“Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). Africans call it Afo’se, (pronounced Ah-Fo-Shay) the power to bring about occurrence by speech. In essence, an affirmation is a statement that declares a situation to be true. It is the bringing forth of the life energy in a concise and positive way and releasing that energy into the universe. Everything we say is an affirmation. It can be positive or negative. The universe does not censor what we say; it simply creates.
My life affirmation was: “It’s not going to work.” Throughout childhood, I had many experiences that left me cynical. I didn’t believe anything good would ever happen. As a result, it usually didn’t. I had a habit of verbalizing what was wrong with everything and everyone. I was always right, because that is what I wanted to see. When I began to consciously seek my spirituality, my words took on a new meaning. I would recognize what I had said almost instantly. Unfortunately, it took me a while to realize what was happening.
My idea of a good relationship was to have a “gorgeous” man! It didn’t matter if he was cheap, selfish, confused, or a total egomaniac, as long as he was gorgeous. He could lie, be unfaithful, or be unreceptive, but he had to be gorgeous. I always said, “I want a nice-looking man,” and that is what I usually got! Unfortunately, that’s all I got! I was stuck on the physical without any consideration of the deeper levels of a person’s being. In the process of seeking a physically gorgeous man, I usually found fault with myself. I was too fat. I was dark. My legs were skinny. My hair was short and nappy. I had big lips, a flat butt, and ugly stretch marks. I thought no one would know these things if I had a nice-looking man! Surely, no good-looking man would accept these faults in a woman!
I finally met the gorgeous man! Believe me, he was a traffic stopper! I couldn’t figure out what he saw in me, but he seemed genuinely interested. My first thought was, It’s not going to work! But each time he called, I convinced myself that he accepted me, loved me, wanted me for just being me! I kept struggling with my ideas of inferiority, even when they didn’t seem to matter to him. I ignored his shortcomings by telling myself it was the best he could do. I accepted the relationship, even though I was unhappy with it, because I was grateful that this gorgeous man wanted me. What I came to realize was that this man was the instrument being used to bring my words back to me!
A year into the relationship, I decided to express my displeasure with the way things were going. As quietly and gently as I could, I asked this man why we didn’t spend more time together. At first, he tried to comfort me, but I pushed on. I gave him ideas about things we could do together, places we could go together. He looked at me as though I had grown horns! When I asked him what was wrong, he said, “What makes you think I want to take you anywhere? Do you realize what it would do to my image to be seen somewhere with you?” I asked him what he meant. He went on to talk about my hair, my legs, my weight. He told me how I had been the first dark-skinned woman he had been with and that I would probably be the last, because “we” had too many hang-ups! In essence, this man repeated to me every negative thing I had ever said to myself!
When we speak, we may not realize that we are creating! If we say something enough times, we will see it manifest! Often, we do not recognize what we have said when it comes to life. If someone else repeats to us the very thing we have said to ourselves, we resist. We feel hurt or angry about the way they have spoken to us. We fail to recognize that they may be repeating the very thing we have said about them, or what we have said to ourselves. The process of speech creates! It brings the essence of our thoughts and emotions into a tangible form. When we believe what we say and focus our mind on it, it will become truth. It may not be reality, but it will be our truth!
From a spiritual perspective, we can create our reality through speech. The process is called “affirmation.” It requires that we use our thoughts and emotions to create what we want and then speak the words, which will then manifest as reality. Affirmations uttered repeatedly create the energy of what we desire, and send that energy out to work. They must always be positive, specific, and spoken with conviction. The difference between a prayer and an affirmation is purely structural. While prayers are general requests, i.e., “Spirit/God give me peace,” affirmations are about existence, i.e., “I am peaceful.” Affirmations are a backup to prayer, since once you request something, the affirmation confirms your belief that it has been given. Affirmations are a positive step toward bringing into your existence all that you need and want.
The language used to develop affirmations determines the effectiveness of the statement. Language that identifies the conditions we do not want should be avoided.
Example: “I do not want to be sick.” A more effective affirmation would be, “I am whole and healthy.”
Example: “I do not want to be alone.” A more effective affirmation is: “I am one with all life.”
Language is the vibrational key to the universe. Words create energy! The words we use in our affirmations create energy that will influence the tide of our lives. Structured affirmations create forceful energy. Structure your affirmations to create powerful, focused, positive results, without focusing on the unwanted conditions.
