Every morning, my grandmother would get up, wash, make a pot of coffee, place a chair in front of the kitchen window, and stare at a small, frayed black book. By 7 A.M., she was fully dressed, breakfast was ready, and the clothes my brother and I were to wear that day were laid out. I was expected to get up, make my bed and be washed by 7:15 A.M. We were blessing our breakfast by 7:30 A.M.
Every Monday, we washed the crystal and polished the silver. On Tuesday and Thursday, we took Father John’s Fortifying Emulsion. The taste was beyond horrific, but not quite as bad as the castor oil we had to take every Saturday morning to keep our bowels moving. Every Thursday evening, we washed our clothes by hand on a scrub board. Every Saturday morning, we sprinkled the dry, starched clothes, rolled them, and placed them in the refrigerator to be ironed Saturday evening. We went to Sunday school and church every Sunday. We ate dinner every weeknight at 5:30 P.M. On Sunday, we ate at 3:30 P.M. I lived by Granny’s strict schedule for the first 16 years of my life. At 16, I decided to do it differently.
My grandmother paid her bills on time from the money she kept in a hankie stored in her bosom. She never had a toothache. I don’t remember that she ever had a cold. There was no dust in Granny’s house. Her plants never died. She never went to school. Widowed at age 15, she never remarried. She had only one child, my father, and she never grew hair on her chin. My grandmother didn’t know the exact date or year of her birth. In 1990, we guessed that she was 92 years old. She lived alone in Virginia and had full control of her faculties and bodily functions! She had never read a full-length book but could quote the Bible and the almanac! Granny couldn’t spell meditation, yet she did it every day! She had never been to a workshop or a retreat, but she had a direct line to God; or at least that is what she told me, and I believed her!
At age 14, I discovered boys and fun. I rebelled against my granny’s ritualistic schedule. At age 16, I had my first child! At age 19, I entered an abusive marriage! At 22, I had my first nervous breakdown! My grandmother did not visit me in the hospital. I never called her when I was released. At age 23, I began receiving public assistance. At age 25, I was virtually homeless! At age 29, I was in therapy! When I was 30, my husband broke my jaw, I had my second breakdown, my first breakthrough, and a long talk with Granny!
Grandma told me the importance of doing things on time. She called it “following God’s clock!” Granny explained how the clock worked. The sunlight of the day is the best time to do the things that support life. The darkness is the time to restore and make medicine. Spring is the time of new growth and fresh starts. Summer is the time that will bring the benefits of what was done in the spring. Fall is the time of death—a time to eliminate the old, the worn out, the useless. Always, she advised, leave your bad relationships in the fall. Winter is the time to rest, plan, and rejuvenate. Grandma said that the sun is man’s energy, the energy that supports life. The moon is woman’s energy, the energy by which life is created.
On that day, my grandmother talked to me about what she called “women’s business.” My grandmother talked about the phases of the moon and the energies of the months. She said, “God has given us a clock. The same thing happens at the same time, year in and year out. If you follow God’s clock, you will always be on time and you will get better at what you do. You never have to wonder about what’s going to happen when you follow the natural clock; you already know! You can have a schedule if you like, but remember who owns the clock.” What Grandma called “the clock” is what African people call “ritual!”
A ritual is a prescribed way of performing an act or certain acts. A ritual is the traditional or ceremonial approach to an event or series of events. African people are a ritualistic people. Tradition mandates that African people approach life events and actions ritually. Our ancestral cultures prescribe secret rituals, religious rituals, social rituals, family rituals, and personal rituals. These rituals create, utilize, and release energy. They demand and create sacredness.
In your journey toward spiritual evolution, it is self-supportive to develop a ritualistic approach to your spiritual practices. This means you should approach your prayer and meditation practices in the same way, at the same time, in the same place, as often as you can. Set realistic goals based on your circumstances and schedule. Begin by setting a time limit. About 10 or 20 minutes may be a good place to start. Make a commitment to continue the practice for a specific number of days, and honor that commitment. Select a location for your practice where you feel comfortable and where you will not be disturbed for the allotted time. Inform your family and loved ones not to disturb you during this time. This will elicit their support and respect of your time, as well as destroy your excuses not to continue, which are bound to arise as you attempt to discipline your mind.
If you have a special chair, garment, or other instruments you will use for your ritual, try not to use them at any other time. This will determine and preserve their sacredness. If you miss a committed time, do not be angry or distressed. Continue your activity at the next scheduled time. Feel free to perform your ritual at any additional time as you feel necessary. In any case, you should make every attempt to continue your ritual consistently for three months before you amend it, unless Spirit directs you to do so. Consistent practice helps you to develop discipline, which is a key element of spirituality. The following beginner’s ritual may prove helpful for actual practice or as a guide for developing your own spiritual ritual.
Beginner’s Ritual
It is recommended that you engage in this ritual every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday over a 90-day period. Do it before any other daily, morning activity, and repeat it after your evening bath.
• Arise 30 minutes earlier than usual.
• Do eight repetitions of Deep Breath.
