself and eager to share my success story. I would never have said, “Well, I’m actually having a hard time with…” I was too busy displaying perfection. I don’t remember when it dawned on me that I was being a complete phony, but it did. I realized at that point that I had been full of crap for years. I wore a social mask that said, “All is well with me. I am a successful superstar.”
Getting real took some practice. I took a writing class in preparation for this book. I wrote about moving to a new city, which I had just done for the eighth time in 15 years, and how this time I was going to get real and actually live! When I read the story to my parents, it was so honest and raw that we all cried. And from there forward, I had permission to stop being super-daughter, super-coach, super-friend and start being a real person with flaws and challenges just like everyone else.
It’s ironic that an ordinary Jane like myself would have something to share with an industry full of over-achievers. But by this point in the book, I am sure you have benefited greatly from the mistakes and successes that I have had in this industry. I hope that before you go off half-cocked on your next marketing endeavor, you will ask yourself a few questions. Am I doing this because some industry expert told me to or because it fits with the goals of my business? I hope you have learned to get Ready, take Aim and then Fire.
When you go out into the world as a professional speaker, my wish for you is that you can show up to your audiences as an authentic human being (flaws and all) who has an incredibly important message to share. Your audiences will appreciate you being real — even if you do fall off the stage every once in a while!