Denials
Words that negate the existence of unwanted conditions and beliefs are called “denials.” They erase negativity as a reality in our lives. Denials pinpoint negativity and issue the command to extinguish it. They serve as the foundation upon which affirmations are built. However, every empty space must be filled. When you deny that something can or will exist, you must fill the void with something positive.
Denial: “Sickness is not a reality in my life.”
Affirmation: “I am whole and healthy.”
Effective Denials and Affirmations for Centering Energy:
Denial: “There is no truth in confusion or chaos!”
Affirmation: “I am centered in divine clarity and understanding.”
Denial: “I have not given weakness permission to exist in my being or life.”
Affirmation: “I am experiencing and expressing my strength, my power, and God’s peace!”
To Attract the Things You Want:
Denial: “Lack is an illusion I choose not to entertain.”
Affirmation: “I am the center of abundance. I am a magnet of prosperity.”
When Facing a Major Decision or Challenge:
Denial: “Fear is not of God or good.”
Affirmation: “I am facing all challenges and decisions with courage and faith.”
To Neutralize Energy Between People:
Denial: “Discord and disharmony are not welcomed or invited here.”
Affirmation: “I am in perfect harmony with all people and things.”
What I Know Now
Every word we speak is a prayer.
Your mouth can be your greatest ally or your strongest foe.
What is on your mind will eventually come out of your mouth.
When you have nothing good to say, say nothing.
Every experience in our lives was spoken into existence.
Wash Out Your Mouth Frequently
I thought she was a nut. She was walking from table to table in the food court introducing herself and offering unsolicited mini-lectures. I tried to act as if I were fixated on my french fries, hoping she would move past my table without stopping. The closer she came, the faster I chewed, but when my youngest grandson screamed at his brother for taking the last packet of ketchup, we became the focus of her attention.
“Hello, my sister. Are these your sons?”
I guess the baseball cap made me appear to be younger than I really was. Hoping she would detect the attitude in my voice, I responded without looking up.
“No, these are my grandsons.”
“Grandsons! Oh, you must be like me. I was a young mother, too. I’ve got three sons. Three beautiful sons. They’re grown now. They’ve got kids of their own. They turned out okay. All teenage mothers don’t raise thugs and hoodlums. Some of us just start out a little confused. We get clear when the babies come, don’t we?”
It was true, but I didn’t particularly care to have my history revealed in the food court of the mall. She was talking at a rapid-fire pace. I kept chewing and prayed that my grandsons did not respond to her.
“And what is your name, young brother? Who are you?”
Why is it that children seem to forget everything you have taught them in the precise moment you want them to demonstrate what they know? You teach them to hold their heads up and to speak clearly when they are asked a question. You also teach them not to talk to strangers. Inevitably, when you take them out in public, they act like they have no home training. They can’t seem to distinguish who strangers are or when they should speak up. With ketchup all over their lips and cheeks, and their mouths filled with partially chewed food, each of them in turn mumbled something that was incomprehensible.
Before I could open my mouth to respond on their behalf, the woman barked: “Oh, no, little brothers! You must speak up. You must let the world know who you are.”
I was not at all pleased with the tone of her voice, but she said what I was going to say before I could give them my own grandmotherly correction. Without batting an eye, the woman slid into the chair next to my eldest grandson and turned her head, focusing her attention on me. Looking so deeply into my eyes that I felt immobilized by her gaze, she started the conversation in midsentence, as if I knew what she was thinking.
“It is important for our children to know who they are. When they are born, we teach them who they are. If we call them Frank, they respond to it. If we call them Pookie or Boo-Boo, they respond to that. They have no idea who they are until we call them a name. Whatever we call them is what they will respond to. It is what they will grow to be. What do you think would happen if we called them Doctor So-and-so or Professor So-and-so? They would respond to it! They would have a very different expectation of themselves. They would grow into those names. When we affirm the very best of and for our children, they have a very different view of their place and position in the world. Don’t call them anything you don’t want them to be. Speak seeds of greatness in their minds, and they will respond to those seeds. They will grow into strong, sturdy plants. Now you have a good day, my sister.”
She was gone before I realized that I had stopped chewing, and my mouth, filled with fried potatoes, was hanging open.