• Draw water and perform the Head Blessing Ritual.
• Offer prayers for yourself, family, community. If you feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar with praying, you can read a psalm from the Holy Bible.
• Write down three questions about challenges or situations present in your life to which you are seeking an answer. (You can ask the same question on a maximum of seven different occasions, if the answer is not immediately apparent.)
• Next, do four repetitions of meditative breathing.
• Spend five to ten minutes in silence, focusing on the rhythm of your breathing. Use a journal to write down any thoughts or ideas that come to you while you are in silence. You can use an egg timer or alarm, or you can ask your spirit to make you aware when the allotted time has passed, in which case you will be alerted by a sound or feeling.
• Do four repetitions of Cleansing Breath before leaving your ritual area.
• Repeat the entire exercise again before retiring in the evening.
Any moment could be the moment that
you have a breakthrough in Spirit.
— Rev. Lydia Ruiz
What I Know Now
Rituals are spiritual support systems that deepen
and enhance your spiritual energy and practices.
Rituals align your internal and external being with a specific intention.
The more you practice the more meaningful the practice will be.
Rituals engage the fives physical senses in a way that
provides a full-body experience of a specific practice.
Over and Over and Over Again
On the third Monday of every April and October, I am joined by seven other women at my dining room table. We practice deep, meditative breathing; we hold hands, and we pray. We call the names of 30, 40, or 50 women, blessing each one of them, and we pray again. We read certain scriptures from the Bible; we choose certain passages from A Course in Miracles, and again we pray. Then, we listen deeply and intently for guidance from the Holy Spirit. One by one, we share our insights, and after each one shares, we pray. It is a ritual that we have done the same way, at the same time, for 12 years in order to prepare for our semiannual workshop that takes place the third Friday of every April and October. Our prayer and blessing ritual prepares us to support the women who come from all over the world for a weekend of sharing, learning, and healing. It also creates an atmosphere, an energy that supports our intention to be fully present and available in service for our sisters, the women who will participate in the Wonder Woman Weekend.
A ritual provides you with a spiritual support system because it taps into the intangible energy of the universe, creating an atmosphere that is conducive to, and in alignment with, your desires. Energy follows thought. Sending forth thoughts and words with a specific intention creates an energetic vibration that calls forth from the invisible, intangible realms that you have named. An intention is the act of mentally and emotionally determining and stating what your actions will be and what results you desire. Your intentions focus your mind, your will, and your spirit in a manner that provides you with a point of reference and a focus that become the guidelines you can use to create, re-create, and govern your choices and behaviors. What I know now is: A ritual is the repeated practice of a specific behavior with a clear intention and desire that creates the atmosphere for the realization of a specific experience. In many cases, a ritual has a religious or spiritual purpose. In other cases, it does not.
Every Christmas Eve for the past 20 years, my children and I pile into the car and go out in search of just the right Christmas tree. On Christmas Eve night, while I am seasoning the turkey and boiling potatoes for potato salad, my children decorate the tree. Now that I have grandchildren, they have joined in on the event. I heat apple cider, or whip up some other nonalcoholic concoction in the blender. We hoot and holler, turning my usually well-ordered home into an unsightly mess of paper, ornaments, and loose pine needles that trail from the door to almost every corner of every room. Once the children are asleep, I put the turkey in the oven and wrap presents. I usually finish at 6 A.M., 30 minutes before the children wake up to tear into the brightly wrapped packages. I love Christmas! Not just because of the religious and spiritual connotations, but because it is a ritual I can depend on to bring my entire family into one place with a common purpose.
On most mornings I wake up at 4:45 A.M. I have done it for so long that my body is now conditioned to do it without the help of an alarm clock. As soon as my eyes open, I slowly recite the Lord’s Prayer and Psalm 27 at least three times. I then reach over to my nightstand, turn on the light, and grab my prayer journal. I write one page of prayer, acknowledging God for the blessings in my life. I confess my shortcomings, fears, and any concerns I may have. I thank God for my health, my children, my grandchildren, and whatever else may come to my mind. I close by making specific requests for myself and others. On certain days I will then get up and begin my day. On others, I turn off the light, roll over, and go back to sleep. This is my morning ritual, a practice that sustains me.
A Foot in Two Worlds
Alignment begins in the heart. It is through your heart that God speaks, guides, and directs your mind and your actions. Rituals are a way to bring your being and your life into alignment with the presence of good and God. What I know now is that many people are afraid of the word ritual. For many, it conjures up images of things that are considered to be spooky, dark, or ungodly. As a Yoruba priestess, a cultural custodian, I have learned the meaning and power of ritual, whether or not the practice is for a spiritual or nonspiritual purpose. All rituals are tied to a specific belief system. As a recovering Pentecostal, and New Thought Christian, I have seen and practiced many rituals that were called by other names, and thereby were deemed acceptable to the collective consciousness of the general population. While all people may not do the same thing in the same way, if it is a repeated practice that brings meaning to the participants, it can be and should be considered a ritual.