I am always amazed at the things you can learn from seemingly wacky people in the street or, in this case, the food court at the mall. Everything she said made perfect sense. In fact, it made so much sense, I immediately put it into practice with my grandsons. I began to call them Dr. Oluwa and Dr. Adesola. I told them that they were going to Morehouse College to become doctors—doctors of what did not matter. Nor did it matter if they went to Morehouse, Princeton, or Yale. Like the woman in the mall said, I was simply planting the seeds. I was preparing them to pursue a college degree. I was preparing and supporting them with an appropriate way to let the world know who they are by affirming the possibilities of greatness that lie dormant in their minds and souls. Perhaps if my parents had called me a dancer or lawyer or writer when I was a child, I would not have become a teenage mother. Perhaps if they had spoken possibilities rather than problems into my heart and mind, I would not have lost my way and my identity. Maybe, maybe not… who really knows? I do believe, however, that at the very least it is worth the effort to try affirming the best rather than rehearsing the worst.
It’s not what you say that matters. It is where you speak from within yourself that counts. It is not what you hear, it is where you listen from within yourself that gives meaning to the message. Many times we create our lives from the place within us that is broken or wounded. We speak into existence more of what has been rather than what could be because we speak from our pain rather than our power. Like children, the circumstances of our lives respond to what we feed them. Our lives grow into the attributes with which they are saddled and labeled. What we embody in consciousness and character as a result of past experiences becomes what we expect. Since we always get what we expect, we unwittingly limit ourselves with the words we speak that affirm our fears and disappointments.
An affirmation is a statement spoken and proclaimed as truth. In essence, when we speak what we believe, we are making an affirmation. The essence of our individual belief system is a key factor, since many things we believe as a result of the past have absolutely nothing to do with the truth of God or the unlimited possibilities that actually exist. The words we speak reveal the energy of our thought patterns. Energy follows thought. Thoughts fueled by emotions are the foundation of an individual belief system. Our beliefs are the raw materials of the reality we expect, the reality we create, and the choices we make moment by moment. It is our choices that determine our experiences. The energy of our thoughts, fueled by the energy of our emotions, fuel the energy of the words we speak, which results in the actions we take. When we speak our fears, doubts, and limitations, we are actually affirming the things we do not want. In the process, we violate the laws of creation.
Ears May Not Always Hear, But Life Always Does!
My name is Iyanla. It is a Yoruba name that means “Great Mother.” It is a name that is easy to mispronounce. I have discovered that many people are intimidated or confused by the configuration of letters in my name; the I followed by a y is not what people are accustomed to seeing or pronouncing. Quite often they mispronounce my name because they do not believe that they know how to pronounce the sound of the two vowels together. I believe that many people have the same experience when something unfamiliar enters their lives.
People have a tendency to name an experience based upon whatever they’ve learned from past experiences. In the human mind, the past often gives character and essence to the right-now moment. When you have been hurt, disappointed, or unfulfilled in the past, you may expect to experience more of the same with almost every new experience. Once you give voice to that expectation, you create a 99 percent guarantee that it will happen. By speaking our negative expectations, we give power to the past and undermine the possibilities for the future. By speaking what we already know, rather than what is true in a spiritual context or what is possible through our creative ability, we give credence and power to an undesirable reality. To speak affirmatively means learning to speak into where we are headed rather than where we came from.
What is your first response when you encounter an experience that is unfamiliar or uncommon? The greatest temptation is to name it something you have seen before in your past, rather than name/affirm it as something new and exciting. There are positive and negative affirmations. To call a new experience something that is familiar, like “a problem”—or to name it “weird,” “strange,” “frightening,” or “unnecessary”—is a negative affirmation. There are positive and negative affirmations. A negative affirmation recycles the past. When we do not understand the process of creation (thought-feeling-word-action), or when we are without an intimate knowledge of the truth of our identity, we are tempted to name our experiences incorrectly or inappropriately. A positive affirmation calls new possibilities into existence. In the presence of and with a commitment to speaking affirmatively, we learn to name experiences what we want them to be. And because our lives are obedient to our consciousness and expectations, whatever we call a thing is what it grows to become. Learning to speak affirmatively requires that we unlearn habitual phrases and declarations.
We all receive a sign when something in our lives is about to change. And the first sign of change is the presentation of your name, whether it is something small or seemingly insignificant that requires your attention, or an emergency that requires your presence. A past-due bill that has been overlooked or avoided comes with your name on it. An appointment that needs to be kept is presented as a telephone message or notice addressed to you. Even a problem in a relationship has a finger pointed toward you, perhaps as an accusation hurled in your direction. When your time, energy, or attention is required, you hear or see your name. The calling of your name puts you on notice that you are being summoned into a potentially new experience. You are being provided with an opportunity to learn something new or rename certain expectations you have held about yourself and your life. How do you respond? What do you affirm when a potential for difficulty comes your way? How you hear and respond to your name being called is a function of what you think, believe, and know about yourself.