While we may not know it or call it such, we do rituals to create order, safety, and familiarity. Order is the first law of the universe. The universe of nature and life generates the reoccurrence of certain events without fail, at the same time, in the same way. Nature is orderly, and if we desire to be in alignment with nature, we must know and create order. We all strive to create and enjoy a well-ordered mind, life, and environment, whether in our homes, families, work environment, or communities. We engage in certain practices so that we will know what to expect, and so that we can experience the order of the familiar. A ritualistic practice or lifestyle need not be cause for alarm or speculation. In fact, it can be a way to create a seamless connection between the spiritual and the mundane, the internal and external experience of life, the old and new worlds, and the private and public expressions of who we are and what we hold to be meaningful.
Women need rituals. It is a way to gather, purify, enhance, and direct our energy. Rituals support us in meeting the many demands on our lives. In the old-world ways of most indigenous cultures, women gathered to support and encourage one another. Whether they were washing clothes in a kettle, skinning and curing meat, or quilting and sewing for the needs of their families, women have always engaged in ritualistic practices. What transforms a mundane practice into a sacred ritual is intention and repetition. In the movie Beloved, when one woman was in trouble, a group of women stood in the front yard and prayed and sang. I could be wrong, but I don’t believe they were responding to a call-to-arms e-mail that was sent out that morning. I saw and sensed that the group had long been engaged in the ritual of group prayer. This was not the first time they had come together to address a specific need. They were all wearing hats. They were all carrying Bibles. They all knew exactly what to do, because, I believe, they had done it many times before. There is nothing more powerful than a group of women gathered and moving toward a common purpose. It is a function of order and an outgrowth of their ritual. In today’s fast-paced world, I continue to encourage women of all ages to gather and create rituals that support the individual and the collective consciousness of the group.
Rituals need not be collective or public endeavors. Private, solitary rituals and practices are equally powerful and important. My grandmother stared out of the window every day. My daughter baked cakes and cookies with her daughter every Tuesday. I use Monday, every week, as the day dedicated to my scrapbooking. What I know now is that every woman needs and can do rituals to feed, comfort, and develop her spirit. A nightly bath can be a ritual. A morning or evening prayer practice can be a ritual. Taking a day for yourself, withdrawing from the world, or doing something that calms and feeds your soul on a regular basis can be a ritual. My best friend takes naps. Resting is her ritual. As a minister, she gives out a great deal of energy, and her naps help her to recharge her mind and body.
Whether for spiritual, physical, or emotional reasons, every woman can benefit from the practice of certain rituals in her life. Rituals create an ordered and sacred atmosphere. Whether for bathing, cleaning, or lovemaking, a ritualistic approach to certain activities can have a beneficial impact. The following is a Room-Clearing Ritual that I have shared with many women and practiced in my own home. I offer it to you as a place to begin if you are not accustomed to creating your own ritual practices. Before you conduct the clearing ritual, be sure that the space has been physically cleaned and ordered. This may mean you will need to dust, sweep, empty the trash, and put in order any papers and books.
Room-Clearing Ritual
For this ritual you will need the following:
• A pre-selected prayer, scripture, or affirmation.
• A spray bottle with eight ounces of water, ten drops of lavender oil, five drops of geranium oil, five drops of peppermint oil.
• Four small white candles. Tea lights that are self-contained work extremely well for this purpose. You may place one candle in each of the four corners before you begin your ritual. You will light them as a part of your clearing ritual.
• Choose a room in your home (this can also be done in your office) in which you desire to create a sacred energy.
• On the day before you perform the clearing, set your intention. State exactly what it is that you desire to create or experience in the space you will be clearing.
• On the morning of the clearing, restate your intention and ask your Higher Self for guidance.
• Approach the room or space with your intention in mind.
• Standing in the doorway of the space you intend to clear, speak aloud the selected prayer, scripture, or affirmation, and the purpose of what you are about to do. (At this point, you may enter the room to preset your candles. When they are in place, walk back to the doorway to begin the ritual.)
• From the doorway of the room, walk to the far right-hand corner. While facing the corner wall, spray your solution on the wall from the ceiling to the floor.
• Recite your selected reading aloud again. Speak your intention and desire for the space once more.
• Spray the wall again.
• Light the candle you have preset in this corner.
• Turning slowly and moving to the right, walk to the next corner and repeat the process until you have covered the four corners of the room.
• When you have completed the fourth corner of the room, without turning your back, walk out of the room. If there is a door, close it. If at all possible, do not return to the room until all of the candles are extinguished. If you use tea lights, this should take about two hours.
• If you are using a larger glass encased candle, allow it to burn for at least 60 minutes before you enter the room to extinguish it.
• Repeat this practice on the same day of the week, at the same time, every 30, 60, or 90 days. You can determine how often you will repeat the practice in response to your experiences.
Be mindful and take notice of how you feel in the space and what happens in the space once you have completed the clearing. You should immediately notice a difference. Also, remember that every ritual, whether for yourself, someone else, or a specific space has only the meaning you intend for it.