More often than not, our responses to life are a reflection of our beliefs about and our connection to Spirit. Because we don’t know or are unfamiliar with the unlimited possibilities and opportunities Spirit offers, we are prone to respond to name-calling with the limited, unconscious expectations of our belief system. As a result, we affirm the worse possible scenarios rather than speaking the highest vision we can imagine. Within the normal course of human existence, discovering the truth of Self is a journey of many paths and years. Most of us will have changed mates and/or careers several times, parented children, and gained or lost a ton of weight or a fortune in money before we achieve a substantial level of clarity about who we really are. The many trials and errors of my life have led me to believe that every difficulty and challenge I have faced in life has presented the same question: Who am I? The experiences of a failed marriage, abusive relationships, and financial destitution present the question in a variety of forms. Who are you? Who do you be? What are you doing here? What do you want for yourself? Is this experience of your life an accurate statement of who you are?
Speaking into Your Greatness!
What I know now is that for most of my life, I have been a chameleon, choosing my identity to fit the circumstances in which I have found myself. In many instances, my identity has been a response to what I have seen others do, what I have experienced within myself, and what I have been told about myself. Not only did I believe things about myself that were inaccurate, I made up stuff that affirmed the distortions. I believe that many of us answer to what we are called because we simply don’t know anything else. We respond to what is expected because we dare not challenge the figures that we believe exert authority in our lives. We are saddled with names and expectations by people who may not realize they, too, have issues of belief and expectations that have not been resolved productively! Until and unless we are conscious and spiritually mature, the issues of others become our issues. We accept them! We affirm them! We live them! Our identity becomes meshed with our circumstances, many of which we inherit. Our true self becomes a shadow of what has been projected onto and into us. Learning how to affirm ourselves and the experiences we desire supports us in emerging from the shadows. However, it also challenges the status quo, which, for many of us, is too frightening to engage.
If your life had a name, what would it be? Broke Again? Left Again? Lost Again? Any of these statements may characterize your current experience, but are probably not the experience you would choose to continue living. In the hundreds of letters I receive from people, I have become aware that we often name our lives without realizing that is what we are doing. I’m confused. I’m sick and tired. I don’t understand why! These are some of the most common names I encounter. Then there are the more serious names such as I can’t take anymore! I really don’t care anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever get ahead. These names clearly indicate a loss of identity and a lack of vision, as well as a disempowering disconnect from our spiritual reality.
Self-limiting, self-debasing affirmations come from a place within ourselves that identifies us with our circumstances, thereby affirming them as truth. However, those statements are not the truth of who or what we are created to be; what we affirm is a statement of what we believe to be true. Of course, there are those instances when we make dramatic statements simply to get someone’s attention. This is both an expected and an accepted practice among human beings; we believe that if people know how much we hurt, they will do something about it. My point is, what you name your life, what you call yourself, is what you will ultimately experience. I also know that, if you call yourself or your life nothing, nothing is exactly what you will receive and experience. It is for this reason that we must endeavor to remain conscious of the nature, energy, and essence with which we speak to ourselves and to others, and conscious of how we apply language to every moment of every experience.
In learning the power of affirmations, you are raising the vibrational frequency of your life experiences. Fear has a specific energetic or vibrational frequency. Anger, guilt, and even laziness exist within a certain frequency. By the same token, wealth, health, joy, love, and peace also have a particular frequency. Since all words carry energy, you will want to name your life within the context of the experiences you desire. You will need to speak these words often in order to create the energy that will attract them into your life. At the same time, you will need to heal and transform your belief system to match the energy of those things you are affirming. You cannot talk or affirm yourself into a better experience in life until and unless you believe it is possible. You must believe you deserve to have what you are calling forth.
What I know now is that naming your life is a good idea. For example, Mo’ Money or Good Loving are names you might consider for your life; however, neither of these names give consideration to the experience you are seeking. Many of us have been taught to thread our experiences from the past rather than into the future. In this instance, Mo’ Money might give rise to or reinforce a belief that “mo’ work” is required to get “mo’ money,” since this is the experience most of us have had throughout our lives. Good Loving may give rise to the fear of more pain, more rejection, more compromise, or to a host of beliefs from past experience. By affirming and focusing on the experience desired, these names would be transformed to a higher vibration. For instance, Mo’ Money could be transformed into Clear Guidance to Unlimited Supply, or Overflowing Abundance of All Things Good. Good Loving could be transformed into Loved, Lovable, and Living, That’s Me! Remember, we are going for mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual experiences that exist at a higher frequency. We are affirming our destiny and our divinity through our connection to God. Affirmations are not meant to be words that simply pump the ego’s need for instant gratification. Powerful and effective affirmations require a belief in your spiritual connection.
Human beings want money, comfort, and pleasure. These things within themselves are not bad. Within a spiritual context, however, they do not take into consideration the lessons we must learn and master in order to live a spiritually grounded and directed life. More money, more comfort, and increased pleasure satisfy the quest for creature comforts that rarely take us beyond the surface of our personality and into the deeper realms of our spiritual being. As spiritual beings, there is a deeper longing, a desire to have all needs provided easily and effortlessly so that we may be of greater service in the world. Identification of the self based upon the limitations of our human perspective leads us to want things. As we mature spiritually, we seek satisfaction of our needs, support in our work; and mental, emotional, and spiritual sustenance from our internal source. God is the source of our true and divine nature; affirming that spiritual source and nature is essential to the process of creation.
What I know now is that experience and habit can limit us to the subconscious self-talk, the script we run in our minds, and what we believe we can or cannot do in response to what we have or have not done in the past. When the personality is driven to acquire things, such as money, possessions, acceptance, and validation by others, more often than not, we are attempting to re-create or avoid something we have learned through past experiences. In learning how to affirm, and thereby call forth the experiences we desire, we must create a new language and develop a new skill set that supports a new vision of ourselves and for ourselves. Affirming your life will transform the nature, energy, and essence of what you call forth. Begin by making a list of the experiences you desire. Peace, for instance, is an experience. Joy, love, clarity, passion, and harmony are experiences. They are also principles. From a spiritual perspective, principles are the acceptable rules, boundaries, guidelines, or methods of living and behaving. On the path of spiritual evolution they are the solid rocks upon which you can stand in the midst of a flood, whether the flood occurs mentally, emotionally, or physically.
In the process of affirming yourself and the experiences you desire, principles must govern your thought patterns and behavioral responses. In essence, when you affirm who you are and what you want, you will also need to be willing and able to embody and practice the underlying principle of the experience. Let us say, for example, you want to experience peace of mind. You can pray about it or meditate on the word peace, but chances are the experience will continue to elude you if you pick fights and arguments with family members for what they do that disturbs your peace. I have a personal aversion to the political mantra “No justice! No peace!” Protestors have been chanting it for years without realizing that what they are affirming is exactly what they experience: no justice and no peace. Along those same lines, you will not experience joy if your main pastime is complaining. Mantras like “I am broke” or “I can’t afford it” rarely lead to wealth. Being a ’fraidy cat who avoids the perceived pain of relationships is not the ticket to love. Fear is an emotion that cancels out or negates the principle of love. The key is to be the thing you desire. Be it! Affirm it! Have it!
What I know now is that it is self-loving and self-supportive to focus on and affirm the experiences you desire. I once thought it was selfish or silly, I now know it is essential. When my butt started to spread, I didn’t call myself: “I’m getting too fat!” Instead, I affirmed myself: “I am slimming down easily and effortlessly.” I particularly worked to remember this affirmation when I was at the dinner table reaching for a second helping. When it seemed as if the balance in my checking account was not sufficient to meet my monthly obligations, I refused to panic. Instead, I affirmed, “God is the source of all supply that always meets my needs.” I also learned that when you start to affirm things in the positive, the negative will challenge you. In his book Conversations with God, Neale Donald Walsh wrote: “Whenever you call forth a certain thing, everything unlike it will show up.” When dealing with money, an overdue notice or a bouncing check will threaten your resolve. Be mindful that your old beliefs will outpicture themselves as an experience when you attempt to adopt new beliefs. Should this happen, stay focused, keep affirming, and make sure your behavior is in alignment with what you desire.
Think of your life and daily experiences as if they were a newborn baby. What would you want it to be when it grew up? How would you want the world to recognize your life? Powerful affirmations are not predicated on what you know, what you have, or what you can do in the present moment. Remember, an affirmation is something you grow into. It is not based on what you know now. Like an innocent infant, you must affirm what is possible in your life, and eliminate every belief that is to the contrary. An affirmation has no knowledge and makes no presumptions. The baby will become whatever you call it; it will respond to the nature of the label you give to it. Be daring! Be bold! Call the things you desire into being so that your life will come into alignment with your greatest expectations.